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Narcissism Exposed: 7 Subtle Signs You’re Being Manipulated

Recognizing The Subtle Signs Of Narcissistic Manipulation

A History Of Autism Timeline From 1908 To 2025 by Som Dutt From https://embraceinnerchaos.com

Last updated on December 18th, 2024 at 03:39 am

Narcissism is a complex personality trait that can have devastating effects on relationships and personal well-being. According to recent studies, approximately 6% of the U.S. population exhibits narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), with many more displaying narcissistic tendencies. These individuals often employ subtle manipulation tactics that can be difficult to detect, leaving their victims feeling confused, frustrated, and emotionally drained.

Recognizing the red flags of narcissistic behavior is crucial for protecting yourself from manipulation and maintaining healthy relationships. While overt narcissism may be easier to spot, covert narcissists are masters of disguise, employing more nuanced tactics to control and exploit others. By understanding these subtle signs, you can arm yourself with the knowledge needed to identify narcissistic manipulation and take steps to protect your emotional well-being.

Explore narcissism exposed for insights into narcissistic manipulation. Gain clarity on recognizing behaviors that impact your mental health and relationships.

1. Gaslighting: The Art of Distorting Reality

Gaslighting is a insidious form of psychological manipulation that narcissists use to make their victims question their own reality. This tactic is so effective that it can leave victims feeling confused, anxious, and doubting their own sanity.

1.1 Denying Past Events

One common gaslighting technique is the outright denial of past events or conversations. A narcissist might claim, “I never said that,” even when you clearly remember the conversation. This constant contradiction can make you question your memory and perception of reality.

1.2 Trivializing Your Feelings

Narcissists often downplay or dismiss their victims’ emotions. They might say things like, “You’re being too sensitive” or “It’s not a big deal.” This invalidation can make you doubt the legitimacy of your feelings and reactions to their behavior.

1.3 Shifting Blame

When confronted with their actions, narcissists frequently deflect responsibility by shifting blame onto others. They might say, “If you hadn’t done X, I wouldn’t have had to do Y.” This tactic can leave you feeling guilty and responsible for their behavior.

1.4 Rewriting History

Narcissists may alter the narrative of past events to suit their needs. They might exaggerate their own contributions or minimize your role in shared experiences. This revisionist history can leave you questioning your own memories and perceptions.

Recognizing these gaslighting techniques is crucial for maintaining your sense of reality and protecting your mental health. If you find yourself constantly doubting your own memories or feelings, it may be a sign that you’re dealing with a narcissist. For more information on identifying and coping with gaslighting, check out our article on 19 hidden signs of narcissistic abuse.

2. Love Bombing: The Deceptive Charm Offensive

Love bombing is a manipulation tactic where narcissists shower their target with excessive affection, attention, and adoration early in the relationship. This intense display of love can be overwhelming and intoxicating, making it difficult to recognize the underlying manipulation.

2.1 Excessive Compliments and Flattery

Narcissists may bombard you with compliments and praise, often to an unrealistic degree. While genuine compliments are heartwarming, love bombing takes it to an extreme, making you feel special and unique.

2.2 Rapid Relationship Progression

A hallmark of love bombing is the accelerated pace of the relationship. The narcissist might push for commitment quickly, talking about a future together or even proposing marriage after only a short time.

2.3 Grand Romantic Gestures

Love bombers often engage in extravagant displays of affection. This could include lavish gifts, surprise vacations, or public declarations of love. While these gestures may seem romantic, they’re often a tool to create a sense of obligation and indebtedness.

2.4 Constant Communication

During the love bombing phase, narcissists may inundate you with messages, calls, and attention. This constant communication can feel flattering but is often a way to monopolize your time and attention.

It’s important to note that love bombing is often followed by a sudden withdrawal of affection, leaving the victim feeling confused and desperate to regain the narcissist’s approval. To learn more about the patterns of narcissistic relationships, visit our article on recognizing patterns and breaking the cycle of narcissistic abuse in relationships.

3. Subtle Put-Downs: Undermining Your Self-Esteem

Narcissists often employ subtle put-downs to gradually erode their victim’s self-esteem. These comments may be disguised as jokes, helpful advice, or even compliments, making them difficult to identify as manipulation.

