What happens when you give a narcissist the silent treatment? You cause a big change in the relationship. Narcissists need attention and control. Ignoring them takes away their power. Experts say stonewalling can make narcissists feel scared, worried, mad, and very lonely.
They might feel alone.
Their self-esteem can get lower.
Unresolved feelings often get worse.
You keep yourself safe by not letting them control you. Your silence shows them they are not in charge anymore.
Key Takeaways
When you give a narcissist the silent treatment, they lose control and power.
Narcissists often get mad, confused, or try to get control back when you ignore them.
You might see tricks like love bombing or gaslighting if you stop talking to them.
You might feel guilty or worried, but these feelings are normal and part of what happens.
If you stay calm and speak up, you can keep your boundaries with a narcissist.
When You Give A Narcissist The Silent Treatment
If you give a narcissist the silent treatment, they react strongly. Narcissists want attention and control. When you stay quiet, they lose power. This can make them act out right away and try to get you to respond.
Immediate Reactions
Anger
Anger is often the first thing you see. Narcissists feel hurt when you ignore them. They might yell, send mean texts, or start fights. They get angry because they want to stay in charge. Dr. Ramani Durvasula says narcissists see silence as a threat. They want you to pay attention to them again.
Confusion
Narcissists also get confused. They do not know why you are quiet. They may ask, “Why are you ignoring me?” or “Did I do something wrong?” This makes them feel unsure. They try to figure out what made you act different.
Control Attempts
They may try hard to get control back. They might call you a lot, come to your house, or ask others to talk to you. These actions show they are scared of losing control. Narcissists use power moves to keep you close.
“The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse, as it can be used to try to get you to do things you don’t want to do.”
— Mental Health Expert
Manipulation Tactics
Narcissists do not stop easily. When you ignore them, they often try new ways to get your attention.
Love Bombing
You might see them act very nice or give gifts. This is called love bombing. They may say nice things, say sorry, or promise to change. They want you to talk to them again.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is another trick. The narcissist may change the story or say things did not happen. They want you to doubt yourself and feel bad for ignoring them. This can make you question what you remember.
Silent Treatment in Return
Sometimes, the narcissist will ignore you back. They may not answer your calls, avoid looking at you, or act cold. This is their way to punish you and make you feel alone. Studies show narcissists use this to control and hurt you.
Here is a table that shows what experts say about emotional abuse and power:
Description | Type of Evidence |
|---|---|
The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse, as it can be used to try to get you to do things you don’t want to do. | Emotional Abuse |
Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder often use the silent treatment to coerce or manipulate you. | Manipulation |
This method can be used to punish you or make you feel like you did something wrong. | Punishment |
Narcissists may use power tactics to coerce you into doing what they want. | Power Dynamics |
Narcissists often use the silent treatment to get what they want when they feel ignored. This behavior is meant to punish you and shows their own fears. You might see them ignore your texts, give short answers, or act upset for days. These actions come from their fear of being left out or alone. They want to control how you feel and keep you close.
When you give a narcissist the silent treatment, you change who has the power. You keep yourself safe from emotional abuse and tricks. You show the narcissist that you will not let them control you.
Why Narcissists React This Way
Narcissists often react in strong and surprising ways when you ignore them. Their behavior comes from deep needs and fears. Let’s look at why they act this way.
Need for Supply
Narcissists crave attention, praise, and control. This is called “narcissistic supply.” When you stop giving them this supply, they feel lost and upset.
Attention Seeking
You might notice that a narcissist will do almost anything to get your attention back. They may yell, insult you, or even throw things. Sometimes, they try to charm you or act extra nice. These actions show how much they need you to notice them.
Narcissists may:
Yell or scream
Throw objects
Use harsh words
Try to win you over with gifts or apologies
Their reactions can seem much bigger than the situation. They want to feel important again.
Fear of Abandonment
Many narcissists fear being left alone. When you give a narcissist the silent treatment, this fear grows stronger. They may become clingy or act cold to protect themselves.
Covert narcissists often see small problems as signs you will leave them. Even a late reply can make them panic. This fear can make them act in ways that push you away.
You may see:
Guilt-tripping or love bombing
Anxiety and insecurity
Smear campaigns against you
Ego Threat
Ignoring a narcissist hurts their ego. They feel less powerful and important. This can lead to angry outbursts or even risky behavior. Some may feel so low that they act out in harmful ways, like using substances or withdrawing from others.
Handling Rejection
Narcissists struggle with rejection. They have trouble understanding your feelings and often react in ways that protect themselves.
