“IN ONE IMPORTANT WAY, an abusive man works like a magician: His tricks largely rely on getting you to look off in the wrong direction, distracting your attention so that you won’t notice where the real action is.”

“Your problem is not that you lose control of yourself, it’s that you take control of your partner… in order to change, you don’t need to gain control over yourself, you need to let go of control of her.”

“Physical aggression… is creating fear and using your need for physical freedom and safety as a way to control you.”

“The central attitudes driving the Water Torturer are: You are crazy… As long as I’m calm, you can’t call anything I do abusive, no matter how cruel.”

“The abusive man’s high entitlement leads him to have unfair and unreasonable expectations… he’ll keep feeling that you are controlling him, because he doesn’t believe that you should set any limits on his conduct.”

“One of the basic human rights he takes away from you is the right to be angry with him… Then he uses your anger against you to prove what an irrational person you are.”

“Although an abuser prefers to have you wholeheartedly on his side, he will settle contentedly for your decision to take a middle stance.”

“The central attitudes driving Mr. Right are: You should be in awe of my intelligence… When you disagree with me… that’s mistreatment of me.”

“Objectification is a critical reason why an abuser tends to get worse over time… he distances himself so far from her humanity that her feelings no longer count.”

“The sense of ownership is one reason why abuse tends to get worse as relationships get more serious.”

“Covert-aggression is almost always involved in interpersonal manipulation.”

“Covert aggression – when the aggressor attempts to conceal aggressive behavior and nefarious intent to increase the odds of gaining advantage over a target.”

“Being the victim of covert-aggression can make you feel crazy… you can’t point to anything clear and obvious to back up your hunch.”

“If they can get you to doubt yourself… there’s a good chance they can get you to back down… or cave-in.”

“Whenever she would confront him… somehow she always ended up feeling like the crazy one.”

“Manipulators ‘bundle’ tactics… then pull out a ‘trump card’ like playing the victim, leaving the real victim feeling… guilty for taking a stand.”

“Gaslighting is mind control to make victims doubt their reality.”

“I define [gaslighting] as ‘to implant false and/or distorted narratives… to manipulate a person into a destructive web of deception, loss of control…'”

“Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation and emotional abuse… making you question facts, your memory, and your feelings.”

“Gaslighting is the systematic attempt by one person to erode another person’s reality… and the gradual giving up on the part of the other person.”

“These methods [gaslighting, brainwashing…] are used by abusers of all kinds for the purpose of controlling other people, and promoting the abusers’ interests.”

“Gaslighting… targets the victim’s mental equilibrium… so that they are no longer able to function in an independent way, giving the narcissist full control.”

“Someone who gaslights you is trying to talk you out of your experience… It’s a tool to control and manipulate you.”

“Narcissists are like parasitic bugs that leech onto you… then when you are no longer useful, they discard you.”

“Once the ‘fantasy’ phase subsides, narcissists begin to devalue their partners… manipulative and emotionally abusive behaviors…”

“Narcissists can be manipulative, using charm to gain trust and exploit others for their own gain.”

“They are good at making themselves appear as the victim when issues with their behaviors are brought to their attention.”

“Narcissists… are always manipulating for their own personal gain… Gaslighting is their stock and trade.”

“The family member who has NPD tends to engage in the manipulation of family members… the enabler who protects the narcissist.”

“It’s important to set firm boundaries and avoid getting entangled in power struggles or manipulative games.”

“Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional and psychological manipulation… where the abuser seeks to control, belittle, and undermine the victim.”

“Narcissists are good at making their spouses question their worth…”

“A narcissist’s love is conditional and transactional, leaving you feeling empty and unworthy when their attention shifts.”

“Narcissists lie and manipulate to create a false reality… They will insist you join them in their reality…”

“A narcissist is the last person to take responsibility… that responsibility and accountability gets unfairly deflected onto you…”

“Narcissists often accuse others of their own bad behavior… by saying they were either ‘doing the same thing you were doing,’ or you ‘made them do it.'”

“Narcissists… use words to turn situations to their advantage… be direct… not allowing them to gaslight or manipulate you.”

