Have you ever felt like someone keeps pulling you back into a toxic relationship, even when you’re trying to move on? That’s what narcissist hoovering is all about. It’s a manipulative tactic where someone uses emotional tricks to regain control over you.
They might shower you with affection, guilt-trip you, or even create fake crises just to keep you hooked.
This behavior can leave you feeling confused, guilty, or even questioning your self-worth. It’s not just frustrating—it’s emotionally draining.
Recognizing these tactics is the first step to protecting yourself. In this blog, you’ll find clear narcissist hoovering examples to help you spot and respond to these manipulations.
Key Takeaways
Narcissist hoovering is a trick to regain control after a breakup.
Love bombing means showing too much affection to reconnect, but it’s fake.
Playing the victim makes you feel sorry and guilty, blaming you instead.
Narcissists might make up emergencies, like health problems, to use your kindness.
Gaslighting confuses you, making you question what you see or feel.
Smear campaigns try to ruin your name and separate you from friends.
Giving mixed signals creates ups and downs, keeping you stuck in the relationship.
Knowing these tricks helps you set limits and protect your feelings.
1. Love Bombing Tactics In Narcissist Hoovering
When it comes to narcissist hoovering examples, love bombing is one of the most common and effective tactics. It’s designed to overwhelm you with affection and attention, making it hard to resist reconnecting. Let’s break it down.
Overwhelming Affection To Reignite Attachment Bonds
Have you ever experienced someone suddenly showering you with compliments, gifts, or constant attention after a period of distance? That’s love bombing in action. Narcissists use this tactic to reignite the emotional bond you once shared. They might apologize profusely, send you heartfelt messages, or even show up unannounced with extravagant gestures.
For example:
They might say, “I’ve never stopped loving you,” while handing you a bouquet of your favorite flowers.
Or they could flood your phone with texts like, “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
This overwhelming affection mirrors the early stages of your relationship when everything felt perfect. It’s a calculated move to make you feel special and valued again. But here’s the catch: it’s not genuine. The goal isn’t to rebuild a healthy connection—it’s to pull you back under their control.
Experts describe love bombing as a manipulative tactic often linked to narcissistic behavior. It’s not about love; it’s about power. By making you feel adored, they create an emotional hook that’s hard to escape.
Grandiose Promises Of Future Commitment Without Intent
Another hallmark of love bombing is the grand promises. Narcissists often paint a picture of a perfect future to lure you back in. They might talk about marriage, starting a family, or fulfilling dreams you once shared. These promises sound amazing, but they rarely follow through.
For instance:
They might say, “Let’s start fresh. I’ll change, and we’ll build the life we always wanted.”
Or they could promise to fix past mistakes, saying, “I’ll go to therapy for us. I’ll do whatever it takes.”
These statements are designed to tug at your heartstrings. They make you think, “What if this time is different?” But in reality, these promises are often empty. Once they regain control, the behavior that drove you away in the first place usually resurfaces.
Understanding these tactics is crucial. Recognizing love bombing for what it is—a manipulative strategy—can help you protect yourself. Remember, genuine love doesn’t come with strings attached or grand gestures meant to control you.
2. Victimhood Narratives For Sympathy Extraction
Narcissists are masters at playing the victim card. They know how to twist situations to make you feel sorry for them, even when they’re the ones causing harm. This tactic is all about pulling on your heartstrings and making you question your own actions. Let’s break down how they do it.
Claiming Misunderstanding To Elicit Guilt
Have you ever heard someone say, “You just don’t understand me,” or “You’ve got it all wrong”? Narcissists often use these phrases to make you feel guilty for standing your ground. They frame themselves as misunderstood souls, hoping you’ll second-guess your decisions and give them another chance.
For example, they might claim, “I only acted that way because I thought you didn’t care about me.” This shifts the blame onto you, making you feel responsible for their behavior. It’s a clever way to sidestep accountability while keeping you emotionally invested.
Here’s the thing: this isn’t about clearing up a misunderstanding. It’s about control. By making you feel guilty, they regain the upper hand in the relationship. You might start thinking, “Maybe I was too harsh,” or “What if I really didn’t see their side?” That’s exactly what they want.
False Suffering Displays To Regain Emotional Control
Narcissists don’t just stop at claiming misunderstanding. They often exaggerate their struggles to make you feel sorry for them. They might talk about how they’re “falling apart” without you or how their life has been a mess since you left.
