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Unmasking Narcissism: 7 Hidden Signs You May Be Missing

7 Subtle Narcissistic Traits You Might Be Overlooking

Understanding Serotonin-Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitors (SNRIs) by Som Dutt From https://embraceinnerchaos.com

Last updated on December 18th, 2024 at 03:59 am

Narcissism has become a buzzword in recent years, but do we truly understand its complexities? According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), Narcissistic Personality Disorder affects up to 6.2% of the general population. Yet, many cases go undiagnosed or misunderstood.

The subtle nature of narcissistic behavior often leaves us questioning our own perceptions. Are we dealing with a difficult personality, or is there something more sinister at play? Recognizing the hidden signs of narcissism is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and protecting our mental well-being.

Discover the truth about unmasking narcissism and identify seven hidden signs that often go unnoticed. Empower yourself with knowledge to detect these behaviors early.

1. The Chameleon Effect: Adaptive Mirroring

One of the most insidious traits of a narcissist is their ability to adapt and mirror those around them. This chameleon-like behavior can be both fascinating and deeply unsettling.

1.1 Mimicking Interests and Hobbies

Narcissists are masters of observation. They carefully study their targets, adopting their interests and hobbies with remarkable speed. This mirroring serves two purposes: to create a false sense of connection and to gather information for future manipulation.

Have you ever met someone who suddenly shared all your passions? While it might seem like serendipity, it could be a red flag. Narcissists use this technique to draw you in, making you feel understood and appreciated.

1.2 Emotional Mimicry

Beyond interests, narcissists often mirror emotions. They may suddenly appear empathetic, matching your emotional state with uncanny precision. This emotional mimicry can be incredibly convincing, leading you to believe you’ve found a kindred spirit.

However, this empathy is often shallow and short-lived. Once the narcissist has gained your trust, their true colors begin to show. The emotional connection you thought you shared may vanish as quickly as it appeared.

1.3 Linguistic Adaptation

Listen closely to how a potential narcissist speaks. Do they adopt your speech patterns, vocabulary, or even accent? This linguistic adaptation is another form of mirroring designed to create a sense of familiarity and trust.

While some degree of linguistic accommodation is normal in social interactions, narcissists take it to an extreme. They may completely alter their way of speaking to match yours, creating an artificial sense of connection.

1.4 The Danger of Adaptive Mirroring

The chameleon effect can be particularly dangerous because it plays on our natural desire for connection. We’re drawn to those who seem to understand us, share our interests, and mirror our emotions. However, this mirroring is often a facade, hiding the narcissist’s true nature.

Being aware of this adaptive mirroring can help you stay alert to potential narcissistic behavior. If someone seems to perfectly align with your interests and emotions too quickly, it might be worth taking a step back and observing their behavior more closely.

2. The Subtle Art of Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic that can be difficult to detect, especially when employed by a skilled narcissist. It’s a form of psychological abuse that makes you question your own reality and memories.

2.1 Denying Past Events

One of the most common forms of gaslighting involves the narcissist denying events that you clearly remember. They might say, “That never happened,” or “You’re imagining things.” This constant denial can make you doubt your own memory and perception of reality.

For example, if you confront a narcissist about a hurtful comment they made, they might vehemently deny ever saying it. Over time, this can erode your confidence in your own recollections.

2.2 Minimizing Your Feelings

Narcissists often downplay or dismiss your emotions. They might say things like, “You’re overreacting,” or “It’s not that big of a deal.” This minimization of your feelings is a form of emotional invalidation, a key component of gaslighting.

By consistently undermining your emotional responses, narcissists can make you feel like your feelings are inappropriate or excessive. This can lead to self-doubt and a reluctance to express your emotions in the future.

2.3 Shifting Blame

Another subtle form of gaslighting involves the narcissist shifting blame onto you. They might twist situations to make you feel responsible for their actions or reactions. This can leave you feeling guilty and confused, unsure of your role in conflicts.

For instance, if you express hurt over something they’ve done, they might respond with, “Well, if you hadn’t done X, I wouldn’t have had to do Y.” This deflection of responsibility is a classic narcissistic tactic.

