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21 Narcissist Blame Shifting Examples In Different Settings & Relationships

See 21 narcissist blame shifting examples in romance, family, work, and friendships, plus tips to spot and respond to manipulative behaviors.

21 Narcissist Blame Shifting Examples In Different Settings & Relationships happen most in close relationships. You may see these patterns with partners, friends, family, or coworkers. When you talk to a narcissist about something hurtful, they often change the story.

For example, if you ask about cheating, they might say you made them do it. This trick makes you question yourself and feel guilty for things you did not do. You can notice these actions in many daily situations, so it is hard to know what is true.

Key Takeaways

  • Narcissists blame others so they do not get in trouble. This can make you question your own feelings and choices.

  • They use guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and emotional tricks. These actions can hurt how you feel about yourself.

  • Seeing these patterns in relationships helps you stay safe. You can protect your mind and set clear rules.

  • In dating, narcissists may act like the victim. They might say, “You made me do it,” to avoid blame.

  • In families, one child may get blamed for everything. This is called scapegoating and it is not fair.

  • At work, narcissists may hurt coworkers and avoid blame. This can make the workplace feel bad and unsafe.

  • On social media, narcissists can twist stories and get people on their side. This can make others feel alone.

Narcissist Blame Shifting Examples: Core Tactics

Narcissist Blame Shifting Examples usually follow the same steps. You can see these tricks in many relationships. Narcissists use these moves to dodge blame and make you feel wrong. Knowing these main tricks helps you spot their games early.

Manipulation And Deflection

Narcissists use different ways to shift blame. Here are some common ones:

  • They find your weak spots and use them against you.

  • They make you feel bad for things you did not do.

  • They put their own feelings on you, so you start to doubt yourself.

Psychological Projection

A narcissist may blame you for things they do. For example, if they lie, they might say you are not honest. This trick makes you wonder about your own actions and memories. Experts call this “playing emotional hot potato.” You end up feeling blamed, even when it is not your fault.

Guilt-Tripping

You might hear things like, “If you loved me, you would not act this way.” Narcissists use guilt to control what you do. They want you to feel like you caused their actions. This emotional blackmail can make you feel nervous and unsure.

Withholding Affection

Sometimes, a narcissist will stop talking or ignore you. This silent treatment makes you feel worried and want their approval. It is a way to punish you and put the blame for problems on you.

Narcissistic abuse is a soul-crushing form of emotional abuse inflicted upon victims by narcissists. It is a slow and gradual erosion of your sense of self, your confidence, and your mental and emotional health.” ― Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC

Gaslighting And Minimizing

Gaslighting is a strong blame-shifting trick. Narcissists use it to make you doubt what is real.

Dismissing Feelings

You may hear, “You’re overreacting,” or “You’re too sensitive.” These words make you feel like your feelings do not matter. After a while, you may stop trusting your own feelings.

Sarcasm And Humor

Narcissists sometimes use jokes or sarcasm to make your worries seem small. They might laugh at serious things, making you feel silly for talking about them.

Rewriting Events

A narcissist may change the story about what happened. They say their version is right, even when you remember it differently. This trick makes you feel confused and unsure.

“Gaslighters love to turn the conversation around and blame their victims for their bad behavior. A gaslighter spins their negative, harmful actions in their favor, deflecting blame and pointing the finger at you.” ― Dr. Robin Stern, Ph.D.

Table: Core Blame-Shifting Tactics, Impact, and Research

Tactic

Psychological Impact

Supporting Research/Expert Opinion

Projection

Doubt, confusion, loss of trust in self

“Playing emotional hot potato” (psychology research)

Guilt-Tripping

Anxiety, guilt, feeling responsible for others’ actions

Emotional blackmail (clinical studies, 2000-2025)

Withholding Affection

Anxiety, low self-esteem, desperation for approval

Silent treatment (Patricia Evans, 2003)

Gaslighting

Confusion, disbelief, depression, emotional exhaustion

Dr. Robin Stern, Ph.D.; Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC

Minimizing

Feeling dismissed, loss of confidence, self-doubt

Peer-reviewed studies on emotional abuse

Narcissist Blame Shifting Examples show up in many ways, but the goal is always the same. The narcissist wants to protect themselves and make you doubt yourself. If you see these tricks, you are not alone. Many people deal with these tactics every day.

