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The Narcissist’s Mask: 6 Ways They Disguise Their True Self

Unmasking Deception: How Narcissists Conceal Their True Nature

Why Veterans Face Higher Suicide Rates: A Closer Look by Som Dutt From https://embraceinnerchaos.com

Last updated on December 18th, 2024 at 03:38 am

Narcissism is a complex personality trait that affects millions of people worldwide. According to recent studies, approximately 6% of the population exhibits narcissistic personality disorder. However, the true prevalence may be much higher, as many narcissists are skilled at hiding their true nature.

The ability to disguise their authentic selves is a hallmark of narcissistic behavior. These individuals often present a carefully crafted facade to the world, making it challenging for others to recognize the red flags of narcissism. This deceptive behavior can lead to confusion, emotional turmoil, and even abuse for those who become entangled in relationships with narcissists.

Understanding the ways narcissists mask their true selves is crucial for protecting oneself from potential harm. By learning to identify these tactics, you can better navigate relationships and safeguard your emotional well-being.

In this comprehensive guide, we’ll explore seven key methods narcissists use to conceal their true nature and discuss how to recognize the warning signs of narcissistic behavior.

1. The Charismatic Charmer: Love Bombing and Idealization

1.1 The Initial Allure of the Narcissist

Narcissists are often masters of first impressions. They possess an uncanny ability to captivate others with their charm, wit, and charisma. This initial allure can be intoxicating, drawing unsuspecting individuals into their orbit.

The narcissist’s magnetic personality is carefully crafted to present an idealized version of themselves. They may appear confident, successful, and deeply interested in others. This facade is designed to create an immediate connection and foster admiration from those around them.

1.2 Love Bombing: The Overwhelming Shower of Affection

One of the most potent tools in the narcissist’s arsenal is love bombing. This technique involves showering a target with excessive affection, attention, and praise early in a relationship. The narcissist may bombard their victim with compliments, gifts, and declarations of love, creating a whirlwind romance that seems too good to be true.

Love bombing serves multiple purposes for the narcissist. It quickly establishes an emotional bond, making the target more susceptible to manipulation. Additionally, it sets a precedent for future behavior, creating a stark contrast when the narcissist inevitably withdraws their affection.

1.3 Idealization: Putting You on a Pedestal

During the initial stages of a relationship, a narcissist may engage in idealization. They’ll paint you as the perfect partner, friend, or colleague, extolling your virtues and seemingly worshipping the ground you walk on. This behavior can be incredibly flattering and ego-boosting for the recipient.

However, the idealization phase is often short-lived. Once the narcissist feels they’ve secured your admiration and loyalty, they may begin to devalue you, revealing their true nature. This sudden shift can be jarring and confusing for those who have fallen under the narcissist’s spell.

1.4 Recognizing the Signs of Love Bombing and Idealization

To protect yourself from falling victim to these tactics, it’s essential to be aware of the signs you’re dealing with a narcissist. Watch for excessively lavish compliments, rapid relationship progression, and promises that seem too good to be true. While genuine affection can develop quickly, be cautious of anyone who tries to sweep you off your feet without taking the time to truly know you.

2. The Master Manipulator: Gaslighting and Emotional Exploitation

2.1 Understanding Gaslighting Techniques

Gaslighting is a insidious form of psychological manipulation used by narcissists to make their victims question their own reality. This tactic involves denying or distorting facts, events, or feelings to create confusion and self-doubt in the target.

Narcissists may use phrases like “You’re overreacting,” “That never happened,” or “You’re imagining things” to invalidate their victim’s experiences. Over time, this constant undermining can erode the target’s self-confidence and ability to trust their own perceptions.

2.2 Emotional Exploitation and Guilt Trips

Another way narcissists manipulate others is through emotional exploitation. They’re adept at identifying and preying upon the vulnerabilities of those around them. By tapping into your insecurities, fears, and desires, they can control your behavior and emotions.

Guilt trips are a common tool in the narcissist’s arsenal. They may make exaggerated claims about how much they’ve sacrificed for you or accuse you of being selfish when you don’t meet their demands. This emotional manipulation is designed to keep you compliant and focused on their needs.

