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Narcissistic Mirroring: When Your Identity is Stolen

When Your Very Identity Becomes A Narcissist’s Prop

Challenges of Marrying a Narcissistic Feminist Wife in India by Som Dutt From https://embraceinnerchaos.com

Last updated on December 18th, 2024 at 04:11 am

Have you ever felt like someone was wearing your skin, mimicking your every move, and stealing your very essence? If so, you might have encountered the chilling phenomenon of narcissistic mirroring. Brace yourself for a journey into the dark corners of human psychology, where identities are stolen, and souls are left shattered.

Imagine waking up one day to find that your unique quirks, passions, and dreams have been hijacked by a master manipulator. It’s not just unsettling; it’s downright terrifying. But fear not, brave reader, for knowledge is power, and we’re about to arm you with the tools to recognize and combat this insidious tactic.

In this eye-opening exposé, we’ll dive deep into the twisted world of narcissistic mirroring, exploring how these emotional vampires operate and why they’re so dangerous. You’ll discover the shocking signs that someone is mirroring you, learn how to protect your precious sense of self, and uncover the strength to reclaim your identity.

Prepare to be captivated, enlightened, and perhaps even a little frightened as we unmask the narcissists who lurk among us. Your journey to understanding and empowerment starts now.

Definition and Psychological Implications of Narcissistic Mirroring

Narcissistic mirroring is a manipulative tactic used by individuals with narcissistic personality traits to copy and reflect another person’s behaviors, interests, and emotions. This psychological phenomenon serves as a tool for narcissists to gain trust, manipulate, and ultimately control their victims.

At its core, narcissistic mirroring is an insidious form of emotional abuse. It creates a false sense of connection and understanding, leaving victims feeling seen and understood, only to later discover that it was all an act. This deceptive practice can have severe psychological implications for those on the receiving end.

The impact of narcissistic mirroring can be devastating. Victims often experience a profound sense of betrayal, confusion, and self-doubt. They may struggle to trust their own perceptions and feelings, as the narcissist has effectively blurred the lines between genuine connection and manipulation.

Difference Between Healthy Mirroring and Narcissistic Mirroring

Healthy mirroring is a natural part of human interaction and emotional development. It involves genuinely reflecting another person’s emotions and behaviors to build rapport and empathy. This type of mirroring is essential for forming strong, authentic relationships and fostering mutual understanding.

In contrast, narcissistic mirroring is a calculated and self-serving behavior. While it may appear similar on the surface, the intent behind it is entirely different. Covert narcissists use mirroring as a means to an end, manipulating others for their own gain rather than seeking genuine connection.

The key difference lies in the consistency and authenticity of the behavior. Healthy mirroring is natural and unconscious, while narcissistic mirroring is deliberate and often inconsistent. A person engaging in healthy mirroring will maintain their own identity and boundaries, whereas a narcissist will adapt their entire persona to match their target.

Recognizing these differences is crucial for protecting oneself from emotional manipulation. By understanding the nuances between healthy and narcissistic mirroring, individuals can better identify potential red flags in their relationships and interactions with others.

How Covert Narcissists Use Mirroring

Explanation of Covert Narcissism

Covert narcissism is a subtle and often overlooked form of narcissistic personality disorder. Unlike their overt counterparts, covert narcissists operate in the shadows, masking their true nature behind a façade of humility and sensitivity. This makes them particularly dangerous and difficult to identify.

These individuals harbor the same deep-seated insecurities and need for admiration as overt narcissists. However, they express these traits in more nuanced ways. Covert narcissists often present themselves as victims, using their perceived struggles to garner sympathy and attention from others.

The hallmark of covert narcissism is the ability to manipulate others without drawing attention to themselves. They excel at playing the long game, slowly eroding their victim’s sense of self and reality. This makes them especially adept at using techniques like narcissistic mirroring to achieve their goals.

Techniques Covert Narcissists Use for Mirroring

Covert narcissists employ a range of sophisticated mirroring techniques to manipulate their targets. One common method is emotional mirroring, where they reflect and amplify the emotions of their victim. This creates an illusion of deep understanding and connection.

