Last updated on September 3rd, 2024 at 03:05 am

• 1. Emotional Manipulation Tactics
• 1.1. Emotional Blackmail and Guilt-Tripping
• 1.2. Passive-Aggressive Behavior
• 1.3. Silent Treatment and Stonewalling
• 1.4. Gaslighting and Reality Distortion
• 1.5. Intermittent reinforcement and trauma bonding
• 2. The Covert Narcissist’s Weaponization of Vulnerability
• 2.1. Playing the Victim Card
• 2.2. False Humility and Self-Deprecation
• 2.3. Covert Boasting and Humble-Bragging
• 2.4. Self-pity and martyr complex in covert narcissism
• 3. Language and Communication Tactics
• 3.1. Subtle Put-Downs and Negging
• 3.2. Circular Conversations and Word Salad
• 3.3. Selective Memory and Convenient Forgetfulness
• 3.4. Backhanded compliments and veiled criticism
• 3.5. Minimizing and trivializing others’ concerns
• 4. Social and Relational Manipulation
• 4.1. Triangulation and Jealousy Induction
• 4.2. One-Upmanship and Competitive Behavior
• 4.3. Fair-Weather Friends and Conditional Support
• 4.4. Character assassination and reputation damage
• 4.5. Playing the victim while vilifying others
• 5. Professional and Workplace Tactics
• 5.1. Sabotaging Colleagues’ Success
• 5.2. Taking Credit for Others’ Work
• 5.3. Subtle Undermining and Backhanded Compliments
• 5.4. Covert bullying and undermining colleagues
• 5.5. Manipulating supervisors and playing office politics
• 6. Digital and Technological Manipulation
• 6.1. Curated Online Personas
• 6.2. Fishing for Sympathy and Attention
• 6.3. Cyberbullying and Online Harassment
• 6.4. Digital Stalking and Surveillance
• 6.5. Creating false online personas and identities
• 7. Time and Space Manipulation
• 7.1. Chronic Lateness and Time-Wasting
• 7.2. Rush Tactics and Manufactured Urgency
• 7.3. Procrastination as a Control Tactic
• 7.4. Invasion of Personal Space
• 7.5. Using Body Language to Intimidate
• 8. Intellectual and Cultural Manipulation
• 8.1. Pseudo-Intellectualism and Faux Expertise

Imagine a world where your closest confidant, your partner, or even your boss is quietly pulling the strings of your emotions, leaving you feeling confused, drained, and questioning your own reality. Welcome to the hidden realm of covert narcissism – a psychological minefield that can wreak havoc on your mental well-being and relationships.

In this eye-opening exposé, we’ll delve deep into the shadowy tactics employed by covert narcissists, those master manipulators who operate beneath a veil of false humility and charm. You’ll discover how these emotional vampires subtly drain your self-esteem, gaslight your perceptions, and twist your world to suit their needs – all while maintaining a façade of innocence and victimhood.

Are you constantly walking on eggshells, feeling guilty for expressing your own needs, or doubting your own memories? These could be telltale signs that you’re entangled in a covert narcissist’s web. But fear not – knowledge is power, and understanding their playbook is the first step towards reclaiming your autonomy and emotional freedom.

Prepare to have your eyes opened as we unmask the covert narcissist and arm you with the tools to recognize, confront, and ultimately break free from their insidious influence. Your journey to emotional liberation starts here – are you ready to take back control?

1. Emotional Manipulation Tactics

1.1. Emotional Blackmail and Guilt-Tripping

Covert narcissists are masters of emotional manipulation, and one of their most potent weapons is emotional blackmail and guilt-tripping. These tactics are designed to make you feel responsible for their emotional state and manipulate you into doing what they want.

A covert narcissist might say things like, “If you really loved me, you’d do this for me,” or “After all I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?” These statements are carefully crafted to exploit your empathy and sense of obligation.

