Last updated on August 22nd, 2024 at 12:14 am

• Why Does Narcissistic Collapse Happen?
• 1. Impulsive Behavior or Reactions
• 2. The Narcissist’s Language Becomes Less Grammatically Correct
• 3. Cognitive Decline
• 4. The Narcissist Speaks More Loudly, Interrupts Others More Frequently, and Claims That Others Are Always Interrupting Them When They Speak
• 5. They Blame Everyone Else for Their Condition and Problems
• 6. Self-Pitying
• 7. Withdrawing from Close Relationships for Fear of More Emotional Injury
• 8. Feeling Misunderstood, Mistreated, and Victimized
• 9. Usually Hiding Their Dysfunctional Behavior by Blaming Others
• 10. Feelings of Worthlessness and Hopelessness, Self-loathing and Self-hatred Sometimes Resulting in Suicidal Thoughts or Attempts at Suicide
• 11. Unexpressed Anger
• 12. Shifts to an Inferiority Complex
• 13. Feels That They Are Rejected and Have Been Stripped of the Good Things in Their Lives
• 14. May Experience Panic Attacks; Especially in Seeing Their Mask Slip and Them Becoming Vulnerable
• 15. May Experience Feeling “Empty”
• 16. May Become Less Concerned About Their Image and Begin to Slouch or Dress Less Well
• 17. May Give Up on Speaking Smoothly or Eloquently
• 18. May Never Have Developed a Real Sense of Self (Insecure Attachment)
• 19. Not Following Through on Their Commitments
• 20. They Become Extremely Critical of Those Around Them or They Start Criticizing Themselves All the Time; There Is No Middle Ground with Them
• 21. They Become Self-isolating and Spending a Lot of Time Alone (Or They Were Already Doing This, and Now They’re Doing It Even More)
• 22. They Start Overcompensating by Trying Too Hard to Impress People (Overdoing It at Work, Buying Expensive Things, Etc.)
• 23. They Start Acting Very Paranoid About Others’ Intentions Towards Them
• 24. Sudden Mood Swings Become More Frequent and More Extreme
• 25. Their Communication Becomes More Erratic, and Their Thought Processes Appear to Be Less Linear and Organized
• 26. Extreme Self-Doubt
• 27. Fear of Loss of Grandiosity
• 28. Fear of Abandonment
• 29. Fear of Loss of Validation
• 30. Extreme Vulnerability
• 31. Intense Emotions
• 32. Psychological Disorientation
• 33. Reevaluation of Relationships
• The Role of Flying Monkeys in Narcissistic Abuse
• Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse
• Final Thoughts

Narcissism is a tricky thing to understand. People with narcissistic traits can seem super confident on the outside. But inside, they’re actually very fragile. When their carefully built image starts to crumble, it’s called narcissistic collapse. This can happen when they face big setbacks or criticism.

Imagine a grand castle made of sand on the beach. It looks amazing from far away. But as the tide comes in, the waves start to erode the base. Soon, the whole thing comes crashing down. That’s kind of what narcissistic collapse is like.

“Pathological narcissists can lose touch with reality in subtle ways that become extremely dangerous over time. When they can’t let go of their need to be admired or recognized, they have to bend or invent a reality in which they remain special despite all messages to the contrary.” – Bandy X Lee

When narcissists start to fall apart, it affects everyone around them too. Their mood swings get worse. They lash out more. They might withdraw from people or try too hard to impress others. It’s a mess for everyone involved.

But spotting the signs of collapse early can help. It gives people a chance to protect themselves. It can even be the first step for the narcissist to make real changes and heal.

In this article, we’ll look at 33 key signs of narcissistic collapse. We’ll explore what happens before, during, and after the breakdown. By the end, you’ll have a much better understanding of this complex issue.

Why Does Narcissistic Collapse Happen?

Narcissists build their whole identity on a shaky foundation. They create a false self to cover up their deep insecurities. This fake persona needs constant praise and attention to stay intact.

But life doesn’t always go smoothly. When narcissists face big challenges or lose their usual sources of admiration, their carefully built image starts to crack. As things get worse, they might:

• Perform poorly at work or school
• Have relationship problems
• Pull away from people
• Act out in desperate or harmful ways

To others, these behaviors often seem confusing or extreme. But understanding the signs of collapse can shed light on what’s really going on.

