Last updated on September 2nd, 2024 at 11:16 am
- 1. A Narcissist Constantly Criticizes You
- 2. A Narcissist Makes You Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough
- 3. A Narcissist Compares You To Others And Makes You Feel Inferior
- 4. A Narcissist Puts You Down In Front Of Others
- 5. A Narcissist Makes You Feel Like You’re Crazy Or Imagining Things
- 6. A Narcissist Gaslights You
- 7. A Narcissist Triangulates You
- 8. A Narcissist Projects Their Own Insecurities Onto You
- 9. A Narcissist Blames You For Everything
- 10. A Narcissist Makes You Feel Like You’re A Burden
- 11. A Narcissist Isolates You From Your Friends And Family
- 12. A Narcissist Controls Your Finances
- 13. A Narcissist Abuses You Physically Or Emotionally
- 14. A Narcissist Threatens To Leave You Or Hurt You
- 15. A Narcissist Makes You Feel Like You’re Worthless
- 16. A Narcissist Makes You Feel Like You’ll Never Be Good Enough
- 17. A Narcissist Makes You Feel Like You’re Unlovable
- 18. A Narcissist Makes You Feel Like You’re A Failure
- Conclusion: Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse
Are you doubting yourself everyday? Are you feeling tired, confused and like maybe you’re going crazy? Narcissist, right? They are master manipulators and they can make you feel small, less important; as if your reality is not real.
Try to wake up every day walking on eggshells, wondering which person your partner, even friend or family will happen. They get to praising you, here and then nailing these light punches that have your head spinning one minute… It bounces all over the place and makes you think, what kind of writing is this?
This post is an eye opener, let’s take a closer look at the 18 ways narcissists subtly ruin your self- respect. They are many, from gaslighting to silent treatment- we will bust them all.
You’ll learn to recognize these manipulative tactics and understand how they’re designed to keep you off-balance and under the narcissist’s control.
But here’s the kicker: knowledge is power. By the end of this article, you’ll be armed with the awareness to spot these behaviors and the strength to stand up for yourself. Whether you’re dealing with a narcissistic partner, parent, boss, or friend, this guide will be your lifeline to reclaiming your sense of self.
Ready to break free from the narcissist’s web of manipulation? Buckle up, because we’re about to embark on a journey of self-discovery and empowerment. Your path to healing starts here.
1. A Narcissist Constantly Criticizes You
Narcissists love to point out your flaws. They pick apart everything you do, say, or wear. Nothing is ever good enough for them. This steady stream of put-downs wears you down over time.
A narcissist might criticize:
- How you look
- Your job or hobbies
- Your friends and family
- Your choices and decisions
- Even tiny things like how you fold laundry
They zoom in on any little “mistake” and blow it way out of proportion. Their goal is to make you doubt yourself.
The criticism often comes out of nowhere. One minute things seem fine, the next they’re tearing into you. It keeps you walking on eggshells, never sure when the next attack will come.
Worst of all, their feedback isn’t helpful. They don’t want you to improve – they want you to feel small. A narcissist’s criticism is all about control, not growth.
Over time, you may start to believe their harsh words. You might think, “Maybe I really am stupid/lazy/worthless.” But remember – their opinion is warped. Your worth isn’t defined by their cruel judgments.
As author Debbie Mirza says:
“CNs are not reflective people and are emotionally immature. They blame others; they don’t take responsibility for themselves, but instead project their own issues onto others.”
A narcissist’s criticism says more about their own issues than about you. They put others down to feel better about themselves. Don’t let their insecurity become your inner voice.
If you’re facing constant criticism, know that you may be experiencing narcissistic abuse. Their words are a weapon, not the truth. You deserve kindness and respect, not cruel put-downs.
2. A Narcissist Makes You Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough
No matter what you do, a narcissist will make you feel like you fall short. They set impossible standards, then punish you for not meeting them. It’s an endless game you can’t win.