Another technique is behavioral mirroring, where the narcissist carefully observes and imitates their target’s mannerisms, speech patterns, and habits. This subtle mimicry can make the victim feel an instant, albeit false, sense of kinship with the narcissist.

Covert narcissists also engage in value mirroring, adapting their beliefs and opinions to match those of their target. This can be particularly effective in creating a sense of shared identity and worldview, further strengthening the bond between the narcissist and their victim.

Interest mirroring is yet another tactic in the covert narcissist’s arsenal. They may suddenly develop a passionate interest in their target’s hobbies or pursuits, creating an illusion of shared experiences and compatibility.

Sudden Similarities in Interests, Opinions, and Behaviors

One of the most striking signs of narcissistic mirroring is the sudden emergence of uncanny similarities between the covert narcissist and their target. These similarities often appear too good to be true, and in reality, they are.

A covert narcissist may abruptly adopt their victim’s taste in music, films, or literature. They might start using similar phrases or expressions, or even mimic the victim’s style of dress. This rapid transformation can be both flattering and disorienting for the target.

In conversations, the narcissist may express opinions that perfectly align with those of their victim, even on complex or controversial topics. This creates an illusion of deep compatibility and understanding, making the victim feel as though they’ve found their perfect match.

It’s important to note that these sudden similarities are rarely genuine. Instead, they are carefully crafted imitations designed to create a false sense of connection. Over time, inconsistencies in the narcissist’s mirrored persona may begin to emerge, revealing the true nature of their deception.

Narcissistic Mirroring: When Your Identity is Stolen
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com
Narcissistic Mirroring: When Your Identity is Stolen
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com

Tactics of a Covert Narcissist

Love Bombing and Creating a False Sense of Connection

Love bombing is a powerful tactic employed by covert narcissists to quickly establish an intense emotional connection with their target. This involves showering the victim with excessive attention, affection, and admiration, often early in the relationship.

During the love bombing phase, the covert narcissist may send constant messages, give lavish gifts, or make grand romantic gestures. They create an illusion of being the perfect partner, mirroring their victim’s desires and fantasies.

This overwhelming display of affection serves multiple purposes. It creates a false sense of deep connection, making the victim feel special and understood. It also sets the stage for future manipulation by establishing a “high” that the victim will later chase.

However, the love bombing phase is ultimately unsustainable. Once the covert narcissist feels they have secured their victim’s trust and affection, they begin to withdraw, leaving the victim confused and desperately seeking to recapture that initial intensity.

Gaining Trust and Access to Personal Information

Covert narcissists are masterful at gaining their victims’ trust through a combination of mirroring and calculated vulnerability. They create an atmosphere of intimacy by sharing seemingly personal information, encouraging their target to reciprocate.

This exchange of confidences is rarely equal, however. The covert narcissist carefully curates the information they share, often fabricating or exaggerating details to elicit sympathy or admiration. Meanwhile, they eagerly absorb every piece of personal information their victim offers.

As trust deepens, the narcissist gains access to increasingly sensitive information. They may show a keen interest in their victim’s past traumas, fears, and insecurities. This knowledge becomes ammunition for future manipulation and control.

It’s crucial to recognize that a covert narcissist’s interest in personal information is rarely born of genuine care or empathy. Instead, it’s a calculated move to gather data that can be used to manipulate and exploit their victim more effectively.

Gaslighting and Creating Dependency

Gaslighting is a insidious form of psychological manipulation used by covert narcissists to make their victims question their own reality. This tactic involves denying or distorting events, emotions, and experiences, gradually eroding the victim’s trust in their own perceptions.

A covert narcissist might deny saying something the victim clearly remembers, or insist that an event occurred differently than the victim recalls. They may also trivialize the victim’s feelings or experiences, making them feel oversensitive or irrational.

Through persistent gaslighting, the covert narcissist creates a sense of confusion and self-doubt in their victim. This psychological disorientation makes the victim increasingly dependent on the narcissist for validation and reality-checking.

The narcissist further reinforces this dependency by positioning themselves as the only reliable source of support and understanding. They may isolate the victim from friends and family, or subtly undermine other relationships, leaving the victim feeling as though they have nowhere else to turn.

This combination of gaslighting and engineered dependency forms a powerful trap, making it extremely difficult for victims to recognize the abuse they’re experiencing, let alone break free from it.