Romantic Relationships

Romantic Relationships
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You can see narcissist blame shifting examples a lot in romantic relationships. These patterns show up when you talk about problems or hurt feelings. Narcissists use blame shifting to avoid taking the blame. They want to keep control over you. Here are some ways this happens:

Blame Shifting In Romance

“You’re Too Sensitive”

If you share your feelings, a narcissist might say, “You’re too sensitive.” This makes you doubt your own emotions. You might start to think you are overreacting. The goal is to make you feel bad for normal feelings.

“You Made Me Do It”

A common trick is saying, “You made me do it.” If you talk about a mistake, the narcissist blames you. They might say, “If you didn’t act that way, I wouldn’t have done this.” This puts the focus on your actions, not theirs.

Playing The Victim

Narcissists often act like they are the victim. If you say you are hurt, they may say, “I can’t believe you think I would do that,” or “I’m always the bad guy.” This makes you feel guilty and think you are to blame for their feelings.

Tip: If you see these patterns, remember your feelings matter. You do not have to take the blame for someone else’s actions.

Common blame shifting behaviors in romance include:

  • Deflection: The narcissist talks about your faults instead.

  • Playing the victim: They act hurt so you feel guilty.

  • Gaslighting: They deny what happened and make you doubt yourself.

  • Emotional manipulation: They use your feelings to get sympathy.

  • Projection: They blame you for things they do.

Guilt And Control

Narcissists use guilt and control to keep power in the relationship. They want you to feel like you must fix problems, even if you did nothing wrong.

Withholding Communication

A narcissist may stop talking to you or ignore your texts. This silent treatment makes you feel worried and want to fix things. You might start to think you caused the problem.

Emotional Punishment

They might stop being kind or act cold. You feel punished for bringing up problems. This makes you less likely to speak up next time.

Projecting Fault

Narcissists often blame you for things they do. For example, if they cheat, they might say, “Maybe if you weren’t so distant, I wouldn’t have looked elsewhere.” If they get angry, they might say, “If you didn’t nag me, I wouldn’t lose my temper.” This confuses you and makes you question your actions.

Relationship counseling research shows that blame shifting helps narcissists:

Remember: Healthy relationships mean both people share responsibility. You deserve respect and honesty.

Narcissist blame shifting examples in romance can leave you feeling lost and unsure. Noticing these tricks is the first step to protecting yourself.

Family Dynamics

Parent-Child Blame Shifting

“You Never Appreciate Me”

Sometimes, a parent says, “You never appreciate me,” when you share your feelings. This takes attention away from what you need. The parent wants you to feel bad for not being thankful enough. You might wonder if you are selfish or rude. This trick makes you feel like you must make them happy.

Scapegoating Children

Some families pick one child as the scapegoat. That child gets blamed and criticized a lot, even for things they did not do. The parent blames this child when things go wrong. This causes fights between siblings and hides the parent’s own problems.

Sibling Rivalry

Blame shifting can make sibling rivalry worse. A parent may compare you to your siblings. They might say, “Why can’t you be like your brother?” This makes you feel like you have to compete. The parent uses this to avoid their own mistakes.

Tip: If you feel blamed or compared, remember these patterns come from family problems. You do not have to take the blame.

Extended Family Patterns

“You’re Always The Problem”

Sometimes, extended family members blame you too. You might hear, “You’re always the problem,” at family events. This makes you feel left out and alone. They may shame or tease you, making you feel bad about yourself.

Rewriting Family History

A narcissist may change stories about the past. They might say, “That never happened,” or “You remember it wrong.” This makes you confused and unsure about your memories. They do this to look good and not take blame.

Minimizing Concerns

When you talk about your worries, family may ignore them. You might hear, “It’s not a big deal,” or “You’re overreacting.” This makes you feel like your feelings do not matter. You may stop talking to avoid fights.

  • Narcissists use triangulation to get attention for themselves.

  • They blame others for their mistakes to look better.

Narcissist Blame Shifting Examples in families show how these actions hurt your self-esteem and relationships. Seeing these tricks helps you know the blame is not really about you.

Workplace Settings

Workplace Settings
Image Source: pexels

Narcissist blame shifting can make work stressful. You might see this when someone wants to look good or avoid trouble. These actions confuse people and make the team feel bad.

