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Dating Disaster: 7 Ways to Identify a Somatic Narcissist Early On

Dodge Dating Disasters: Unmask Somatic Narcissists Early On

How To Reset Dopamine Levels by Som Dutt From https://embraceinnerchaos.com

Last updated on December 18th, 2024 at 03:40 am

In the modern dating landscape, navigating relationships can feel like traversing a minefield. While finding a genuine connection is challenging enough, encountering individuals with narcissistic tendencies can turn your romantic journey into a harrowing experience. Among the various types of narcissists, the somatic narcissist stands out as particularly deceptive and potentially damaging to unsuspecting partners.

Recent studies have shown that approximately 6% of the population exhibits narcissistic personality traits, with somatic narcissists representing a significant subset of this group. These individuals are masters of manipulation, often leaving a trail of emotional destruction in their wake. The impact of their behavior can be devastating, with research indicating that 60% of people who have been in relationships with narcissists report experiencing symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.

Learn how to navigate dating challenges with these seven practical ways to identify a somatic narcissist and avoid the emotional rollercoaster before it begins.

1. Understanding the Somatic Narcissist: A Closer Look

Before diving into the specific signs of a somatic narcissist, it’s essential to understand what sets them apart from other types of narcissists. Somatic narcissists are individuals who derive their self-worth primarily from their physical appearance and sexual prowess.

1.1 The Core Traits of a Somatic Narcissist

At their core, somatic narcissists share many characteristics with other narcissistic personalities. These include:

• An inflated sense of self-importance
• A constant need for admiration and attention
• Lack of empathy for others
• Manipulative behavior

However, what distinguishes somatic narcissists is their intense focus on their physical attributes and sexual conquests as sources of validation.

1.2 The Somatic Narcissist’s Obsession with Appearance

Somatic narcissists are often preoccupied with their looks and physical fitness. They may:

• Spend excessive amounts of time and money on their appearance
• Constantly seek compliments about their physique or attractiveness
• Become agitated or defensive when not receiving the desired attention

This obsession with appearance can extend to their choice of partners, as they often view their romantic interests as trophies to be displayed and admired.

1.3 The Role of Sexuality in Somatic Narcissism

For somatic narcissists, sexual prowess is a key component of their self-image. They may:

• Boast about their sexual experiences or conquests
• Use sex as a tool for manipulation and control
• Prioritize quantity over quality in sexual relationships

Understanding these core traits is crucial for spotting a narcissist before it’s too late and protecting yourself from potential emotional harm.

2. The Charm Offensive: Recognizing Love Bombing Tactics

One of the most common strategies employed by somatic narcissists in the early stages of a relationship is love bombing. This intense, overwhelming display of affection and attention can be intoxicating, making it difficult to see the red flags lurking beneath the surface.

2.1 The Intensity of Early Attention

Somatic narcissists often shower their targets with an excessive amount of attention and compliments from the very beginning. They may:

• Send frequent text messages or make multiple phone calls throughout the day
• Plan elaborate dates or surprise gestures
• Profess deep feelings or talk about a future together early on

While this behavior might seem romantic at first, it’s important to recognize that love bombing is a seductive trap used by narcissists to quickly establish control and dependency.

2.2 The Promise of a Perfect Partnership

Somatic narcissists are skilled at presenting themselves as the perfect partner. They may:

• Claim to share all of your interests and values
• Promise to fulfill all your desires and dreams
• Paint a picture of an idealized future together

This mirroring behavior is designed to create a false sense of connection and compatibility, making it easier for the narcissist to manipulate their target.

2.3 The Rapid Escalation of Physical Intimacy

Given their focus on sexuality, somatic narcissists often push for physical intimacy early in the relationship. They may:

• Initiate sexual contact on the first date
• Use flattery and compliments to encourage sexual activity
• Pressure their partner to engage in intimate acts before they’re ready

While sexual chemistry can be an important part of a healthy relationship, this rapid escalation is often a sign of the somatic narcissist’s need for validation and control.

3. The Superficial Self: Identifying Excessive Focus on Appearance

One of the most obvious signs of a somatic narcissist is their obsessive focus on physical appearance, both their own and that of their partner.