3.1 Backhanded Compliments

These are compliments that contain a hidden insult. For example, “You look great for your age” or “You’re so brave to wear that outfit.” These comments can leave you feeling both flattered and insecure simultaneously.

3.2 Comparing You to Others

Narcissists may frequently compare you unfavorably to others, whether it’s their exes, friends, or even celebrities. This constant comparison can chip away at your self-confidence and create a sense of inadequacy.

3.3 Unsolicited Criticism

Under the guise of being helpful, narcissists may offer constant criticism about your appearance, behavior, or choices. This steady stream of negative feedback can make you doubt your own judgment and abilities.

3.4 Minimizing Your Achievements

When you share your successes, a narcissist might downplay your accomplishments or find ways to take credit for them. This behavior can leave you feeling unworthy of celebration and recognition.

Narcissism Exposed: 7 Subtle Signs You're Being Manipulated
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com
Narcissism Exposed: 7 Subtle Signs You’re Being Manipulated
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com

Recognizing these subtle put-downs is crucial for maintaining your self-esteem and setting healthy boundaries. For more information on identifying covert narcissistic behavior, read our article on 31 subtle signs of covert narcissism.

4. Emotional Withholding: The Silent Treatment and Beyond

Emotional withholding is a powerful tool in the narcissist’s arsenal. By withdrawing affection, attention, or communication, they create an emotional vacuum that can leave their victims feeling desperate and anxious.

4.1 The Silent Treatment

This is perhaps the most well-known form of emotional withholding. The narcissist may suddenly stop communicating, refusing to engage in conversation or even acknowledge your presence. This cold shoulder can last for hours, days, or even weeks.

4.2 Intermittent Reinforcement

Narcissists may alternate between periods of affection and withdrawal, creating a cycle of uncertainty. This unpredictable behavior can keep you constantly on edge, never knowing what to expect.

4.3 Withholding Intimacy

In romantic relationships, narcissists may use physical intimacy as a bargaining chip. They might withhold sex or affectionate touch as a form of punishment or to maintain control.

4.4 Stonewalling

Similar to the silent treatment, stonewalling involves shutting down during conversations, refusing to engage or respond. This can be particularly frustrating during attempts to resolve conflicts or have important discussions.

Emotional withholding can be incredibly damaging to one’s mental health and self-esteem. If you’re experiencing these behaviors, it’s important to recognize them as manipulation tactics rather than reflections of your worth. For more information on the signs and effects of narcissistic abuse, visit our article on narcissistic abuse: signs, effects, and treatments.

5. Boundary Violations: Pushing Limits and Testing Resolve

Narcissists often disregard personal boundaries, gradually pushing limits to see how much they can get away with. This behavior can be subtle at first but escalates over time, leaving victims feeling violated and powerless.

5.1 Ignoring Stated Boundaries

When you express a boundary, a narcissist may deliberately ignore it or act as if it doesn’t apply to them. This could involve showing up uninvited, touching you without permission, or discussing topics you’ve asked them to avoid.

5.2 Guilt-Tripping

If you attempt to enforce a boundary, narcissists may use guilt as a weapon. They might accuse you of being selfish, uncaring, or overly sensitive, making you question the validity of your boundaries.

5.3 Testing Limits

Narcissists often engage in small boundary violations to test your resolve. If you don’t react strongly, they may escalate their behavior, gradually pushing you further out of your comfort zone.

5.4 Privacy Invasion

Disregarding your right to privacy is another common boundary violation. This could involve reading your messages, going through your personal belongings, or demanding access to your social media accounts.

Recognizing and enforcing healthy boundaries is crucial in any relationship, but it’s especially important when dealing with narcissistic individuals. For more insights on identifying narcissistic behavior, check out our article on 18 surprising signs of narcissism you never noticed.

6. Triangulation: Creating Jealousy and Insecurity

Triangulation is a manipulation tactic where narcissists introduce a third party into the dynamic, often to create jealousy, competition, or insecurity. This can be a subtle yet effective way to maintain control and keep their victims off-balance.

