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Future Faking: Unraveling the Narcissist’s Empty Promises

Seeing Through Empty Words To Protect Yourself From False Hope

Understanding Serotonin Antagonist And Reuptake Inhibitors (SARI) by Som Dutt From https://embraceinnerchaos.com

Last updated on December 18th, 2024 at 04:16 am

Have you ever felt like you were riding an emotional rollercoaster, clinging to promises that seemed too good to be true? If so, you might have been a victim of future faking – a manipulative tactic often employed by narcissists to keep you hooked. Buckle up, because we’re about to dive deep into the heart-wrenching world of empty promises and shattered dreams.

Picture this: You’re swept off your feet by someone who paints a vivid, enchanting picture of your future together. Exotic vacations, dream homes, and a love that rivals fairytales. It’s intoxicating, isn’t it? But what if I told you that this magical future might never materialize?

Understand how future faking exposes the narcissist’s empty promises, offering clarity on their deceptive tactics in relationships.

Definition and Key Characteristics of Future Faking

Future faking is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists to control their victims. It involves making grand promises about a shared future that the narcissist has no intention of fulfilling. This deceptive behavior is a hallmark of narcissistic abuse in relationships. Victims often find themselves trapped in a cycle of hope and disappointment.

The key characteristics of future faking include:

• Grandiose promises
• Lack of follow-through
• Shifting timelines
• Vague details
• Emotional manipulation

Narcissists use future faking to create an illusion of commitment and deep connection. They paint a picture of a perfect future to keep their victims invested in the relationship. This tactic plays on the victim’s desires and dreams, making it particularly cruel and effective.

Common Tactics and Strategies Employed by Narcissists

Narcissists employ various strategies when future faking. One common tactic is love bombing, where they shower the victim with affection and promises early in the relationship. This creates a strong emotional bond that makes it harder for the victim to leave later.

Another strategy is intermittent reinforcement. The narcissist occasionally follows through on small promises, keeping the victim hopeful. This unpredictable pattern of reward creates a powerful psychological hook. Victims often stay in the relationship, hoping for more moments of fulfillment.

Gaslighting is another tool in the narcissist’s arsenal. When confronted about unfulfilled promises, they may deny making them or blame the victim for misunderstanding. This manipulation tactic leaves victims doubting their own memory and perception.

Narcissists also use future faking to distract from present issues. When problems arise, they shift focus to an idealized future. This deflection prevents addressing current relationship concerns and keeps the victim trapped in a cycle of false hope.

The Psychology Behind Future Faking

The Narcissist’s Need for Control and Manipulation

At the core of future faking lies the narcissist’s deep-seated need for control. They use this tactic to manipulate their victims’ emotions and behavior. By promising a perfect future, narcissists create a sense of dependency in their partners.

This control allows narcissists to:

• Maintain their inflated self-image
• Avoid genuine intimacy
• Secure a consistent source of admiration
• Evade accountability for their actions

Future faking feeds into the narcissist’s grandiose fantasies. It allows them to imagine themselves as capable of providing an extraordinary life. However, the reality often falls far short of these promises, leaving victims confused and hurt.

Narcissists lack empathy, making it easy for them to disregard the emotional impact of their empty promises. They view relationships as transactional, focusing on what they can gain rather than mutual growth and support. This self-centered perspective fuels their manipulative behaviors.

Emotional Deception and Its Effects on Victims

The emotional deception involved in future faking can have profound effects on victims. It creates a false sense of security and intimacy, leading to deep emotional investment. Victims often put their own plans and dreams on hold, believing in the shared future promised by the narcissist.

This deception can result in:

• Eroded self-esteem
• Chronic disappointment
• Trust issues
• Emotional exhaustion
• Difficulty planning for the future

Victims may experience a rollercoaster of emotions, cycling between hope and despair. The constant unfulfilled promises can lead to anxiety and depression. Many victims struggle with self-doubt, wondering if they’re asking for too much or misunderstanding the narcissist’s intentions.

The psychological impact of narcissistic abuse, including future faking, can be long-lasting. Victims may develop a fear of commitment or struggle to trust others in future relationships. Healing from this emotional trauma often requires professional support and a deep understanding of narcissistic manipulation tactics.