Some common tactics include:
Sharing dramatic stories about how they’ve been “wronged” by others.
Talking about their “unbearable” loneliness or emotional pain.
Claiming they’re facing insurmountable challenges, like financial ruin or health issues.
These stories are designed to tug at your empathy. You might think, “How can I leave them when they’re suffering so much?” But here’s the truth: these displays are often exaggerated or even fabricated. The goal isn’t to seek genuine help—it’s to pull you back into their orbit.
By framing themselves as victims, narcissists avoid taking responsibility for their actions. They shift the focus away from their abusive behavior and onto their supposed hardships. This tactic not only manipulates your emotions but also isolates you from others who might see through their act.
Recognizing these patterns is crucial. When you see through the facade, you can protect yourself from falling into their trap. Remember, genuine suffering doesn’t come with strings attached or demands for your emotional labor.
3. Strategic Crisis Fabrication
Narcissists often create fake crises to manipulate your emotions and regain control. These fabricated emergencies are designed to exploit your empathy and sense of responsibility. Let’s explore two common ways they do this.
Feigning Medical Emergencies To Exploit Empathy
Have you ever received a sudden call or message about a health scare from someone you’ve distanced yourself from? Narcissists often fake or exaggerate medical emergencies to pull you back into their orbit. They know you care deeply and will likely drop everything to help.
For example, they might claim they’ve been hospitalized or diagnosed with a serious illness. You might hear something like, “I’m in the ER, and I don’t know who else to call.” This puts you in a tough spot. Ignoring them feels heartless, but engaging gives them the attention they crave.
Real-life examples highlight how manipulative this tactic can be:
A grandmother pretended not to understand her diabetic grandson’s dietary needs, feeding him sweets and then playing the victim when confronted. This led to family members pressuring the boy’s parent to forgive her.
A sister used their mother’s illness to stir up drama, accusing siblings of mistreatment. This dragged their critically ill mother into unnecessary emotional chaos.
These situations show how narcissists twist health-related issues to gain sympathy and control. It’s not about their well-being—it’s about keeping you emotionally hooked. When faced with such tactics, remind yourself that genuine emergencies don’t come with manipulation or guilt trips.
Inventing Financial Disasters To Trigger Rescue Responses
Another common strategy involves fabricating financial crises. Narcissists might claim they’re on the verge of losing their home, can’t pay medical bills, or are drowning in debt. These stories are designed to make you feel obligated to step in and save them.
You might hear things like:
“I don’t know how I’ll make rent this month. I’m so scared.”
“If I don’t pay this bill, I could lose everything. Can you help me, just this once?”
These pleas tug at your heartstrings, especially if you’ve shared financial ties in the past. But often, these crises are exaggerated or entirely false. The goal isn’t to solve their problems—it’s to reestablish contact and control.
Think about it: if they truly needed help, wouldn’t they approach you with honesty and a plan? Instead, they rely on emotional manipulation to get what they want. Recognizing this pattern can help you set boundaries and protect your resources.
Fabricated crises are a hallmark of narcissist hoovering examples. By staying alert to these tactics, you can avoid being drawn back into their web of manipulation. Remember, your empathy is a strength, but it shouldn’t be exploited.
4. Gaslighting-Driven Reality Distortion
Gaslighting is one of the most insidious tactics narcissists use to manipulate you. It’s a psychological strategy designed to make you doubt your own reality. Over time, this can leave you feeling confused, powerless, and unsure of your own perceptions. Let’s explore how they distort reality to regain control.
Rewriting Shared History To Erode Confidence
Have you ever had someone twist past events to make you question your memory? Narcissists excel at rewriting shared history. They’ll deny things they’ve said or done, even when you’re certain of the facts. This tactic isn’t just frustrating—it’s designed to make you doubt yourself.
For example, imagine confronting someone about a hurtful comment they made. Instead of owning up, they might say, “I never said that. You’re imagining things.” Over time, these denials can chip away at your confidence. You might start thinking, “Maybe I did get it wrong.”
This constant rewriting of history can have serious effects on your mental health. Victims of gaslighting often experience anxiety, depression, and even trauma. You might feel like you’re losing your grip on reality, which can make it even harder to stand up for yourself. Remember, this isn’t your fault. It’s a calculated move to keep you under their control.
Minimizing Abuse Through Selective Memory Manipulation
Narcissists also use selective memory manipulation to downplay their abusive behavior. They’ll conveniently “forget” the harm they’ve caused or twist the narrative to make themselves look like the victim. This tactic shifts the focus away from their actions and onto you.