Some ways they make you feel inadequate:
They criticize you constantly: We covered this above, but it bears repeating. The steady stream of put-downs leaves you feeling worthless.
They hold you to impossible standards: A narcissist expects perfection – from you, not themselves. They demand flawless performance in all areas of life. When you inevitably “fail,” they use it as proof of your inadequacy.
They make you feel inadequate: Around a narcissist, you may feel small, anxious, and insecure. They chip away at your confidence through subtle digs and manipulation. You start to doubt your own abilities and worth.
They make you responsible for their feelings: If a narcissist is upset, they’ll blame you. They refuse to manage their own emotions. Instead, they dump that job on you. When they’re angry or sad, they act like it’s your fault for not making them happy enough.
Living with these messages is exhausting. You may find yourself working harder and harder to please the narcissist. But the goalposts always move.
Remember – their impossible standards aren’t reality. You are enough, just as you are. Don’t let their warped view define you. Your worth comes from within, not from meeting someone else’s crazy expectations.
3. A Narcissist Compares You To Others And Makes You Feel Inferior
Narcissists love to play the comparison game. They hold you up against others to make you feel lacking. This tactic chips away at your self-esteem over time.
Some common comparison tricks:
Comparing accomplishments: A narcissist might point out how much more successful your sibling or coworker is. They’ll highlight others’ achievements while minimizing yours. The message is clear – you don’t measure up.
Judging appearance: If looks matter to the narcissist, they’ll compare your appearance to others. They might comment on how much fitter, prettier, or better-dressed someone else is. These jabs at your looks can really hurt your body image.
Minimizing your qualities: When you do well at something, a narcissist won’t celebrate it. Instead, they’ll bring up someone who’s “even better” at that skill. Your talents and good qualities get overshadowed.
These comparisons aren’t fair or realistic. A narcissist cherry-picks examples to make you look bad. They ignore context or your unique circumstances.
The goal is to keep you feeling “less than.” When you feel inferior, you’re easier to control. You might work harder for their approval or be less likely to leave them.
Instead, focus on your own growth and values. Set goals that matter to you, not someone else. Recognize this behavior as a red flag of narcissism. Their need to put you down says everything about them and nothing about you.
4. A Narcissist Puts You Down In Front Of Others
One of the cruelest narcissist tricks is public humiliation. They love to criticize or mock you in front of other people. This behavior is deeply hurtful and embarrassing.
Some examples of public put-downs:
- Making fun of your ideas during a work meeting
- Criticizing your parenting at a family gathering
- Pointing out your “flaws” to your friends
- Correcting you rudely mid-conversation
These attacks catch you off guard. You might freeze up, unsure how to respond. The narcissist gets a thrill from making you squirm.
Public put-downs serve several purposes for the narcissist:
- They make themselves look smart or superior
- They get attention from others
- They enjoy seeing you uncomfortable
- They remind you of your “place” beneath them
This behavior is not okay. It’s a form of emotional abuse meant to control and belittle you.
As Tracy A. Malone explains:
“You know that unforgivable lie they tell about you. You may struggle with this one because you know, they know the truth. You are a good parent, but the lie must be implanted for them to win. It’s a strategy and they don’t care what it does to you or the kids because they have no empathy. It comes down to, they simply do not care about anyone but themselves. They must win.”
Remember that their cruel words don’t define you. Surround yourself with people who build you up instead of tear you down. You deserve respect, both in public and private.
5. A Narcissist Makes You Feel Like You’re Crazy Or Imagining Things
Have you ever felt completely sure about something, only to have a narcissist convince you it never happened? This mind-bending tactic is called gaslighting. It’s a powerful way narcissists mess with your sense of reality.
Some signs of gaslighting:
- They deny events you clearly remember
- They insist you said or did things you didn’t
- They claim you’re “too sensitive” when you’re upset
- They tell you you’re imagining problems in the relationship
This constant reality-twisting leaves you confused and doubtful. You start to question your own memory and judgment. “Maybe I am overreacting,” you think. “Maybe I did imagine that.”