2.4 The Cumulative Effect of Gaslighting

The danger of gaslighting lies in its cumulative effect. Each instance might seem small or insignificant, but over time, it can erode your sense of reality and self-worth. Recognizing these subtle gaslighting tactics is crucial for maintaining your mental health and autonomy.

If you find yourself constantly questioning your memories or feeling like you’re “going crazy,” it might be a sign that you’re being gaslighted. Understanding DARVO tactics can also help you recognize and counteract gaslighting behavior.

3. The Grandiosity Paradox

Grandiosity is often associated with narcissism, but its manifestation can be more subtle than you might expect. The grandiosity paradox refers to the complex interplay between a narcissist’s inflated self-image and their deep-seated insecurities.

3.1 Subtle Boasting

While some narcissists engage in overt bragging, others employ more subtle techniques. They might constantly drop names, casually mention their achievements, or find ways to steer conversations towards their accomplishments. This subtle boasting can be easy to miss, especially if the narcissist is skilled at social interaction.

For example, they might say something like, “Oh, that reminds me of when I was having dinner with [famous person],” seamlessly inserting their supposed connection into an unrelated conversation.

3.2 False Modesty

Paradoxically, some narcissists use false modesty as a way to highlight their perceived superiority. They might downplay their achievements in a way that actually draws more attention to them. This tactic can be particularly effective because it doesn’t trigger the same defensive reactions that outright boasting might.

A narcissist might say, “Oh, it’s not a big deal that I won that award. Anyone could have done it,” while clearly expecting praise and admiration.

3.3 Competitive Behavior

Narcissists often have an intense need to be the best at everything. This can manifest in subtle competitive behavior, even in situations that aren’t inherently competitive. They might try to one-up your stories or experiences, or find ways to demonstrate their superiority in various areas of life.

Unmasking Narcissism: 7 Hidden Signs You May Be Missing
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com
Unmasking Narcissism: 7 Hidden Signs You May Be Missing
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com

This constant competition can be exhausting for those around them, as every interaction becomes a potential battleground for the narcissist to prove their worth.

3.4 The Fragility Beneath the Grandiosity

Understanding the grandiosity paradox requires recognizing the fragility that underlies a narcissist’s inflated self-image. Their grandiose behavior is often a defense mechanism, protecting a deeply insecure core self.

This fragility can sometimes peek through in moments of perceived criticism or failure. A narcissist might react disproportionately to minor setbacks or perceived slights, revealing the vulnerability beneath their grandiose facade.

Recognizing these subtle manifestations of grandiosity can help you identify narcissistic tendencies in others. It’s important to remember that true confidence doesn’t require constant validation or comparison. Understanding the telltale traits of a narcissist can further aid in recognizing these behaviors.

4. The Empathy Illusion

Contrary to popular belief, narcissists can sometimes appear highly empathetic. However, this empathy is often an illusion, a tool used for manipulation rather than genuine connection.

4.1 Selective Empathy

Narcissists may display empathy when it serves their purposes. They might be incredibly understanding and supportive in certain situations, particularly when there’s an audience or when they stand to gain something. This selective empathy can be confusing, as it seems to contradict the narcissist’s typically self-centered behavior.

For instance, a narcissist might show great concern for a colleague’s problem in front of others, gaining admiration for their apparent kindness. However, they may show no interest in the same problem when alone with the colleague.

4.2 Empathy as a Manipulation Tool

In some cases, narcissists use displays of empathy as a manipulation tool. They might use their understanding of your emotions to gain your trust or to gather information that can be used against you later. This faux empathy can be particularly damaging, as it creates a false sense of security.

A narcissist might say something like, “I understand exactly how you feel. I’ve been through something similar,” only to use that shared vulnerability against you in the future.

4.3 Short-Lived Compassion

The empathy displayed by narcissists is often short-lived. They may show great concern initially, but quickly lose interest once the situation no longer serves their needs. This inconsistency can be jarring and confusing for those on the receiving end.

You might find yourself thinking, “They were so understanding yesterday. Why are they completely dismissive today?” This fluctuation is a hallmark of narcissistic behavior.