6.1 Mentioning Exes

Narcissists may frequently bring up their exes in conversation, comparing you unfavorably or hinting at ongoing connections. This can create feelings of inadequacy and keep you striving for their approval.

6.2 Flirting with Others

Even in committed relationships, narcissists might openly flirt with others in your presence. This behavior is designed to make you feel insecure and grateful for their attention.

6.3 Creating Rivalry

By pitting people against each other, narcissists can maintain a position of power. They might share private information or create scenarios where others compete for their approval.

6.4 Using Others as Messengers

Instead of communicating directly, narcissists might relay messages through third parties. This indirect communication can create confusion and prevent clear resolution of issues.

Triangulation can be particularly damaging to relationships and self-esteem. If you suspect you’re experiencing this manipulation tactic, it’s important to address it directly. For more information on identifying and dealing with narcissistic behavior, read our article on 18 overlooked red flags of narcissism.

Narcissism Exposed: 7 Subtle Signs You're Being Manipulated
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com
Narcissism Exposed: 7 Subtle Signs You’re Being Manipulated
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com

7. Projection: Deflecting Blame and Responsibility

Projection is a defense mechanism where narcissists attribute their own negative traits, behaviors, or emotions onto others. This tactic allows them to avoid taking responsibility for their actions while simultaneously criticizing others.

7.1 Accusing Others of Their Own Faults

A narcissist might accuse you of being selfish, manipulative, or dishonest – traits that actually describe their own behavior. This projection can leave you feeling confused and defensive.

7.2 Blaming You for Their Emotions

When narcissists experience negative emotions, they often blame others. They might say things like, “You made me angry” or “It’s your fault I’m upset,” refusing to take responsibility for their own feelings.

7.3 Criticizing Traits They Possess

Narcissists may be highly critical of traits in others that they themselves possess. For example, they might constantly point out others’ arrogance while being oblivious to their own.

7.4 Deflecting Accountability

When confronted with their mistakes or misbehavior, narcissists often deflect by bringing up your past mistakes or flaws. This tactic shifts the focus away from their actions and onto your perceived shortcomings.

Recognizing projection can be challenging, as it often catches victims off-guard and leaves them feeling confused and defensive. To learn more about the telltale traits of narcissists, visit our article on 17 telltale traits of a narcissist.

Identifying these subtle signs of narcissistic manipulation is crucial for protecting yourself from emotional abuse and maintaining healthy relationships. Remember, narcissists are often skilled at disguising their manipulative tactics, making them difficult to recognize at first glance.

If you find yourself consistently experiencing these behaviors in a relationship, it’s important to trust your instincts and seek support. Narcissistic abuse can have serious long-term effects on mental health and self-esteem.

For those who suspect they may be in a relationship with a narcissist, our article on 17 signs you’re dating a narcissist provides valuable insights. Additionally, understanding the psychological aspects of narcissism can be helpful in navigating these complex relationships. Our psychological analysis of covert narcissism offers a deeper dive into this topic.




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Frequently Asked Questions

What Are The Most Common Subtle Signs Of Narcissistic Manipulation?

Narcissistic manipulation often manifests in subtle ways that can be challenging to detect. According to Psychology Today, common signs include constant criticism disguised as “helpful advice,” gaslighting to make you doubt your reality, and love bombing followed by sudden withdrawal of affection. These manipulative behaviors are designed to maintain control and feed the narcissist’s inflated sense of self-importance.

Recognizing these signs is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and protecting your mental health. It’s important to note that these behaviors often escalate over time, gradually eroding the victim’s self-esteem and independence. By understanding these subtle signs, individuals can better protect themselves from narcissistic manipulation and its harmful effects.

How Does Gaslighting Play A Role In Narcissistic Abuse?

Gaslighting is a cornerstone of narcissistic manipulation, serving as a powerful tool to distort reality and maintain control. The National Domestic Violence Hotline explains that gaslighting involves making someone question their own memory, perception, and sanity. In narcissistic relationships, this might involve denying events occurred, trivializing emotions, or shifting blame onto the victim.