2.3 The Use of Projection and Blame-Shifting

Narcissists often employ projection as a defense mechanism, attributing their own negative traits or behaviors to others. For example, they may accuse you of being selfish or dishonest when, in reality, these are qualities they possess themselves.

Blame-shifting is another tactic used to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. When confronted with their mistakes or misdeeds, narcissists will quickly point the finger at someone else, often the very person they’ve wronged.

2.4 Identifying Manipulative Behaviors

Learning to recognize these manipulative tactics is crucial for protecting yourself from narcissistic abuse. Be wary of anyone who consistently makes you doubt your own memories or perceptions. Pay attention to how you feel after interactions – if you often leave feeling confused, guilty, or questioning your worth, it may be a sign of manipulation.

For more information on recognizing and escaping manipulative relationships, check out our guide on hidden signs of narcissistic abuse.

3. The False Empath: Feigning Empathy and Compassion

3.1 The Appearance of Emotional Intelligence

Narcissists often present themselves as highly empathetic and emotionally intelligent individuals. They may claim to be deeply in tune with others’ feelings and boast about their ability to understand and connect with people on a profound level.

This facade of empathy is carefully constructed to win trust and admiration. By appearing compassionate and understanding, narcissists can more easily manipulate those around them and maintain their image as caring individuals.

3.2 Selective Empathy and Conditional Support

While narcissists may seem empathetic, their compassion is often selective and conditional. They may show great concern for others when it benefits them or aligns with their own interests. However, this empathy quickly disappears when someone’s needs conflict with their own desires or threaten their ego.

This inconsistent display of empathy can be confusing for those around them. You may find yourself wondering why the narcissist is so understanding in some situations but completely dismissive in others.

3.3 Using Empathy as a Tool for Information Gathering

Narcissists may use their apparent empathy as a means of gathering information about others. By encouraging you to open up and share your vulnerabilities, they gain valuable insights that can be used for future manipulation or exploitation.

The Narcissist's Mask: 6 Ways They Disguise Their True Self
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com
The Narcissist’s Mask: 6 Ways They Disguise Their True Self
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com

This false empathy allows them to create a sense of intimacy and trust, making it easier to control and influence their targets. Be cautious of individuals who seem overly eager to probe into your personal life or past traumas, especially early in a relationship.

3.4 Recognizing Authentic vs. Feigned Empathy

Distinguishing between genuine empathy and its narcissistic imitation can be challenging. Pay attention to consistency in their behavior – true empathy is not selective or conditional. Also, observe how they respond when their own interests are at stake. A genuinely empathetic person will consider others’ needs even when it’s inconvenient for them.

For more insights into the subtle signs of narcissism, including false empathy, check out our article on surprising signs of narcissism you never noticed.

4. The Victim Persona: Playing the Martyr and Seeking Sympathy

4.1 The Narcissist as the Eternal Victim

One of the most effective masks a narcissist can wear is that of the perpetual victim. By portraying themselves as constantly wronged or misunderstood, they elicit sympathy and support from others while deflecting responsibility for their own actions.

This victim mentality allows narcissists to manipulate others into catering to their needs and desires. It also serves as a powerful tool for avoiding accountability and maintaining their inflated sense of self-importance.

4.2 Exaggerating Past Traumas and Hardships

To bolster their victim narrative, narcissists often exaggerate or fabricate past traumas and hardships. They may recount dramatic tales of abuse, betrayal, or misfortune, designed to paint themselves as resilient survivors who have overcome great adversity.

While some of these stories may have a kernel of truth, they are often embellished or taken out of context to maximize sympathy and admiration from others. This tactic not only garners attention but also makes it difficult for others to criticize or challenge the narcissist’s behavior.

4.3 Using Guilt and Obligation to Maintain Control

By positioning themselves as victims, narcissists can effectively use guilt and a sense of obligation to control those around them. They may remind others of all they’ve been through or claim that no one understands their struggles, making it difficult for people to set boundaries or assert their own needs.

This manipulation tactic is particularly effective in close relationships, where the narcissist can leverage emotional bonds to maintain their position of power and influence.

4.4 Spotting the Narcissistic Victim Complex

To identify when someone is genuinely in need of support versus manipulating others through a victim persona, look for patterns in their behavior. Does this person consistently portray themselves as the victim in every situation? Do they take responsibility for their actions, or is everything always someone else’s fault?