Most importantly, collapse shows that the narcissist needs to let go of their fake self and build a real identity. It’s a hard road, but many come out stronger in the end.

Now let’s dive into the 33 key signs to watch for:

1. Impulsive Behavior or Reactions

When narcissists start to fall apart, they often lose control of their actions. They make rash choices without thinking things through. This can show up in many ways:

• A coworker might suddenly quit after not getting a promotion, even if it hurts their career.
• A friend might cut off their whole social group when feeling left out.
• A partner might cheat or start drinking too much to avoid dealing with relationship issues.
• A teen might skip school and lie about it when stressed about grades.

These impulsive acts are like a pressure release valve. The narcissist is trying to escape their pain or regain a sense of control. But usually, these choices just make things worse in the long run.

“No other being is lesser human than the one who thinks of others as such.” – Abhijit Naskar

As the collapse gets worse, the narcissist loses the ability to pause and think about consequences. They react without considering how it will affect others or themselves later on.

2. The Narcissist’s Language Becomes Less Grammatically Correct

When narcissists are on top of their game, they often speak very smoothly. They know just what to say to impress people or get what they want. But during collapse, their way of talking changes:

• A politician who used to give perfect speeches might start stumbling over words and leaving sentences unfinished.
• A smooth-talking business owner might start using too many dramatic words to oversell their ideas.
• An abusive parent who used big words to scare their family might start talking in simpler terms about their own childhood pain.
• A friend who loved to drop celebrity names might start sighing heavily and repeating themselves instead.

These changes show that the narcissist is losing their grip on their carefully crafted image. Their inner turmoil is starting to show through in how they talk.

“Some people, in an attempt to mask their shortcomings dig lies so deep, they end up drowning in a sea of their own delusions!” – Carlos Wallace

As the narcissist’s mask slips, their language skills often suffer. They might ramble, use words incorrectly, or have trouble expressing themselves clearly. This is a big change from their usual polished way of speaking.

3. Cognitive Decline

As narcissists start to fall apart, their thinking skills often get worse. They might have trouble:

• Planning ahead
• Using good reasoning
• Remembering conversations
• Keeping up with hobbies

For example:

• A doctor known for spotting rare illnesses might start forgetting basic questions to ask patients.
• A professor famous for brilliant lectures might keep losing their train of thought while teaching.

At the same time, narcissists in collapse tend to focus way too much on themselves. They stop being able to talk about other topics:

• Someone at a reunion might only want to talk about their recent plastic surgeries and divorce.
• A preacher might spend more time sharing vague personal revelations than talking about scripture.

These changes show that the narcissist is struggling to keep up their usual act. Their mind is consumed with their own problems, making it hard to function normally or connect with others.

4. The Narcissist Speaks More Loudly, Interrupts Others More Frequently, and Claims That Others Are Always Interrupting Them When They Speak

When narcissists start to lose control, they often try to dominate conversations. They might:

• Talk over other people
• Raise their voice to be heard
• Accuse others of interrupting them, even when that’s not true

For instance:

• A business exec might keep butting in to brag about old successes when coworkers try to share new ideas.
• A writer might launch into long rants about bad reviews during dinner with friends, not letting anyone else speak.

These behaviors show the narcissist is desperate to feel important again. They’re trying to force others to pay attention to them.

The narcissist might also start to twist how they hear things:

• A failed politician might think supporters are sabotaging them, when really people are just moving on.
• A trophy wife might imagine her friends are looking down on her, when they’re actually trying to be supportive.

As things get worse, the narcissist might have big emotional outbursts. They might suddenly yell things like “Nobody understands me!” This really shows how much they’re struggling inside.

5. They Blame Everyone Else for Their Condition and Problems

When things start going wrong, narcissists often point fingers at everyone but themselves. They might:

• Accuse others of sabotaging them
• Say their failures are someone else’s fault
• Refuse to take responsibility for their actions

For example:

• A writer with writer’s block might blame their publisher for not supporting them enough.
• A surgeon who made a mistake might blame the nurses or hospital rules instead of admitting their error.

Even when people try to help, narcissists might accuse them of having bad motives:

• An addict might say their family is trying to control them when they suggest rehab.
• A husband might see his wife’s unhappiness as rejection instead of a cry for help.