Here’s how they do it:
They might say, “You’re overreacting. That wasn’t a big deal,” when you bring up their hurtful behavior.
If you confront them about lying, they could accuse you of being too sensitive, flipping the blame onto you.
In family dynamics, a narcissistic parent might claim their children are “ganging up” on them when confronted about past abuse.
These manipulations aren’t just frustrating—they’re emotionally exhausting. They make you question your feelings and experiences, which can erode your self-esteem over time. You might start to wonder, “Am I the problem here?” But the truth is, this is another form of control.
Gaslighting, in all its forms, is a core part of many narcissist hoovering examples. By distorting reality, narcissists aim to keep you doubting yourself and dependent on them. Recognizing these tactics is the first step to breaking free. Trust your instincts and remember that your feelings are valid.
5. Smear Campaign Isolation Strategies
When a narcissist feels like they’re losing control, they often resort to smear campaigns. These strategies aim to isolate you by damaging your reputation and turning others against you. It’s a calculated move to leave you feeling unsupported and vulnerable. Let’s break down how this works.
Reputation Destruction Via Character Assassination
Have you ever noticed someone spreading lies about you to mutual friends, family, or coworkers? That’s character assassination in action. Narcissists use this tactic to paint you as the villain while positioning themselves as the victim. They might exaggerate minor disagreements or completely fabricate stories to make you look bad.
For example:
They could tell your friends, “I tried so hard to make things work, but they’ve been so cruel to me.”
At work, they might spread rumors about your competence, saying, “I’m worried they’re not pulling their weight on the team.”
These lies aren’t random. They’re designed to chip away at your support system. Over time, people may start to believe the narcissist’s version of events, especially if they’re persistent. This can leave you feeling isolated and doubting yourself.
Narcissists often recruit “flying monkeys” to help spread their narrative. These are people who unknowingly (or sometimes knowingly) assist in the smear campaign. They might repeat the narcissist’s lies or pressure you to reconcile, saying things like, “Maybe you’re being too harsh on them.” This adds another layer of emotional manipulation, making it even harder to break free.
Social Alienation Through Victim-Blaming Narratives
Another common tactic is victim-blaming. Narcissists twist the story to make it seem like you’re the problem. They’ll frame themselves as the one who’s been wronged, using this narrative to turn others against you. This can happen in personal relationships, during a divorce, or even in the workplace.
Here’s how it might look:
In a breakup, they might claim, “They cheated on me,” even if it’s not true.
During a family conflict, they could say, “I’ve done everything for them, and this is how they treat me.”
At work, they might accuse you of being dishonest or uncooperative to undermine your credibility.
These narratives don’t just damage your reputation—they also isolate you. Friends, family, or colleagues may start to distance themselves, unsure of who to believe. This social isolation can take a serious toll on your mental health. You might feel lonely, anxious, or even question your own actions.
The emotional impact of smear campaigns is profound. You may find yourself constantly defending your character, which can lead to chronic stress and burnout. Rebuilding trust and repairing relationships takes time, but it’s possible. The key is recognizing these tactics for what they are: manipulative strategies to regain control.
Smear campaigns are one of the most damaging narcissist hoovering examples. By understanding how they work, you can protect yourself and begin to rebuild your life on your terms.
6. Intermittent Reinforcement Cycles
Intermittent reinforcement is one of the most confusing and emotionally draining tactics narcissists use. It’s like being stuck on a rollercoaster of emotions—one moment, you’re on top of the world, and the next, you’re spiraling down. This cycle of unpredictability keeps you hooked, hoping for the next “good moment.” Let’s break it down.
Silent Treatment Followed by Grand Gestures
Have you ever been completely ignored by someone, only for them to suddenly shower you with attention? That’s a classic example of intermittent reinforcement. Narcissists often use the silent treatment as a form of emotional punishment. They might:
Refuse to respond to your texts or calls.
Avoid eye contact or physically distance themselves.
Use dismissive language to shut down communication.
This silence creates a sense of panic. You might start questioning yourself, wondering what you did wrong. In many cases, you’ll even apologize for things you didn’t do, just to end the silence.
Then, out of nowhere, they flip the script. They might show up with flowers, plan a romantic dinner, or send a heartfelt message. These grand gestures flood you with relief and hope. You think, “Maybe things will get better now.” But this cycle isn’t about love or reconciliation—it’s about control.