Future Faking: Unraveling the Narcissist's Empty Promises
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com
Future Faking: Unraveling the Narcissist’s Empty Promises
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com

Recognizing Signs of Future Faking

Behavioral and Emotional Red Flags

Identifying future faking early can protect potential victims from emotional harm. Several behavioral and emotional red flags may indicate this manipulative tactic. One key sign is a pattern of broken promises. If your partner consistently fails to follow through on their commitments, it may be a warning sign.

Other red flags include:

• Reluctance to make concrete plans
• Dismissing your concerns about unfulfilled promises
• Becoming defensive when questioned about the future
• Changing the subject when discussing long-term goals

Pay attention to your emotional state in the relationship. If you frequently feel anxious, confused, or disappointed, it could be a result of future faking. Trust your instincts and be aware of any discrepancies between words and actions.

Grandiose Plans and Unrealistic Promises

Narcissists often make extravagant promises that seem too good to be true. These grandiose plans are a hallmark of future faking. They might promise lavish vacations, dream homes, or perfect marriages without any realistic plans to achieve these goals.

Examples of unrealistic promises include:

• Sudden declarations of undying love early in the relationship
• Plans for a perfect life together without discussing practical details
• Promises of financial stability without a clear path to achieve it
• Commitments to change long-standing behaviors overnight

Be wary of partners who consistently paint an idealized picture of the future without addressing present issues. Real relationships require work and compromise, not just grand gestures and empty promises.

Inconsistency Between Words and Actions

A significant indicator of future faking is the disconnect between what a narcissist says and what they actually do. They may profess their love and commitment but show little effort in nurturing the relationship. This inconsistency can be confusing and emotionally draining for victims.

Look out for:

• Promises of quality time together followed by constant cancellations
• Declarations of fidelity while engaging in suspicious behavior
• Commitments to emotional support that never materialize
• Assurances of changed behavior without real effort

Actions speak louder than words in any relationship. If you find yourself constantly making excuses for your partner’s lack of follow-through, it may be time to reassess the situation. Recognizing these red flags of narcissistic behavior is crucial for protecting yourself from future faking.

The Deceptive Language of Future Faking

Common Phrases and Empty Promises Used by Narcissists

Narcissists often use specific phrases and promises to manipulate their victims. These statements are designed to create hope and maintain control. Recognizing these common phrases can help potential victims identify future faking early.

Some typical empty promises include:

• “I’ll change, just give me time.”
• “We’ll be together forever.”
• “I’ll never hurt you again.”
• “Once we get through this, everything will be perfect.”
• “You’re the only one who understands me.”

These statements often lack substance or any concrete plans for follow-through. They’re meant to pacify the victim and prevent them from leaving the relationship. Be cautious of partners who consistently use these phrases without showing real change or commitment.

Linguistic Techniques: Emotional Trigger Words and Ambiguity

Narcissists are skilled at using language to manipulate emotions. They often employ emotional trigger words to create a strong response in their victims. Words like “love,” “forever,” and “soulmate” are used liberally to foster a sense of deep connection.

They also rely on ambiguity to avoid accountability. Vague statements allow them to reinterpret their promises later. For example, “We’ll be together soon” could mean anything from days to years, depending on the narcissist’s needs.

Other linguistic techniques include:

• Using “we” language to create false unity
• Employing superlatives like “always” and “never”
• Making conditional promises (“If you do X, then I’ll do Y”)
• Using flattery to distract from lack of action

Being aware of these language patterns can help victims recognize manipulation. It’s important to focus on actions rather than words when evaluating a relationship’s health and future potential.

Future Faking Across Different Relationship Types

Romantic Relationships: Patterns and Warning Signs

Future faking is particularly prevalent in romantic relationships with narcissists. It often begins during the love bombing phase, where the narcissist showers their partner with affection and promises. As the relationship progresses, the pattern of unfulfilled promises becomes more apparent.

Warning signs in romantic relationships include:

• Rushed commitment without substance
• Grand gestures followed by periods of neglect
• Promises of marriage or children without concrete plans
• Using future plans as a way to avoid current issues

Victims may find themselves constantly waiting for the promised future to arrive. This creates a cycle of hope and disappointment that can be emotionally devastating. Recognizing these patterns early can help individuals protect themselves from prolonged narcissistic abuse.