Blaming others lets the narcissist avoid facing their own flaws. But it also pushes away the people who could actually help them get better.

6. Self-Pitying

As narcissists lose their usual sense of greatness, they often start feeling sorry for themselves. They might:

• Complain about how unfair life is
• Act like they’re the biggest victim ever
• Fish for sympathy from others

For instance:

• A musician whose albums aren’t selling might post long rants online about how the world doesn’t appreciate true art.
• A rich businessman facing some money troubles might act like he’s about to end up homeless.

Narcissists might also start seeing themselves as helpless victims:

• A politician who lost an election might attack their former supporters for being disloyal instead of looking at their own mistakes.
• An actress blamed for causing problems on set might say Hollywood is cruel and sexist rather than working on her behavior.

This “woe is me” attitude is the narcissist’s way of trying to get others to boost them up again. But it often backfires, pushing people away instead.

7. Withdrawing from Close Relationships for Fear of More Emotional Injury

When narcissists start to fall apart, they often pull away from the people closest to them. They do this to protect what’s left of their fragile self-image. For example:

• A dad who used to brag about being the family leader might start hiding in his office after losing his job.
• A pastor caught in a scandal might dodge calls from church members instead of trying to rebuild trust.

Even people who used to feed the narcissist’s ego might get pushed away:

• A writer with writer’s block might ghost all their literary contacts because they can’t stand not having anything impressive to share.

Pulling away like this is the narcissist’s way of avoiding more pain. But it also cuts them off from the support and connection they really need to heal.

8. Feeling Misunderstood, Mistreated, and Victimized

As narcissists lose their grip on their inflated self-image, they often start to see themselves as victims. They might feel like:

• Nobody understands them
• The world is out to get them
• They’re being treated unfairly

For instance:

• A politician caught in a scandal might say it’s all a plot by their enemies, even when there’s clear proof of wrongdoing.
• A scientist called out for faking data might accuse others of being jealous of their brilliance.

Even when loved ones try to help, the narcissist might see it as an attack:

• Someone whose family stages an intervention about their drug use might accuse them of ganging up on them.

This warped view of reality makes it hard for narcissists to accept feedback or take responsibility for their actions. They’re stuck seeing themselves as the victim, which keeps them from making real changes.

9. Usually Hiding Their Dysfunctional Behavior by Blaming Others

When narcissists start falling apart, they often try to hide how badly they’re doing. They might:

• Accuse others of causing their problems
• Say they’re just misunderstood
• Act like they’re the real victim

For example:

• A boss fired for being toxic might say their employees were out to get them.
• A parent losing custody might claim the other parent brainwashed the kids against them.

Narcissists also tend to play the victim card a lot during collapse:

• A friend nobody likes anymore might say the whole group is toxic, not admitting to their own bad behavior.
• A spouse in a loveless marriage might say their partner just doesn’t understand them, instead of working on being a better partner.

10. Feelings of Worthlessness and Hopelessness, Self-loathing and Self-hatred Sometimes Resulting in Suicidal Thoughts or Attempts at Suicide

When narcissists’ carefully built self-image falls apart, they can sink into deep despair. They might feel:

• Completely worthless
• Hopeless about the future
• Intense self-hatred

In severe cases, this can lead to thoughts of suicide. For instance:

• A writer whose books get bad reviews might spiral into depression when they realize they’re not as talented as they thought.
• A surgeon who loses their license after a mistake might feel like their whole identity is gone.

Narcissists build their whole sense of self on looking perfect to others. When that crumbles, they’re left feeling empty inside. They might not know who they really are without all the praise and admiration.

11. Unexpressed Anger

As narcissists lose control of their carefully built image, they often get really angry. But they might not show it in obvious ways at first. This anger can leak out as:

• Snapping at people over small things
• Being extra critical of others
• Having a short fuse

For example:

• A politician who loses an election might blow up at their staff, blaming them for the loss.
• An aging actress might lash out at her agent when she stops getting big roles.

These angry outbursts show that the narcissist is losing their ability to stay calm and in control. They’re struggling to handle their emotions as their ego takes hits.

As things get worse, the narcissist might start holding grudges:

• Someone cut off by rich friends might obsess over how to get revenge.

This bottled-up anger is a sign that the narcissist is having trouble dealing with disappointment and change.

