Last updated on March 4th, 2025 at 10:48 am
Ever walk away from a chat with someone and suddenly feel like you’re the problem—even though you know you didn’t do anything wrong? Yeah, me too. Narcissists have a sneaky way of turning conversations into mind games. They’ll twist your words, rewrite history, or toss a “compliment” that stings more than it soothes. Before you know it, you’re apologizing for existing.
It’s like they have a sixth sense for finding exactly where your vulnerabilities lie and then exploiting them with relentless precision. The charm they exude in the beginning is often just a mask, hiding their true intentions—to control, to manipulate, and ultimately, to break you down.
In this post, we’re breaking down 18 tactics they use to mess with your head—from guilt trips to gaslighting—and how to spot them before they sink in. No jargon, just real talk.
1. A Narcissist Constantly Criticizes You
Narcissists love to point out your flaws. They pick apart everything you do, say, or wear. Nothing is ever good enough for them. This steady stream of put-downs wears you down over time.
A narcissist might criticize:
- How you look
- Your job or hobbies
- Your friends and family
- Your choices and decisions
- Even tiny things like how you fold laundry
They zoom in on any little “mistake” and blow it way out of proportion. Their goal is to make you doubt yourself.
2. A Narcissist Makes You Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough
No matter what you do, a narcissist will make you feel like you fall short. They set impossible standards, then punish you for not meeting them. It’s an endless game you can’t win.
Some ways they make you feel inadequate:
They criticize you constantly
They hold you to impossible standards
They make you feel inadequate
They make you responsible for their feelings
3. A Narcissist Compares You To Others And Makes You Feel Inferior
Narcissists love to play the comparison game. They hold you up against others to make you feel lacking. This tactic chips away at your self-esteem over time.
Some common comparison tricks:
Comparing accomplishments
Judging appearance
Minimizing your qualities
4. A Narcissist Puts You Down In Front Of Others
One of the cruelest narcissist tricks is public humiliation. They love to criticize or mock you in front of other people. This behavior is deeply hurtful and embarrassing.
Some examples of public put-downs:
- Making fun of your ideas during a work meeting
- Criticizing your parenting at a family gathering
- Pointing out your “flaws” to your friends
- Correcting you rudely mid-conversation
Public put-downs serve several purposes for the narcissist:
- They make themselves look smart or superior
- They get attention from others
- They enjoy seeing you uncomfortable
- They remind you of your “place” beneath them
5. A Narcissist Makes You Feel Like You’re Crazy Or Imagining Things
Have you ever felt completely sure about something, only to have a narcissist convince you it never happened? This mind-bending tactic is called gaslighting. It’s a powerful way narcissists mess with your sense of reality.
Some signs of gaslighting:
- They deny events you clearly remember
- They insist you said or did things you didn’t
- They claim you’re “too sensitive” when you’re upset
- They tell you you’re imagining problems in the relationship
This constant reality-twisting leaves you confused and doubtful. You start to question your own memory and judgment. “Maybe I am overreacting,” you think. “Maybe I did imagine that.”
Don’t fall for this trap. Trust your gut and your memories. If something feels off, it probably is. Gaslighting is a huge red flag in relationships.
6. A Narcissist Gaslights You
We touched on gaslighting above, but it’s such a common narcissist tactic that it deserves a deeper look. Gaslighting is all about making you doubt your own reality. It’s a sneaky form of emotional abuse that can really mess with your head.
Some classic gaslighting moves:
They deny things that actually happened
They blame you for their actions
They isolate you from support
7. A Narcissist Triangulates You
Triangulation is a fancy word for a simple but nasty tactic. It means the narcissist brings other people into your relationship to cause drama. They might compare you to others, pit people against each other, or spread gossip. It’s all about stirring up trouble.
Some ways narcissists use triangulation:
They weaken your sense of reality
They create conflicts and drama
They keep you off balance
8. A Narcissist Projects Their Own Insecurities Onto You
Projection is like a magic trick narcissists use to avoid dealing with their own issues. They take all their flaws, insecurities, and bad behaviors and slap them onto you instead. It’s a way to dodge responsibility and make you the “bad guy.”
Some signs of projection:
They criticize you for things they do
They blame you for their feelings
They accuse you of being selfish
9. A Narcissist Blames You For Everything
Nothing is ever a narcissist’s fault – at least in their own mind. They’re masters at dodging responsibility and pinning blame on others. And their favorite target? You.
Some ways narcissists avoid blame:
They twist situations: A narcissist will rewrite events to make themselves the victim and you the villain. They conveniently forget their own bad behavior while exaggerating yours.
They use guilt trips: “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t make me so angry,” they might say. Or “Look what you made me do!” They refuse to own their choices and emotions.
They play the victim: When called out on their behavior, a narcissist might burst into tears or throw a tantrum. Suddenly you’re comforting them instead of addressing the real issue.
They deflect and distract: If you bring up a problem, they’ll change the subject or bring up something you did wrong in the past. Anything to avoid taking responsibility.
10. A Narcissist Makes You Feel Like You’re A Burden
Narcissists have a sneaky way of making you feel like you’re too much to handle. They act put out by your basic needs and feelings. This leaves you feeling guilty for simply existing.