Future Faking: Unraveling the Narcissist's Empty Promises
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com
Future Faking: Unraveling the Narcissist’s Empty Promises
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com

Familial Relationships: Parent-Child and Sibling Dynamics

Future faking can also occur in family relationships, particularly between narcissistic parents and their children. A narcissistic parent might make promises of support or affection that never materialize. This can lead to lifelong emotional scars and trust issues for the child.

In sibling relationships, a narcissistic sibling might use future faking to maintain control or favoritism within the family. They may promise future cooperation or support to manipulate their siblings’ behavior.

Common scenarios include:

• Parents promising to attend important events but consistently failing to show up
• Siblings making empty promises of reconciliation or shared inheritance
• Parents using future rewards to control their children’s behavior

These patterns can create complex family dynamics and long-lasting emotional trauma. Recognizing and addressing future faking in familial relationships is crucial for breaking the cycle of narcissistic abuse.

Workplace Relationships: Boss-Employee Manipulation

Future faking is not limited to personal relationships. It can also manifest in professional settings, particularly in boss-employee dynamics. A narcissistic boss might use promises of promotion, raises, or career advancement to manipulate their employees.

Signs of workplace future faking include:

• Vague promises of future opportunities without concrete timelines
• Using potential rewards to extract extra work or loyalty
• Shifting goalposts for promised advancements
• Taking credit for employees’ work while promising future recognition

This behavior can create a toxic work environment and lead to employee burnout. Recognizing these patterns is essential for maintaining professional boundaries and protecting one’s career aspirations.

Understanding how future faking manifests across different relationship types is crucial for identifying and addressing narcissistic abuse. Whether in romantic, familial, or professional contexts, the impact of this manipulation can be profound and long-lasting.

The Devastating Impact of Future Faking on Victims

Short-Term Consequences: Shock, Confusion, and Loss of Trust

The immediate effects of future faking can be overwhelming for victims. When promises repeatedly go unfulfilled, it often leads to a sense of shock and disbelief. Victims may struggle to reconcile the loving words they heard with the disappointing reality they’re experiencing.

Short-term consequences include:

• Emotional whiplash from rapidly changing expectations
• Confusion about the true nature of the relationship
• Loss of trust in their own judgment
• Anxiety about confronting the narcissist
• Feeling stuck or trapped in the relationship

These effects can be particularly intense due to the contrast between the promised future and the actual present. Victims often find themselves questioning their own perceptions and memories, a common result of narcissistic abuse.




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Frequently Asked Questions

How Does Future Faking Differ From Normal Relationship Planning?

Future faking is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists to create false hope and maintain control in relationships, unlike normal relationship planning which involves genuine intentions and follow-through. Psychology Today explains that narcissists use this tactic to keep their partners emotionally invested while avoiding true intimacy. In healthy relationships, plans are made with sincere intentions and efforts to fulfill them, whereas future faking is solely focused on immediate gratification for the narcissist.

Future faking is characterized by empty promises and a lack of real commitment, with no genuine intention of following through on grand promises or plans. This behavior serves to maintain the narcissist’s control and keep their partner emotionally invested, even when actions don’t align with words. The stark contrast between future faking and normal relationship planning lies in the authenticity of intentions and the consistency between promises made and actions taken.

What Are Some Common Examples Of Future Faking In Romantic Relationships?

Future faking in romantic relationships often manifests in grandiose promises about shared experiences or milestones that never materialize. According to Verywell Mind, common examples include promises of lavish vacations, talk of moving in together without any concrete steps taken, or discussions about marriage and children that remain purely hypothetical. These empty promises serve to keep their partner emotionally invested and hopeful, even when the narcissist’s actions don’t align with their words.

A narcissist might frequently bring up these topics to create a false sense of intimacy and commitment. They might also make promises about personal growth or changing negative behaviors, only to continue their harmful patterns. This behavior is part of a larger manipulation strategy, designed to maintain control and keep their partner emotionally invested in the relationship, despite the lack of genuine commitment or follow-through on the narcissist’s part.

How Can Someone Recognize The Signs Of Future Faking Early In A Relationship?