Signs You’re Dealing with a Covert Narcissist Who’s Mirroring You

Excessive Flattery and Idealization

One of the telltale signs of a covert narcissist engaging in mirroring is excessive flattery and idealization. They shower their target with compliments that seem too good to be true, because they often are. This flattery goes beyond normal admiration and enters the realm of near-worship.

The covert narcissist may constantly praise your intelligence, appearance, or abilities, often in ways that feel disproportionate or unearned. They might claim you’re the most amazing person they’ve ever met or that you’re perfect in every way. While this attention can feel intoxicating at first, it’s important to recognize it as a red flag.

This idealization serves multiple purposes for the narcissist. It helps create a strong initial bond, makes the victim feel special and understood, and sets the stage for future manipulation. The victim becomes addicted to this high level of praise, making them vulnerable to the narcissist’s eventual devaluation.

Narcissistic Mirroring: When Your Identity is Stolen
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com
Narcissistic Mirroring: When Your Identity is Stolen
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com

It’s crucial to maintain a healthy skepticism when faced with such overwhelming adoration, especially early in a relationship. Genuine admiration develops gradually and is based on real knowledge of a person, not instant, over-the-top idealization.

Rapid Emotional Intimacy and Boundary Violations

Covert narcissists often push for rapid emotional intimacy as part of their mirroring tactics. They may share deep, personal information early in the relationship, creating a false sense of closeness. This premature intimacy is designed to make the victim feel uniquely understood and connected to the narcissist.

Alongside this emotional fast-tracking, covert narcissists frequently violate personal boundaries. They might insist on spending excessive amounts of time together, demand constant communication, or push for physical intimacy before the victim is ready. These boundary violations are often subtle and couched in terms of love or devotion.

The narcissist may also expect their victim to share deeply personal information or make significant commitments early in the relationship. They might become upset or withdrawn if the victim expresses discomfort with the pace of the relationship, using guilt or manipulation to push things forward.

It’s important to remember that healthy relationships develop at a natural pace, with mutual respect for personal boundaries. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by the intensity of a new relationship or pressured to share more than you’re comfortable with, it may be a sign of narcissistic mirroring.

Inconsistencies in Their Mirrored Persona

While covert narcissists can be skilled at mirroring, their fabricated persona often shows cracks over time. These inconsistencies can be subtle but are key indicators that you’re dealing with a narcissist rather than forming a genuine connection.

You might notice discrepancies in the stories they tell about themselves or their past. Their proclaimed interests or values may shift depending on the situation or who they’re interacting with. The opinions they expressed so passionately earlier might suddenly change without explanation.

Their emotional responses may also seem off at times. They might overreact to situations that don’t warrant such intensity, or show a lack of empathy in moments where it would be expected. These mismatched reactions can be jarring and confusing for the victim.

Pay attention to moments when the narcissist’s mask slips. You might catch glimpses of their true personality in unguarded moments, revealing a stark contrast to the persona they’ve carefully crafted. These inconsistencies are red flags that shouldn’t be ignored or rationalized away.

The Effects of Narcissistic Mirroring on Victims

Loss of Self-Identity and Sense of Self

One of the most devastating effects of narcissistic mirroring is the gradual erosion of the victim’s self-identity. As the covert narcissist relentlessly reflects a distorted version of the victim back to them, it becomes increasingly difficult for the victim to distinguish their true self from the narcissist’s projection.




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Frequently Asked Questions

What Is Narcissistic Mirroring And How Does It Relate To Identity Theft In Relationships?

Narcissistic mirroring is a manipulative tactic used by individuals with narcissistic personality traits to create a false sense of connection and intimacy in relationships. This behavior involves imitating or reflecting back the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of their target. As Psychology Today explains, narcissists use mirroring to gain trust and manipulate their victims, essentially “stealing” aspects of their identity to maintain control.

This form of psychological identity theft can lead to confusion, self-doubt, and a loss of sense of self in the victim. Narcissistic mirroring is particularly insidious because it initially creates a strong bond, making the victim feel deeply understood and connected. However, this connection is superficial and serves only to benefit the narcissist’s needs and desires.