Psychologically, this tactic works because it mirrors how our brains respond to unpredictable rewards. Just like a gambler keeps pulling the lever on a slot machine, hoping for a win, you keep holding on to the relationship, hoping for more of those “good moments.”
Rapid Oscillation Between Adoration and Criticism
Another way narcissists keep you emotionally hooked is by swinging between extremes—adoration and criticism. One day, they might praise you endlessly, making you feel like the most important person in their life. The next day, they tear you down with harsh words or subtle jabs.
For example:
They might say, “You’re the only person who truly understands me,” only to later criticize you for being “too sensitive” or “not good enough.”
After a fight, they could claim, “I can’t live without you,” but then blame you for all the problems in the relationship.
This constant back-and-forth creates a cycle of hope and despair. You cling to the positive moments, convincing yourself that the relationship is worth saving. At the same time, the criticism chips away at your self-esteem, making you feel like you’re the problem.
Over time, this pattern can lead to self-gaslighting. You start doubting your own feelings and perceptions, thinking, “Maybe I am overreacting,” or “Maybe I just need to try harder.” This distorted view keeps you trapped in the cycle.
Understanding these tactics is crucial. They’re not random—they’re calculated moves designed to keep you emotionally dependent. Recognizing the pattern can help you break free and reclaim your sense of self.
7. Nostalgic Baiting Techniques
Nostalgia can be a powerful emotional tool, and narcissists know exactly how to use it against you. They’ll dig up memories or objects from your shared past to manipulate your emotions and lower your defenses. Let’s explore how they do this.
Weaponizing Sentimental Relationship Artifacts
Have you ever had someone bring up an old photo, a gift, or even a song that reminds you of the “good times”? Narcissists often use these sentimental artifacts to pull you back into their web. They know these items carry emotional weight, and they exploit that to make you question your decision to move on.
Here’s how it might look:
They might send you a picture of a vacation you took together, saying, “Remember how happy we were here?”
Or they could return a gift you gave them, claiming, “I can’t keep this—it means too much to me.”
These gestures seem innocent, but they’re calculated. By focusing on the positive moments, they distract you from the pain they caused. You might start thinking, “Maybe things weren’t so bad after all.” But don’t let these tactics fool you. They’re not about rekindling love—they’re about regaining control.
Narcissists also use grudges as a weapon. They’ll remind you of past mistakes or sacrifices they made for you, twisting the narrative to make you feel guilty. For example, they might say, “After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?” This guilt-tripping is another way they keep you emotionally tied to them.
Recreating Initial Romance Scenarios To Bypass Defenses
Do you remember how magical things felt at the start of your relationship? Narcissists certainly do, and they’ll try to recreate those early moments to break through your defenses. They know that the “honeymoon phase” holds a special place in your heart, and they’ll use it to their advantage.
For instance:
They might take you to the restaurant where you had your first date, hoping to stir up old feelings.
Or they could say something like, “I miss how we used to laugh together. Let’s go back to that.”
These actions are designed to make you nostalgic for the person they pretended to be at the beginning. It’s a clever trick because it plays on your hope that they can change. But here’s the truth: the person you fell for was likely a facade. Once they regain control, their true behavior usually resurfaces.
Narcissists also use hoovering tactics, like reaching out after a period of silence, to catch you off guard. They might say, “I’ve been thinking about us a lot lately,” or “I can’t stop remembering how good we were together.” These statements are meant to make you second-guess your decision to leave.
Recognizing these nostalgic baiting techniques is crucial. They’re not about love or reconciliation—they’re about manipulation. By staying aware of these tactics, you can protect yourself and focus on building a healthier, happier future.
8. Third-Party Proxy Manipulation
Narcissists rarely work alone when trying to regain control. Instead, they often involve others to do their bidding, creating a web of manipulation that’s hard to escape. This tactic, known as third-party proxy manipulation, uses mutual contacts or even children to keep you emotionally tied to them.
Enlisting Mutual Contacts For Indirect Communication
Have you ever had a friend or family member suddenly bring up your ex or someone you’re trying to distance yourself from? That’s no coincidence. Narcissists often use mutual contacts as messengers to maintain a connection with you, even when you’ve cut off direct communication.
Here’s how it might play out:
They might tell a mutual friend, “I’m really worried about them. Can you check in for me?” This makes them seem caring while subtly pulling you back into their orbit.
Or they could say something like, “They don’t really care about you like I do,” to isolate you from your support system.