They may also use more subtle forms of guilt-tripping, such as sighing heavily, looking disappointed, or making passive-aggressive comments. The goal is to make you feel guilty for not meeting their expectations, even if those expectations are unreasonable.

Emotional blackmail often follows a pattern:

• The narcissist makes a demand
• You resist or express hesitation
• They respond with threats (veiled or overt) of emotional consequences
• You feel pressured to comply to avoid those consequences

This cycle can be incredibly damaging, eroding your self-esteem and making you doubt your own judgement. It’s crucial to recognize these guilt-tripping tactics for what they are: manipulation, not genuine expressions of hurt or need.

1.2. Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Passive-aggressive behavior is another hallmark of the covert narcissist’s manipulation toolbox. Unlike overt aggression, which is easy to spot and confront, passive-aggression is subtle and often leaves you feeling confused and frustrated.

Some common passive-aggressive tactics used by covert narcissists include:

• Procrastination or deliberate inefficiency
• Sulking or pouting
• Withholding praise or affection
• Making excuses or playing the victim
• Using sarcasm or backhanded compliments

For example, a covert narcissist might agree to do something for you, but then “forget” or do it poorly on purpose. Or they might give you the silent treatment instead of expressing their anger directly.

This behavior allows the narcissist to express negative feelings while maintaining plausible deniability. If confronted, they can easily deny any ill intent, leaving you feeling like you’re overreacting or imagining things.

1.3. Silent Treatment and Stonewalling

The silent treatment is a particularly insidious form of emotional abuse favored by covert narcissists. It involves completely withdrawing communication and emotional availability as a way to punish or control you.

During the silent treatment, the narcissist might:

• Refuse to speak to you or acknowledge your presence
• Ignore your calls, texts, or emails
• Avoid eye contact or physical proximity
• Act as if you don’t exist

This tactic can be incredibly distressing, triggering feelings of abandonment, confusion, and self-doubt. The narcissist knows this and uses it to their advantage, often breaking the silence only when you’ve been sufficiently “punished” or when they need something from you.

Stonewalling is a related tactic where the narcissist refuses to engage in meaningful communication, often during conflicts. They might respond with monosyllables, change the subject, or simply shut down entirely. This prevents any resolution and leaves you feeling unheard and invalidated.

1.4. Gaslighting and Reality Distortion

Gaslighting is perhaps the most psychologically damaging tactic in the covert narcissist’s arsenal. It’s a form of psychological manipulation where the narcissist attempts to sow seeds of doubt in your mind, making you question your own memory, perception, and sanity.

Common gaslighting phrases include:

• “That never happened.”
• “You’re too sensitive.”
• “You’re imagining things.”
• “You’re overreacting.”
• “I never said that.”

The covert narcissist might deny saying or doing things you clearly remember, or they might twist your words and actions to fit their narrative. They might even enlist others to support their version of events, leaving you feeling isolated and doubting your own reality.

Over time, gaslighting can erode your self-confidence and make you increasingly dependent on the narcissist for validation and a sense of reality. It’s a slow, insidious process that can be incredibly difficult to recognize when you’re in the midst of it.

1.5. Intermittent reinforcement and trauma bonding

Intermittent reinforcement is a psychological technique that covert narcissists use to keep their victims hooked. It involves unpredictably alternating between affection and cruelty, creating a powerful emotional bond known as trauma bonding.

Here’s how it works:

• The narcissist is kind and loving, making you feel special and valued
• Suddenly, they withdraw affection or become cruel
• You work hard to regain their approval
• They eventually return to being kind, providing a sense of relief and joy
• The cycle repeats

This unpredictable pattern keeps you constantly on edge, always working to please the narcissist in hopes of receiving their “good” side. It’s similar to the psychological mechanism that makes gambling addictive – the occasional “win” keeps you coming back for more, even when you’re mostly losing.