4.4 The Danger of the Empathy Illusion

The empathy illusion can be one of the most confusing aspects of dealing with a narcissist. It can make you doubt your perception of their behavior, wondering if you’ve misjudged them. However, it’s important to remember that genuine empathy is consistent and doesn’t come with strings attached.

If you find yourself continually surprised by someone’s inconsistent displays of empathy, it might be a sign of narcissistic tendencies. Understanding the subtle signs of covert narcissism can help you differentiate between genuine empathy and its narcissistic imitation.

5. The Boundary Erosion Tactics

Narcissists are notorious for pushing and violating boundaries, but their tactics can be surprisingly subtle. Understanding these boundary erosion techniques is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships.

5.1 Testing the Waters

Narcissists often start by testing your boundaries in small ways. They might make a slightly inappropriate comment or ask for a small favor that pushes the limits of what’s acceptable. If you don’t react, they’ll gradually escalate their behavior.

For example, they might “jokingly” criticize you in front of others, gauging your reaction to see how much they can get away with.

5.2 The Guilt Trip

When you try to assert your boundaries, narcissists often respond with guilt trips. They might accuse you of being selfish, uncaring, or overly sensitive. This emotional manipulation is designed to make you question your right to have boundaries at all.

Phrases like, “If you really cared about me, you would…” are common tactics used to erode your boundaries through guilt.

5.3 Moving the Goalposts

Another subtle tactic is constantly moving the goalposts of what’s acceptable. What was okay yesterday might suddenly be inadequate today. This constant shifting of expectations keeps you off-balance and makes it difficult to maintain consistent boundaries.

You might find yourself thinking, “I thought we agreed on this, but now they’re saying something completely different.”

5.4 The Importance of Firm Boundaries

Recognizing these subtle boundary erosion tactics is the first step in protecting yourself. It’s important to remember that healthy relationships respect and maintain clear boundaries. If you find your boundaries constantly under siege, it might be a sign of narcissistic behavior.

Setting and maintaining firm boundaries is crucial when dealing with narcissists. Understanding the patterns of narcissistic abuse can help you recognize when your boundaries are being violated and take steps to protect yourself.

Unmasking Narcissism: 7 Hidden Signs You May Be Missing
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com
Unmasking Narcissism: 7 Hidden Signs You May Be Missing
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com

6. The Emotional Rollercoaster

Narcissists often create an emotional rollercoaster for those around them. This unpredictable emotional landscape can be disorienting and exhausting for their victims.

6.1 Love Bombing and Devaluation

One of the most common cycles in narcissistic relationships is the alternation between love bombing and devaluation. During the love bombing phase, the narcissist showers their target with affection, attention, and praise. This is followed by a period of devaluation, where they become cold, critical, or even abusive.

This cycle can be incredibly confusing and emotionally draining. You might find yourself constantly trying to recapture the “good times” of the love bombing phase.

6.2 Hot and Cold Behavior

Narcissists often exhibit unpredictable hot and cold behavior. They might be warm and affectionate one moment, then distant and cold the next. This inconsistency keeps their victims off-balance and constantly seeking approval.

You might find yourself wondering, “What did I do wrong?” when faced with sudden coldness, even though the change in behavior has nothing to do with your actions.

6.3 Intermittent Reinforcement

Intermittent reinforcement is a powerful psychological tool often employed by narcissists. By providing sporadic positive reinforcement (praise, affection, or rewards), they create a sense of addiction in their victims. This keeps their targets constantly seeking approval and validation.




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Frequently Asked Questions

What Are The Most Common Hidden Signs Of Narcissism In Relationships?

Narcissism in relationships often manifests through subtle manipulation tactics and emotional abuse. According to Psychology Today, common hidden signs include constant criticism disguised as “helpful advice,” gaslighting to distort reality, and passive-aggressive behavior when things don’t go their way. Narcissists may also exhibit a pattern of love bombing followed by sudden withdrawal of affection, creating an emotional rollercoaster for their partners.

These manipulative behaviors serve to maintain control and feed the narcissist’s inflated sense of self-importance while gradually eroding their partner’s self-esteem and independence. By recognizing these signs early, individuals can better protect themselves from the damaging effects of narcissistic abuse in relationships.