How Can You Recognize The Signs Of Narcissistic Mirroring In A Relationship?

Recognizing narcissistic mirroring can be challenging, especially in the early stages of a relationship when it might be mistaken for genuine connection. According to Healthline, some signs to watch for include: excessive agreement with your opinions and interests, rapid progression of intimacy, adopting your mannerisms or speech patterns, and claiming to have similar life experiences. Additionally, you might notice that the narcissist’s interests and values seem to shift depending on who they’re interacting with.

It’s important to pay attention to inconsistencies in their behavior and whether their empathy extends beyond surface-level interactions. If you feel like you’re constantly being validated but rarely truly seen or understood, it could be a sign of narcissistic mirroring.

What Are The Long-Term Effects Of Narcissistic Mirroring On A Person’s Self-Identity?

The long-term effects of narcissistic mirroring on a person’s self-identity can be profound and damaging. The National Domestic Violence Hotline reports that victims often experience a severe erosion of their sense of self. This can manifest as chronic self-doubt, difficulty making decisions, and a persistent feeling of emptiness or loss of identity. Victims may struggle to distinguish their own thoughts, feelings, and desires from those of the narcissist.

Over time, this can lead to a state of emotional dependency, where the victim feels incapable of functioning without the narcissist’s validation. The constant manipulation and gaslighting associated with narcissistic mirroring can also result in anxiety, depression, and even symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Rebuilding one’s identity after such an experience often requires professional help and a significant period of healing and self-discovery.

How Does Narcissistic Mirroring Differ From Healthy Empathy In Relationships?

While narcissistic mirroring might initially resemble empathy, there are crucial differences between the two. The American Psychological Association defines empathy as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. In healthy relationships, empathy involves genuine emotional connection, active listening, and a desire to support the other person’s well-being. Narcissistic mirroring, on the other hand, is a superficial imitation of empathy used for manipulation.

The narcissist doesn’t truly internalize or care about the other person’s feelings; instead, they use this mirroring technique to create a false sense of intimacy and gain control. Unlike empathy, which fosters mutual understanding and growth, narcissistic mirroring is one-sided and serves only the narcissist’s needs. Healthy empathy respects boundaries and individual identities, while narcissistic mirroring seeks to blur these lines for personal gain.

What Role Does Love Bombing Play In Narcissistic Mirroring And Identity Theft?

Love bombing is a manipulative tactic often used in conjunction with narcissistic mirroring, playing a significant role in the process of psychological identity theft. According to Verywell Mind, love bombing involves overwhelming the target with excessive affection, attention, and promises of devotion early in the relationship. This tactic is used to quickly create a strong emotional bond and dependency. In the context of narcissistic mirroring, love bombing serves to reinforce the false sense of connection created by mirroring behaviors.

The narcissist showers their target with admiration and affection, seemingly validating every aspect of the target’s personality and identity. This intense positive reinforcement makes the target more susceptible to the narcissist’s influence and more likely to overlook red flags. As the relationship progresses, the love bombing typically diminishes, leaving the target desperately seeking to regain that initial level of validation and affection, further eroding their sense of self.

How Can Someone Protect Themselves From Narcissistic Mirroring In New Relationships?

Protecting oneself from narcissistic mirroring in new relationships requires vigilance and a strong sense of self-awareness. Psychology Today suggests several strategies: First, maintain a strong sense of your own identity, values, and boundaries from the outset of any new relationship. Be wary of individuals who seem to perfectly align with all your interests and opinions, especially if this alignment happens unusually quickly. Pay attention to how the person behaves with others and whether their personality seems to shift dramatically in different social contexts.

It’s also crucial to take new relationships slowly, allowing time to observe consistent behavior patterns. Trust your instincts if something feels off or too good to be true. Additionally, maintain connections with friends and family who can offer outside perspectives on your relationships. If you notice signs of narcissistic behavior, consider seeking advice from a mental health professional who can provide guidance on setting healthy boundaries and protecting your emotional well-being.

What Are The Psychological Mechanisms Behind Narcissistic Mirroring?