Trauma bonding occurs when this cycle creates a strong emotional attachment to the abuser. You become addicted to the highs of their occasional kindness, even as you suffer through the lows of their abuse. This bond can make it extremely difficult to leave the relationship, even when you recognize it’s unhealthy.

2. The Covert Narcissist’s Weaponization of Vulnerability

2.1. Playing the Victim Card

Covert narcissists are adept at portraying themselves as victims, a tactic that serves multiple purposes in their manipulation arsenal. By playing the victim, they can:

• Garner sympathy and attention
• Deflect responsibility for their actions
• Manipulate others into catering to their needs
• Avoid accountability

This victim mentality is often deeply ingrained and may seem genuine, even to the narcissist themselves. They might constantly complain about how unfairly life treats them, how others always let them down, or how they’re misunderstood and unappreciated.

For example, a covert narcissist might say things like:

• “Nobody understands how much I suffer.”
• “I try so hard, but nothing ever goes my way.”
• “Everyone always takes advantage of my kindness.”

By consistently portraying themselves as the victim, covert narcissists create a narrative where they’re always the wronged party. This makes it difficult for others to confront them about their behavior, as any criticism can be twisted into further “proof” of their victimhood.

2.2. False Humility and Self-Deprecation

Unlike their grandiose counterparts, covert narcissists often display false humility and engage in self-deprecating behavior. This can be confusing, as it seems to contradict the typical narcissistic trait of inflated self-importance.

However, this false humility serves several purposes:

• It masks their true sense of superiority
• It elicits praise and reassurance from others
• It creates an image of being humble and relatable

A covert narcissist might say things like:

• “Oh, I’m not that talented. You’re much better at this than I am.”
• “I’m probably too stupid to understand this.”
• “I’m sure everyone else here is more qualified than me.”

While these statements might seem like genuine expressions of insecurity, they’re often fishing for compliments or setting up a situation where others feel compelled to build them up. It’s a subtle way of demanding attention and admiration while maintaining a façade of humility.

2.3. Covert Boasting and Humble-Bragging

Covert narcissists have a unique way of bragging that allows them to satisfy their need for admiration while maintaining their façade of humility. This often takes the form of humble-bragging or covert boasting.

Humble-bragging involves complaining about or downplaying something that is actually a boast. For example:

• “It’s so annoying when people keep asking me for advice just because I have three degrees.”
• “I hate having to turn down all these job offers. It’s so stressful!”
• “Ugh, I’m so clumsy. I just tripped over my award from last night.”

Covert boasting, on the other hand, involves subtly inserting achievements or desirable qualities into conversation without directly bragging. For instance:

• Casually mentioning high-status friends or connections
• Dropping hints about expensive purchases or exclusive experiences
• Referencing past accomplishments in seemingly unrelated contexts

These tactics allow the covert narcissist to feed their need for admiration and recognition while maintaining their image of modesty and relatability.

2.4. Self-pity and martyr complex in covert narcissism

Covert narcissists often develop a martyr complex, portraying themselves as long-suffering individuals who sacrifice everything for others. This self-pitying attitude serves several purposes:

• It elicits sympathy and attention from others
• It creates a sense of moral superiority
• It deflects criticism and accountability

A covert narcissist with a martyr complex might say things like:

• “I always put everyone else first, and what do I get in return? Nothing.”
• “No one appreciates all I do for them. I might as well not exist.”
• “I’ve given up everything for this family/job/relationship, and this is how I’m treated?”

This constant self-pity can be exhausting for those around them. It creates a dynamic where others feel guilty for not appreciating the narcissist enough, leading to a cycle of emotional manipulation.

The martyr complex also allows the covert narcissist to avoid taking responsibility for their actions or life circumstances. By framing everything as a sacrifice or unfair burden, they can maintain their self-image as a good person while avoiding the need for personal growth or change.