3.1 The Constant Need for Validation

Somatic narcissists crave constant reassurance about their attractiveness. They may:

• Frequently ask for compliments on their appearance
• Become irritated or upset if their physical attributes aren’t acknowledged
• Constantly compare themselves to others in terms of looks

This incessant need for validation can be exhausting for their partners and is a clear indicator of underlying narcissistic tendencies.

3.2 The Preoccupation with Physical Fitness

While maintaining a healthy lifestyle is admirable, somatic narcissists often take their focus on fitness to extreme levels. They may:

• Spend excessive amounts of time at the gym
• Follow restrictive diets or use performance-enhancing substances
• Criticize others who don’t meet their standards of physical fitness

This obsession with physical perfection often stems from a deep-seated insecurity and need for external validation.

3.3 The Emphasis on Partner’s Appearance

Somatic narcissists don’t just focus on their own appearance; they also place a high value on their partner’s looks. They may:

• Make frequent comments about their partner’s physical attributes
• Pressure their partner to maintain a certain appearance or weight
• Show off their partner as a trophy to friends and acquaintances

This objectification of their partner is a clear sign of the somatic narcissist’s inability to form deep, meaningful connections based on more than physical attraction.

4. The Seduction Game: Recognizing Manipulative Sexual Behavior

Somatic narcissists often use their sexuality as a tool for manipulation and control. Recognizing these patterns early on can help you avoid falling into their trap.

4.1 The Use of Sex as a Weapon

For somatic narcissists, sex is not about intimacy or connection, but rather a means to an end. They may:

• Withhold sex as punishment for perceived slights
• Use sexual favors as a bargaining chip
• Engage in infidelity to boost their ego or punish their partner

This manipulative approach to sexuality is a clear indicator of the somatic narcissist’s lack of empathy and respect for their partner’s feelings.

4.2 The Constant Need for Sexual Attention

Somatic narcissists often have an insatiable appetite for sexual attention, both from their partner and others. They may:

• Flirt openly with others, even in their partner’s presence
• Demand constant sexual availability from their partner
• Become angry or sullen when their sexual advances are rejected

This behavior stems from their need for constant validation and their view of sex as a source of narcissistic supply.

4.3 The Objectification of Sexual Partners

For somatic narcissists, sexual partners are often seen as objects to be used and discarded. They may:

• Brag about their sexual conquests
• Show little regard for their partner’s sexual needs or boundaries
• Engage in casual sexual relationships without emotional investment

This objectification is a clear sign of the somatic narcissist’s inability to form genuine, intimate connections with others.

Dating Disaster: 7 Ways to Identify a Somatic Narcissist Early On
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com
Dating Disaster: 7 Ways to Identify a Somatic Narcissist Early On
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com

5. The Shallow Connection: Detecting a Lack of Emotional Depth

While somatic narcissists may appear charming and attentive on the surface, their relationships often lack genuine emotional depth and intimacy.

5.1 The Inability to Discuss Deep Topics

Somatic narcissists often struggle to engage in meaningful conversations about emotions or personal growth. They may:

• Deflect or change the subject when serious topics arise
• Respond with surface-level platitudes rather than genuine insights
• Become defensive or dismissive when asked about their feelings

This avoidance of emotional depth is a clear indicator of the somatic narcissist’s shallow approach to relationships.

5.2 The Focus on External Validation

Rather than seeking genuine connection, somatic narcissists are primarily concerned with how their relationship makes them look to others. They may:

• Prioritize public displays of affection over private intimacy
• Constantly seek approval from friends and family about their relationship
• Become upset if their partner doesn’t present the desired image in social situations

This preoccupation with external validation reveals the somatic narcissist’s lack of interest in true emotional intimacy.

5.3 The Absence of Empathy

One of the most telling signs of a somatic narcissist is their lack of empathy for their partner’s feelings. They may:

• Dismiss or minimize their partner’s emotional needs
• React with irritation or anger when their partner expresses vulnerability
• Fail to provide support during difficult times

This lack of empathy is a crucial narcissistic trait that’s often overlooked in the early stages of a relationship but becomes glaringly apparent over time.

6. The Double Standard: Identifying Hypocrisy and Entitlement

Somatic narcissists often operate with a set of double standards, expecting their partners to adhere to rules that they themselves freely disregard.