These tactics aren’t just about staying in touch. They’re designed to create confusion and insecurity. For example, they might involve others by saying, “So-and-so thinks I’m amazing,” hoping to spark jealousy or doubt in your mind. This manipulation isolates you further, making you more dependent on them for emotional validation.
Manipulating Children To Maintain Emotional Leverage
When children are involved, narcissists often take their manipulation to a whole new level. They know how much you care about your kids, and they’ll use that love to keep you tethered to them. This tactic is especially common in co-parenting situations.
For instance:
They might tell your child, “I miss your mom/dad so much. Don’t you think we should all be together again?” This puts the child in an uncomfortable position, making them feel responsible for fixing the relationship.
Or they could use guilt, saying, “If your mom/dad really cared, they’d spend more time with us.”
These statements aren’t just harmful to you—they’re confusing and emotionally damaging for the child. Narcissists might also use children as messengers, asking them to relay information or even guilt-trip you into responding. For example, your child might say, “Dad said he’s really sad you won’t talk to him.”
This kind of manipulation creates a toxic environment for everyone involved. It’s not about the child’s well-being; it’s about maintaining control over you. If you’re dealing with this, consider seeking professional support, like a therapist or mediator, to help navigate the situation. Protecting your child’s emotional health should always come first.
Third-party proxy manipulation is one of the most insidious narcissist hoovering examples. By recognizing these tactics, you can take steps to protect yourself and those you care about. Remember, setting boundaries isn’t just for you—it’s for everyone affected by the narcissist’s behavior.
9. Legal/Financial Entanglement Methods
When a narcissist feels their control slipping, they often turn to legal and financial tactics to keep you tethered. These methods are not just frustrating—they can feel like an endless maze designed to exhaust you emotionally and financially. Let’s explore two common ways they use these entanglements to manipulate you.
Deliberate Asset Withholding To Force Contact
Have you ever noticed how a narcissist seems to “forget” to hand over something important after a breakup? This isn’t an accident. Narcissists often withhold assets—like shared property, financial documents, or even sentimental items—to force you to stay in contact.
For example:
They might refuse to transfer the title of a jointly owned car, knowing you need it for work.
Or they could hold onto your personal belongings, claiming they “just haven’t had time” to return them.
This tactic creates dependency. You’re left chasing them for what’s rightfully yours, giving them the upper hand. They might even use this as an opportunity to guilt-trip you or reopen old wounds.
Pay attention if they prioritize their own material needs over yours or those of your children. Broken promises about finances are another red flag. For instance, they might agree to pay child support but conveniently “forget” when the time comes. This instability keeps you on edge, making it harder to move forward.
If you notice these patterns, seek legal advice immediately. Collect financial documents and records before initiating separation. This preparation can protect you from further manipulation.
Bureaucratic Sabotage Complicating Separation
Narcissists thrive on chaos, and the legal system gives them plenty of opportunities to create it. They often use bureaucratic hurdles to drag out the separation process, making it as difficult as possible for you to break free.
Here’s how they might do it:
Concealing assets or hiding financial information to complicate divorce proceedings.
Filing unnecessary motions or disputes to delay the process and increase your legal fees.
Refusing to sign paperwork or cooperate with court orders, forcing you to take additional steps.
These tactics aren’t just about money—they’re about control. By making the process more stressful, they hope to wear you down emotionally. You might feel tempted to give in just to make it stop.
During this time, narcissists may also resort to emotional abuse or character assassination. They might spread lies about you to paint themselves as the victim, hoping to gain sympathy from the court or mutual acquaintances.
To protect yourself, gather as much documentation as possible before initiating separation. This includes bank statements, property records, and any evidence of their manipulative behavior. Having this information on hand can make it harder for them to sabotage the process.
Legal and financial entanglements are some of the most exhausting narcissist hoovering examples. But with preparation and support, you can navigate these challenges and regain your independence.
10. Digital Age Hoovering Adaptations
The digital age has given narcissists new tools to manipulate and control. Social media, messaging apps, and algorithms have become their playgrounds. Let’s explore how they use these modern methods to hoover you back into their web.
Parasocial Stalking Through Multiple Online Channels
Have you ever felt like someone was watching your every move online? Narcissists often use parasocial stalking to keep tabs on you. They’ll follow your social media accounts, comment on your posts, or even create fake profiles to monitor your activity. This tactic isn’t just about curiosity—it’s about control.