3. Language and Communication Tactics

3.1. Subtle Put-Downs and Negging

Covert narcissists are masters of subtle put-downs and negging, a manipulative tactic where they give backhanded compliments or make slight criticisms to undermine your self-esteem. These comments are often delivered with a smile or a laugh, making them hard to confront without seeming overly sensitive.

Examples of subtle put-downs include:

• “You’re so brave to wear that outfit. I could never pull that off.”
• “Wow, you’re actually pretty smart for someone in your field.”
• “I’m impressed you managed to finish that project. It must have been challenging for you.”

Negging often involves comparing you unfavorably to others or highlighting your insecurities:

• “You’re almost as good at this as [someone else].”
• “You look great today. Did you lose weight?”
• “I love how you don’t care about fashion trends.”

These comments are designed to make you feel slightly insecure or inferior, while the narcissist maintains plausible deniability. If confronted, they can easily claim they meant it as a compliment or that you’re being too sensitive.

3.2. Circular Conversations and Word Salad

Covert narcissists often engage in circular conversations and use word salad to confuse and frustrate you. These tactics are particularly common during arguments or when you’re trying to address issues in the relationship.

Circular conversations involve going round and round on a topic without ever reaching a resolution. The narcissist might:

• Constantly change the subject
• Bring up unrelated issues
• Rehash old arguments
• Refuse to acknowledge your points

Word salad, on the other hand, involves using a stream of words that sound meaningful but are actually nonsensical or contradictory. This might include:

• Stringing together buzzwords or jargon
• Making vague, grandiose statements
• Using logical fallacies
• Contradicting themselves within the same sentence

The goal of these tactics is to exhaust and confuse you, making it difficult to maintain your original point or stand your ground. You might find yourself feeling frustrated, disoriented, and unsure of what was even being discussed in the first place.

3.3. Selective Memory and Convenient Forgetfulness

Covert narcissists often display selective memory, conveniently forgetting things that don’t align with their narrative or remembering events differently than they actually occurred. This tactic serves several purposes:

• It allows them to avoid accountability
• It reinforces their preferred version of reality
• It gaslights you into doubting your own memory

You might find the narcissist:

• Denying they said or did something you clearly remember
• Insisting on a different version of events
• Forgetting promises or commitments they’ve made
• Claiming you never told them something important

This selective memory can be incredibly frustrating and confusing. You might start to doubt your own recollection of events, especially if the narcissist is convincing in their alternate version of reality.

3.4. Backhanded compliments and veiled criticism

Backhanded compliments and veiled criticism are staples in the covert narcissist’s communication toolkit. These tactics allow them to undermine your confidence while maintaining a façade of kindness or helpfulness.

Backhanded compliments might sound like:

• “You’re so relaxed about your appearance. I wish I could be that carefree.”
• “Your presentation was good… for a beginner.”
• “I’m impressed you managed to cook dinner without burning anything this time.”

Veiled criticism often takes the form of “helpful” suggestions or observations:

• “Have you thought about getting a personal trainer? I’m just concerned about your health.”
• “Maybe if you put in a little more effort at work, you could get that promotion.”
• “I noticed you seemed a bit awkward at the party. I could give you some tips on socializing if you want.”

These comments are designed to make you feel insecure or inadequate while allowing the narcissist to maintain plausible deniability. If confronted, they can easily claim they were trying to be helpful or that you’re being too sensitive.

3.5. Minimizing and trivializing others’ concerns

Covert narcissists often minimize or trivialize the concerns, feelings, and experiences of others. This tactic serves to invalidate others’ perspectives and maintain the narcissist’s sense of superiority.

Common phrases used to minimize include:

• “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
• “It’s not that bad. You’re overreacting.”
• “There are people with real problems in the world.”

By trivializing others’ concerns, the covert narcissist:

• Deflects attention from their own behavior
• Avoids taking responsibility for their actions
• Maintains control over the narrative

This constant invalidation can be incredibly damaging to your self-esteem and emotional well-being. Over time, you might start to doubt the validity of your own feelings and experiences, making it easier for the narcissist to manipulate you.

