Last updated on September 2nd, 2024 at 09:02 pm

• 1. They Do Whatever They Want Without Thinking
• 2. They’re Masters of Trickery
• Lying and Making Excuses
• Playing the Victim
• Using Emotions to Trick People
• Creating Drama
• 3. They Can’t Understand Others’ Feelings
• The Empathy Gap
• How the Empathy Problem Spreads
• The Challenge of Building Empathy
• 4. They Have Big Egos
• Where the Big Ego Comes From
• How the Big Ego Shows Up
• How It Hurts Relationships
• Bursting the Bubble
• 5. They’re Always Lying
• The Different Kinds of Lies
• Why They Lie So Much
• How Constant Lying Hurts People
• How Lies Spread
• Breaking Free from the Web of Lies
• 6. They Can’t Handle Criticism
• How They React to Criticism
• Why Criticism Hurts Them So Much
• How This Affects Relationships
• Dealing with Someone Who Can’t Take Criticism
• 7. They Always Blame Others
• How They Shift Blame
• Why They Avoid Responsibility
• The Impact on Others
• Dealing with a Blame-Shifter
• 8. They Need to Control Everything
• How They Try to Control
• Why Control is So Important to Them
• How It Affects Relationships
• Dealing with a Control Freak
• 9. They Have Unpredictable Mood Swings
• How Mood Swings Show Up
• Why Their Moods Change So Much
• How It Affects Others
• Dealing with Mood Swings
• 10. They Lack Empathy
• Signs of Low Empathy
• Why Empathy is Hard for Them
• How It Hurts Relationships
• Dealing with Someone Who Lacks Empathy
• 11. They Act Like They’re Better Than Everyone
• How Grandiose Behavior Looks
• Why They Act This Way
• How It Affects Others
• Dealing with Grandiose Behavior
• 12. They’re in Denial About Their Problems
• How Denial Shows Up
• Why They’re in Denial
• How Denial Affects Others
• Dealing with Someone in Denial
• 13. They Don’t Take Responsibility for Their Actions
• Signs of Low Accountability
• Why They Dodge Responsibility
• How It Hurts Relationships
• Dealing with Someone Who Won’t Take Responsibility
• 14. They Always Need to Be the Center of Attention
• How Attention-Seeking Looks
• Why They Crave Attention
• How It Affects Others
• Dealing with an Attention-Seeker
• 15. They Act Like Children
• Signs of Emotional Immaturity
• Why They Act Immature
• How It Affects Relationships
• Dealing with Emotional Immaturity
• 16. They Can’t See Themselves Clearly
• Signs of Low Self-Awareness
• Why They Lack Self-Awareness
• How It Affects Others
• Helping Someone Gain Self-Awareness
• 17. They’re Scared of Being Left
• How Fear of Abandonment Shows Up
• Why They Fear Being Left
• How It Affects Relationships
• Dealing with Someone Who Fears Abandonment
• 18. They Struggle with True Closeness
• Signs of Intimacy Issues
• Why Intimacy is Hard for Them
• How It Affects Relationships
• Building Intimacy with Someone Who Struggles
• Conclusion: Protecting Yourself and Finding Help

Have you ever noticed how your friend who’s always taking selfies acts a lot like your uncle who drinks too much? It might seem strange, but narcissists and alcoholics have more in common than you’d think.

We’re going to explore 18 ways these two very different types of people are actually quite similar. Understanding these connections can help you spot warning signs and protect yourself from harm. Even if you’re not an expert, you’ll be able to see how narcissists and alcoholics can hurt you in similar ways.

By the end of this post, you’ll know exactly what to look out for. You’ll be able to spot the red flags and keep yourself safe from these tricky people. So let’s dive in and uncover the surprising similarities between narcissists and alcoholics!

1. They Do Whatever They Want Without Thinking

Both narcissists and alcoholics often act without thinking about what will happen next. This can really mess up their relationships and lives. Narcissists think they’re so great that they should get whatever they want right away. Alcoholics just want their next drink, no matter what.