This form of emotional manipulation can be particularly damaging as it undermines the victim’s trust in their own judgment, making it harder for them to recognize and escape the abuse. Over time, gaslighting can lead to anxiety, depression, and a loss of self-identity, highlighting the importance of recognizing this tactic early in relationships. By understanding gaslighting, individuals can better protect themselves from this insidious form of abuse.

What Is Love Bombing And How Is It Used By Narcissists?

Love bombing is a manipulative tactic often employed by narcissists at the beginning of a relationship. Verywell Mind describes it as an attempt to influence a person with over-the-top displays of attention and affection. This might include lavish gifts, constant communication, and declarations of love very early in the relationship. The goal is to create a sense of obligation and dependency in the target.

Once the narcissist feels they have secured their partner’s affection, they often withdraw this excessive attention, leaving their partner confused and desperately seeking to regain that initial “high.” This cycle of idealization and devaluation is a hallmark of narcissistic abuse, creating an emotional rollercoaster that can be difficult to escape. Recognizing love bombing as a manipulation tactic can help individuals avoid falling into this cycle of abuse.

How Can You Recognize Covert Narcissism In A Relationship?

Covert narcissism can be particularly challenging to identify due to its more subtle nature. Healthline explains that covert narcissists often present as shy, sensitive, or victimized. Unlike their grandiose counterparts, they may not openly brag or seek the spotlight. However, they still harbor deep-seated feelings of superiority and entitlement.

Signs of covert narcissism in a relationship might include passive-aggressive behavior, playing the victim, and subtle put-downs disguised as jokes. They may also exhibit a pattern of emotional unavailability and struggle with empathy. Recognizing these traits requires keen observation and an understanding of narcissistic personality traits beyond the stereotypical grandiose presentation.

What Is The Difference Between Overt And Covert Narcissism?

While both overt and covert narcissism stem from the same core of grandiosity and lack of empathy, they manifest differently. PsychCentral explains that overt narcissists are typically more extroverted, openly grandiose, and attention-seeking. They often come across as charming and confident, at least initially.

Covert narcissists, on the other hand, tend to be more introverted and self-effacing on the surface. They may appear shy or anxious, but internally harbor feelings of superiority. Covert narcissists are more likely to use passive-aggressive tactics and play the victim. Both types can be equally manipulative, but the subtlety of covert narcissism can make it harder to identify and address in relationships.

How Does Narcissistic Manipulation Affect Mental Health?

Narcissistic manipulation can have profound and long-lasting effects on mental health. The American Psychological Association notes that victims of narcissistic abuse often experience symptoms of anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The constant criticism, gaslighting, and emotional manipulation can erode self-esteem and lead to self-doubt.

Victims may struggle with decision-making and trusting their own judgment long after the relationship ends. The cycle of idealization and devaluation common in narcissistic relationships can also create attachment issues and fear of intimacy in future relationships. Recognizing these impacts is crucial for healing and recovery, often requiring professional support to rebuild self-esteem and establish healthy relationship patterns.

What Are Some Effective Strategies For Dealing With Narcissistic Manipulation?

Dealing with narcissistic manipulation requires a combination of self-awareness, boundary-setting, and often professional support. Psychology Today suggests several strategies: First, educate yourself about narcissistic personality disorder and manipulation tactics. This knowledge can help you recognize manipulative behaviors and respond appropriately.

Second, set and maintain firm boundaries. Be clear about what behavior you will and won’t tolerate. Third, practice emotional detachment. Don’t take their words or actions personally; remember that their behavior reflects their own issues, not your worth. Finally, seek support from trusted friends, family, or a mental health professional. Having a support system can provide perspective and strength when dealing with narcissistic manipulation.

Can Narcissists Change Their Manipulative Behaviors?

The question of whether narcissists can change their manipulative behaviors is complex and often debated. The Mayo Clinic notes that while change is possible, it’s often challenging and requires long-term commitment. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is deeply ingrained and typically resistant to change. For meaningful change to occur, the narcissist must first recognize their behavior as problematic and be willing to seek help.

This self-awareness is rare in individuals with NPD. Even with therapy, progress can be slow and inconsistent. It’s important for those in relationships with narcissists to prioritize their own well-being and not base their decisions solely on the hope that the narcissist will change. Understanding this can help individuals make informed decisions about their relationships and personal boundaries.