Low Empathy
Narcissists find it hard to see things from your point of view. They focus on their own needs. When you ignore them, they may not understand why you feel hurt or need space.
Fragile Self-Esteem
Their self-esteem is not as strong as it seems. Small setbacks can feel huge to them. If you do not respond, they may feel worthless or unloved. This can lead to sadness, anger, or even depression.
Projection
Sometimes, narcissists blame you for their own feelings. If they feel rejected, they might say you are the one being mean or unfair. This helps them avoid facing their own pain.
Signs of Manipulation
Narcissists use many tricks to keep control when you ignore them. You might see these signs as they try to pull you back in.
Guilt-Tripping
Narcissists often try to make you feel bad for setting limits. They want you to doubt yourself and feel sorry for ignoring them. This guilt-tripping can look different each time.
Playing Victim
They may say things like, “I can’t believe you did this,” or “No one cares about me.” They act sad or helpless so you feel sorry for them. This helps them blame you and break your silence.
Emotional Blackmail
Narcissists use emotional blackmail to get their way. They might pout, threaten to leave, or say you are leaving them. This makes you feel like their feelings are your fault.
Type of Manipulation | Description |
|---|---|
Emotional Blackmail | Using guilt, manipulation, or criticism to control or belittle their partner. |
You might notice:
Pouting or sulking
Threats to break up
Saying you cause their pain
Rewriting History
Narcissists often change the story to look better. They might deny what they said or did, or say you misunderstood. This can make you question your memory and feel mixed up.
“You remember it wrong,” or “That never happened,” are things they might say. This trick, called gaslighting, makes you doubt what is real.
Triangulation
Triangulation is another trick they use. The narcissist brings in someone else to make you jealous or worried. This keeps you off balance and wanting their attention.
Third Parties
You might hear about someone who “gets them better” or see them with others to make you feel left out. This can make you feel unsure and want to get close again.
Smear Campaigns
Sometimes, narcissists talk badly about you to others. They might spread lies or twist facts to make you look like the problem. This can hurt your reputation and make you feel alone.
Flying Monkeys
Narcissists sometimes send friends or family to talk for them. These “flying monkeys” may push you to talk or make you feel bad for staying quiet. This adds more stress and confusion.
Signs of Manipulation | Description |
|---|---|
Covert narcissists use silent treatment to control and punish their targets, creating emotional distance. | |
Creating Confusion | The unpredictable nature of silent treatment leads to confusion and self-doubt in victims, making them hyper-vigilant. |
Power Imbalance | Victims feel emotionally hostage, anxiously awaiting reconnection, which reinforces the narcissist’s control. |
Invalidation | The silent treatment communicates that the victim’s emotions and existence are unworthy of acknowledgment, striking at their need for connection. |
Triangulation works because it makes you doubt yourself. You may feel nervous and want their approval. Narcissists use these tricks to keep control and stay in charge. Knowing these signs helps you stay safe and feel strong again.
Impact on You
When you give a narcissist the silent treatment, it can change how you feel about yourself. You might notice strong feelings. Knowing these effects helps you take care of your mind and make smart choices.
Emotional Effects
Guilt
You may feel guilty for ignoring someone. Even if you know it is needed, guilt can still show up. Narcissists use guilt to pull you back. They might say things that make you wonder if you did something wrong. This guilt can make you feel heavy and unsure.
Doubt
Doubt can happen when you set limits. You might start to question your memory. You may wonder why you are staying quiet. Narcissists can twist facts and change stories. This makes you second-guess yourself. Doubt can be confusing and hard to handle.
Anxiety
Anxiety is common when dealing with a narcissist. You might worry about what they will do next. You may fear how they will react. Your body can feel tight, and your mind may race with questions. This stress can mess with your sleep, eating, and mood.
Many people feel anger, hurt, sadness, frustration, and confusion when they give a narcissist the silent treatment. These feelings are normal when someone tries to control your emotions.
Common Emotional Effects:
Anger
Hurt
Sadness
Frustration
Confusion
Empowerment
Control
Taking control is a big step. When you set limits, you show you care about your needs. You choose when to talk and how to act. This helps you feel stronger and less stuck by the narcissist’s actions.
Clarity
Silence can help you see things clearly. You get space to think about what you want. You see the relationship without pressure or tricks. This clear view helps you make good choices for yourself.
Self-Esteem
Standing up for yourself makes you feel better about who you are. Every time you keep your limit, you remind yourself that your feelings matter. You learn to trust yourself and respect your own rules.
Ways Empowerment Grows:
You learn about narcissistic behavior.
You set strong limits.
You stay aware of your feelings.
You use calm and firm ways to respond.