6.1 The Expectation of Constant Attention

While somatic narcissists demand constant attention and admiration from their partners, they rarely reciprocate. They may:

• Become angry if their partner doesn’t respond to messages immediately
• Expect their partner to be available at all times
• Show little interest in their partner’s life or activities

This one-sided expectation of attention is a clear sign of the somatic narcissist’s sense of entitlement and lack of consideration for others.

6.2 The Double Standard in Fidelity

Somatic narcissists often have different rules for themselves and their partners when it comes to fidelity. They may:

• Flirt openly with others while expecting complete loyalty from their partner
• Accuse their partner of cheating without evidence
• Justify their own infidelity while reacting with rage to any perceived slight

This hypocritical approach to fidelity is a glaring red flag that shouldn’t be ignored.

6.3 The Uneven Distribution of Effort

In relationships with somatic narcissists, there’s often a stark imbalance in the effort put forth by each partner. They may:

• Expect their partner to plan all dates and activities
• Refuse to compromise on decisions that affect both partners
• Take credit for their partner’s efforts or achievements

This uneven distribution of effort is a clear indicator of the somatic narcissist’s sense of entitlement and lack of respect for their partner.

7. The Mask Slips: Recognizing Moments of True Character

While somatic narcissists are skilled at maintaining their charming facade, there are moments when their true nature becomes apparent.

7.1 The Reaction to Criticism

Somatic narcissists often have an extreme reaction to even mild criticism. They may:

• Become defensive or aggressive when their appearance or actions are questioned
• Deflect blame onto others rather than accepting responsibility
• Use gaslighting techniques to make their partner doubt their own perceptions

These disproportionate reactions to criticism are a clear sign of the narcissist’s false self and underlying insecurity.

7.2 The Treatment of Service Workers

One of the most telling signs of a person’s true character is how they treat those in service positions. Somatic narcissists may:

• Speak condescendingly to waitstaff, retail workers, or other service professionals
• Become easily frustrated or angry when their demands aren’t immediately met
• Show little empathy or understanding for others’ challenges or mistakes

This poor treatment of service workers is a clear indication of the somatic narcissist’s lack of empathy and sense of superiority.

Dating Disaster: 7 Ways to Identify a Somatic Narcissist Early On
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com
Dating Disaster: 7 Ways to Identify a Somatic Narcissist Early On
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com

7.3 The Behavior During Moments of Stress

When faced with stressful situations, somatic narcissists often reveal their true colors. They may:

• Lash out at their partner or others when things don’t go their way
• Abandon their responsibilities or commitments when faced with challenges
• Engage in reckless or self-destructive behavior to avoid dealing with problems

These reactions to stress reveal the somatic narcissist’s inability to cope with adversity in a healthy manner.

8. The Aftermath: Understanding the Impact of Somatic Narcissism

Recognizing the signs of a somatic narcissist early on is crucial for protecting yourself from the potential long-term effects of such a relationship.

8.1 The Emotional Toll

Relationships with somatic narcissists can have severe emotional consequences. Victims may experience:

• Lowered self-esteem and self-worth
• Anxiety and depression
• Difficulty trusting others in future relationships

These emotional scars can take years to heal, making early identification of somatic narcissists all the more important.




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Frequently Asked Questions

What Are The Key Traits Of A Somatic Narcissist In A Romantic Relationship?

Somatic narcissists in romantic relationships often display a distinct set of traits that can be red flags for potential partners. These individuals tend to be excessively focused on their physical appearance and may spend an inordinate amount of time and energy on maintaining their looks. According to Psychology Today, somatic narcissists derive their narcissistic supply primarily from their bodies and physical attractiveness.

In relationships, somatic narcissists may exhibit a constant need for admiration and validation regarding their appearance. They might frequently seek compliments or become upset if their partner doesn’t acknowledge their physical attributes often enough. This obsession with appearance can extend to their partner as well, with the somatic narcissist potentially becoming overly critical of their significant other’s looks or pressuring them to maintain a certain image.

Another key trait is their tendency to use their physical appearance and sexuality as tools for manipulation. They may engage in flirtatious behavior with others to provoke jealousy or use sex as a means of control within the relationship. This behavior stems from their deep-seated insecurity and need for constant validation, which can make maintaining a healthy, balanced relationship challenging.