How Can You Identify Narcissistic Traits In Professional Relationships?

Narcissistic traits can be particularly damaging in professional settings, affecting team dynamics and productivity. Harvard Business Review outlines several signs to watch for: excessive self-promotion, taking credit for others’ work, inability to accept criticism, and a tendency to belittle colleagues. In professional relationships, narcissists may use manipulation tactics such as gaslighting or scapegoating to maintain their perceived superiority.

They might also create a toxic work environment through constant criticism or by pitting team members against each other. Recognizing these traits is crucial for maintaining a healthy work environment and protecting oneself from professional manipulation. By identifying these behaviors, individuals can better navigate professional relationships and protect their career growth and well-being.

What Is The Narcissistic Abuse Cycle And How Does It Work?

The narcissistic abuse cycle is a pattern of behavior that narcissists often employ in relationships. Psych Central describes it as a three-phase cycle: idealization, devaluation, and discard. In the idealization phase, also known as love bombing, the narcissist showers their target with attention and affection. This is followed by the devaluation phase, where criticism, manipulation, and emotional abuse become prevalent.

Finally, in the discard phase, the narcissist may abandon the relationship or withdraw affection completely. However, this cycle often repeats, with the narcissist returning to the idealization phase to keep their victim engaged. Understanding this cycle is crucial for recognizing narcissistic abuse and breaking free from toxic relationships. By recognizing this pattern, individuals can better protect themselves and make informed decisions about their relationships.

How Does Narcissistic Manipulation Differ In Romantic Vs. Family Relationships?

Narcissistic manipulation can manifest differently in romantic relationships compared to family dynamics. Psychology Today explains that in romantic relationships, narcissists often employ tactics like love bombing, gaslighting, and intermittent reinforcement to maintain control. They may oscillate between idealization and devaluation of their partner.

In family relationships, particularly parent-child dynamics, narcissistic manipulation might involve emotional neglect, scapegoating, or using the child as an extension of themselves. Narcissistic parents might manipulate through guilt, shame, or conditional love. While both scenarios can be deeply damaging, the long-term effects and coping strategies may differ, highlighting the importance of context-specific support and recovery approaches.

What Role Does Emotional Intelligence Play In Recognizing Narcissistic Manipulation?

Emotional intelligence plays a crucial role in recognizing and responding to narcissistic manipulation. Forbes suggests that individuals with high emotional intelligence are better equipped to identify manipulative behaviors and maintain healthy boundaries. They are more attuned to their own emotions and those of others, making it easier to spot inconsistencies in a narcissist’s behavior.

Emotional intelligence also aids in maintaining self-esteem in the face of manipulation attempts. Those with strong emotional intelligence are less likely to internalize criticism or doubt their own perceptions when faced with gaslighting. Developing emotional intelligence can be a powerful tool in protecting oneself from narcissistic abuse and maintaining healthy relationships.

How Can You Support Someone Who Is Experiencing Narcissistic Abuse?

Supporting someone experiencing narcissistic abuse requires patience, understanding, and careful approach. The National Domestic Violence Hotline advises several strategies: First, believe them and validate their experiences. Narcissistic abuse often involves gaslighting, so having someone affirm their reality can be crucial. Offer a non-judgmental listening ear and avoid pushing them to take actions they’re not ready for.

Provide information about narcissistic abuse and local resources for support. Help them create a safety plan if needed. Remember that leaving an abusive relationship is a process, and your consistent support can make a significant difference. Encourage them to seek professional help, as recovering from narcissistic abuse often requires specialized support.

What Are Some Common Misconceptions About Narcissism And Narcissistic Abuse?

There are several common misconceptions about narcissism and narcissistic abuse that can hinder recognition and recovery. Psychology Today highlights some key myths: One is that all narcissists are overtly grandiose and easy to spot. In reality, covert narcissism can be much more subtle. Another misconception is that narcissists have high self-esteem; in fact, their grandiosity often masks deep insecurity.