4. Social and Relational Manipulation

4.1. Triangulation and Jealousy Induction

Triangulation is a manipulative tactic where the covert narcissist introduces a third party into the dynamic of your relationship. This could be an ex-partner, a friend, a coworker, or even a stranger. The goal is to create jealousy, insecurity, and competition.

Here’s how triangulation typically works:

• The narcissist praises or speaks highly of the third party
• They compare you unfavorably to this person
• They might flirt with or give attention to the third party in your presence
• They use the threat of leaving you for this person as leverage

For example, a covert narcissist might constantly talk about how great their ex was, or how their attractive coworker is always asking them out. They might also encourage you to be more like someone else they admire.

This tactic keeps you off-balance and constantly striving to prove your worth. It feeds the narcissist’s need for attention and control while eroding your self-esteem.

4.2. One-Upmanship and Competitive Behavior

Covert narcissists often engage in subtle forms of one-upmanship and competitive behavior. Unlike overt narcissists who might blatantly boast, covert narcissists compete in more understated ways.

This might manifest as:

• Always having a similar but slightly better story to share
• Downplaying your achievements while highlighting their own
• Turning every conversation into a chance to showcase their knowledge
• Subtly undermining your successes

For instance, if you share good news about a promotion, the covert narcissist might respond with, “Oh, that reminds me of when I got promoted twice in one year at my old job.” Or if you’re excited about a new skill you’re learning, they might say, “That’s great! I actually mastered that years ago.”

This constant competition can be exhausting and demoralizing. It’s designed to keep you feeling slightly inferior and always striving for the narcissist’s approval.

4.3. Fair-Weather Friends and Conditional Support

Covert narcissists often present themselves as supportive friends or partners, but their support is highly conditional. They’re typically there for you when it benefits them or makes them look good, but absent when you truly need support.

Signs of this conditional support include:

• Being enthusiastic about your successes that reflect well on them
• Withdrawing support when you’re struggling or need help
• Only helping when others are watching
• Using their “support” as leverage later

For example, a covert narcissist might be happy to attend your work events where they can network, but unavailable when you need emotional support after a setback. They might help you move houses, but then hold it over your head for months afterward, expecting favors in return.

This inconsistent support can leave you feeling confused and undervalued. It’s a subtle way for the narcissist to maintain control and keep you dependent on their approval.

4.4. Character assassination and reputation damage

Covert narcissists are often skilled at subtle forms of character assassination and reputation damage. They might spread rumors, plant seeds of doubt about you in others’ minds, or subtly undermine your credibility.

This can take various forms:

• Sharing “concerns” about you with mutual friends or colleagues
• Making subtle jabs at your character or abilities in group settings
• Spreading misinformation or half-truths about you
• Portraying themselves as the victim of your actions

For instance, they might say things like, “I’m worried about [your name]. They’ve been acting so strange lately,” or “It’s such a shame about [your name]’s work performance. I hope they get it together soon.”

The goal is to isolate you socially and professionally, making you more dependent on the narcissist. It also feeds their need for control and allows them to maintain their image as the “good guy” while undermining you.

4.5. Playing the victim while vilifying others

Covert narcissists excel at portraying themselves as victims while simultaneously vilifying others, especially those who challenge or criticize them. This tactic serves to garner sympathy for themselves while discrediting anyone who might expose their true nature.

They might:

• Paint themselves as the target of unfair treatment or persecution
• Exaggerate or fabricate stories of being wronged
• Portray others as cruel, unreasonable, or abusive
• Use emotional manipulation to make others feel guilty for questioning them

For example, if confronted about their behavior, a covert narcissist might respond with, “I can’t believe you’d attack me like this after all I’ve done for you. You’re just like everyone else who’s tried to hurt me.”