Be wary of individuals who use their past experiences as a way to avoid accountability or manipulate others’ emotions. For more information on recognizing these tactics, read our article on narcissistic abuse signs, effects, and treatments.

5. The High Achiever: Grandiosity and Status Seeking

5.1 The Narcissist’s Obsession with Success and Status

Narcissists often present themselves as high achievers, constantly striving for success and recognition. This mask of ambition and accomplishment serves to feed their inflated ego and gain admiration from others.

Their pursuit of status may manifest in various ways, such as boasting about their achievements, name-dropping influential connections, or displaying symbols of wealth and success. This behavior is designed to reinforce their sense of superiority and attract others who are impressed by their apparent success.

5.2 Exaggerating Accomplishments and Credentials

To maintain their image of success, narcissists may exaggerate or even fabricate their accomplishments and credentials. They might claim expertise in areas where they have limited knowledge or embellish their role in successful projects or ventures.

This inflated sense of competence allows them to position themselves as authorities and gain the trust and admiration of others. However, their actual abilities often fall short of their grandiose claims, leading to disappointment and frustration for those who rely on their supposed expertise.

5.3 Competitive Nature and Need for Superiority

Narcissists have an intense need to feel superior to others, which often manifests as extreme competitiveness. They may turn every interaction into a competition, constantly comparing themselves to others and striving to come out on top.

The Narcissist's Mask: 6 Ways They Disguise Their True Self
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com
The Narcissist’s Mask: 6 Ways They Disguise Their True Self
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com

This competitive drive can be exhausting for those around them, as the narcissist’s need for superiority often comes at the expense of others’ feelings and well-being. They may belittle others’ achievements or react with hostility when outperformed.

5.4 Identifying Genuine Achievement vs. Narcissistic Grandiosity

While ambition and pride in one’s accomplishments are healthy traits, narcissistic grandiosity takes these to an extreme. Look for signs of exaggeration or inconsistency in their claims of success. Pay attention to how they react when others achieve or receive recognition – a genuinely successful person will be secure enough to celebrate others’ accomplishments.

For more insights into the telltale traits of a narcissist, including their obsession with status and success, check out our comprehensive guide.

6. The Perfect Partner: Mirroring and False Promises

6.1 Understanding Narcissistic Mirroring

Mirroring is a powerful technique used by narcissists to create a false sense of connection and compatibility with their targets. By adopting the interests, values, and even mannerisms of those around them, narcissists can present themselves as the perfect partner or friend.

This behavior goes beyond simple mimicry – narcissists may claim to share your deepest passions, beliefs, and life goals, creating an illusion of a profound connection. This mirroring tactic is particularly effective in romantic relationships, where it can lead to a whirlwind romance based on false pretenses.

6.2 The Illusion of Shared Dreams and Values

Narcissists are adept at presenting themselves as aligned with your dreams and values. They may enthusiastically agree with your life plans, career aspirations, or personal beliefs, even if these are at odds with their true nature.

This illusion of shared values serves to strengthen the emotional bond and make the target more invested in the relationship. However, as time passes, the narcissist’s true priorities and values often surface, leading to confusion and disappointment.

6.3 Making Grand Promises and Future Faking

Another way narcissists present themselves as the perfect partner is through grand promises and future faking. They may paint an idyllic picture of your future together, promising everything from lavish vacations to a perfect family life.

These promises are designed to keep you invested in the relationship and focused on a future that may never materialize. Narcissists use this tactic to maintain control and keep their targets hopeful, even when their current behavior falls short of expectations.

6.4 Recognizing Authentic Connection vs. Narcissistic Mirroring

To protect yourself from falling for narcissistic mirroring and false promises, pay attention to consistency in behavior over time. Genuine shared interests and values will remain stable, while narcissistic mirroring often fades as the relationship progresses.

Be wary of partners who seem to perfectly align with all your interests and dreams, especially early in a relationship. For more information on identifying narcissistic behavior in romantic relationships, read our article on signs you’re dating a narcissist.




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Frequently Asked Questions

How Do Narcissists Create A False Persona To Hide Their True Self?