You put your mental health first.
Setting limits with a narcissist protects you. It helps you feel stronger and lets you take charge of your life.
Table: Emotional Effects vs. Empowerment
Emotional Effects | Empowerment Benefits |
|---|---|
Guilt | Control |
Doubt | Clarity |
Anxiety | Self-Esteem |
Anger, Hurt, Sadness | Self-Awareness |
Frustration, Confusion | Better Decision-Making |
You may feel many things when you give a narcissist the silent treatment. Over time, you can get stronger, more confident, and know yourself better. This path is hard, but it leads to better relationships and a stronger you.
When You Ignore a Narcissist
If you ignore a narcissist, they often react strongly. Their behavior can change fast. They want attention and control. When you stop giving them what they want, they try new ways to get it back.
Escalation
Narcissists dislike being ignored. Their actions can get more intense. You may see them try harder to reach you.
Excessive Contact
You might get lots of texts, calls, or emails. Narcissists want you to answer. They may send messages at any time. Sometimes, they use other numbers or social media. Their goal is to break your silence.
Common escalation behaviors:
Sending repeated messages
Calling many times
Using friends to contact you
Leaving voicemails
Narcissists feel left out more often. This can make them misunderstand your silence and act out. Research shows they may become aggressive or hostile when excluded.
Unannounced Visits
Some narcissists show up at your home or work without warning. They want to surprise you and make you react. You may feel unsafe or pressured. This behavior shows their need for control.
Escalation Type | Description | How You Might Feel |
|---|---|---|
Excessive Contact | Many calls, texts, emails | Overwhelmed, anxious |
Unannounced Visits | Showing up without warning | Unsafe, pressured |
Social Media Monitoring | Watching your online activity | Watched, invaded |
Social Media Monitoring
Narcissists often watch your social media closely. They may like old posts, comment a lot, or check who you talk to. Sometimes, they make fake accounts to follow you. They want to know what you are doing and who you are with.
Checking your profiles every day
Liking or commenting on your posts
Sending messages through social media
Watching your stories or updates
Attitude Shifts
When you ignore a narcissist, their attitude can change quickly. You may see them act in new ways to get your attention.
Sudden Kindness
Sometimes, narcissists act very nice. They may give compliments, offer help, or send gifts. This sudden kindness is not always real. They want you to stop ignoring them.
Signs of sudden kindness:
Giving unexpected gifts
Saying nice things about you
Offering to help with tasks
Apologizing for past actions
Experts say narcissists often make themselves look better when ignored. They use self-enhancing defenses and seek more attention.
Passive-Aggression
You may notice sarcasm, cold looks, or rude comments. Narcissists use passive-aggressive behavior to show they are upset. They want you to feel guilty or confused.
Attitude Shift | Example Behavior | Possible Impact on You |
|---|---|---|
Sudden Kindness | Gifts, compliments | Confused, hopeful |
Passive-Aggression | Sarcasm, cold shoulder | Guilty, anxious |
Withdrawal | Silence, ignoring you | Lonely, uncertain |
Withdrawal
Sometimes, narcissists pull away completely. They stop talking, avoid you, or act like you do not exist. This withdrawal is another way to control you. They hope you will chase after them.
Not answering calls or texts
Avoiding places you go
Acting distant in person
When you ignore a narcissist, you may see many changes. Their actions can go from kind to cold very fast. Knowing these signs helps you stay safe and make smart choices.
Real-Life Cases
Survivor Stories
Patterns
When people talk about giving a narcissist the silent treatment, you can see some patterns. Many survivors say the same things happen again and again:
The narcissist stays quiet to avoid fights and keep control.
You start to wonder if you matter and feel left out.
The silent treatment lasts different amounts of time, so you feel nervous and unsure.
The narcissist acts in ways you cannot predict, which makes you feel confused.
Survivors often say, “I never knew what would set them off or how long they would ignore me.” Not knowing what will happen next is part of how they control you.
Lessons
These stories teach us important things about feelings and setting limits:
The silent treatment hurts your feelings. You might feel mixed up, upset, sad, or like you do not matter.
Narcissists use silence to keep you from feeling safe or close.
This cycle can happen over and over, making you feel stuck and weak.
Key Takeaways:
You should be treated with respect and talked to clearly.
Seeing these patterns helps you stay safe.
Setting limits is okay, even if the narcissist tries to make you feel bad.
Outcomes
When you know about these patterns and lessons, you can see what might happen:
Some people get away and start to feel good about themselves again.
Others may feel guilty or alone but learn to care about their own needs.