This victim-villain narrative serves multiple purposes:

• It deflects accountability for their actions
• It elicits sympathy and support from others
• It discourages people from challenging them in the future
• It reinforces their self-image as a misunderstood, noble sufferer

By consistently playing the victim, covert narcissists create a protective shield around themselves, making it difficult for others to see through their manipulation or hold them accountable for their actions.

5. Professional and Workplace Tactics

5.1. Sabotaging Colleagues’ Success

In the workplace, covert narcissists often engage in subtle forms of sabotage to undermine their colleagues’ success. This behavior stems from their deep-seated insecurity and need to be seen as superior.

Common tactics include:

• Withholding crucial information or resources
• Giving misleading advice or directions
• Subtly undermining a coworker’s confidence before an important presentation
• Creating unnecessary obstacles or delays in projects

For example, a covert narcissist might “forget” to pass on an important email, or they might give a colleague incorrect information about a deadline. They might also plant seeds of doubt about a coworker’s abilities in conversations with superiors.

This sabotage is often so subtle that it’s hard to prove intentional wrongdoing. The narcissist maintains plausible deniability, often playing the role of the helpful colleague who’s “just trying their best.”

5.2. Taking Credit for Others’ Work

Covert narcissists are adept at claiming credit for others’ ideas and accomplishments. Unlike more overt narcissists who might boldly steal credit, covert narcissists use more subtle tactics:

• Presenting group work as their individual effort
• Downplaying others’ contributions while emphasizing their own
• Reframing others’ ideas as their own in meetings or presentations
• Taking on visible roles in successful projects, even if their actual contribution was minimal

They might say things like, “Oh yes, the team helped, but I was really the driving force behind the project,” or “I’m glad my idea inspired the group to come up with this solution.”

This behavior not only boosts the narcissist’s image but also serves to demoralize and demotivate their colleagues, further cementing the narcissist’s perceived superiority.

5.3. Subtle Undermining and Backhanded Compliments

In professional settings, covert narcissists often use subtle undermining tactics and backhanded compliments to erode their colleagues’ confidence and standing.

Examples of subtle undermining include:

• Pointing out minor mistakes in public settings
• Questioning someone’s expertise in front of others
• Offering unsolicited “constructive criticism” that’s more critical than constructive

Backhanded compliments in the workplace might sound like:

• “Wow, your presentation was actually pretty good. You’ve really improved!”
• “I’m impressed you managed to finish that project on time. It must have been challenging for someone at your level.”
• “You’re so lucky to have gotten that promotion. It’s great that the company values diversity.”

These comments are designed to sound positive on the surface while subtly undermining the recipient’s confidence and accomplishments.

5.4. Covert bullying and undermining colleagues

Covert narcissists often engage in subtle forms of workplace bullying that can be difficult to identify and address. This behavior is designed to assert dominance and control while maintaining a façade of professionalism.

Tactics might include:

• Excluding certain colleagues from important meetings or social events
• Spreading gossip or rumors
• Using body language or facial expressions to make others feel uncomfortable
• Engaging in passive-aggressive behavior, like ignoring emails or giving the silent treatment

For example, a covert narcissist might consistently interrupt or talk over a particular colleague in meetings, or they might make subtle digs at someone’s competence in front of clients or superiors.

This behavior creates a toxic work environment and can significantly impact the mental health and job performance of those targeted.

5.5. Manipulating supervisors and playing office politics

Covert narcissists are often skilled at manipulating their superiors and navigating office politics to their advantage. They may use a combination of charm, strategic information control, and subtle manipulation to curry favor with those in power.

Tactics might include:

• Flattering supervisors and those in positions of authority
• Strategically sharing or withholding information to make themselves look good
• Aligning themselves with influential colleagues
• Subtly discrediting potential rivals or threats to their position

For instance, a covert narcissist might go out of their way to do small favors for their boss, creating a sense of indebtedness. They might also carefully curate the information they share, ensuring that their successes are highlighted while downplaying any failures or mistakes.