“Narcissists may try to manipulate or distort facts to maintain control.”

“The narcissistic message is clear: ‘You are not my equal; in this moment you are sub-human.'”

“They will repeatedly attempt to distort your understanding of reality. This is called gaslighting.”

“Very commonly, the problem they see in you is actually the problem they carry within themselves.”

“A favorite tactic is the use of triangulation… to stir up tension between [two others].”

“They absolutely cannot say, ‘I miscalculated.’ That would require an admission of vulnerability, something they fear greatly.”

“Instead they instinctively reverse the flow of communication with an accusing comment.”

“It feels so good to love-bomb you, to sweet-talk you, to pull you in and to discard you whenever I please.”

“Let me gaslight you some more so you second-guess yourself.”

“God, this love triangle is fun. I love the way you compete for my attention.”

“I’ve smeared your name to others ahead of time so people already suspect the lies I’ve told about you.”

“Emotionally invalidating you is the key to keeping you compliant.”

“So long as you don’t trust yourself, you’ll work that much harder to rationalize, minimize and deny my abuse.”

“Plus, collecting exes is a hobby of mine.”

“Sorry, not sorry… so I can continue my abusive behavior in peace.”

“I will take a step back… to make sure that I am being respected and loved, not flattered and love-bombed.”

“Psychopaths provide shallow praise and flattery only in order to gain trust.”

“They gaslight you into believing that your normal reactions to their abuse are the problem—not the abuse itself.”

“Those were not your emotions… They were carefully manufactured by the psychopath in order to make you question your own good nature.”

“This results in a strange dynamic where the abuser is idealized… while the victim is devalued…”

“Early idealization in the honeymoon phase… once you fail to meet their rapidly shifting standards, you will be devalued and criticized…”

“They inevitably transform into a monster: manipulative, arrogant, and neglectful.”

“It’s highly likely that you unknowingly pass by one of these cunning manipulators every day…”

“Maybe you cannot be the CEO… but you can… create situations that cause them to feel bad about themselves… you quietly lie… gaslight… bait people…”

“The most reliable sign… of unscrupulous people is… the pity play.”

“If… you find yourself often pitying someone who consistently hurts you… chances are close to 100 percent that you are dealing with a sociopath.”

“They have no trace of empathy… a partner is viewed as a possession… never sad or accountable.”

“A part of a healthy conscience is being able to confront consciencelessness.”

“About one in twenty-five individuals are sociopathic… Without the slightest blip of guilt or remorse, one in twenty-five people can do anything at all.”

“We must learn and then teach our children that niceness does not equal goodness… unsolicited niceness often has a discoverable motive.”

“I would trade [laws]… for a high school class that would teach young men how to hear ‘no,’ and teach young women that it’s all right to explicitly reject.”

“It serves the man who has sinister intent by providing much of the information he will need to evaluate and then control his prospective victim.”

“Persistence only proves persistence—it does not prove love.”

“DARVO stands for ‘Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender.'”

“The perpetrator may Deny… Attack the individual doing the confronting, and Reverse the roles of Victim and Offender…”

“DARVO… perpetrators may display [this] in response to being held accountable for their behavior.”

“A narcissistic mother sees her daughter… as a reflection and extension of herself rather than as a separate person with her own identity.”

“Each one of us is imbued with a deep yearning to live our own life, not our mother’s. Yet the narcissistic mother puts pressure on her child to act and react to the world as she would.”

“Most damaging is that a narcissistic mother never approves of her daughter simply for being herself…”

“Boys seem to have a different kind of relationship with Mother… her sons are not threatening to her… as is a daughter.”

“Typically, the daughter of a narcissistic mother will choose a spouse who cannot meet her emotional needs.”

“I think narcissists look for people who shine very brightly. They look for a trophy.”

“You may have heard the term ‘narcissistic injury’… for a narcissist, saying a simple ‘I’m sorry’ is like saying, ‘I am the worst human being on earth.'”

“In response to… emotional deprivation, manipulation, and control… the child develops an approach to life… ‘I will need no one.'”