Here’s what it might look like:
They might “accidentally” like an old photo of yours to remind you they’re still around.
You could receive random messages like, “I saw your post. It made me think of us.”
They might even use mutual friends’ accounts to view your stories or updates.
These actions are designed to make you feel watched and unsettled. You might wonder, “Are they trying to reconnect? Or are they just being nosy?” Either way, it’s a form of manipulation.
Narcissists also use digital hoovering tactics like love bombing through messages. They might flood your inbox with compliments or promises of change, saying things like, “I’ve finally realized how much you mean to me.” This can make you second-guess your decision to cut ties.
To protect yourself, consider limiting what you share online. Adjust your privacy settings and block or mute their accounts if necessary. Remember, you don’t owe anyone access to your digital life.
Algorithm Exploitation For Persistent Reminder Creation
Algorithms are powerful tools, and narcissists know how to use them to their advantage. They’ll exploit these systems to ensure you keep seeing reminders of them, even when you’re trying to move on.
For example:
They might tag you in old photos or posts, forcing them to resurface in your memories.
They could comment on mutual friends’ posts, ensuring their name pops up in your notifications.
Some even go as far as creating new accounts to send you friend requests or follow you again.
These tactics aren’t random. They’re calculated moves to stay in your mind. Seeing their name or face repeatedly can trigger emotional responses, making it harder to let go.
Narcissists may also use intimidation online. They might post vague, threatening messages or share content aimed at making you feel guilty. For instance, they could write, “Some people don’t realize what they’ve lost until it’s too late,” hoping you’ll think it’s about you.
To counter this, set firm boundaries. Don’t engage with their posts or messages. If necessary, implement a No Contact rule and stick to it. Lean on your support system—friends and family can help you stay grounded and remind you why you left.
Digital hoovering is one of the most modern narcissist hoovering examples. By recognizing these tactics, you can take steps to protect your emotional well-being and reclaim your digital space.
Conclusion
Recognizing narcissist hoovering tactics is essential for protecting your emotional well-being. These manipulative behaviors can leave you feeling trapped, but you have the power to break free. Setting boundaries and seeking support are key steps to regaining control over your life.
Here’s how you can protect yourself:
Go no-contact: Block their number, social media, and any other communication channels.
Respond neutrally: If contact is unavoidable, keep your responses calm and emotionless.
Warn your loved ones: Let friends and family know about the situation so they can support you.
Seek professional support: A counselor can help you identify and resist hoovering tactics.
Take legal action: If necessary, explore legal measures to ensure your safety.
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Frequently Asked Questions
What is narcissist hoovering in simple terms?
Narcissist hoovering is when someone tries to pull you back into a toxic relationship using manipulative tactics. They might use guilt, fake emergencies, or even sweet gestures to regain control over you. It’s all about keeping you emotionally hooked.
How can I tell if I’m being hoovered?
Ask yourself: Are they suddenly overly affectionate, playing the victim, or creating crises to get your attention? If their actions feel manipulative or calculated, it’s likely hoovering. Trust your gut—if something feels off, it probably is.
Why do narcissists use hoovering tactics?
Narcissists hoover because they crave control and validation. Losing you threatens their sense of power, so they’ll do whatever it takes to pull you back. It’s not about love or regret—it’s about maintaining dominance in the relationship.
Can hoovering happen after years of no contact?
Yes, narcissists can hoover even after years. They might pop up with a random message or comment on your social media. Their goal is to test if they still have influence over you. Stay firm and don’t engage.
How do I respond to hoovering attempts?
Keep it simple: Don’t respond. Block their number, ignore their messages, and avoid engaging. If you must communicate (e.g., co-parenting), stick to neutral, factual responses. Protect your peace by setting clear boundaries.
Is hoovering always obvious?
Not always. Some hoovering tactics are subtle, like sending nostalgic photos or using mutual friends to pass messages. Pay attention to patterns. If their actions seem designed to pull you back emotionally, it’s likely hoovering.
Can hoovering affect my mental health?
Absolutely. Hoovering can leave you feeling confused, anxious, or even doubting your decisions. It’s emotionally draining and can reopen old wounds. Prioritize self-care and seek support from trusted friends or a therapist.
How can I protect myself from hoovering?
Set firm boundaries and stick to them. Block their access to you, both online and offline. Surround yourself with supportive people who understand your situation. If needed, seek professional help to navigate the emotional challenges.
Tip: Remember, you’re not obligated to explain or justify your boundaries. Your well-being comes first.