This lack of self-control shows up in many ways:

• Quitting jobs out of nowhere
• Spending tons of money or gambling
• Having risky sex
• Blowing up in anger when they don’t get their way
• Always changing plans to do whatever they feel like

Narcissists and alcoholics have trouble thinking about how their actions affect others. They want what they want now, and don’t care about later. This “me first” attitude hurts trust in relationships over time.

As one expert said: “Narcissists are like the guy from Greek myths who fell in love with his own reflection. They’re super into themselves and think they’re amazing.”

This self-love makes them do things to feel good right now, even if it hurts people later. Alcoholics are the same – they just want their next drink to feel better for a bit.

The famous psychologist Donald W. Black explained it like this:

“Narcissistic personality disorder is named for Narcissus, from Greek mythology, who fell in love with his own reflection. Freud used the term to describe persons who were self-absorbed, and psychoanalysts have focused on the narcissist’s need to bolster his or her self-esteem through grandiose fantasy, exaggerated ambition, exhibitionism, and feelings of entitlement.”

This “me first” attitude can leave a trail of hurt feelings and broken trust. If you’re dealing with someone like this, remember it’s not your job to fix them. Focus on taking care of yourself and setting clear boundaries.

2. They’re Masters of Trickery

Both narcissists and alcoholics are really good at tricking people. They use lots of tactics to control situations and get what they want. This tricky behavior comes from a deep need to protect their fragile self-image and avoid taking blame for their actions.

Let’s look at some common tricks they use:

Lying and Making Excuses

Narcissists and alcoholics lie all the time, even when the truth is obvious. They make up big stories to cover their tracks or make themselves look better. Some common lies include:

• Narcissists making their accomplishments sound way bigger
• Alcoholics saying they didn’t drink much
• Both groups lying about where they’ve been or who they were with
• Making up reasons for not keeping promises

These constant lies can make you doubt what you know is true. Over time, this makes you trust yourself less and fall for more tricks.

Playing the Victim

When faced with the results of their bad behavior, narcissists and alcoholics often act like they’re the victim. They say people don’t understand them or treat them unfairly. This victim act does a few things:

• Blames others instead of themselves
• Makes people feel sorry for them
• Avoids responsibility for what they did
• Tricks others into helping their bad habits

You might hear things like “You just don’t get how hard things are for me” or “Everyone is always against me.” This victim mindset is a powerful way to avoid blame and stay in control.

Using Emotions to Trick People

Narcissists and alcoholics are experts at using feelings to manipulate others. They might:

• Use charm and sweet talk to get what they want
• Make you feel guilty to control you
• Switch between loving you and ignoring you
• Threaten to hurt themselves if you don’t do what they want
• Use anger and fear to shut down criticism

This emotional roller coaster keeps people off balance and more likely to give in to what the trickster wants.

As the author Stewart Stafford put it:

“Being a control freak is a weakness, not a strength. If you can’t allow others to shine, you’re exhibiting signs of narcissism and showing a lack of self-confidence. It is isolation through ego.”

Creating Drama

Narcissists and alcoholics often bring other people into conflicts to manipulate things. They might:

• Compare you badly to others
• Spread gossip to turn people against each other
• Use kids or family members as pawns in fights
• Threaten to tell secrets to keep control

This creates drama and division, letting the manipulator keep power and avoid direct blame.

The expert Sam Vaknin describes it this way:

“But both the narcissist and his partner do not really consider each other. Trapped in the moves of an all-consuming dance macabre, they follow the motions morbidly — semiconscious, desensitized, exhausted, and concerned only with survival.”

If you’re dealing with someone who uses these tricky tactics, remember that it’s not your fault. Stay strong, trust your gut, and don’t be afraid to set firm boundaries. You deserve honest, respectful relationships!

3. They Can’t Understand Others’ Feelings

One of the biggest ways narcissists and alcoholics are alike is they really struggle to understand or care about other people’s feelings. This makes it hard to have good relationships and often leaves others feeling hurt. Let’s dive into this empathy problem and how it affects everyone around them.