How Can You Identify Covert Narcissism In A Partner?

Identifying covert narcissism can be challenging as these individuals often present a facade of humility and vulnerability. Verywell Mind explains that covert narcissists may exhibit traits such as passive-aggressive behavior, a tendency to play the victim, and a subtle sense of superiority. They might frequently compare themselves to others, fishing for compliments while appearing self-deprecating.

Unlike their grandiose counterparts, covert narcissists may seem shy or anxious, but still harbor deep-seated beliefs about their own specialness and entitlement. To identify covert narcissism, it’s crucial to pay attention to patterns of behavior over time, such as difficulty accepting criticism, lack of empathy, and a persistent need for admiration, even if expressed indirectly.

What Are The Psychological Effects Of Being In A Relationship With A Narcissist?

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can have profound psychological effects on the partner. The National Domestic Violence Hotline reports that victims often experience symptoms similar to those of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). These may include anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and a distorted sense of reality due to prolonged gaslighting. Partners of narcissists frequently report feeling emotionally drained, constantly walking on eggshells, and losing their sense of self.

The cycle of idealization, devaluation, and discard common in narcissistic relationships can lead to trauma bonding, making it difficult for victims to leave despite the abuse. Long-term exposure to narcissistic abuse can result in a condition known as narcissistic abuse syndrome, characterized by hypervigilance, self-doubt, and difficulty trusting others.

How Does Narcissistic Manipulation Differ From Normal Relationship Conflicts?

Narcissistic manipulation differs significantly from normal relationship conflicts in its intent and impact. While healthy relationships involve disagreements that are typically resolved through mutual understanding and compromise, narcissistic manipulation is characterized by a consistent pattern of behaviors aimed at controlling and exploiting the partner. Healthline explains that these may include gaslighting, emotional blackmail, and shifting blame.

Unlike normal conflicts, narcissistic manipulation often leaves one partner feeling confused, guilty, and questioning their own perceptions. The narcissist’s goal is to maintain power and feed their ego, rather than to resolve issues or strengthen the relationship. This type of manipulation is often subtle and cumulative, gradually eroding the partner’s self-esteem and autonomy over time.

What Are The Warning Signs Of Gaslighting In A Narcissistic Relationship?

Gaslighting is a common manipulation tactic used by narcissists to distort their partner’s reality. Medical News Today outlines several warning signs to watch for, including the narcissist denying events or conversations that you clearly remember, trivializing your emotions or experiences, and shifting blame onto you for their actions. You might find yourself constantly apologizing or questioning your own memory and judgment.

Gaslighters often use phrases like “You’re too sensitive” or “That never happened” to invalidate your perceptions. Over time, victims of gaslighting may lose confidence in their ability to make decisions or trust their own instincts. If you frequently feel confused, anxious, or like you’re “going crazy” in your relationship, it could be a sign of gaslighting.

How Can You Set Boundaries With A Narcissistic Partner?

Setting boundaries with a narcissistic partner is crucial for maintaining your mental health and self-esteem. Psychology Today suggests starting by clearly identifying your own needs and limits. Communicate these boundaries firmly and consistently, using “I” statements to express how their behavior affects you. Be prepared for pushback, as narcissists often react negatively to limits on their behavior.

It’s important to stay calm and not engage in arguments or justifications. Instead, focus on enforcing consequences when boundaries are crossed. This might involve limiting contact, ending conversations when they become abusive, or seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist. Remember that setting boundaries is a process and may require professional help, especially if the narcissist becomes aggressive or manipulative in response.

What Are The Differences Between Grandiose And Vulnerable Narcissism?

While both types share core narcissistic traits, grandiose and vulnerable narcissism manifest differently. Verywell Mind explains that grandiose narcissists are typically more extroverted, confident, and openly boastful. They seek admiration through overt displays of superiority and have an inflated sense of self-importance. In contrast, vulnerable narcissists often appear shy, insecure, and hypersensitive to criticism.

Vulnerable narcissists may seek admiration more subtly and are prone to feelings of emptiness and worthlessness when not receiving validation. They are more likely to experience anxiety and depression, while grandiose narcissists generally report higher life satisfaction. Both types, however, lack empathy and have a deep-seated belief in their own specialness, even if it’s expressed differently.