“Narcissists are often self-absorbed… with little or no capacity for listening, caring, or understanding the needs of others.”

“They can be easily displeased or even angered when others do not act to make them feel unique and special.”

“Despite their… disinterest in others’ feelings, narcissists… keep a manipulative edge.”

“Narcissists replace fair and honest exchanges with behaviors that manipulate other people so that they can get their way.”

“The narcissist is like a bucket with a hole in the bottom: No matter how much you put in, you can never fill it up.”

“When an accusation is thrown at you that does not fit you… mentally flip it back… he is likely accusing you of what he is doing or feeling.”

“A relationship with a narcissist can be one more source of chaos in your life, rather than a place of comfort and consistency.”

“Because of the narcissist’s tendency to blame other people and engage in projection, they will often blame you for being unreliable…”

“A courtship with a narcissist is more of an indoctrination than a love story.”

“We often confuse… charm, charisma, and confidence… It is easy to fall under their sway…”

“Narcissists have poorly regulated self-esteem… they are chronically reliant on the opinions of others to form their own sense of self.”

“One of the great traps… is that the narcissistic folks actually believe they are nice people.”

“If manipulation and machinations on your side get them to behave… they will return to their previous way of behaving, or they will keep faking it.”

“People with NPD operate unfairly and abusively… You have likely been… gaslighted, bullied… and told… you are to blame for the abuse.”

“They aren’t just insensitive and selfish… They are also endlessly demanding… demanding everyone… validate their distorted self-serving reality.”

“Do unto others as I would never allow them to do unto me… if you don’t give me what I demand right now, I’ll punish the hell out of you into perpetuity.”

“People with NPD can’t love… you become an object to them… and they feel justified in… bringing you to your knees.”

“When a narcissist and flying monkeys see that you are onto their sly tricks… they want to provoke you… They crave narcissistic supply… projecting and gaslighting you.”

“After the fog lifts… the narcissist and flying monkeys will minimize the facts… They will undermine your perception… accuse you of being insane.”

“This is the gaslighters’ mantra… people with a personality disorder feel that they are normal and everyone else is crazy.”

“The gaslighting parent usually has a ‘golden child’ and a ‘scapegoat child.’ The former can do no wrong, whereas the latter can do no right.”

“At the heart of narcissism is an inflated sense of self-worth… Narcissists view relationships mainly as opportunities for self-enhancement.”

“Narcissists turn [reciprocity] against you by presenting themselves… as attentive… Over time… manipulation escalates… the essence of manipulation is deceit.”

“Inevitably, the narcissist will blame others for their own actions or shortcomings…”

“The narcissist’s grandiose sense of self will require that you… occupy an inferior role in the relationship.”

“Narcissists will destroy your life, erode your self-esteem, and do it with such stealth as to make you feel that you are the one that’s letting them down.”

“Relationships with narcissists are held in place by the hope of a someday better, with little evidence to support it will ever arrive.”

“Narcissists try to destroy your life with lies because they know theirs can be destroyed with the truth.”

“Nobody can be kinder than the narcissist while you react to life on his terms.”

“Since narcissists deep down feel themselves to be faultless… they will invariably perceive the conflict as the world’s fault.”

“When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you.”

“A narcissist will manipulate everyone around you to betray you… a reflection of the narcissist’s powers of manipulation…”

“Covert-aggressive personalities use the pity play, distraction, vagueness, and playing the victim to keep you off-balance.”

“You are constantly second-guessing yourself… You often feel confused and even crazy…”

“Triangulation is the way the narcissist maintains control and keeps you in check — you’re so busy competing for his or her attention…”

“Narcissists replace intimacy with control; when control fails, they recruit others to do their bidding.”

“When you’re dealing with a narcissist, brevity, clarity, and documentation protect you from gaslighting.”

“Gaslighting qualifies as a form of emotional abuse that involves denying a person’s experience… ‘that never happened,’ ‘you’re crazy.'”

“The narcissist is a master of manipulation. To maintain the illusion of power over you, they employ third parties to gaslight you, manipulate you, and bully you.”