Gaslighting is not an accident. It’s a calculated move to keep you off-balance and easier to control. When you can’t trust your own mind, you become more dependent on the narcissist to tell you what’s “real.”
Don’t fall for this trap. Trust your gut and your memories. If something feels off, it probably is. Gaslighting is a huge red flag in relationships.
Some ways to protect yourself:
- Keep a journal to record events
- Talk to trusted friends about what’s happening
- Save texts, emails, or voicemails as proof
- Remind yourself that you’re not crazy
6. A Narcissist Gaslights You
We touched on gaslighting above, but it’s such a common narcissist tactic that it deserves a deeper look. Gaslighting is all about making you doubt your own reality. It’s a sneaky form of emotional abuse that can really mess with your head.
Some classic gaslighting moves:
They deny things that actually happened: A narcissist might swear up and down that they never said something hurtful, even when you heard it clear as day. They rewrite history to make themselves look better.
They blame you for their actions: If you call out their bad behavior, they’ll twist it around on you. “I only yelled because you made me so angry,” they’ll say. Or “You’re too sensitive – I was just joking.” They refuse to take responsibility for their choices.
They isolate you from support: Narcissists often try to cut you off from friends and family. They might claim your loved ones are lying to you or trying to break you up. This isolation makes their gaslighting more effective since you have fewer reality checks.
Don’t fall for it. Your experiences and feelings are valid. If something feels off, trust that instinct. Gaslighting is a serious form of emotional abuse. You deserve to be in relationships where your reality is respected, not constantly questioned.
7. A Narcissist Triangulates You
Triangulation is a fancy word for a simple but nasty tactic. It means the narcissist brings other people into your relationship to cause drama. They might compare you to others, pit people against each other, or spread gossip. It’s all about stirring up trouble.
Some ways narcissists use triangulation:
They weaken your sense of reality: A narcissist might tell you that others think you’re “too sensitive” or “irrational.” This makes you doubt your own judgment and perceptions.
They create conflicts and drama: Narcissists love chaos. They might spread rumors or lies to cause fights between you and others. Then they sit back and enjoy the show.
They keep you off balance: You never know what the narcissist has told others about you. This uncertainty keeps you anxious and defensive.
Triangulation serves several purposes for the narcissist:
- It makes them the center of attention
- It creates drama they can feed off
- It isolates you from potential support
- It keeps you confused and easier to manipulate
This behavior is not okay in healthy relationships. It’s a sign of emotional abuse and manipulation.
8. A Narcissist Projects Their Own Insecurities Onto You
Projection is like a magic trick narcissists use to avoid dealing with their own issues. They take all their flaws, insecurities, and bad behaviors and slap them onto you instead. It’s a way to dodge responsibility and make you the “bad guy.”
Some signs of projection:
They criticize you for things they do: A narcissist who cheats might constantly accuse you of being unfaithful. Someone who lies a lot might call you dishonest all the time. They can’t face their own faults, so they pin them on you instead.
They blame you for their feelings: “You made me so angry!” they’ll yell after blowing up at you. Or “It’s your fault I’m depressed.” Narcissists struggle to manage their emotions, so they make it your job instead.
They accuse you of being selfish: Meanwhile, they’re the ones who never consider your needs or feelings. But facing their own selfishness is too painful, so they project it outward.
This flip-flopping is super confusing. You might find yourself constantly defending against things you never did or said. It’s exhausting and demoralizing.
Remember – their accusations often reveal more about them than you. If a narcissist keeps harping on a specific flaw or behavior, chances are it’s something they struggle with themselves.
9. A Narcissist Blames You For Everything
Nothing is ever a narcissist’s fault – at least in their own mind. They’re masters at dodging responsibility and pinning blame on others. And their favorite target? You.
Some ways narcissists avoid blame:
They twist situations: A narcissist will rewrite events to make themselves the victim and you the villain. They conveniently forget their own bad behavior while exaggerating yours.