Narcissist Blame Shifting Examples At Work

Shifting Mistakes

A coworker might point out your small mistakes. They ignore their own bigger mistakes. If a project fails, they say, “I only suggested that.” Sometimes, they claim, “I warned everyone,” even if they caused the problem. This makes you doubt your memory and your part in what happened.

  • Some things they say or do are:

    • “That wasn’t my decision.”

    • “I thought someone else was handling it.”

    • “I mentioned this could happen.”

    • Sending confusing emails or unclear instructions to avoid blame.

Undermining Colleagues

Some people try to make you look bad to save themselves. They might talk about your mistakes in meetings. They may talk behind your back. They sometimes take credit for your work or blame you for their own failures. This can make you feel alone and unsure of yourself.

  • You might notice:

    • Changing facts to blame others.

    • Taking credit for team wins.

    • Blaming others for missed deadlines.

Dodging Accountability

Narcissists often do not take responsibility. They pretend not to understand tasks. They might say they never got important information. This confuses everyone and makes it hard to hold them responsible.

  • Common actions are:

    • Acting like they do not know about assignments.

    • Pointing out other people’s mistakes instead.

    • Making the workplace feel unsafe to speak up.

Studies show these actions make work feel unsafe. Teams find it hard to trust or talk openly.

Team Dynamics

Narcissists can mess up how teams work together. They use blame shifting to control the group. This can cause fights and mistrust.

Sabotage And Deflection

Someone might bring in another person to start trouble. This is called triangulation. It changes how team members see each other. It can make people compete instead of work together.

Taking Credit

Some people say your ideas are theirs. They might say they did more on a project than they really did. This can hurt your confidence and make you question your worth.

Creating Division

Narcissists may act like the victim to get sympathy. They might ignore your feelings to stay in control. These actions can split the team and make teamwork hard.

Tactic

Description

Impact on Team Dynamics

Projection

Blaming others for their own mistakes.

Makes team members doubt themselves and trust less.

Playing the victim

Acting hurt to get sympathy and avoid blame.

Splits the team and leaves real victims alone.

Blame shifting

Putting their mistakes on others.

Makes coworkers question their skills and lose confidence.

Minimizing feelings

Ignoring others’ feelings to stay in charge.

Stops open talks and makes the workplace toxic.

Feigning ignorance

Pretending not to know to dodge blame.

Confuses others and hides their own mistakes, making work harder.

Triangulation

Bringing in a third person to cause problems.

Changes how the team works together and makes people not trust each other.

Narcissist blame shifting at work can break trust and teamwork. If you notice these tricks, you can protect yourself and help make work better.

Friendships

Friendships with narcissists can be confusing and tiring. You might see blame shifting in many social moments. These patterns hurt trust and make you question yourself.

Social Manipulation

“You’re Overreacting”

If you share your feelings, a narcissist may say, “You’re overreacting.” This makes you doubt your feelings. You might think your reactions are wrong. After a while, you lose trust in your own judgment.

Turning Group Against One

Narcissists sometimes get friends to turn against you. They might spread rumors or change the truth. You could see them whispering or joking about you. This makes you feel left out and alone.

Tip: If friends act distant after a fight, think if someone is changing their minds.

Playing The Victim

Narcissists often pretend to be the victim. If you talk to them about a problem, they might say, “I can’t believe you would treat me this way.” This puts the blame on you instead of them. You may feel guilty and try to fix things, even if you did nothing wrong.

Table: Common Social Manipulation Tactics in Friendships

Tactic

Effect on You

Group Impact

“You’re Overreacting”

Self-doubt

Less open communication

Turning Group Against One

Isolation

Group division

Playing The Victim

Guilt, confusion

Sympathy for narcissist

Loyalty And Betrayal

Narcissists want you to be loyal but do not give it back. You might feel like you must keep them happy. This cycle makes you tired and feel betrayed.

Shifting Responsibility

You might hear, “If you were a real friend, you’d support me.” Narcissists blame you for their feelings. You start to feel like their moods are your fault. This causes worry and makes you doubt yourself.

  • Covert narcissists want support but do not give it.

  • They make you feel like you must fix their feelings.

  • This keeps you stuck in a bad friendship.