How Can You Spot A Somatic Narcissist On The First Date?

Identifying a somatic narcissist on the first date requires keen observation and awareness of certain behavioral patterns. One of the most noticeable signs is an excessive focus on physical appearance, both their own and yours. According to Healthline, a somatic narcissist may spend an inordinate amount of time talking about their fitness routine, diet, or latest cosmetic procedures.

Pay attention to how they interact with others during the date. A somatic narcissist might flirt excessively with waitstaff or other patrons, seeking attention and admiration from multiple sources. They may also make frequent comments about other people’s appearances, often in a critical or comparative manner. This behavior reflects their constant need for external validation and their tendency to view others as objects for their gratification.

Another red flag to watch for is a lack of genuine interest in getting to know you beyond surface-level attributes. If the conversation consistently revolves around physical appearance or material possessions, and they show little curiosity about your thoughts, feelings, or experiences, it could be a sign of somatic narcissism. Remember, while these signs can indicate narcissistic traits, a professional diagnosis is required to determine if someone has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

What Are The Differences Between A Somatic Narcissist And A Cerebral Narcissist?

While both somatic and cerebral narcissists share core narcissistic traits such as a lack of empathy and a need for admiration, they differ in the primary source of their narcissistic supply. According to Very Well Mind, somatic narcissists derive their self-worth and validation primarily from their physical appearance and sexual prowess. They are often preoccupied with their body image, fitness, and attractiveness.

Cerebral narcissists, on the other hand, base their self-esteem on their intellectual abilities and achievements. They pride themselves on their knowledge, intelligence, and problem-solving skills. In relationships, a cerebral narcissist might constantly try to prove their intellectual superiority, while a somatic narcissist would focus more on showcasing their physical attributes or sexual conquests.

The manipulation tactics used by these two types of narcissists also differ. Somatic narcissists are more likely to use their physical appearance and sexuality to manipulate others, while cerebral narcissists might employ intellectual intimidation or gaslighting techniques. Understanding these differences can be crucial in identifying and dealing with narcissistic behavior in relationships.

How Does A Somatic Narcissist’s Obsession With Appearance Affect Their Relationships?

A somatic narcissist’s obsession with appearance can have profound effects on their relationships, often leading to emotional abuse and manipulation. According to Psych Central, this fixation on physical attributes can manifest in various harmful behaviors within the relationship dynamic.

Firstly, the somatic narcissist may constantly seek validation and admiration from their partner regarding their appearance. This incessant need for praise can be emotionally draining for the partner, who may feel pressured to constantly provide compliments and reassurance. Additionally, the somatic narcissist might become overly critical of their partner’s appearance, leading to decreased self-esteem and confidence in the non-narcissistic partner.

The obsession with appearance can also lead to infidelity or the constant threat of it. Somatic narcissists may flirt excessively with others or maintain inappropriate relationships, justifying their behavior as harmless attention-seeking. This can create a perpetual state of insecurity and jealousy within the relationship, eroding trust and emotional intimacy.

What Are The Early Warning Signs Of Somatic Narcissism In A New Relationship?

Identifying early warning signs of somatic narcissism in a new relationship is crucial for protecting oneself from potential emotional abuse. According to Medical News Today, one of the primary indicators is an excessive focus on physical appearance and constant need for validation regarding their looks. This may manifest as frequent requests for compliments or becoming visibly upset when their appearance isn’t acknowledged.

Another early warning sign is the somatic narcissist’s tendency to objectify both themselves and their partner. They may treat the relationship as a trophy to be displayed rather than a genuine emotional connection. This objectification often extends to their partner, whom they may view primarily in terms of physical attributes or as an accessory to enhance their own image.

Pay attention to how they react to perceived slights or criticism, especially regarding their appearance. Somatic narcissists often have a fragile ego and may respond with disproportionate anger or sulking behavior when they feel their physical image is being questioned or not sufficiently praised. This hypersensitivity to criticism can be a significant red flag in the early stages of a relationship.

How Do Somatic Narcissists Use Social Media In Their Relationships?

Somatic narcissists often leverage social media as a powerful tool to feed their need for admiration and validation in their relationships. According to Psychology Today, these individuals tend to curate their online presence meticulously, posting frequent selfies, gym photos, or other images that highlight their physical appearance.