Recognizing future faking early in a relationship requires vigilance and awareness of certain red flags. PsychCentral suggests looking for discrepancies between words and actions as a key indicator. If a partner consistently makes grand promises but rarely follows through, it could be a sign of future faking. Another sign is the speed and intensity with which future plans are discussed, often as part of a “love bombing” strategy where narcissists overwhelm their partners with affection and future plans early in the relationship.

Pay attention to whether these plans are realistic and if there are concrete steps being taken to achieve them. If you find yourself constantly making excuses for your partner’s failure to follow through on promises, it might be time to reassess the relationship dynamics. It’s important to maintain a realistic perspective and not get swept away by grand promises without seeing corresponding actions.

What Is The Psychology Behind A Narcissist’s Use Of Future Faking?

The psychology behind a narcissist’s use of future faking is complex and rooted in their personality disorder. The American Psychological Association explains that narcissists often have an inflated sense of self-importance coupled with a deep-seated insecurity. Future faking allows them to maintain control and admiration from their partners without having to commit or be vulnerable. By creating an illusion of a perfect future, they can keep their partners emotionally invested and dependent.

This tactic also feeds into the narcissist’s need for constant validation and attention. Their lack of empathy makes it easy for them to make false promises without considering the emotional impact on their partner. Future faking is essentially a tool for manipulation, allowing the narcissist to avoid true intimacy while still reaping the benefits of a relationship, satisfying their need for admiration and control without the vulnerability of genuine commitment.

How Does Future Faking Impact The Emotional Well-being Of The Victim?

Future faking can have severe and lasting impacts on the emotional well-being of the victim. The National Domestic Violence Hotline reports that victims often experience a rollercoaster of emotions, cycling between hope and disappointment. This constant emotional turmoil can lead to anxiety, depression, and a loss of self-esteem. Victims may start to doubt their own perceptions and judgment, a form of gaslighting that further erodes their mental health.

The repeated cycle of anticipation and letdown can create a trauma bond, making it difficult for the victim to leave the relationship. Long-term exposure to future faking can result in trust issues that persist even after the relationship ends, affecting the victim’s ability to form healthy relationships in the future. The emotional distress caused by future faking can have far-reaching consequences, impacting various aspects of the victim’s life and well-being.

Can Future Faking Occur In Non-romantic Relationships, Such As Friendships Or Professional Settings?

While future faking is most commonly discussed in the context of romantic relationships, it can indeed occur in various types of interpersonal dynamics. Harvard Business Review notes that in professional settings, a narcissistic boss or colleague might engage in future faking by making grand promises about promotions, projects, or company growth that never materialize. In friendships, a narcissistic friend might consistently make plans they have no intention of keeping or promise support they never deliver.

Family relationships can also be affected, with narcissistic parents using future faking to maintain control over their children well into adulthood. The core elements of creating false hope and maintaining control through empty promises remain consistent across these different relationship types. Recognizing that future faking can occur in various contexts is crucial for identifying and addressing this manipulative behavior in all areas of life.

What Are The Long-term Effects Of Being In A Relationship With A Future Faker?

The long-term effects of being in a relationship with a future faker can be profound and far-reaching. Psychology Today reports that victims often develop trust issues that persist long after the relationship ends, making it challenging to form healthy relationships in the future. Many survivors experience symptoms of complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD), including hypervigilance, emotional flashbacks, and difficulty regulating emotions. The constant cycle of hope and disappointment can lead to chronic anxiety and depression.

Some individuals may struggle with codependency issues or find themselves repeatedly attracted to narcissistic partners. The erosion of self-esteem and self-trust can impact various aspects of life, including career choices and personal goals. Recovery from a relationship with a future faker often requires professional help and a significant amount of time and effort to rebuild one’s sense of self and ability to trust others.

How Does Future Faking Relate To Other Narcissistic Behaviors Like Love Bombing And Gaslighting?

Future faking is often part of a larger pattern of narcissistic behaviors that work together to manipulate and control the victim. Healthline explains that love bombing, future faking, and gaslighting are often used in tandem. Love bombing, characterized by excessive affection and attention early in the relationship, sets the stage for future faking by creating an intense emotional connection. Future faking then maintains this connection through promises of an idealized future.