12. Shifts to an Inferiority Complex

When narcissists start to fall apart, they sometimes swing to the other extreme. Instead of feeling superior all the time, they might suddenly feel:

• Deeply insecure
• Like they’re not good at anything
• Afraid of being judged

For instance:

• A CEO who always bragged about their business skills might start doubting every decision after a scandal.
• An artist used to tons of praise might obsess over one bad review, thinking it proves they have no talent.

This shift happens because the narcissist’s fake confidence is crumbling. All the insecurities they tried to hide are now flooding to the surface.

Narcissists in relationships might also start comparing themselves to others constantly:

• A teacher might fixate on awards their old classmates won, seeing it as proof they’re a failure.
• An actress might obsess over online comments praising other performers.

13. Feels That They Are Rejected and Have Been Stripped of the Good Things in Their Lives

When narcissists start to lose their usual admiration and status, they often feel deeply rejected. They might think:

• Everyone has abandoned them
• Life is treating them unfairly
• They’ve lost everything that matters

For example:

• A controversial TV host who gets fired might feel like they’re being censored and persecuted.
• An actress facing retirement might feel like she’s losing her whole identity along with her career.

This sense of rejection hits narcissists extra hard because they built their whole self-worth on external validation. When that goes away, they feel completely lost.

Narcissists who relied on being the center of attention in their social circle might also feel left out:

• An influencer might suddenly feel jealous of friends settling down with families.
• A team leader might feel betrayed when a new boss gives big projects to other people.

These feelings of rejection and loss are really painful for the narcissist. But they can also be the first step toward building a more authentic sense of self.

14. May Experience Panic Attacks; Especially in Seeing Their Mask Slip and Them Becoming Vulnerable

As narcissists lose control of their carefully built image, they might start having panic attacks. These can happen when:

• They mess up in public
• Someone sees through their act
• They can’t hide their flaws anymore

For instance:

• A comedian known for quick wit might panic after bombing on stage, realizing they can’t always charm their way out of things.
• A professor who acts like they know everything might freak out when new material stumps them in class.

These panic attacks show how scary it is for narcissists to be seen as regular, flawed humans. They’re used to seeming perfect all the time.

Even losing some of their usual admiration can trigger panic:

• An influencer might melt down over dropping follower counts, realizing how much they relied on that attention.
• A team leader might panic when they feel left out of new projects, not knowing how to handle not being the star.

15. May Experience Feeling “Empty”

When narcissists lose their usual sources of attention and praise, they often feel incredibly empty inside. This happens because:

• They built their whole identity on looking good to others
• They never developed a strong sense of self beyond that image

For example:

• A socialite who loses her rich friends might suddenly feel like her life has no purpose without fancy parties to attend.
• A professor who loved being adored by students might feel lost and unimportant when cultural shifts make his lectures less popular.

16. May Become Less Concerned About Their Image and Begin to Slouch or Dress Less Well

When narcissists start to fall apart, they often stop caring as much about how they look. This can show up as:

• Slouching instead of standing tall
• Dressing sloppily when they used to be very put-together
• Not bothering with makeup or hair styling

For instance:

• A CEO known for perfect suits might start coming to work in wrinkled clothes after a big company setback.
• A social media influencer might stop posting glamorous photos and appear in public looking messy and unkempt.

This change happens because the narcissist is losing the energy to keep up their perfect image. They’re struggling inside, and it’s starting to show on the outside too.

“Coverts do have a grandiose sense of self, are preoccupied with fantasies of power, require excessive admiration, but they hide these attributes so people will like and trust them. They know if they are obvious about their self-absorbed traits, people won’t like them.” – Debbie Mirza

17. May Give Up on Speaking Smoothly or Eloquently

Narcissists often pride themselves on being great talkers. But during collapse, their speech might change a lot. They might:

• Stumble over words
• Have trouble explaining their thoughts clearly
• Lose their usual charm when speaking

For example:

• A politician known for moving speeches might start rambling and getting facts wrong during press conferences.
• A smooth-talking salesperson might suddenly struggle to convince customers, losing their usual persuasive power.

This change happens because the narcissist is losing confidence in their carefully built image. They’re having trouble keeping up the act of being super competent and charismatic.