They use guilt trips: “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t make me so angry,” they might say. Or “Look what you made me do!” They refuse to own their choices and emotions.
They play the victim: When called out on their behavior, a narcissist might burst into tears or throw a tantrum. Suddenly you’re comforting them instead of addressing the real issue.
They deflect and distract: If you bring up a problem, they’ll change the subject or bring up something you did wrong in the past. Anything to avoid taking responsibility.
This constant blame-shifting is exhausting. You might find yourself always apologizing or walking on eggshells to avoid setting them off. But remember – you’re not responsible for their actions or feelings.
10. A Narcissist Makes You Feel Like You’re A Burden
Narcissists have a sneaky way of making you feel like you’re too much to handle. They act put out by your basic needs and feelings. This leaves you feeling guilty for simply existing.
Some ways they make you feel burdensome:
They act impatient when you need them: If you ask for help or support, they sigh heavily or roll their eyes. Their body language screams “You’re annoying me.”
They make you feel guilty for asking for help: “Ugh, do I have to do everything around here?” they might groan when you ask them to pitch in. Or “Can’t you see how busy/tired/stressed I am?” They act like your needs are unreasonable.
They complain about effort spent on you: A narcissist might dramatically list all they’ve “sacrificed” for you. Meanwhile, they do very little actual care-taking. It’s all for show and guilt-tripping.
They make empty promises: They’ll promise the moon to look good, but rarely follow through. When you bring it up, they act like you’re nagging them.
They punish you for relying on others: If you seek support elsewhere, they get jealous and angry. They want to be your everything even if they don’t actually meet your needs.
Recognizing this pattern is crucial for breaking free from narcissistic abuse. You are not a burden. A healthy partner will welcome the chance to support you, not make you feel guilty for having needs.
11. A Narcissist Isolates You From Your Friends And Family
Narcissists thrive on control. One way they maintain power is by cutting you off from your support system. They want to be your whole world – even if that world is miserable.
Some isolation tactics:
They criticize your loved ones: Nothing your friends or family do is good enough for the narcissist. They’ll point out every flaw, real or imagined. “I can’t believe you still hang out with them,” they might say.
They create drama: A narcissist might start fights with your loved ones or spread gossip. This makes gatherings tense and uncomfortable. Eventually, you might stop inviting them along – which is exactly what they want.
They guilt-trip you for spending time with others: “I guess I’m just not important to you,” they pout when you make plans without them. They act hurt and abandoned, even if you see them all the time.
They demand all your free time: Any moment not spent with the narcissist is seen as a betrayal. They might “surprise” you with plans when you’re supposed to see friends, forcing you to cancel.
They play the victim: If you push back against their control, they’ll act deeply wounded. “I just want to spend time with you because I love you so much,” they cry. This makes you feel guilty for wanting other relationships.
Don’t let them cut you off. Maintaining strong connections is crucial for your well-being. Make time for your loved ones, even if the narcissist protests. Remember – someone who truly cares about you will encourage other healthy relationships in your life, not try to destroy them.
12. A Narcissist Controls Your Finances
Money is a powerful tool for control. Narcissists often use finances to keep their victims dependent and trapped. They might control the purse strings completely or create financial chaos that leaves you stressed and scrambling.
Some financial control tactics:
They monitor your spending: Every purchase is scrutinized and criticized. You might have to ask permission to buy basic necessities. Meanwhile, the narcissist spends freely on themselves.
They restrict your access: You might not have your own bank account or credit card. All financial information is kept hidden from you. This leaves you in the dark about your own financial situation.
They make unilateral decisions: Big purchases or investments are made without your input. Your opinion on financial matters is ignored or dismissed.
They refuse to share responsibilities: You’re expected to handle all the budgeting and bill-paying. But you’re not given the information or authority to do it effectively. When things go wrong, they blame you.