Withholding Support

When you need help, narcissists often are not there. They want you to help them but ignore you when you need support. You may feel hurt and alone.

  1. Narcissists want help when they have problems.

  2. They disappear when you need them.

  3. This unfair loyalty makes friendships toxic.

Guilt-Tripping Friends

Narcissists use guilt to control you. They might say, “After all I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?” You feel like you must do what they want. Over time, you forget your own needs.

Narcissists do not build trust in friendships. They want loyalty for themselves. You may feel betrayed when they do not help you back.

Narcissist Blame Shifting Examples in friendships show how these tricks hurt trust and make friendships unhealthy. Seeing these patterns helps you protect yourself and set good boundaries.

Breakups And Divorce

Breakups and divorce can make narcissists blame others even more. When a relationship ends, they often use blame-shifting tricks. This happens a lot if you try to set rules or move on. Narcissists do not want to look bad. They want to avoid blame. So, they use many ways to make you feel at fault.

Post-Breakup Blame Shifting

“You Ruined Everything”

A narcissist might say, “You ruined everything,” after a breakup. They want you to feel bad about the end. You may hear, “If you tried harder, we would still be together.” This makes you wonder if you made the right choice. You start to feel like the breakup is your fault.

Spreading False Narratives

Narcissists often tell others a different story about the breakup. They might say you were the problem or that you gave up too soon. Friends or family may repeat these stories. This can make you feel alone and not understood.

Refusing Accountability

You may see that a narcissist never says they did wrong. They do not talk about their own actions. Instead, they point out your mistakes. They might say, “I did everything I could,” or “You never appreciated me.” This keeps you feeling unsure about yourself.

Note: Narcissists often blame others during breakups. They do not admit their part in the problems and act like the victim.

Reconciliation Tactics

After a breakup, narcissists sometimes try to get you back. They use feelings to make you feel guilty or think you must help them.

Guilt-Tripping For Forgiveness

You might hear, “If you really cared, you would forgive me.” Narcissists use guilt to get another chance. They may tell sad stories from their past to make you feel sorry for them. This is called the “Humanization Trick.” They want you to see them as a victim and forget what they did before.

Minimizing Past Behaviors

A narcissist may say, “It wasn’t that bad,” or “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.” They try to make their actions seem small so you will forget and move on. Sometimes, they agree to therapy or promise to change, but only to look good, not to really change.

“You Owe Me Another Chance”

You may hear, “After all we’ve been through, you owe me another chance.” Narcissists use your time together to make you feel you must stay. If guilt does not work, they might say they will hurt themselves or cannot live without you. This is to make you scared to leave.

  • Some tricks you might see are:

    1. Telling sad stories to get your sympathy.

    2. Saying yes to therapy but not really changing.

    3. Threatening to hurt themselves if you leave.

    4. Saying they love you or are sorry to pull you back (this is called “Hoovering”).

Tip: If you see these tricks, remember you are not in charge of someone else’s choices or feelings. Setting rules helps keep you safe.

Narcissist Blame Shifting Examples in breakups and divorce show how these tricks can make you doubt yourself and feel stuck. Seeing these signs helps you move forward and feel stronger.

Co-Parenting Challenges

Co-parenting with a narcissist is very stressful. You might see blame shifting almost every time you talk. These patterns can hurt your bond with your child. They can also make court issues harder to solve.

Manipulating Children

Narcissists sometimes use children to get back at you. This can make your child feel sad and confused.

Alienation

Your child may start to pull away from you. The narcissistic parent might say mean things about you. They may try to get your child to pick sides. This makes your child feel stuck in the middle. It can hurt your relationship with them.

Using Children As Messengers

The narcissistic parent may not talk to you directly. Instead, they ask your child to pass messages. This puts your child in the middle of grown-up problems. Your child may feel like they must fix things between parents.

  1. Kids feel stressed when they have to carry messages.

  2. They worry about making either parent upset.

  3. This can make them feel bad about themselves and anxious.

Blaming The Other Parent

Narcissists almost never admit when they are wrong. They usually say you are the one who caused problems. You might hear, “Your mom never lets you have fun,” or “Your dad always ruins things.” This blame shifting makes your child confused about what is true.

Narcissists are easy to predict. When asked a question, they never take the blame. They always say it is the other parent’s fault.’