18. May Never Have Developed a Real Sense of Self (Insecure Attachment)

Many narcissists struggle with a shaky sense of who they really are. This often comes from not forming secure bonds as kids. During collapse, this issue becomes super clear. They might:

• Not know what they like or want without others telling them
• Change their personality to fit what others expect
• Feel totally lost when they lose their usual roles or status

For instance:

• Someone raised by unreliable parents might panic in relationships, constantly seeking reassurance.
• A person who always molded themselves to please others might have no idea who they are when left alone.

This weak sense of self makes narcissistic collapse extra hard. The person has no solid core to fall back on when their fake image crumbles.

“You know that unforgivable lie they tell about you. You may struggle with this one because you know, they know the truth. You are a good parent, but the lie must be implanted for them to win.” – Tracy A. Malone

Healing from narcissistic abuse often involves building a stronger, more authentic sense of self. This is tough work, but it’s key to lasting change.

19. Not Following Through on Their Commitments

When narcissists start to fall apart, they often stop keeping their promises. They might:

• Miss important meetings or events
• Forget to do tasks they said they’d handle
• Back out of plans at the last minute

For example:

• A manager who used to run tight projects might start missing deadlines and forgetting to follow up with team members.
• A friend who always organized group activities might suddenly flake on plans they made, leaving others in the lurch.

This behavior happens because the narcissist is losing their grip on their usual competent image. They’re struggling to keep up with demands as their confidence crumbles.

Not following through also shows the narcissist is having trouble putting others’ needs before their own internal chaos. It’s a sign that their usual act is falling apart.

20. They Become Extremely Critical of Those Around Them or They Start Criticizing Themselves All the Time; There Is No Middle Ground with Them

During collapse, narcissists often swing between two extremes:

1. Being super harsh on everyone else
2. Being incredibly hard on themselves

There’s no in-between. They might:

• Nitpick every little thing others do
• Beat themselves up over tiny mistakes
• Flip between blaming others and blaming themselves

For instance:

• A boss facing company troubles might suddenly start tearing apart their employees’ work, finding fault with everything.
• An athlete who messes up in a big game might swing between blaming their teammates and calling themselves a total failure.

This all-or-nothing thinking shows how the narcissist is losing their ability to see things clearly. They’re stuck in extreme ways of thinking as their usual confidence crumbles.

“The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society.” – Edward Bernays

The effects of narcissistic abuse can linger long after the relationship ends. This black-and-white thinking is one way it can show up.

21. They Become Self-isolating and Spending a Lot of Time Alone (Or They Were Already Doing This, and Now They’re Doing It Even More)

As narcissists fall apart, they often pull away from others. They might:

• Cancel plans more often
• Spend more time at home alone
• Avoid social situations they used to enjoy

For example:

• A usually outgoing sales rep might start skipping team lunches and working from home more.
• Someone who loved throwing parties might stop hosting gatherings and ignore invites from friends.

This isolation happens because the narcissist is trying to protect their crumbling self-image. They’re afraid of others seeing them as less than perfect.

If the person was already kind of a loner, this pulling away might get even worse during collapse. They might go from being a little distant to completely cutting off contact with others.

22. They Start Overcompensating by Trying Too Hard to Impress People (Overdoing It at Work, Buying Expensive Things, Etc.)

When narcissists feel their image slipping, they might go overboard trying to look successful. They could:

• Work crazy long hours
• Buy flashy cars or designer clothes they can’t afford
• Brag about achievements, even small ones

For instance:

• An executive facing money troubles might take on way too many projects, trying to prove they’re still on top of their game.
• Someone going through a breakup might suddenly start posting tons of photos of themselves at fancy restaurants and clubs.

This behavior comes from a desperate need to shore up their failing self-esteem. They’re trying to convince themselves and others that they’re still special and important.

“Narcissistic personality disorder is named for Narcissus, from Greek mythology, who fell in love with his own reflection.” – Donald W. Black

But this overcompensating often backfires. It can push people away and create more problems for the narcissist in the long run.

23. They Start Acting Very Paranoid About Others’ Intentions Towards Them

As narcissists lose their usual confidence, they often become super suspicious of others. They might:

• Think everyone is out to get them
• Believe people are talking about them behind their back
• See threats where there aren’t any

For example:

• A celebrity facing some bad press might start accusing their whole team of leaking stories to the tabloids.
• A student struggling in class might think their teacher has it out for them, even when the teacher is trying to help.