Narcissists craft a carefully constructed false persona or “mask” to conceal their authentic selves from others. This idealized version projects confidence, success, and charm, serving as a defense mechanism to protect their fragile true self from criticism or rejection. According to Psychology Today, this grandiose facade allows narcissists to gain admiration and maintain their inflated self-image.

By presenting an artificial version of themselves to the world, narcissists avoid confronting their deep-seated insecurities and vulnerabilities. This mask becomes a shield, protecting them from acknowledging their flaws or experiencing shame. The false persona enables them to navigate social interactions while maintaining their desired image of superiority and perfection.

What Are The Key Traits Of A Covert Narcissist’s Mask?

Covert narcissists employ a more subtle mask compared to their overt counterparts, often revolving around appearing modest, sensitive, and even self-deprecating. The Psychiatric Times notes that covert narcissists may present themselves as shy, vulnerable, or victimized to garner sympathy and attention. Key traits of their mask include false humility, passive-aggressiveness, and a tendency to play the “martyr” role.

Unlike overt narcissists who openly seek admiration, covert narcissists often use their mask to elicit praise and validation in more indirect ways. They may also display a facade of deep empathy and understanding, using this to manipulate others emotionally. This subtle approach allows them to maintain their narcissistic supply while appearing outwardly humble or self-effacing.

What Role Does Love Bombing Play In A Narcissist’s Mask?

Love bombing is a crucial tactic in a narcissist’s arsenal for disguising their true self, especially in the early stages of a relationship. This intense display of affection and attention serves as part of their charming facade, creating a false image of being the perfect partner. According to Healthline, narcissists use love bombing to quickly create an emotional bond and foster dependency.

By showering their target with excessive compliments, gifts, and declarations of love, narcissists present an idealized version of themselves and the relationship. This mask of intense devotion helps them secure their supply of admiration and control. However, once they feel they’ve secured their target’s affection, the mask often slips, revealing their true, less caring nature.

How Do Narcissists Use Gaslighting To Maintain Their False Persona?

Gaslighting is a manipulative technique narcissists employ to maintain their false persona and control over others. By using this tactic, they preserve their mask of superiority and infallibility. The National Domestic Violence Hotline explains that gaslighting involves making someone question their own reality or perceptions.

Narcissists might deny saying or doing things, even when there’s clear evidence to the contrary. They may also trivialize their partner’s emotions or experiences, saying things like “You’re too sensitive” or “That never happened.” This behavior helps narcissists deflect any criticism or accountability that might expose their true self, allowing them to maintain their carefully constructed false image and continue manipulating those around them.

What Are The Signs That A Narcissist’s Mask Is Slipping?

Recognizing when a narcissist’s mask is slipping can be crucial in understanding their true nature. According to Verywell Mind, some key indicators include sudden mood swings, inconsistent behavior, and moments of unexpected vulnerability. When their mask slips, narcissists may display rage or intense emotional reactions that seem disproportionate to the situation.

They might also show glimpses of insecurity or neediness that contradict their usual confident facade. Another sign is when their grandiose claims don’t align with reality, exposing the discrepancy between their false persona and true self. Observing these moments can provide insight into the narcissist’s underlying vulnerabilities and true personality, offering a glimpse behind the carefully constructed image they present to the world.

How Does A Narcissist’s False Self Affect Their Relationships?

A narcissist’s false self can have profound and often detrimental effects on their relationships. The artificial persona they present makes it difficult for others to form genuine connections with them. According to Psychology Today, narcissists may initially seem charming and attentive, but as the relationship progresses, their true self begins to emerge.

This can lead to a cycle of idealization, devaluation, and discard in their relationships. Partners often feel confused and hurt when the caring persona they fell for is replaced by someone cold and self-centered. The narcissist’s inability to maintain genuine empathy and their constant need for admiration can make long-term, healthy relationships challenging, leaving their partners feeling emotionally drained and manipulated.

What Are The Six Main Ways Narcissists Disguise Their True Self?

Narcissists employ various strategies to conceal their authentic selves from others. According to PsychCentral, six primary methods include charm and charisma, false empathy, victimhood, grandiosity, mirroring, and gaslighting. Narcissists often present an incredibly likable and magnetic personality to win people over initially, while feigning deep understanding and compassion to manipulate others’ emotions.