Some ways they make you feel burdensome:
They act impatient when you need them: If you ask for help or support, they sigh heavily or roll their eyes. Their body language screams “You’re annoying me.”
They make you feel guilty for asking for help: “Ugh, do I have to do everything around here?” they might groan when you ask them to pitch in. Or “Can’t you see how busy/tired/stressed I am?” They act like your needs are unreasonable.
They complain about effort spent on you: A narcissist might dramatically list all they’ve “sacrificed” for you. Meanwhile, they do very little actual care-taking. It’s all for show and guilt-tripping.
They make empty promises: They’ll promise the moon to look good, but rarely follow through. When you bring it up, they act like you’re nagging them.
They punish you for relying on others: If you seek support elsewhere, they get jealous and angry. They want to be your everything even if they don’t actually meet your needs.
11. A Narcissist Isolates You From Your Friends And Family
Narcissists thrive on control. One way they maintain power is by cutting you off from your support system. They want to be your whole world – even if that world is miserable.
Some isolation tactics:
They criticize your loved ones: Nothing your friends or family do is good enough for the narcissist. They’ll point out every flaw, real or imagined. “I can’t believe you still hang out with them,” they might say.
They create drama: A narcissist might start fights with your loved ones or spread gossip. This makes gatherings tense and uncomfortable. Eventually, you might stop inviting them along – which is exactly what they want.
They guilt-trip you for spending time with others: “I guess I’m just not important to you,” they pout when you make plans without them. They act hurt and abandoned, even if you see them all the time.
They demand all your free time: Any moment not spent with the narcissist is seen as a betrayal. They might “surprise” you with plans when you’re supposed to see friends, forcing you to cancel.
They play the victim: If you push back against their control, they’ll act deeply wounded. “I just want to spend time with you because I love you so much,” they cry. This makes you feel guilty for wanting other relationships.
12. A Narcissist Controls Your Finances
Money is a powerful tool for control. Narcissists often use finances to keep their victims dependent and trapped. They might control the purse strings completely or create financial chaos that leaves you stressed and scrambling.
Some financial control tactics:
They monitor your spending: Every purchase is scrutinized and criticized. You might have to ask permission to buy basic necessities. Meanwhile, the narcissist spends freely on themselves.
They restrict your access: You might not have your own bank account or credit card. All financial information is kept hidden from you. This leaves you in the dark about your own financial situation.
They make unilateral decisions: Big purchases or investments are made without your input. Your opinion on financial matters is ignored or dismissed.
They refuse to share responsibilities: You’re expected to handle all the budgeting and bill-paying. But you’re not given the information or authority to do it effectively. When things go wrong, they blame you.
They use money to punish you: If you upset the narcissist, they might “forget” to give you grocery money or pay a bill you’re depending on. It’s a way to remind you who’s really in charge.
13. A Narcissist Abuses You Physically Or Emotionally
Abuse comes in many forms. While not all narcissists are physically violent, emotional abuse is almost always present in narcissistic relationships. Both types of abuse are serious and damaging.
Physical abuse might include:
- Hitting, slapping, or pushing
- Throwing things at you
- Preventing you from leaving a room
- Using weapons to threaten or harm you
Emotional abuse can be harder to spot but is just as harmful:
- Constant criticism and put-downs
- Yelling and name-calling
- Silent treatment or withholding affection
- Gaslighting and mind games
- Threats and intimidation
14. A Narcissist Threatens To Leave You Or Hurt You
Threats are a powerful control tactic for narcissists. They might threaten to leave you, hurt themselves, or even harm you or your loved ones. These threats keep you walking on eggshells, afraid to upset them.
Some common threats:
- “If you leave me, I’ll kill myself.”
- “I’ll tell everyone what a terrible person you really are.”
- “You’ll never see the kids again if you divorce me.”
- “I’ll make sure you lose your job.”
- “No one else will ever love you like I do.”
15. A Narcissist Makes You Feel Like You’re Worthless
One of the most devastating effects of narcissistic abuse is the toll it takes on your self-worth. Narcissists are experts at making you feel small, inadequate, and unlovable. They chip away at your confidence until you believe you deserve their mistreatment.
Some ways they destroy your self-worth:
Constant criticism: Nothing you do is ever good enough. They point out every flaw and mistake, no matter how tiny.
Comparing you to others: They hold up impossible standards and remind you how you fall short. “Why can’t you be more like X?” they ask.
Ignoring your needs: Your feelings and desires are dismissed or mocked. You learn that your needs don’t matter.
Withholding affection: They dole out love and approval sparingly, keeping you working for crumbs of affection.
Blaming you for everything: Any problem in the relationship is your fault. You start to believe you’re the source of all issues.
16. A Narcissist Makes You Feel Like You’ll Never Be Good Enough
No matter what you do, it’s never enough for a narcissist. They set impossible standards and then punish you for failing to meet them. This leaves you in a constant state of anxiety and self-doubt.
Some ways they keep you feeling inadequate:
Moving the goalposts: Just when you think you’ve met their expectations, they change the rules. There’s always some new criteria you have to meet.