This paranoia comes from the narcissist’s fear of being seen as less than perfect. As their mask slips, they get more and more worried about what others think of them.

Surviving narcissistic abuse often involves learning to trust your own perceptions again after dealing with someone this paranoid and controlling.

24. Sudden Mood Swings Become More Frequent and More Extreme

During collapse, narcissists often have wild shifts in mood. They might:

• Go from super happy to furious in seconds
• Swing between feeling on top of the world and totally hopeless
• Have emotional reactions that seem way too big for the situation

For instance:

• A boss might praise an employee one minute, then blow up at them over a tiny mistake the next.
• Someone might be laughing and joking at a party, then suddenly storm out in tears over a small comment.

These mood swings happen because the narcissist is losing control of their emotions. Their usual ability to keep a calm face is breaking down.

“But both the narcissist and his partner do not really consider each other. Trapped in the moves of an all-consuming dance macabre, they follow the motions morbidly — semiconscious, desensitized, exhausted, and concerned only with survival.” – Sam Vaknin

25. Their Communication Becomes More Erratic, and Their Thought Processes Appear to Be Less Linear and Organized

As narcissists fall apart, the way they talk and think often gets messier. They might:

• Jump from topic to topic without making sense
• Have trouble following a train of thought
• Say things that don’t fit the conversation

For example:

• A teacher known for clear lessons might start giving lectures that wander all over the place, confusing students.
• Someone telling a story might keep getting sidetracked and never reach the point they were trying to make.

This scattered communication shows that the narcissist’s mind is in chaos. They’re having trouble organizing their thoughts as their usual confidence crumbles.

Recognizing patterns of narcissistic abuse can help you spot when someone’s behavior is crossing the line from just being scattered to being manipulative.

26. Extreme Self-Doubt

When narcissists start to collapse, they often swing from total confidence to intense self-doubt. They might:

• Question every decision they make
• Think they’re terrible at things they used to feel great about
• Constantly ask for reassurance

For instance:

• A surgeon who never used to worry might start triple-checking every little step, slowing down procedures.
• An artist who was super proud of their work might suddenly think everything they create is garbage.

This self-doubt happens because the narcissist’s inflated self-image is crumbling. All the insecurities they used to hide behind their confidence are now flooding out.

“For some, life may be a playground to undermine the brainwaves of others or simply a vainglorious game with an armory of theatrics, illustrating only bleak self-deception, haughty narcissism and dim deficiency in empathy.” – Erik Pevernagie

27. Fear of Loss of Grandiosity

Narcissists often build their whole identity on feeling special and important. When that starts to slip away, they can get really scared. They might:

• Panic at any sign of criticism or failure
• Try way too hard to prove they’re still amazing
• Lash out at anyone who doesn’t treat them like they’re the best

For example:

• A politician who loses an election might claim it was rigged, unable to accept that voters rejected them.
• A pop star whose new album flops might attack music critics and say the public just doesn’t get their genius.

This fear comes from the narcissist’s deep need to feel superior to others. When reality threatens that feeling, it’s like their whole world is falling apart.

Hidden signs of narcissistic abuse can include this desperate clinging to a sense of specialness, even when it hurts others.

28. Fear of Abandonment

Even though narcissists often act like they don’t need anyone, deep down they’re terrified of being left alone. During collapse, this fear can get really intense. They might:

• Become super clingy in relationships
• Accuse partners of cheating with no evidence
• Threaten to hurt themselves if someone tries to leave

For instance:

• A boss who’s losing respect at work might start micromanaging employees, afraid they’ll quit.
• Someone going through a breakup might bombard their ex with messages, swinging between begging and threats.

29. Fear of Loss of Validation

Narcissists rely heavily on others’ approval to feel good about themselves. When that starts to go away, they can panic. They might:

• Fish for compliments constantly
• Get upset if they don’t get enough likes on social media
• Demand that others acknowledge their achievements

For example:

• An influencer whose follower count drops might post more and more extreme content, desperate for attention.
• A parent might push their kid way too hard in sports, needing the child’s success to feel good about themselves.

How narcissists react when you stop chasing them can be intense. They often double down on trying to get your attention back.