In the context of relationships, somatic narcissists may use social media to create a façade of the perfect couple. They might frequently post romantic photos or status updates, not out of genuine affection, but as a way to garner likes and comments from their followers. This behavior can put immense pressure on their partner to maintain this illusion of perfection both online and offline.

Moreover, somatic narcissists often use social media as a tool for manipulation within their relationships. They might flirt with others openly on these platforms to provoke jealousy in their partner or to keep them in a state of insecurity. Alternatively, they may use their social media activity to gaslight their partner, denying inappropriate online interactions or accusing them of being overly suspicious.

What Are The Long-Term Effects Of Being In A Relationship With A Somatic Narcissist?

Being in a long-term relationship with a somatic narcissist can have severe psychological and emotional consequences. According to Healthline, partners of somatic narcissists often experience a significant decrease in self-esteem and self-worth over time. This is largely due to the constant criticism and comparison that somatic narcissists subject their partners to, particularly regarding physical appearance.

The relentless need for admiration and validation from a somatic narcissist can lead to emotional exhaustion in their partner. The non-narcissistic partner may feel constantly drained from having to provide endless compliments and reassurance, while their own emotional needs are neglected. This one-sided emotional labor can result in feelings of resentment, anxiety, and depression.

Furthermore, the manipulative tactics often employed by somatic narcissists, such as gaslighting and emotional blackmail, can lead to long-term psychological damage. Partners may develop trust issues, difficulty in forming new relationships, and symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) even after the relationship has ended.

How Can You Protect Yourself From A Somatic Narcissist In The Dating World?

Protecting yourself from a somatic narcissist in the dating world requires a combination of self-awareness, boundary-setting, and vigilance. According to Psych Central, one of the most effective strategies is to educate yourself about the signs and behaviors associated with somatic narcissism. This knowledge will help you identify red flags early in the dating process.

Maintaining strong personal boundaries is crucial when dealing with potential somatic narcissists. Be clear about your expectations and limits in the relationship, and don’t hesitate to enforce them. If someone consistently disrespects your boundaries or makes you feel uncomfortable about your appearance or self-worth, it’s important to recognize these as warning signs.

It’s also vital to maintain a strong support system outside of the dating relationship. Friends and family can provide valuable perspective and support, helping you stay grounded and confident in your own worth. Additionally, consider seeking professional help if you find yourself repeatedly attracted to or involved with somatic narcissists, as this pattern may indicate underlying issues that need addressing.

What Role Does Gaslighting Play In A Somatic Narcissist’s Manipulation Tactics?

Gaslighting is a crucial component in a somatic narcissist’s arsenal of manipulation tactics. According to Very Well Mind, gaslighting involves making someone question their own reality or perceptions. In the context of a relationship with a somatic narcissist, this often manifests in ways that relate to physical appearance and attractiveness.

A somatic narcissist might gaslight their partner by consistently denying or downplaying their flirtatious behavior with others. They may accuse their partner of being “too sensitive” or “imagining things” when confronted about their inappropriate interactions. This can lead the partner to doubt their own perceptions and feelings, making them more susceptible to further manipulation.

Additionally, somatic narcissists may use gaslighting to maintain control over their partner’s appearance. They might criticize their partner’s looks one day, then deny ever having said anything negative the next. This inconsistent behavior can leave the partner feeling confused and insecure, often leading them to seek the narcissist’s approval even more desperately.

How Does A Somatic Narcissist’s Need For Admiration Manifest In Their Sexual Behavior?

A somatic narcissist’s need for admiration often extends into their sexual behavior, creating a dynamic that can be both alluring and damaging. According to Psychology Today, somatic narcissists tend to view sex as a performance rather than an intimate connection between partners.

In the bedroom, somatic narcissists may be overly focused on their own physical appearance and sexual prowess. They might spend excessive time preparing for sexual encounters, treating them more like performances than moments of intimacy. This behavior stems from their constant need for validation and admiration, even in the most private moments.

Furthermore, somatic narcissists may use sex as a tool for manipulation and control within the relationship. They might withhold sexual affection as punishment or use it as a reward for desired behavior from their partner. This transactional approach to intimacy can leave their partners feeling objectified and emotionally disconnected.