They use money to punish you: If you upset the narcissist, they might “forget” to give you grocery money or pay a bill you’re depending on. It’s a way to remind you who’s really in charge.
This financial abuse is a form of emotional hostage-taking. It leaves you feeling powerless and stuck. You might stay in a bad situation because you don’t have the resources to leave.
13. A Narcissist Abuses You Physically Or Emotionally
Abuse comes in many forms. While not all narcissists are physically violent, emotional abuse is almost always present in narcissistic relationships. Both types of abuse are serious and damaging.
Physical abuse might include:
- Hitting, slapping, or pushing
- Throwing things at you
- Preventing you from leaving a room
- Using weapons to threaten or harm you
Emotional abuse can be harder to spot but is just as harmful:
- Constant criticism and put-downs
- Yelling and name-calling
- Silent treatment or withholding affection
- Gaslighting and mind games
- Threats and intimidation
As Edward Bernays explains:
“The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. …We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of.”
Narcissists are masters at this kind of manipulation. They mold your thoughts and beliefs to serve their needs, often without you realizing it’s happening.
Recognizing abuse is the first step to breaking free. Trust your gut if something feels wrong. You deserve to feel safe and respected in your relationships.
14. A Narcissist Threatens To Leave You Or Hurt You
Threats are a powerful control tactic for narcissists. They might threaten to leave you, hurt themselves, or even harm you or your loved ones. These threats keep you walking on eggshells, afraid to upset them.
Some common threats:
- “If you leave me, I’ll kill myself.”
- “I’ll tell everyone what a terrible person you really are.”
- “You’ll never see the kids again if you divorce me.”
- “I’ll make sure you lose your job.”
- “No one else will ever love you like I do.”
These threats play on your deepest fears and insecurities. The narcissist knows exactly which buttons to push to keep you in line.
As CJ Roberts writes:
“I’ve been doing this a long time- manipulating people to get my way. That’s why you think you love me. Because I’ve broken you down and built you back up to believe it. It wasn’t an accident. Once you leave this behind…you’ll see that.”
This quote perfectly captures the calculated nature of narcissistic manipulation. They break you down so they can remake you in their image – a perfect, obedient victim.
Remember – threats are a form of emotional abuse. You don’t deserve to live in fear. If a narcissist is threatening you, take it seriously. Document the threats if you can do so safely. Reach out to a domestic violence hotline or therapist for support and safety planning.
15. A Narcissist Makes You Feel Like You’re Worthless
One of the most devastating effects of narcissistic abuse is the toll it takes on your self-worth. Narcissists are experts at making you feel small, inadequate, and unlovable. They chip away at your confidence until you believe you deserve their mistreatment.
Some ways they destroy your self-worth:
Constant criticism: Nothing you do is ever good enough. They point out every flaw and mistake, no matter how tiny.
Comparing you to others: They hold up impossible standards and remind you how you fall short. “Why can’t you be more like X?” they ask.
Ignoring your needs: Your feelings and desires are dismissed or mocked. You learn that your needs don’t matter.
Withholding affection: They dole out love and approval sparingly, keeping you working for crumbs of affection.
Blaming you for everything: Any problem in the relationship is your fault. You start to believe you’re the source of all issues.
As Laura Davis explains:
“Abuse manipulates and twists a child’s natural sense of trust and love. Her innocent feelings are belittled or mocked and she learns to ignore her feelings. She can’t afford to feel the full range of feelings in her body while she’s being abused — pain, outrage, hate, vengeance, confusion, arousal. So she short-circuits them and goes numb. For many children, any expression of feelings, even a single tear, is cause for more severe abuse. Again, the only recourse is to shut down. Feelings go underground.”
While this quote refers to childhood abuse, the same process happens in adult relationships with narcissists. You learn to numb yourself and shut down your own needs and feelings to survive.
Breaking free from this mindset is challenging but crucial. You are not worthless. Your needs and feelings matter. The narcissist’s opinion of you is not the truth. Healing involves reconnecting with your true self and rebuilding your sense of worth from the inside out.