The Empathy Gap

Empathy – being able to understand and share others’ feelings – is super important for healthy relationships. But narcissists and alcoholics often really lack this skill. This empathy blind spot shows up in many ways:

• Can’t see things from other people’s point of view
• Brushing off or downplaying others’ emotions
• Don’t care how their actions affect others
• Hard time offering real comfort or support
• Using others’ feelings to get what they want

This lack of empathy comes from different places for narcissists and alcoholics, but the damage is similar. Narcissists are so wrapped up in thinking they’re amazing that they can’t see others as real people with valid needs and feelings.

Alcoholics, stuck in their addiction fog, often lose touch with their own emotions. This makes it nearly impossible to connect with others on a feeling level.

As Erik Pevernagie so perfectly put it:

“For some, life may be a playground to undermine the brainwaves of others or simply a vainglorious game with an armory of theatrics, illustrating only bleak self-deception, haughty narcissism and dim deficiency in empathy.”

How the Empathy Problem Spreads

The effects of this empathy gap ripple out, touching every relationship in the narcissist’s or alcoholic’s life:

1. Emotional Neglect: Partners, kids, and friends often feel unheard, unseen, and emotionally abandoned.
2. One-Sided Relationships: All interactions revolve around what the narcissist or alcoholic wants.
3. No Real Closeness: True intimacy becomes impossible without mutual understanding and care.
4. Constant Misunderstandings: Without empathy, communication breaks down and fights get worse.
5. Emotional Exhaustion: Those close to narcissists or alcoholics often feel drained from always managing the other’s emotions.

As one expert noted: “Being a control freak is a weakness, not a strength. If you can’t let others shine, you’re showing signs of narcissism and a lack of self-confidence. It’s isolation through ego.”

This quote really captures how the lack of empathy in narcissists and alcoholics leads to them being alone. By refusing to acknowledge and validate others’ experiences, they cut themselves off from real connection and support.

The Challenge of Building Empathy

Sadly, increasing empathy is really hard for both narcissists and alcoholics. The very nature of their problems – the narcissist’s self-focus and the alcoholic’s addiction-driven behavior – create big barriers to developing this crucial skill. Some challenges include:

• Trouble recognizing their own emotions, let alone others’
• Not wanting to admit personal flaws or weaknesses
• Fear of being vulnerable that comes with true emotional connection
• Deeply ingrained habits of only focusing on themselves

If you’re dealing with someone who lacks empathy, remember it’s not your job to fix them. Focus on taking care of your own emotional needs and setting clear boundaries. Surround yourself with people who can offer the empathy and understanding you deserve.

4. They Have Big Egos

The inflated ego is perhaps one of the most obvious similarities between narcissists and alcoholics. This overblown sense of self-importance creates a warped lens through which they see themselves and the world around them. Let’s dive into the depths of this grandiose mindset and how far its impacts reach.

Where the Big Ego Comes From

For narcissists, the inflated ego is the core of their personality problem. They truly believe they’re better than others in smarts, looks, talent, or importance. This grand self-image acts as a shield against deep-down feelings of worthlessness.

Alcoholics often develop a big ego as a way to cope. The false confidence from alcohol can turn into a grandiose sense of self, especially when drunk. This “liquid courage” can lead to bragging and thinking they’re way more capable than they are.

As Sam Vaknin, an expert on narcissism, puts it:

“The sadistic narcissist perceives himself as Godlike, ruthless and devoid of scruples, capricious and unfathomable, emotion-less and non-sexual, omniscient, omnipotent and omni-present, a plague, a devastation, an inescapable verdict.”

How the Big Ego Shows Up

The inflated egos of narcissists and alcoholics show up in various ways:

1. Thinking They’re Super Important: They believe they’re special or unique and deserve constant praise.
2. Dreaming of Huge Success: Having grand visions of achievements way beyond what they can actually do.
3. Believing They’re Better Than Everyone: Convinced they’re superior to others in many areas of life.
4. Expecting Constant Praise: An endless need for compliments and recognition.
5. Feeling Entitled: Unreasonable expectations of special treatment or that others will always do what they want.
6. Exaggerating Their Skills and Achievements: Embellishing or flat-out lying about what they’ve done.
7. Obsessed with Fantasies: Constantly thinking about idealized notions of success, power, brilliance, or beauty.