When the victim questions why these promises aren’t fulfilled, gaslighting comes into play, making them doubt their own perceptions and memories. This complex interplay of manipulative tactics creates a cycle of abuse that can be difficult to recognize and escape from. Understanding how these behaviors interconnect is crucial for identifying and addressing narcissistic abuse in relationships.

What Strategies Can Someone Use To Protect Themselves From Future Faking In Relationships?

Protecting oneself from future faking requires a combination of self-awareness and boundary-setting. Psychology Today recommends developing a strong sense of self and personal values as a first line of defense. This makes it easier to recognize when someone’s promises don’t align with your reality. Setting clear boundaries and communicating expectations is crucial, as is paying attention to actions rather than words.

Developing a support network of friends and family can provide outside perspectives and emotional support. It’s also important to take things slow in new relationships, allowing time to see if actions match words. If you find yourself consistently disappointed or making excuses for a partner’s behavior, it may be time to seek professional help or consider ending the relationship. Remember, protecting yourself from future faking is about maintaining your own well-being and not getting caught up in empty promises.

Can A Narcissist Who Engages In Future Faking Change Their Behavior?

The possibility of a narcissist changing their future faking behavior is a complex issue. The American Psychological Association notes that while personality disorders like narcissism are deeply ingrained, change is not impossible. However, it requires significant self-awareness, willingness to change, and usually professional intervention. For a narcissist to address their future faking behavior, they would need to recognize it as problematic and be motivated to change, which is rare due to the nature of narcissistic personality disorder.

Even with therapy, progress can be slow and challenging. It’s important for partners of narcissists to understand that they cannot force this change and should prioritize their own well-being. In most cases, experts advise against staying in a relationship hoping for the narcissist to change their manipulative behaviors. The focus should be on the victim’s healing and recovery rather than waiting for the narcissist to change.

How Does Future Faking Affect Children In Families With A Narcissistic Parent?

Future faking by a narcissistic parent can have profound and lasting effects on children. Child Mind Institute explains that children of narcissistic parents often grow up in an environment of unfulfilled promises and emotional manipulation. This can lead to trust issues, low self-esteem, and difficulty forming healthy relationships later in life. Children may develop a skewed understanding of love and commitment, believing that empty promises are normal in relationships.

They might also struggle with anxiety and depression as they constantly anticipate disappointment. In some cases, children may develop people-pleasing tendencies or narcissistic traits themselves as coping mechanisms. The inconsistency and emotional unavailability associated with future faking can create attachment issues that persist into adulthood, affecting various aspects of the child’s emotional and social development.

What Role Does Social Media Play In Facilitating Future Faking Behaviors?

Social media has created new avenues for future faking behaviors to manifest and spread. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking journal suggests that platforms like Instagram and Facebook provide narcissists with tools to craft an idealized image of their life and relationships. They can easily make grand promises or showcase seemingly perfect relationships to a wide audience, amplifying the impact of their future faking. Social media also allows for easier manipulation of multiple partners simultaneously.

The curated nature of social media posts can make it challenging for victims to distinguish between genuine plans and empty promises. Additionally, the constant connectivity provided by social media can make it harder for victims to detach from the narcissist’s influence, prolonging the cycle of future faking and emotional manipulation. Understanding the role of social media in facilitating future faking is crucial for developing strategies to protect oneself in the digital age.

How Can Therapists And Counselors Help Victims Of Future Faking Recover?

Therapists and counselors play a crucial role in helping victims of future faking recover and rebuild their lives. The American Counseling Association emphasizes the importance of trauma-informed approaches in treating survivors of narcissistic abuse. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be particularly effective in helping victims challenge and reframe negative thought patterns resulting from the abuse. Therapists often focus on rebuilding self-esteem, setting healthy boundaries, and developing trust in one’s own perceptions.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy may be used to process traumatic memories associated with the relationship. Group therapy can also be beneficial, providing a supportive environment where survivors can share experiences and coping strategies. The recovery process often involves addressing any codependency issues and developing skills for recognizing red flags in future relationships. Professional help is often crucial in navigating the complex emotional landscape left by future faking and narcissistic abuse.