Withholding praise: When you do well, they downplay your achievements or find something to criticize. You never get to feel proud of yourself.
Comparing you to an idealized version: They hold up an impossible standard of perfection and remind you how you fall short. “If you really loved me, you’d know exactly what I need without me telling you,” they might say.
Making you responsible for their happiness: If they’re unhappy, it’s because you’re not trying hard enough. Their emotional state becomes your full-time job.
17. A Narcissist Makes You Feel Like You’re Unlovable
One of the cruelest tricks narcissists play is making you feel fundamentally unlovable. They send the message that you’re inherently flawed and unworthy of genuine care and affection.
Charismatic Behavior vs. Aggressive Behavior
A narcissist’s charismatic behavior can make it difficult to recognize their more harmful tendencies. Narcissistic traits like a sense of entitlement allow them to charm others.
They use charm to make themselves seem like superior people. However, beneath the charm often lies toxic behavior aimed at manipulation.
Some ways they do this:
Hot and cold behavior: They shower you with affection one day, then turn ice cold the next. This inconsistency leaves you constantly anxious and unsure.
Withholding love as punishment: If you “misbehave” (i.e., don’t meet their demands), they withdraw all affection and care. You learn that love is conditional on perfect obedience.
Telling you no one else would want you: “You’re lucky I put up with you,” they might say. They convince you that their poor treatment is the best you can hope for.
Criticizing your appearance and personality: They point out every flaw, real or imagined. Nothing about you is good enough for them.
Making you earn basic kindness: Simple acts of care that should be freely given in a relationship become rewards you have to work for.
18. A Narcissist Makes You Feel Like You’re A Failure
Narcissists have a way of making you feel like you can’t do anything right. They set you up to fail, then use your “failures” as proof of your inadequacy. This constant sense of falling short can crush your spirit and confidence.
Some ways they make you feel like a failure:
Setting impossible standards: They expect perfection in all areas of life. When you inevitably fall short, they use it as evidence of your incompetence.
Minimizing your achievements: When you do succeed at something, they downplay it or find a way to criticize. Nothing you do is ever truly good enough.
Comparing you to others: They hold up examples of people who are “doing better” than you. Your own progress and achievements are ignored.
Blaming you for their failures: If something goes wrong in their life, it’s your fault for not supporting them enough or doing things right.
Constantly changing the rules: Just when you think you’ve figured out how to please them, they change their expectations. You can never win.
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Frequently Asked Questions
What Are The Signs Of Gaslighting In A Narcissistic Relationship?
Gaslighting is a insidious form of psychological manipulation where the narcissist makes their victim question their own reality. The National Domestic Violence Hotline explains that common signs of gaslighting include denying events that you know happened, trivializing your emotions, and shifting blame to make you feel at fault.
How Does Narcissistic Love Bombing Differ From Genuine Affection?
Love bombing is an intense display of affection, attention, and admiration that narcissists use to quickly forge a deep emotional connection with their target. While it may seem like genuine affection at first, Healthline points out that love bombing is characterized by its intensity, speed, and ulterior motives.
What Is Narcissistic Triangulation And How Does It Affect Relationships?
Narcissistic triangulation is a manipulation tactic where the narcissist introduces a third party into their relationship dynamic to create jealousy, uncertainty, or to deflect blame. According to Psych Central, this third party can be anyone from an ex-partner to a family member or even a stranger.
How Do Narcissists Use The Silent Treatment As A Form Of Emotional Abuse?
The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse where the narcissist withdraws all communication as a way to punish or control their victim. Verywell Mind explains that narcissists use this tactic to provoke feelings of anxiety, guilt, and unworthiness in their target.
What Are The Signs Of Covert Narcissism In Relationships?
Covert narcissism, also known as vulnerable narcissism, can be more difficult to identify than its overt counterpart. Medical News Today explains that covert narcissists often present as shy, self-deprecating, and hypersensitive to criticism, while still maintaining a sense of superiority and entitlement.
How Does Narcissistic Projection Manifest In Relationships?
Narcissistic projection is a defense mechanism where narcissists attribute their own negative traits, behaviors, or emotions onto others. GoodTherapy explains that this allows narcissists to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and maintain their grandiose self-image.
What Is Narcissistic Rage And How Does It Manifest?
Narcissistic rage is an intense, uncontrolled anger that occurs when a narcissist’s fragile self-esteem is threatened. Psychology Today describes it as a disproportionate response to perceived slights or criticism, often accompanied by a desire for revenge.
How Do Narcissists Use Blame-Shifting To Avoid Responsibility?
Blame-shifting is a common tactic used by narcissists to avoid taking responsibility for their actions or mistakes. According to PsychCentral, narcissists use this technique to maintain their grandiose self-image and avoid feelings of shame or inadequacy.
What Is Narcissistic Hoovering And How Does It Keep Victims In Abusive Relationships?
Narcissistic hoovering is a manipulation tactic used by narcissists to draw their victims back into a relationship after a period of separation or conflict. Choosing Therapy explains that this behavior is named after the Hoover vacuum cleaner because it’s designed to “suck” the victim back in.