Many find help from therapy or support groups, which helps them get better.
Common Outcomes Table
Outcome | Description |
|---|---|
Increased Self-Awareness | You learn to spot manipulation and set limits. |
Emotional Recovery | You begin to heal from confusion and self-doubt. |
Seeking Support | You reach out to others for help and validation. |
Expert Analysis
Psychologist Quotes
Experts say the silent treatment is a strong way to control someone. Psychologists explain, “The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. It can make you feel anxious, fearful, and full of self-doubt.” The National Domestic Violence Hotline says it is a warning sign of abuse.
Research
New studies (2000-2025) show the silent treatment causes real pain. Victims often feel left out, lonely, and like they do not matter. Researchers found narcissists use silence to punish and control, which leads to more hurt feelings.
Clinical Observations
Doctors see that people who get the silent treatment often blame themselves. You might think it is your fault the narcissist acts this way. This can make you feel worried and scared. Therapists want you to notice these tricks and get help.
Remember: You are not alone. Many people have gone through this kind of control and found ways to feel better.
Research Insights
Studies
Prevalence
You might wonder how often the silent treatment happens with narcissists. New research says it is more common than you think. Many people do not know they are with a narcissist for years. This can cause deep emotional pain.
Nearly 1 in 4 divorced people say covert narcissism was a big reason for their breakup.
Most people need 7–10 years to notice covert narcissistic behavior in their partner.
Narcissistic traits are linked to less happiness in relationships and more divorces.
Study/Source | Key Finding | Year |
|---|---|---|
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Foster et al.) | Narcissistic traits lower satisfaction, raise divorce risk | 2003 |
National Institute on Relationship Dynamics | 1 in 4 divorces involve covert narcissism | 2019 |
Relationship Surveys | 7–10 years to recognize covert narcissism | 2019 |
Many people feel alone, but you are not. These numbers show you are not the only one with this problem.
Rejection Response
When you give a narcissist the silent treatment, they can react strongly. Studies show they have trouble dealing with rejection and show big feelings.
Response Type | What Happens | Who Reacts This Way |
|---|---|---|
Struggle to see fear or disgust in others | Most narcissists | |
Watch for negative or neutral cues | Most narcissists | |
Anger | Respond with anger, especially if they feel shame | Both types |
Grandiose Reaction | React to threats of failure | Grandiose narcissists |
Vulnerable Reaction | React to rejection | Vulnerable narcissists |
Narcissists often feel shame and anger when ignored.
They may watch your mood and actions very closely.
Have you seen a narcissist pay close attention to you when you set boundaries? This is a normal reaction.
No Contact Impact
Going “no contact” with a narcissist can change everything. Research shows this step is hard but important. The first two weeks are the most important for breaking free from their control.
Impact | Description |
|---|---|
Trauma Bonds | Start to break after 10–14 days of no contact |
Dopamine Withdrawal | You may feel like you miss the “high” from the relationship |
Critical Period | First 14 days are the hardest but most important for healing |
Narcissists may try to get control back with gaslighting, guilt-tripping, or love bombing.
Knowing these tricks helps you keep your boundaries strong.
Common Reactions to No Contact:
Their behavior gets worse as they lose control
Staying strong during the first two weeks can help you break free from their influence.
Expert Opinions
Therapist Advice
Therapists give clear steps for handling the silent treatment from a narcissist:
Stay calm and control your feelings.
Remember, it is not a contest. Try to solve the problem, not “win.”
Set boundaries and get help from people you trust.
Talk to a professional to work through your feelings.
If the silent treatment keeps going, think about leaving the relationship.
Therapist Tip | Why It Helps |
|---|---|
Stops the narcissist from gaining more power | |
Set boundaries | Keeps your feelings safe |
Seek support | Gives you strength and new ideas |
Coach Insights
Relationship coaches say you do not deserve silent treatment. You can protect yourself and heal.
Stay calm—do not answer with anger or frustration.
Set clear boundaries—tell the narcissist their behavior is not okay.
Focus on self-care—do things that make you happy.
Reach out for support—talk to friends, family, or a therapist.
Do not apologize just to end the silence if you did nothing wrong.
Do not blame yourself—their actions are not your fault.
Keep busy—find things to do that help you feel better.
Take back your time—work on your own goals.
Notice patterns—see the silent treatment as part of their cycle.
Support Group Tips
Support groups can help you feel less alone and give you ways to cope.
Get help from a professional for advice that fits you.
Join support groups to share your story and get tips.
Use online resources to learn more about narcissistic abuse.
Practice self-care, like exercise and mindfulness, to feel better.