What Are The Differences Between Future Faking In Overt Vs. Covert Narcissists?

While both overt and covert narcissists engage in future faking, their approaches can differ significantly. Psychology Today explains that overt narcissists tend to make grandiose, attention-grabbing promises about the future. Their future faking might involve elaborate plans for success, wealth, or status. Covert narcissists, on the other hand, often use more subtle tactics. They might make promises of emotional support or personal growth that never materialize.

Covert narcissists may also use future faking as a way to maintain a facade of humility while still manipulating their partners. Both types use future faking to maintain control and avoid true intimacy, but the covert narcissist’s tactics may be harder to recognize initially. Understanding these differences is crucial for identifying and addressing future faking in various relationship dynamics, as the subtlety of covert narcissism can make it particularly challenging to detect.

How Does Cultural Context Influence The Prevalence And Recognition Of Future Faking?

Cultural context plays a significant role in both the prevalence and recognition of future faking behaviors. Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology suggests that in cultures that place a high value on harmony and avoiding confrontation, future faking may be more prevalent and harder to address. In some societies, making promises about the future, even if they’re unlikely to be fulfilled, might be seen as a form of politeness or optimism rather than manipulation.

Conversely, in more individualistic cultures, there might be a greater emphasis on personal accountability, making future faking more recognizable. Cultural norms around relationship progression and commitment can also influence how future faking manifests and is perceived. Understanding these cultural nuances is crucial for mental health professionals and individuals alike in addressing and preventing future faking behaviors across diverse populations.

While future faking itself is not a legal term, it can have legal implications in certain contexts. The American Bar Association notes that in cases of divorce or separation, patterns of future faking could be considered as evidence of emotional abuse or manipulation. In extreme cases, if future faking involves financial promises that lead to monetary losses, it could potentially be grounds for civil litigation. In the context of domestic violence, future faking can be part of a larger pattern of coercive control, which is recognized as a form of abuse in some jurisdictions.

However, proving future faking in a legal setting can be challenging due to its often intangible nature. It’s important for individuals experiencing future faking to document patterns of behavior and broken promises, especially if they anticipate legal proceedings in the future. While the legal system may not directly address future faking, understanding its potential legal implications can be important for victims seeking justice or protection.

How Does Future Faking Intersect With Other Forms Of Emotional Abuse?

Future faking often intersects with and amplifies other forms of emotional abuse, creating a complex web of manipulation. The National Domestic Violence Hotline explains that future faking frequently co-occurs with gaslighting, where the abuser denies or distorts reality, making the victim question their own memories and perceptions. It can also be part of a larger cycle of idealization and devaluation, where the narcissist alternates between building up the victim’s hopes and then tearing them down.

Future faking may be used in conjunction with isolation tactics, where the abuser uses promises of a shared future to discourage the victim from maintaining other relationships. Understanding these intersections is crucial for comprehensively addressing and healing from narcissistic abuse, as future faking rarely occurs in isolation from other manipulative behaviors. Recognizing how these various forms of abuse interconnect can help victims and professionals develop more effective strategies for intervention and recovery.

What Role Does Attachment Style Play In Susceptibility To Future Faking?

Attachment style can significantly influence an individual’s susceptibility to future faking. Attachment: New Directions in Psychotherapy and Relational Psychoanalysis journal suggests that people with anxious attachment styles may be particularly vulnerable to future faking. These individuals often have a deep fear of abandonment and a strong desire for closeness, making them more likely to cling to promises of a secure future. Those with avoidant attachment styles might be less susceptible to future faking initially, but could be drawn in by the narcissist’s apparent lack of pressure for immediate commitment.

Secure attachment, characterized by healthy self-esteem and the ability to form balanced relationships, can serve as a protective factor against future faking. Understanding one’s attachment style and working towards secure attachment can be a crucial step in protecting oneself from manipulative relationship tactics like future faking. This knowledge can also inform therapeutic approaches in helping individuals recover from and prevent future instances of narcissistic abuse.

About the Author :

Som Dutt, Top writer in Philosophy & Psychology on Medium.com. I make people Think, Relate, Feel & Move. Let's Embrace Inner Chaos and Appreciate Deep, Novel & Heavy Thoughts.

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