Some narcissists portray themselves as perpetual victims to garner sympathy and avoid responsibility. Exaggerating achievements and talents helps maintain their inflated self-image, while mirroring others’ interests and behaviors creates a false sense of connection. Gaslighting is used to make others doubt their perceptions, maintaining the narcissist’s preferred narrative. These tactics allow narcissists to create a facade that hides their true, often insecure and fragile, self from the world.

How Does Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) Relate To The False Self?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is intricately linked to the concept of the false self. According to the American Psychiatric Association, individuals with NPD have a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy. The false self in NPD serves as a defense mechanism, protecting the individual from feelings of inadequacy and shame.

This artificial persona is not just a conscious act but a deeply ingrained part of the narcissist’s psyche. It allows them to maintain their grandiose self-image and avoid confronting their true, often fragile, sense of self. The false self in NPD is more rigid and pervasive than in individuals without the disorder, making it a core feature of their personality structure and influencing all aspects of their interactions and relationships.

Can A Narcissist’s True Self Ever Be Revealed In Relationships?

While narcissists work hard to maintain their false persona, there are instances where their true self may be revealed in relationships. According to Psychology Today, this often happens during moments of stress, conflict, or when the narcissist feels their self-image is threatened. In these situations, their mask may slip, revealing underlying insecurities, rage, or vulnerability.

However, these glimpses are usually brief, and the narcissist quickly reasserts their false self. Long-term partners may gradually see through the facade as inconsistencies in behavior become more apparent over time. It’s important to note that even when the true self is revealed, many narcissists lack the self-awareness or willingness to acknowledge it, often doubling down on their false persona instead.

What Role Does Narcissistic Supply Play In Maintaining The False Self?

Narcissistic supply plays a crucial role in maintaining a narcissist’s false self. According to Verywell Mind, narcissistic supply refers to the admiration, attention, and validation that narcissists crave to sustain their inflated self-image. The false self acts as a mechanism to attract and secure this supply, presenting an idealized version of themselves to elicit positive responses from others.

This constant need for external validation drives many of their behaviors and interactions. Without adequate narcissistic supply, the false self may begin to crumble, potentially exposing the narcissist’s underlying insecurities and triggering narcissistic injury. The pursuit of narcissistic supply thus becomes a primary motivator in the narcissist’s life, shaping their relationships and interactions to maintain their grandiose self-perception.

How Do Narcissists Use Mirroring To Create A False Connection?

Mirroring is a sophisticated technique narcissists use to create a false sense of connection and rapport with others. According to PsychCentral, narcissists carefully observe and then imitate the interests, values, and behaviors of their target. This mimicry helps them quickly establish a sense of similarity and understanding, creating an illusion of deep compatibility.

By reflecting back what they perceive the other person wants to see, narcissists can create an illusion of deep compatibility. This false connection serves multiple purposes: it helps the narcissist secure admiration and affection, makes the target more susceptible to manipulation, and allows the narcissist to maintain their mask of being the perfect partner or friend. However, this mirrored persona is not genuine and often fades once the narcissist feels they’ve secured their position.

What Is The Difference Between A Narcissist’s False Self And True Self?

The distinction between a narcissist’s false self and true self is fundamental to understanding their psychology. According to Psychology Today, the false self is a carefully constructed facade designed to project an image of perfection, success, and superiority. It’s characterized by grandiosity, a sense of entitlement, and a need for admiration.

In contrast, the true self of a narcissist is often fragile, insecure, and vulnerable. This authentic self is typically hidden from view, even from the narcissist themselves. The true self harbors deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and shame, which the false self is created to protect against. While the false self is what the narcissist presents to the world, the true self influences their behavior in subtle, often unconscious ways, creating a complex interplay between their public persona and private insecurities.

How Does Childhood Trauma Contribute To The Development Of A Narcissist’s False Self?

Childhood trauma often plays a significant role in the development of a narcissist’s false self. According to Healthline, experiences of neglect, abuse, or excessive praise in childhood can contribute to the formation of narcissistic traits. In response to these early experiences, children may develop a false self as a coping mechanism, serving to protect them from further hurt or to maintain the unrealistic expectations placed upon them.