30. Extreme Vulnerability

As narcissists lose their usual confidence, they can become incredibly sensitive. They might:

• Take minor criticism as a huge personal attack
• Get hurt feelings over things that wouldn’t have bothered them before
• Struggle to handle even small amounts of stress

For instance:

• A usually tough boss might tear up over gentle feedback from an employee.
• Someone who used to love debates might avoid any kind of disagreement, feeling too raw to handle opposing views.

This vulnerability happens because the narcissist’s protective shell of grandiosity is cracking. All the emotions they used to push down are now bubbling to the surface.

“Abuse manipulates and twists a child’s natural sense of trust and love. Her innocent feelings are belittled or mocked and she learns to ignore her feelings.” – Laura Davis

Surprising signs of narcissism can include this kind of extreme sensitivity. It’s not always about being obviously arrogant.

31. Intense Emotions

During collapse, narcissists often have really big feelings that are hard to control. They might:

• Have explosive anger outbursts
• Break down sobbing over small things
• Swing rapidly between different intense emotions

For example:

• An athlete who loses a big game might destroy equipment in a rage, then collapse in tears minutes later.
• Someone might go from laughing hysterically to furious to deeply depressed all in the space of an hour.

32. Psychological Disorientation

As narcissists fall apart, they often feel really confused and lost. They might:

• Have trouble making simple decisions
• Feel disconnected from reality
• Struggle to understand what’s happening to them

For instance:

• A usually decisive leader might freeze up when asked to choose between two simple options.
• Someone might describe feeling like they’re watching their life happen from outside their body.

Red flags of narcissism can include this kind of psychological confusion when their usual tactics stop working.

33. Reevaluation of Relationships

During collapse, narcissists often start looking at their relationships differently. They might:

• Suddenly cut off people they used to be close to
• Get clingy with people they used to ignore
• Question who their real friends are

For example:

• A social butterfly might start avoiding parties and wondering if anyone actually likes them.
• Someone might reach out to a family member they haven’t talked to in years, desperate for a connection they used to dismiss.

“Kindness from a narcissist is called an illusion.” – Alice Little

While this shift can be painful, it can also be a chance for growth. It might be the first step toward building more genuine connections.

Covert narcissism can be especially tricky to spot in relationships. These more subtle narcissists might seem to care deeply about others, but their relationships are still all about meeting their own needs.

The Role of Flying Monkeys in Narcissistic Abuse

It’s also worth mentioning the role of “flying monkeys” in narcissistic abuse situations. These are people who, often unknowingly, help the narcissist in their manipulation and abuse of others.

Flying monkeys might:

• Spread gossip or lies about the narcissist’s target
• Pressure the target to forgive the narcissist or give them another chance
• Spy on the target and report back to the narcissist
• Defend the narcissist’s bad behavior

Understanding the role of flying monkeys can help you protect yourself from manipulation and set better boundaries.

Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse

Healing from narcissistic abuse is a journey, but it is possible. Some key steps include:

1. Recognizing the abuse for what it is
2. Setting firm boundaries
3. Building a support network
4. Working on your self-esteem
5. Seeking professional help if needed

Breaking free from narcissistic abuse often involves addressing codependency issues too. Many people who end up in relationships with narcissists have their own patterns of putting others’ needs before their own.

Remember, you deserve healthy, respectful relationships. Recognizing the signs of narcissism and narcissistic collapse is an important step toward creating a happier, more authentic life for yourself.

Final Thoughts

Narcissistic collapse is a complex and often painful process. It affects not just the narcissist, but everyone around them too. Let’s recap some key points:

1. Collapse happens when a narcissist’s carefully built false self starts to crumble.
2. Signs can range from mood swings and impulsive behavior to deep depression and panic attacks.
3. The narcissist might swing between blaming others and intense self-criticism.
4. They often withdraw from relationships or try too hard to impress people.
5. Their thinking and communication can become scattered and disorganized.
6. Deep fears of abandonment and loss of specialness come to the surface.
7. The narcissist might reevaluate their whole life and relationships.

Understanding these signs can help both narcissists and their loved ones navigate this difficult time. For narcissists, collapse can be a chance to build a more authentic self. For those around them, recognizing collapse can help in setting healthy boundaries and offering support in appropriate ways.

It’s important to remember that healing from narcissism or narcissistic abuse takes time and often professional help. But with patience and work, it is possible to build healthier relationships and a stronger sense of self.