People also often believe that narcissists can’t change, which isn’t entirely true – change is possible but requires significant effort and commitment. Understanding these misconceptions is crucial for accurately identifying narcissistic behavior and responding appropriately in relationships. By dispelling these myths, individuals can better protect themselves and others from narcissistic abuse.

How Does Cultural Context Influence The Perception And Expression Of Narcissistic Traits?

Cultural context plays a significant role in how narcissistic traits are perceived and expressed. The Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology notes that while narcissism exists across cultures, its manifestation can vary. In individualistic cultures, narcissism might be more overt, with direct self-promotion and attention-seeking behaviors. In collectivist cultures, narcissistic traits might be more subtle, perhaps manifesting as a sense of superiority within group contexts.

Cultural norms also influence what behaviors are considered acceptable or problematic. For instance, behaviors that might be seen as narcissistic in one culture could be viewed as confident leadership in another. Understanding these cultural nuances is crucial for accurately identifying and addressing narcissistic behaviors in diverse settings. This awareness can help in developing culturally sensitive approaches to dealing with narcissistic traits and behaviors.

What Are The Long-Term Effects Of Narcissistic Abuse On Children?

The long-term effects of narcissistic abuse on children can be profound and far-reaching. Child Mind Institute explains that children raised by narcissistic parents often struggle with low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression well into adulthood. They may develop people-pleasing tendencies or difficulty setting boundaries. Some children might internalize the narcissistic parent’s critical voice, leading to perfectionism or self-doubt.

Others might struggle with forming healthy relationships, either by becoming overly dependent or by avoiding intimacy altogether. In some cases, children of narcissists may develop narcissistic traits themselves as a coping mechanism. Recognizing these impacts is crucial for adult children of narcissists to begin the healing process and break the cycle of abuse. Understanding these effects can guide therapeutic interventions and personal growth strategies.

How Can Therapy Help In Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse?

Therapy can play a crucial role in recovering from narcissistic abuse. The American Psychological Association emphasizes that professional help can provide the tools and support needed to heal from the emotional trauma of narcissistic abuse. Therapists can help survivors recognize and understand the abuse patterns they’ve experienced, challenging the distorted beliefs instilled by the narcissist.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be particularly effective in addressing negative thought patterns and rebuilding self-esteem. Trauma-focused therapies may help in processing and integrating traumatic experiences. Therapy also provides a safe space to learn and practice healthy relationship skills and boundaries. For many survivors, professional support is essential in breaking free from the cycle of abuse and reclaiming their sense of self.

What Are Some Red Flags That Might Indicate You’re Dating A Narcissist?

Identifying red flags early in a relationship can help protect against narcissistic abuse. Psychology Today outlines several warning signs: A narcissist may come on very strong at the beginning of a relationship, showering you with attention and affection (love bombing). They might exhibit a lack of empathy, constantly steering conversations back to themselves. Watch for signs of entitlement or a need for admiration.

Narcissists often have a history of unstable relationships and may speak poorly of their exes. They might also display subtle put-downs or criticisms disguised as jokes. Pay attention to how they handle disagreements – narcissists often struggle with accepting blame or criticism. While these red flags don’t definitively prove narcissism, they warrant caution and further observation in dating relationships.

How Does Narcissistic Manipulation Differ From Other Forms Of Emotional Abuse?

While narcissistic manipulation shares some commonalities with other forms of emotional abuse, it has distinct characteristics. Verywell Mind explains that narcissistic abuse is rooted in the abuser’s inflated sense of self and need for admiration. Unlike some other forms of emotional abuse, narcissistic manipulation often involves a cycle of idealization, devaluation, and discard. Gaslighting is particularly prevalent in narcissistic abuse, as narcissists are invested in maintaining their grandiose self-image.

Narcissistic abusers may also use more subtle tactics like passive-aggression or covert put-downs. Another key difference is the narcissist’s lack of empathy, which can make their abuse particularly callous and difficult for victims to understand. Recognizing these unique aspects of narcissistic manipulation is crucial for appropriate intervention and recovery.

About the Author :

Som Dutt, Top writer in Philosophy & Psychology on Medium.com. I make people Think, Relate, Feel & Move. Let's Embrace Inner Chaos and Appreciate Deep, Novel & Heavy Thoughts.

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