For instance, a child who was only valued for their achievements might develop a false self that constantly seeks admiration and validation. The false self becomes a shield against the pain and vulnerability associated with their true feelings and experiences. As they grow older, this defense mechanism becomes ingrained, forming the basis of their narcissistic personality and shaping their interactions with others throughout their life.

Can Therapy Help A Narcissist Recognize And Dismantle Their False Self?

Therapy can potentially help narcissists recognize and begin to dismantle their false self, but it’s a challenging process. According to the American Psychological Association, psychotherapy, particularly modalities like psychodynamic therapy and cognitive-behavioral therapy, can be beneficial. However, many narcissists resist therapy or struggle to engage fully due to their defensive nature and difficulty acknowledging personal flaws.

Effective therapy for narcissism often involves gradually helping the individual recognize the discrepancies between their false self and reality. This process requires building trust and creating a safe environment where the narcissist can slowly confront their true feelings and experiences. It’s important to note that change is possible, but it requires significant commitment and willingness from the narcissist to examine their behaviors and thought patterns.

How Does A Narcissist’s False Self Impact Their Professional Life?

A narcissist’s false self can significantly influence their professional life, often in complex ways. According to Harvard Business Review, narcissists may initially excel in the workplace due to their confidence, charisma, and ability to sell themselves. Their false self, projecting an image of competence and success, can help them climb the corporate ladder quickly.

However, over time, the negative aspects of their personality often emerge. Their need for constant admiration, difficulty accepting criticism, and tendency to exploit others can create toxic work environments. The disconnect between their perceived and actual abilities may lead to poor decision-making or failure to deliver on grandiose promises. While some narcissists achieve significant professional success, their relationships with colleagues and subordinates often suffer, potentially limiting long-term career growth.

What Are The Signs Of A Narcissist’s Mask Slipping In Social Situations?

Recognizing when a narcissist’s mask is slipping in social situations can provide insight into their true nature. According to Psychology Today, some signs include sudden mood shifts, inconsistent stories, and overreaction to criticism. They may abruptly become angry or defensive when their self-image is threatened, or their fabricated narratives may contradict each other when the mask slips.

Even mild critique can trigger disproportionate responses, revealing their underlying insecurity. Narcissists may show callousness when not actively maintaining their caring facade, and their need for control might become more apparent in stressful situations. These moments often occur when the narcissist is caught off guard or feels their false self is being challenged, revealing glimpses of their underlying insecurities and true personality.

How Do Narcissists Use Future Faking To Maintain Their False Persona?

Future faking is a manipulative tactic narcissists employ to maintain their false persona and keep others engaged. According to Verywell Mind, future faking involves making grand promises about the future without any intention of fulfilling them. This behavior aligns with the narcissist’s false self by presenting an image of generosity, commitment, and grand plans.

By promising exciting future scenarios, narcissists can maintain interest and admiration from others. This tactic also helps them avoid addressing current issues or shortcomings in their relationships. Future faking allows narcissists to continue projecting their idealized self-image while avoiding the reality of their actions or the effort required to actually follow through on their promises, keeping their targets hopeful and engaged in the relationship.

What Role Does Cognitive Dissonance Play In Maintaining A Narcissist’s False Self?

Cognitive dissonance plays a significant role in maintaining a narcissist’s false self. According to PsychCentral, cognitive dissonance occurs when a person holds two conflicting beliefs or when their actions contradict their beliefs. For narcissists, this often manifests as a discrepancy between their grandiose self-image and the reality of their behavior or achievements.

To resolve this dissonance, narcissists often double down on their false self, rejecting or distorting information that contradicts their inflated self-perception. This psychological mechanism allows them to maintain their facade even in the face of contradictory evidence. By dismissing or reinterpreting experiences that don’t align with their idealized self-image, narcissists can continue to believe in and project their false self, avoiding the discomfort of confronting their true, often more vulnerable, self.

About the Author :

Som Dutt, Top writer in Philosophy & Psychology on Medium.com. I make people Think, Relate, Feel & Move. Let's Embrace Inner Chaos and Appreciate Deep, Novel & Heavy Thoughts.

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