This manipulation of office politics allows the covert narcissist to advance their career and maintain a position of influence, often at the expense of more qualified or deserving colleagues.

6. Digital and Technological Manipulation

6.1. Curated Online Personas

In the digital age, covert narcissists have found new avenues for manipulation through carefully curated online personas. Social media platforms provide the perfect stage for them to present an idealized version of themselves to the world.

Key aspects of their curated online personas include:

• Posting carefully selected photos that portray a perfect life
• Sharing inspirational quotes or “humble” brags about their achievements
• Engaging in performative acts of kindness or activism for online praise
• Subtly fishing for compliments through self-deprecating posts

For example, they might post a photo of themselves “working hard” at a luxurious resort, or share a story about how they “reluctantly” accepted a prestigious award. These posts are designed to elicit admiration and envy while maintaining an appearance of humility.

This curated persona often bears little resemblance to their real-life behavior, creating a stark contrast that can be confusing and frustrating for those who know them personally.

6.2. Fishing for Sympathy and Attention

Covert narcissists often use digital platforms to fish for sympathy and attention. They may engage in behaviors like:

• Vague posting or “sadfishing” (posting about emotional problems to gain sympathy)
• Sharing exaggerated or fabricated stories of hardship
• Posting about health issues or personal struggles
• Using social media to subtly criticize or shame others who “don’t support them enough”

For instance, they might post something like, “Going through a really tough time right now… I guess you find out who your real friends are,” or “Another sleepless night… sometimes I wonder if anyone truly cares.”

These posts are designed to elicit concerned responses and offers of support, feeding the narcissist’s need for attention and validation.

6.3. Cyberbullying and Online Harassment

While covert narcissists may maintain a positive public image, they often engage in cyberbullying and online harassment behind the scenes. This allows them to attack others while maintaining plausible deniability.

Tactics might include:

• Leaving subtle, passive-aggressive comments on others’ posts
• Creating fake accounts to troll or harass others anonymously
• Engaging in online arguments or debates with the intent to belittle others
• Spreading rumors or sharing private information online

For example, they might leave a comment like, “Wow, you’re so brave to post a photo without filters!” or use a fake account to criticize someone’s work or appearance.

This online behavior allows the covert narcissist to express their aggression and superiority while maintaining their curated positive image.

6.4. Digital Stalking and Surveillance

Covert narcissists may engage in digital stalking and surveillance to maintain control and gather information. This behavior can range from excessive monitoring of social media accounts to more invasive forms of digital spying.

Examples include:

• Constantly checking a partner’s online activity and interactions
• Using tracking apps or spyware on a partner’s devices
• Creating fake social media accounts to monitor others
• Hacking into email or social media accounts

This digital stalking serves multiple purposes:

• It feeds their need for control and information
• It allows them to manipulate situations based on the information they gather
• It provides ammunition for future gaslighting or manipulation

The covert nature of this surveillance can make it particularly insidious, as victims may be unaware they’re being monitored.

6.5. Creating false online personas and identities

Covert narcissists sometimes create false online personas or identities to further their manipulation tactics. These fake identities serve various purposes:

• Gathering information about others without detection
• Providing “independent” validation for their claims or actions
• Harassing or manipulating others anonymously
• Creating a false sense of popularity or support for themselves

For instance, they might create a fake social media account to befriend their partner’s friends and gather information. Or they might use multiple accounts to leave positive comments on their own posts, creating an illusion of popularity.

These false identities allow the covert narcissist to manipulate perceptions and control narratives in ways that wouldn’t be possible with their real identity. It’s a digital extension of their real-life tendency to present false or exaggerated versions of themselves.

7. Time and Space Manipulation

7.1. Chronic Lateness and Time-Wasting

Covert narcissists often manipulate time as a way to assert control and demonstrate their perceived importance. Chronic lateness is a common manifestation of this behavior.