What Are The Challenges Of Breaking Up With A Somatic Narcissist?

Breaking up with a somatic narcissist presents unique challenges due to their manipulative nature and fragile ego. According to Healthline, one of the primary difficulties is dealing with the narcissist’s intense fear of abandonment and loss of narcissistic supply. This fear can manifest in various manipulative tactics designed to prevent the breakup or punish the partner for leaving.

Somatic narcissists may resort to love bombing, suddenly showering their partner with affection and compliments to win them back. They might also engage in emotional blackmail, threatening self-harm or making dramatic promises to change. These tactics can be particularly effective if the partner has developed codependent tendencies during the relationship.

Another significant challenge is the potential for stalking or harassment post-breakup. Somatic narcissists, accustomed to using their physical appearance for manipulation, may struggle to accept the loss of control over their former partner. This can lead to persistent attempts at contact or efforts to sabotage the ex-partner’s new relationships.

How Can Therapy Help In Recovering From A Relationship With A Somatic Narcissist?

Therapy can play a crucial role in recovering from a relationship with a somatic narcissist by providing a safe space to process the emotional trauma and rebuild self-esteem. According to Psych Central, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be particularly effective in addressing the negative thought patterns and beliefs that may have developed during the relationship.

A therapist can help the individual recognize and challenge the distorted self-image they may have internalized due to the somatic narcissist’s constant criticism and manipulation. This process often involves relearning to trust one’s own perceptions and feelings, which may have been undermined through gaslighting and other abusive tactics.

Additionally, therapy can provide valuable tools for setting and maintaining healthy boundaries in future relationships. This is especially important for individuals who may have become accustomed to the somatic narcissist’s disregard for personal boundaries. Through therapy, survivors can learn to identify red flags early on and develop strategies for protecting themselves from similar abusive dynamics in the future.

What Are The Similarities And Differences Between Male And Female Somatic Narcissists?

While somatic narcissism can manifest in both males and females, there are some notable similarities and differences in how it presents across genders. According to Psychology Today, both male and female somatic narcissists share a core obsession with their physical appearance and a need for constant admiration.

However, the specific focus of their narcissistic behaviors may differ. Male somatic narcissists often emphasize physical strength, fitness, and sexual prowess. They may be excessively preoccupied with bodybuilding, designer clothing, or luxury cars as extensions of their physical image. Female somatic narcissists, on the other hand, might place more emphasis on beauty, fashion, and maintaining a youthful appearance.

In relationships, both genders may use their physical attributes to manipulate partners, but the tactics might differ. Male somatic narcissists may be more likely to use overt displays of strength or sexual conquests to assert dominance, while female somatic narcissists might rely more on subtle forms of manipulation related to beauty and desirability.

How Does A Somatic Narcissist’s Behavior Change As They Age?

As somatic narcissists age, their behavior often undergoes significant changes, primarily due to the inevitable physical changes that come with getting older. According to Very Well Mind, the loss of youthful appearance can trigger intense anxiety and depression in somatic narcissists, as their primary source of narcissistic supply begins to diminish.

This anxiety may manifest in increased efforts to maintain their youthful appearance, such as excessive exercise, restrictive diets, or pursuing cosmetic procedures. Some somatic narcissists may become hyper-focused on anti-aging treatments or develop an obsession with health and wellness as a way to stave off the effects of aging.

In relationships, aging somatic narcissists may become even more demanding and critical of their partners’ appearances. They might project their own insecurities onto their partners, becoming increasingly controlling about their partner’s diet, exercise habits, or clothing choices. Alternatively, some may seek validation from younger partners or engage in affairs as a way to prove their continued desirability and combat their fear of aging.

What Are The Signs Of A Somatic Narcissist In Online Dating Profiles?

Identifying a somatic narcissist through online dating profiles requires careful observation of certain telltale signs. According to Psych Central, one of the most obvious indicators is an excessive focus on physical appearance in their profile pictures and descriptions.

About the Author :

Som Dutt, Top writer in Philosophy & Psychology on Medium.com. I make people Think, Relate, Feel & Move. Let's Embrace Inner Chaos and Appreciate Deep, Novel & Heavy Thoughts.

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