The psychological mechanisms behind narcissistic mirroring are complex and rooted in the narcissist’s deep-seated insecurities and lack of a stable self-identity. According to The American Journal of Psychiatry, individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) often have a fragile sense of self that requires constant external validation. Mirroring serves as a defense mechanism, allowing the narcissist to create a false self that they believe will be more appealing to others. By reflecting back the traits, interests, and emotions of their target, narcissists can quickly establish a superficial connection and gain admiration.

This behavior is often unconscious and stems from the narcissist’s inability to form genuine emotional connections. The mirroring process also involves a form of projective identification, where the narcissist projects their idealized self onto the target and then identifies with this projection. This creates a cycle of manipulation where the narcissist simultaneously idealizes and devalues their target, further reinforcing their own grandiose self-image while eroding the target’s sense of self.

How Does Narcissistic Mirroring Affect The Victim’s Relationships With Others?

Narcissistic mirroring can have far-reaching effects on the victim’s relationships with others, extending beyond the immediate relationship with the narcissist. The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology reports that victims of narcissistic abuse often develop trust issues that impact their ability to form and maintain healthy relationships. The erosion of self-identity caused by narcissistic mirroring can leave victims feeling uncertain about their own thoughts, feelings, and desires, making it difficult to connect authentically with others. Many victims report feeling a sense of isolation, as the intensity of the narcissistic relationship may have led them to neglect other relationships.

Additionally, the manipulation and gaslighting experienced in the narcissistic relationship can lead to hypervigilance and difficulty discerning genuine empathy from manipulation in new relationships. Victims may also struggle with setting boundaries or asserting their needs, fearing rejection or abandonment. Rebuilding trust and learning to form healthy attachments often requires significant time and, in many cases, professional support to overcome the lasting impact of narcissistic mirroring on relational patterns.

What Are The Differences Between Narcissistic Mirroring In Romantic Relationships Versus Friendships Or Family Relationships?

While narcissistic mirroring can occur in various types of relationships, its manifestation and impact can differ depending on the context. In romantic relationships, The Journal of Clinical Psychology notes that narcissistic mirroring often involves intense love bombing and idealization phases, followed by devaluation and discard cycles. The intimate nature of romantic relationships can make the identity theft aspect of mirroring particularly devastating. In friendships, narcissistic mirroring might be more subtle, with the narcissist adapting their personality to match different social groups or using the friendship for status and admiration.

Family relationships, especially parent-child dynamics, can involve long-term, deeply ingrained patterns of narcissistic mirroring. A narcissistic parent might project their own desires and unfulfilled ambitions onto their child, creating a false sense of connection while stifling the child’s individual identity development. In all cases, the core mechanism of mirroring remains the same – creating a false sense of connection to manipulate and control – but the specific tactics and long-term consequences can vary based on the relationship type and duration of exposure to the narcissistic behavior.

How Can Therapy Help In Recovering From The Effects Of Narcissistic Mirroring?

Therapy plays a crucial role in recovering from the effects of narcissistic mirroring, offering a safe space to rebuild one’s sense of self and develop healthy coping mechanisms. The American Psychological Association recommends Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) as an effective approach for addressing the negative thought patterns and beliefs that often result from narcissistic abuse. CBT can help victims challenge distorted perceptions of themselves and rebuild self-esteem. Additionally, trauma-focused therapies such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) can be beneficial in processing the emotional trauma associated with narcissistic mirroring.

Therapy also provides an opportunity to learn about healthy relationship dynamics and develop skills for setting boundaries. Group therapy or support groups specifically for survivors of narcissistic abuse can offer validation and a sense of community. A skilled therapist can guide the individual through the process of rediscovering their authentic self, separate from the false identity created through narcissistic mirroring. This journey often involves grief work, as the victim mourns the loss of the idealized relationship and comes to terms with the reality of the abuse they experienced.

What Are The Warning Signs That Someone Might Be Engaging In Narcissistic Mirroring?

Identifying narcissistic mirroring early can be challenging, but there are several warning signs to watch for. According to Psychology Today, key indicators include: rapid and intense bonding, where the person seems to perfectly align with your interests and values; excessive flattery and idealization; a chameleon-like ability to change personality depending on the social context; and a lack of authentic emotional depth despite apparent intense interest. Other red flags might include pushing for quick commitment, boundary violations disguised as romantic gestures, and inconsistencies between their words and actions.