Legal And Financial Issues

Court and money problems get worse with blame shifting. Narcissists may use the court to avoid blame or control money.

Dodging Responsibility

The narcissistic parent may not follow court rules or agreements. They might say, “I never agreed to that,” or pretend they did not know the rules. This makes it hard to fix problems and help your child.

Twisting Facts

Narcissists often change the story to help themselves. They might make problems sound bigger or say things did not happen. This can make you feel upset and helpless in court.

Shifting Blame In Court

In court, narcissists may make up stories or blame you for money problems. They do this to make you look bad and get more control.

Legal Issues

Financial Issues

Making up stories to hurt your reputation

Hiding money or property

Using kids to control your feelings

Saying they owe more than they do

Threatening to stop giving money

Not helping with money agreements

Gaslighting and blaming the other parent

Controlling who gets to use money

Common co-parenting challenges with narcissists include:

Narcissist Blame Shifting Examples in co-parenting show how these actions can hurt your child and make legal and money issues harder. Seeing these signs helps you keep yourself and your child safe.

Online And Social Media

Social media lets narcissists find new ways to blame others. They use posts, comments, and group chats to control how people see them. These actions can hurt your confidence. You might start to wonder what is true.

Public Deflection

Narcissists change the story in public online spaces. They want to look good and make others feel bad. You may see them twist facts or get people to support them. This helps them avoid blame.

Posting Misleading Stories

A narcissist might post stories that leave out important details. They only share their side, so you look like the problem. Sometimes, they use vague posts or “subtweets” to get sympathy. They do not name you, but people ask questions or take their side.

Rallying Supporters

Narcissists tag friends or ask for public support. They want people to agree with them and blame you. You may see a group liking or commenting for them. This makes you feel alone and outnumbered.

  • They use social feedback to feel important.

  • They want likes and shares for validation.

  • They act entitled and want to be seen as right.

“Everyone Agrees With Me”

You may hear, “Everyone agrees with me,” or see them say many people support them. This trick makes you doubt yourself. They want you to feel like you are the only one who disagrees.

Tip: If you notice these patterns, remember online groups can be influenced easily. Not everyone knows the whole story.

Cyberbullying

Narcissists use online spaces to bully and control others. They want to get reactions and keep the focus on themselves.

Blaming Victims

If you speak up, a narcissist may say you started the problem. They might call you “too sensitive” or say you misunderstood. This blame shifting makes you question your actions.

  • Narcissists say their bullying is for a good reason.

  • They try to control talks and silence others.

Deleting Evidence

You may see posts or messages disappear after a fight. Narcissists delete evidence to protect themselves. This makes it hard for you to show what happened. They can deny their actions and say you made things up.

Manipulating Group Chats

In group chats, narcissists twist your words or take things out of context. They send private messages to others to turn them against you. This causes confusion and makes you feel alone.

Online Tactic

How It Shows Up

Impact on You

Posting misleading stories

Only sharing their side

Makes you look like the problem

Rallying supporters

Tagging friends, seeking likes

Makes you feel outnumbered

Blaming victims

Saying you started it

Causes self-doubt

Deleting evidence

Removing posts or messages

Hard to prove your side

Manipulating group chats

Twisting words, private gossip

Creates confusion and isolation

Narcissist Blame Shifting Examples online can hurt your reputation and self-esteem. If you see these tricks, you can protect yourself and set healthy boundaries.

Expert Insights And Research

Studies On Narcissism

New research shows how often narcissism and blame shifting happen. These studies look at different groups of people. Narcissistic traits are a big part of psychological abuse. This is especially true for people who depend on their partners for emotional support. These patterns can hurt relationships. Experts say we need new ways to help people in these situations.

Key Findings

Description

Prevalence of Narcissism

38.44% of psychological abuse in emotionally dependent individuals links to their partner’s narcissistic traits.

Relationship Dynamics

Toxic cycles often form between emotionally dependent people and narcissistic partners.

Need for Therapeutic Approaches

Experts suggest therapy should focus on the unique challenges in these relationships.

Researchers also look at adults who call themselves incels and those with depression. They use the Narcissistic Personality Inventory to check for narcissistic traits. This shows that narcissism and blame shifting can affect many kinds of people, not just one group.

Key Findings

Description

Population Studied

Adults over 18, including those with narcissistic traits and comorbidities.