Key aspects of this tactic include:

• Consistently arriving late to appointments or events
• Making others wait for them without apology
• Offering elaborate excuses for their tardiness
• Expecting others to be punctual while disregarding time themselves

This behavior sends the message that their time is more valuable than others’, and that they’re above adhering to societal norms of punctuality.

Additionally, covert narcissists may engage in time-wasting behaviors such as:

• Dragging out simple tasks or conversations
• Creating unnecessary work or complications
• Procrastinating on important tasks that affect others

These tactics serve to frustrate and control others, reinforcing the narcissist’s sense of power and importance.

7.2. Rush Tactics and Manufactured Urgency

On the flip side of chronic lateness, covert narcissists may also use rush tactics and manufactured urgency to manipulate others. This involves creating artificial time pressures to force quick decisions or actions that benefit the narcissist.

Examples include:

• Springing last-minute requests or deadlines on others
• Insisting on immediate responses to non-urgent matters
• Creating false emergencies to demand attention or favors
• Using time pressure to prevent others from thinking critically or seeking advice

These tactics are designed to keep others off-balance and compliant. By manipulating the perception of time and urgency, the covert narcissist maintains control over situations and people.

7.3. Procrastination as a Control Tactic

Procrastination can be a powerful tool in the covert narcissist’s arsenal of manipulation tactics. By deliberately delaying tasks or decisions, they can:

• Create anxiety and frustration in others
• Force others to take on their responsibilities
• Maintain control over timelines and outcomes
• Avoid accountability by claiming they “didn’t have enough time”

For example, a covert narcissist might wait until the last minute to complete their part of a group project, forcing others to either pick up the slack or risk a poor outcome. Or they might delay making important decisions, keeping others in a state of uncertainty and dependence.

This procrastination is often selective – the narcissist may be quite prompt and efficient when it serves their interests, but chronically late or unprepared when it doesn’t.

7.4. Invasion of Personal Space

Covert narcissists may subtly invade others’ personal space as a form of control and boundary violation. This can manifest in various ways:

• Standing too close during conversations
• Touching others without permission (e.g., a hand on the shoulder)
• Entering private spaces without invitation
• Borrowing personal items without asking

These invasions might seem minor, but they serve to assert dominance and make others feel uncomfortable or violated. The covert narcissist might claim ignorance if confronted, saying they’re just being “friendly” or “didn’t realize” they were making someone uncomfortable.

In digital spaces, this might involve:

• Excessive messaging or calling
• Expecting immediate responses to communications
• Monitoring online activity or demanding access to private accounts

These behaviors blur the lines of personal boundaries, making it difficult for others to maintain their sense of privacy and autonomy.

7.5. Using Body Language to Intimidate

Covert narcissists often use subtle body language cues to intimidate or assert dominance over others. These non-verbal signals can be powerful tools of manipulation, as they’re often processed subconsciously by the receiver.

Examples of intimidating body language include:

• Maintaining prolonged, intense eye contact
• Invading personal space (as mentioned above)
• Using a patronizing or condescending tone of voice
• Adopting closed-off or aggressive postures (crossed arms, hands on hips)
• Subtle facial expressions of disgust or disdain

For instance, a covert narcissist might stand over someone while they’re seated, or use their physical presence to block exits during conversations. They might also use dismissive gestures or eye rolls to undermine others while maintaining plausible deniability.

These body language tactics are designed to make others feel small, insecure, or inferior, reinforcing the narcissist’s sense of control and superiority.

8. Intellectual and Cultural Manipulation

8.1. Pseudo-Intellectualism and Faux Expertise

Covert narcissists often present themselves as intellectual authorities or experts in various fields, even when their knowledge is superficial or inaccurate. This pseudo-intellectualism serves to impress others and maintain their image of superiority.

Tactics might include:

• Using complex vocabulary or jargon incorrectly
• Making sweeping generalizations about complex topics