Pay attention to how they treat others, especially those they perceive as less valuable to them. A narcissist engaging in mirroring may also exhibit a pattern of dropping interests or opinions that no longer serve their purpose once they’ve secured your attention or affection. It’s important to trust your instincts if something feels off or too good to be true, as narcissistic mirroring often creates an initial sense of unease that victims might ignore due to the intensity of the apparent connection.

How Does Narcissistic Mirroring Contribute To The Cycle Of Abuse In Relationships?

Narcissistic mirroring plays a significant role in perpetuating the cycle of abuse in relationships. The National Domestic Violence Hotline describes the typical abuse cycle as consisting of tension building, incident, reconciliation, and calm. Narcissistic mirroring contributes to this cycle by creating an intense initial bond during the calm and reconciliation phases. The narcissist uses mirroring to present themselves as the perfect partner, friend, or family member, making the victim feel deeply understood and valued. This false sense of connection makes it difficult for the victim to recognize or acknowledge abusive behaviors as they emerge.

During the tension-building phase, the narcissist may withdraw the mirroring behaviors, leaving the victim feeling confused and eager to regain the initial connection. After an abusive incident, the narcissist often returns to mirroring behaviors as part of the reconciliation phase, reigniting the victim’s hope that the abuser truly understands and cares for them. This pattern of alternating between mirroring and withdrawal keeps the victim emotionally dependent and trapped in the cycle of abuse, making it challenging to recognize the relationship’s toxic nature and seek help.

What Role Does Gaslighting Play In Narcissistic Mirroring And Identity Theft?

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic closely intertwined with narcissistic mirroring and identity theft in abusive relationships. The American Psychological Association defines gaslighting as a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or group causes someone to question their own sanity, memories, or perception of reality. In the context of narcissistic mirroring, gaslighting serves to reinforce the false reality created by the narcissist’s mirroring behaviors. When the victim begins to question inconsistencies in the narcissist’s behavior or the authenticity of the connection, the narcissist may use gaslighting to make them doubt their own perceptions.

This can involve denying past events, rewriting shared experiences, or invalidating the victim’s emotions. The combination of mirroring and gaslighting creates a powerful tool for identity theft, as it not only presents a false image for the victim to connect with but also undermines the victim’s ability to trust their own judgment and sense of self. Over time, this erodes the victim’s confidence in their own identity and reality, making them increasingly dependent on the narcissist’s version of events and more susceptible to ongoing manipulation and abuse.

How Can Someone Rebuild Their Sense Of Self After Experiencing Narcissistic Mirroring?

Rebuilding one’s sense of self after experiencing narcissistic mirroring is a challenging but crucial process for recovery. The Journal of Counseling Psychology suggests several strategies for identity reconstruction: First, it’s important to create physical and emotional distance from the narcissist to gain perspective. Engaging in self-reflection and journaling can help in rediscovering personal values, interests, and goals that may have been overshadowed during the relationship. Reconnecting with old friends and family members who knew you before the narcissistic relationship can provide valuable reminders of your authentic self.

Exploring new hobbies or revisiting old ones can help in rebuilding a sense of personal identity and accomplishment. Mindfulness practices and meditation can aid in developing self-awareness and grounding oneself in the present moment. Setting small, achievable goals and celebrating personal accomplishments can help rebuild self-esteem and confidence. It’s also beneficial to work with a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse recovery, as they can provide guided support in this process. Remember that rebuilding a sense of self takes time and patience; it’s a journey of rediscovery and growth that ultimately leads to a stronger, more resilient identity.

What Are The Potential Long-Term Health Consequences Of Experiencing Narcissistic Mirroring?

The experience of narcissistic mirroring can have significant long-term health consequences, affecting both mental and physical well-being. According to The Journal of Clinical Psychology, victims of narcissistic abuse often experience chronic stress, which can lead to a range of health issues. Psychologically, individuals may develop anxiety disorders, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and complex PTSD.

About the Author :

Som Dutt, Top writer in Philosophy & Psychology on Medium.com. I make people Think, Relate, Feel & Move. Let's Embrace Inner Chaos and Appreciate Deep, Novel & Heavy Thoughts.

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