Set healthy boundaries to stop future manipulation.
Support Strategy | Benefit |
|---|---|
Professional help | Advice just for you |
Peer support | Shared stories |
Online resources | More information |
Self-care | Better feelings |
Boundaries | Less manipulation |
Remember, you have the power to protect yourself and heal. You are not alone on this journey.
Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries with a narcissist keeps your feelings safe. You need to talk clearly and set strong rules. This helps you stay in control of your relationships. Here are some steps you can follow.
Communication
Talking well helps you make boundaries that work. You should speak up for yourself and stay calm.
Assertiveness
Assertiveness means you say what you need. You do not have to be rude or afraid. Use simple words and a steady voice. Do not let the narcissist boss you around.
Evidence | Explanation |
|---|---|
This is important with narcissists because it keeps you safe and helps you respect yourself. | |
Narcissists often ignore what others say or feel | This shows why you need to be assertive so your boundaries are respected even if they try to trick you. |
Setting boundaries gives people power | When you say what is okay, you keep control when dealing with narcissists. |
Tips for Assertiveness:
Use short sentences like, “I need space now.”
Stay calm. Do not yell or fight.
Give consequences if your boundary is crossed.
Consistency
Consistency means you keep your rules the same. Do not change your mind just because the narcissist gets upset. This shows your boundaries are important.
The first step is to set boundaries with a narcissist and not join the fight. If you get upset, it is like fighting them. Your best move is to stay calm and not react. This is where your power is and where your boundaries work.
Ways to Stay Consistent:
Repeat your boundary if needed.
Do not explain too much.
Always follow through with consequences.
Avoiding Triggers
You can avoid triggers by knowing what makes the narcissist upset. Do not share secrets or react to drama. Keep your distance when things get tense.
Smart Moves:
Do not share private things.
Stay calm and use a quiet voice.
Walk away from fights.
Communication Checklist:
Make clear boundaries.
Give feedback about actions, not personality.
Keep things professional.
Calm down tense moments.
Get help if things get toxic.
Maintaining Boundaries
You need to keep your boundaries strong all the time. Narcissists may try to break your rules, so you must stay alert.
Pushback
When you set boundaries, expect pushback. Narcissists may use guilt, anger, or tricks to change your mind.
Anger
Tricks to manipulate
How to Handle Pushback:
Watch, but do not take it in. Stay apart.
Give consequences every time.
Do not hope for change. Focus on keeping yourself safe.
Self-Care Table
Action | Benefit |
|---|---|
Practice self-care | Makes you stronger |
Lean on support | Gives you emotional help |
Spot manipulation | Keeps your mind clear |
Boundaries help you stay safe. You protect yourself from emotional hurt. You stay strong by knowing the tricks narcissists use and by caring for yourself. Doing self-care and getting support helps you keep your boundaries firm.
Remember, you cannot change a narcissist. You can only protect yourself. Setting boundaries is your best way to stay healthy and strong.
Conclusion
When you give a narcissist the silent treatment, you change who is in control. This helps you protect your feelings and set clear rules. Narcissists might get mad, act confused, or try to trick you. You could feel guilty or unsure, but staying strong keeps you safe. Studies show some important things:
Ignoring a narcissist often makes them upset and try to get control back.
Gaslighting and fake apologies can make you feel tired.
Narcissists usually look for someone else to focus on if you keep ignoring them.
You should be treated with respect and have good relationships. Keep believing in yourself and stay strong.
Transform your Inner Chaos into authentic personal growth!
Stay informed on the latest research advancements covering:
Co-Parenting With A Narcissist
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the silent treatment from a narcissist?
The silent treatment means the narcissist ignores you on purpose. They want to control your feelings. You may feel confused or hurt. This is a common way for them to keep power in the relationship.
Why do narcissists react so strongly to being ignored?
Narcissists need attention to feel important. When you ignore them, they feel rejected and powerless. This can make them angry or desperate to get your attention back.
How long does a narcissist’s silent treatment usually last?
The silent treatment can last hours, days, or even weeks. The length depends on how much control the narcissist wants. They often stop when you give in or react.
Can the silent treatment be considered emotional abuse?
Yes, the silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. It makes you feel invisible and unimportant. Experts say this behavior can harm your self-esteem and mental health.
What should you do if a narcissist gives you the silent treatment?
Stay calm. Set clear boundaries. Do not beg for attention. Focus on your own needs. Reach out to friends or a therapist for support.
Is it okay to use the silent treatment on a narcissist?
Using silence can protect you, but do not use it to punish. Focus on your own healing. If you feel unsafe, consider getting professional help.