How Does Narcissistic Abuse Affect Children In The Family?

Narcissistic abuse can have severe and long-lasting effects on children in the family. According to Child Mind Institute, children of narcissistic parents often struggle with low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. They may develop a distorted sense of self, constantly seeking approval or feeling like they’re never good enough. These children often learn to suppress their own needs and emotions to cater to the narcissistic parent’s demands.

In some cases, children may be treated as extensions of the parent rather than individuals with their own identities. Long-term effects can include difficulty forming healthy relationships, trust issues, and a higher risk of developing personality disorders themselves. Children in these situations may benefit from therapy to process their experiences and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

What Are The Signs Of Narcissistic Abuse In Professional Relationships?

Narcissistic abuse isn’t limited to personal relationships; it can also occur in professional settings. Forbes outlines several signs to watch for in the workplace. These may include taking credit for others’ work, constantly seeking praise while criticizing colleagues, and manipulating situations to maintain control. Narcissistic bosses or coworkers might engage in gaslighting, making you doubt your competence or memory of events.

They may also create a toxic work environment through favoritism, intimidation, or spreading rumors. Victims of workplace narcissistic abuse often feel undervalued, anxious, and may experience a decline in job performance. It’s important to document incidents, maintain professional boundaries, and seek support from HR or higher management if necessary.

Can Narcissists Change Their Behavior Through Therapy?

The potential for narcissists to change their behavior through therapy is a complex issue. American Psychological Association research suggests that while change is possible, it’s often challenging due to the nature of narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissists typically lack insight into their behavior and may not see a need for change. However, if a narcissist is motivated to change, usually due to significant life consequences, therapy can be beneficial.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy and psychodynamic approaches have shown some success in helping narcissists develop empathy and healthier relationship patterns. It’s important to note that change requires long-term commitment and willingness from the narcissist. For partners or family members, it’s crucial to focus on their own well-being and not rely solely on the hope of the narcissist changing.

How Can You Recognize Emotional Manipulation In A Relationship?

Recognizing emotional manipulation is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships. Healthline describes several signs to watch for, including guilt-tripping, where the manipulator makes you feel responsible for their happiness or problems. They might use passive-aggressive behavior, giving you the silent treatment or making subtle digs to express displeasure. Emotional manipulators often play the victim, deflecting responsibility for their actions onto others.

They may also use love bombing, showering you with affection to gain control, followed by periods of withdrawal. Pay attention to how you feel in the relationship; if you’re constantly walking on eggshells, doubting yourself, or feeling emotionally drained, it could be a sign of manipulation. Trust your instincts and seek support if you suspect you’re being emotionally manipulated.

What Is The Narcissistic Abuse Cycle And How Does It Work?

The narcissistic abuse cycle is a pattern of behavior that narcissists use to maintain control in relationships. Psychology Today explains that this cycle typically consists of three stages: idealization, devaluation, and discard. In the idealization phase, also known as love bombing, the narcissist showers their partner with attention and affection, creating an intense emotional bond.

This is followed by the devaluation phase, where the narcissist begins to criticize, belittle, and manipulate their partner, eroding their self-esteem. Finally, in the discard phase, the narcissist may abandon the relationship or threaten to do so, causing emotional distress to their partner. This cycle can repeat multiple times, creating a traumatic bond that makes it difficult for the victim to leave the relationship.

How Does Covert Narcissism Differ From Overt Narcissism?

Covert narcissism, also known as vulnerable narcissism, differs from overt (grandiose) narcissism in its presentation. Verywell Mind explains that while both types share core narcissistic traits like a sense of entitlement and lack of empathy, they express these traits differently. Overt narcissists are typically loud, boastful, and openly seek admiration. In contrast, covert narcissists appear shy, self-effacing, and hypersensitive to criticism.

Covert narcissists may play the victim or martyr role to gain sympathy and attention. They often have a more fragile self-esteem and are more prone to feelings of emptiness and worthlessness when not receiving validation. Both types can be equally manipulative and damaging in relationships, but the subtlety of covert narcissism can make it harder to identify.