Comorbidities

Depression and other conditions included for broader understanding.

Narcissism Measures

Narcissistic Personality Inventory used to identify traits.

Prevalence Of Blame Shifting

Blame shifting happens a lot when someone has strong narcissistic traits. Studies show that emotionally dependent partners face blame and abuse again and again. This can make you feel stuck and unsure about what is real.

Note: Experts say therapy should help with both emotional dependence and narcissistic behaviors.

Impact On Mental Health

Blame shifting by narcissists can hurt your mental health in many ways. Research shows victims often feel confused and anxious. They may have low self-esteem. You might find it hard to do daily things or feel sad a lot. Kids with narcissistic parents may have trouble making healthy friendships when they grow up.

Impact on Mental Health

Description

Emotional Manipulation

You may feel emotional highs and lows, leading to confusion and distress.

Self-Esteem Issues

Constant criticism can make you feel inadequate and lower your self-worth.

Long-Term Psychological Impacts

Anxiety, depression, and trouble with relationships may develop over time.

Impact on Mental Health

Description

Difficulty Functioning

You may find it hard to manage daily life and feel isolated or hopeless.

Health Neglect

Some victims turn to unhealthy habits, like poor diet or substance use.

Impaired Development

Children may develop attachment issues that affect them as adults.

Relationship Outcomes

Blame shifting in relationships can have lasting effects. Many people feel alone or stop trusting themselves and others. Research shows these patterns can make it hard to build healthy relationships later.

Experts found that Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT) can help lower blame shifting. MBT teaches you to think about your own thoughts and feelings. It also helps you understand what others feel. This can help people with narcissistic traits see their actions and improve relationships. Experts think better reflection skills can help people stop blaming others and build healthier bonds.

If you see these patterns in your life, remember there is help. Learning about Narcissist Blame Shifting Examples can help you stay healthy and build stronger relationships.

Conclusion

Knowing when someone uses narcissist blame shifting helps you stay strong. It protects your confidence and mental health. Narcissists shift blame to protect their ego. They change facts and do not take responsibility.

You might notice tricks like deflecting, blaming you, or making you feel alone. These actions happen more when there are emotional problems, especially in fights.

Ways to spot and handle these tricks:

  • Write down what was said to remember the truth.

  • Reply with solutions, like “I see you’re upset, but blaming me won’t help.”

  • Listen for words like “Everyone agrees with me” or “You’re too needy.”

Strategy

What It Means

Deflecting

Changes the topic to avoid being blamed.

Playing Victim

Twists the story to not take responsibility.

Transform your Inner Chaos into authentic personal growth!

Stay informed on the latest research advancements covering:

Co-Parenting With A Narcissist

Divorcing a Narcissist

Narcissistic Family

Covert Narcissist

Female Narcissist

Narcissist

Narcissism

Manipulation

Frequently Asked Questions

What is narcissist blame shifting?

Narcissist blame shifting happens when someone refuses to take responsibility. You may notice they turn every problem back on you. This makes you feel confused and guilty for things you did not do.

How can I spot blame shifting in daily life?

You can spot blame shifting when someone always blames you, even for their mistakes. They may deny facts, change stories, or say you are too sensitive. Watch for repeated patterns.

Why do narcissists shift blame?

Narcissists shift blame to protect their self-image. They want to avoid feeling wrong or weak. This helps them keep control and avoid facing their own mistakes.

What should I do if I notice blame shifting?

You can set clear boundaries. Stay calm and stick to the facts. Write down what happened. Remind yourself that you are not responsible for someone else’s actions.

Can blame shifting affect my mental health?

Yes, blame shifting can hurt your confidence and self-esteem. You may feel anxious, sad, or unsure about what is true. If you feel overwhelmed, consider talking to a counselor.

Is blame shifting only found in romantic relationships?

No, you can see blame shifting in families, friendships, and workplaces. Anyone can use this tactic, not just romantic partners.

How do I respond to blame shifting at work?

You can keep records of conversations and emails. Stay professional and avoid arguing. If needed, talk to a supervisor or human resources for support.

Can people change their blame-shifting behavior?

Change is possible, but it takes self-awareness and effort. Some people may need therapy to learn new ways to handle problems. You cannot force someone to change, but you can protect yourself.