16. A Narcissist Makes You Feel Like You’ll Never Be Good Enough
No matter what you do, it’s never enough for a narcissist. They set impossible standards and then punish you for failing to meet them. This leaves you in a constant state of anxiety and self-doubt.
Some ways they keep you feeling inadequate:
Moving the goalposts: Just when you think you’ve met their expectations, they change the rules. There’s always some new criteria you have to meet.
Withholding praise: When you do well, they downplay your achievements or find something to criticize. You never get to feel proud of yourself.
Comparing you to an idealized version: They hold up an impossible standard of perfection and remind you how you fall short. “If you really loved me, you’d know exactly what I need without me telling you,” they might say.
Making you responsible for their happiness: If they’re unhappy, it’s because you’re not trying hard enough. Their emotional state becomes your full-time job.
This constant sense of falling short is exhausting. You might find yourself working harder and harder to please the narcissist, only to feel more inadequate than ever.
Remember – their impossible standards aren’t based in reality. They’re a tool to keep you off-balance and under control. You don’t have to play their game. Your worth isn’t determined by their arbitrary rules.
Focus on setting your own goals and standards. Celebrate your achievements, even if the narcissist won’t. Surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are, not who they demand you to be.
17. A Narcissist Makes You Feel Like You’re Unlovable
One of the cruelest tricks narcissists play is making you feel fundamentally unlovable. They send the message that you’re inherently flawed and unworthy of genuine care and affection.
Some ways they do this:
Hot and cold behavior: They shower you with affection one day, then turn ice cold the next. This inconsistency leaves you constantly anxious and unsure.
Withholding love as punishment: If you “misbehave” (i.e., don’t meet their demands), they withdraw all affection and care. You learn that love is conditional on perfect obedience.
Telling you no one else would want you: “You’re lucky I put up with you,” they might say. They convince you that their poor treatment is the best you can hope for.
Criticizing your appearance and personality: They point out every flaw, real or imagined. Nothing about you is good enough for them.
Making you earn basic kindness: Simple acts of care that should be freely given in a relationship become rewards you have to work for.
Breaking free from this mindset is crucial for healing. You are lovable, just as you are. You deserve genuine care and affection, not the conditional scraps a narcissist offers.
18. A Narcissist Makes You Feel Like You’re A Failure
Narcissists have a way of making you feel like you can’t do anything right. They set you up to fail, then use your “failures” as proof of your inadequacy. This constant sense of falling short can crush your spirit and confidence.
Some ways they make you feel like a failure:
Setting impossible standards: They expect perfection in all areas of life. When you inevitably fall short, they use it as evidence of your incompetence.
Minimizing your achievements: When you do succeed at something, they downplay it or find a way to criticize. Nothing you do is ever truly good enough.
Comparing you to others: They hold up examples of people who are “doing better” than you. Your own progress and achievements are ignored.
Blaming you for their failures: If something goes wrong in their life, it’s your fault for not supporting them enough or doing things right.
Constantly changing the rules: Just when you think you’ve figured out how to please them, they change their expectations. You can never win.
Remember – their judgment of you is not reality. Narcissists need to tear others down to feel good about themselves. Their criticism says more about their own insecurities than your actual abilities.
Conclusion: Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse
Dealing with a narcissist is exhausting and damaging. Their manipulative tactics can leave you feeling worthless, crazy, and trapped. But there is hope. Recognizing these abusive behaviors is the first step towards breaking free.
Remember:
- You are not responsible for the narcissist’s feelings or actions.
- Their criticism and abuse say more about them than about you.
- You deserve respect, kindness, and genuine love.
- Your needs and feelings are valid.
- You are capable of healing and thriving without them.
You have the strength to reclaim your life and sense of self. It won’t be easy, but you are worth the effort. Trust yourself, set firm boundaries, and prioritize your own well-being. A healthier, happier future is possible.