What Are The Long-Term Effects Of Narcissistic Abuse On Mental Health?

The long-term effects of narcissistic abuse on mental health can be profound and far-reaching. According to National Center for Biotechnology Information, victims often experience symptoms similar to those of complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD). These may include chronic anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and difficulty trusting others. Many survivors struggle with a distorted sense of self, having internalized the narcissist’s criticisms and manipulations.

They may develop hypervigilance, always on alert for signs of threat or rejection. Some individuals may turn to substance abuse or develop eating disorders as coping mechanisms. The cumulative effect of narcissistic abuse can lead to a condition known as narcissistic abuse syndrome, characterized by feelings of worthlessness, self-doubt, and a persistent sense of confusion about one’s own reality.

How Can You Help Someone Who Is In A Relationship With A Narcissist?

Supporting someone in a relationship with a narcissist requires patience, understanding, and a careful approach. The National Domestic Violence Hotline advises to start by believing their experiences and validating their feelings. Avoid criticizing their choices or pressuring them to leave, as this can push them away. Instead, offer emotional support and help them reconnect with their own identity and strengths.

Encourage them to seek professional help, such as therapy or support groups for narcissistic abuse survivors. Provide information about narcissistic abuse and its effects, which can help them understand their situation better. Be a safe, non-judgmental space for them to express themselves. If they decide to leave the relationship, offer practical support like helping with safety planning or providing resources for legal aid. Remember, leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous, so it’s crucial to respect their decisions and timeline.

What Are The Red Flags Of A Narcissistic Parent?

Identifying a narcissistic parent can be challenging, especially for children who have normalized their behavior. Psychology Today outlines several red flags to watch for. These include a parent who is excessively critical, constantly comparing the child unfavorably to others or to unrealistic standards. Narcissistic parents often lack empathy, dismissing their child’s feelings or needs. They may use emotional manipulation, including guilt-tripping or playing the victim, to control their children.

Another sign is a parent who views their child as an extension of themselves rather than an individual, living vicariously through the child’s achievements or appearance. Narcissistic parents might also exhibit inconsistent behavior, alternating between idealization and devaluation of their child. Children of narcissistic parents often struggle with low self-esteem, anxiety, and difficulty setting boundaries in adulthood.

How Does Narcissistic Abuse Differ In Romantic Versus Familial Relationships?

While narcissistic abuse shares core characteristics across different types of relationships, its manifestation can vary between romantic and familial contexts. Psych Central explains that in romantic relationships, narcissistic abuse often follows a cycle of idealization, devaluation, and discard. The narcissist may initially love bomb their partner before gradually eroding their self-esteem through criticism and manipulation.

In familial relationships, particularly parent-child dynamics, the abuse is often more consistent and long-term. Narcissistic parents may see their children as extensions of themselves, alternating between over-involvement and emotional neglect. In sibling relationships, a narcissistic sibling might constantly compete for attention and resources. While romantic partners might have the option to leave, family members, especially children, often feel trapped and may normalize the abusive behavior, leading to long-lasting psychological effects.

What Are The Most Effective Strategies For Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse?

Recovering from narcissistic abuse is a challenging but crucial process for regaining mental health and well-being. Psychology Today outlines several effective strategies. First, educating yourself about narcissistic abuse can help validate your experiences and break the cycle of self-doubt. Seeking therapy, particularly from a trauma-informed therapist familiar with narcissistic abuse, can provide crucial support and tools for healing.

Practicing self-compassion and challenging negative self-talk is essential, as many survivors internalize the narcissist’s criticisms. Establishing firm boundaries, both with the narcissist and in future relationships, is crucial for protecting your mental health. Engaging in self-care activities, reconnecting with personal interests and goals, and building a support network of trusted friends or support groups can aid in recovery. Remember, healing is a process that takes time, and it’s okay to seek professional help if you’re struggling.

About the Author :

Som Dutt, Top writer in Philosophy & Psychology on Medium.com. I make people Think, Relate, Feel & Move. Let's Embrace Inner Chaos and Appreciate Deep, Novel & Heavy Thoughts.

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