How It Hurts Relationships

Living with someone with a big ego can be emotionally draining. Some of the relationship challenges include:

• One-sided conversations dominated by their self-praising stories
• Dismissing or belittling others’ achievements
• Can’t take constructive criticism or feedback
• Always needing attention and admiration
• No real interest in others’ lives or perspectives
• Trouble with genuine teamwork or collaboration

Bursting the Bubble

Challenging the inflated ego of a narcissist or alcoholic is no easy task. Their grandiose self-image is a core part of who they are and how they cope. Any perceived threat to this image is likely to be met with:

• Anger or aggression
• Gaslighting and denial
• Playing the victim
• Shutting down and giving the silent treatment
• Trying even harder to prove they’re superior

If you’re dealing with someone who has an inflated ego, remember that their behavior isn’t about you. It’s a reflection of their own insecurities and struggles. Focus on maintaining your own self-esteem and setting firm boundaries. You don’t have to play along with their grandiose fantasies or let their ego dominate your life.

5. They’re Always Lying

Lying is a big problem shared by both narcissists and alcoholics. They weave a complex web of lies that traps those around them. This constant dishonesty serves many purposes, from keeping up their fragile self-image to avoiding the consequences of their actions. Let’s unravel the intricate tapestry of lies that narcissists and alcoholics create.

The Different Kinds of Lies

The lies told by narcissists and alcoholics range from small, seemingly unimportant fibs to big, life-changing deceptions. Some common types of lies include:

1. Making Things Bigger: Inflating achievements, talents, or importance
2. Making Things Smaller: Downplaying negative behaviors or their impact on others
3. Leaving Things Out: Not telling crucial information to paint a better picture
4. Making Things Up: Creating entirely false stories or events
5. Twisting Reality: Denying reality to make others question what they know is true

For narcissists, lying is often a tool to keep up their grand self-image and manipulate how others see them. They may lie about their accomplishments, connections, or abilities to seem more impressive or important than they actually are.

Alcoholics frequently lie to hide how much they drink and what happens because of it. They might deny how much they’ve had, make up excuses for their behavior while drunk, or create big stories to explain away the signs of their addiction.

Why They Lie So Much

Understanding the reasons behind chronic lying can give insight into how narcissists and alcoholics think:

• Fear of Being Found Out: Lies serve as a shield against revealing their true, vulnerable selves
• Avoiding Responsibility: Dishonesty allows them to dodge blame for their actions
• Keeping Control: Lies are used to manipulate situations and people to their advantage
• Protecting Their Self-Image: Falsehoods uphold their idealized version of themselves
• Keeping the Addiction Going: For alcoholics, lies enable them to keep drinking

These psychological drivers create a self-feeding cycle of dishonesty. Each lie requires more lies to keep up the facade, leading to an increasingly complex network of deception.

How Constant Lying Hurts People

The constant dishonesty of narcissists and alcoholics takes a heavy toll on their relationships and the emotional well-being of those around them:

1. Breaking Trust: Repeated lies destroy the foundation of trust in relationships
2. Emotional Exhaustion: Constant fact-checking and being on guard leads to mental fatigue
3. Reality Distortion: Long-term exposure to lies can make others question their own perceptions
4. Damaged Self-Esteem: Being consistently lied to can erode one’s sense of self-worth
5. Confusion and Anxiety: Never knowing what’s true creates a constant state of uncertainty

How Lies Spread

The lies of narcissists and alcoholics don’t just affect them. They can spread like wildfire:

1. Involving Others: Getting friends or family to back up their lies
2. Creating False Memories: Telling lies so often they start to believe them
3. Gaslighting: Making others doubt their own memories and perceptions
4. Reputation Damage: Lies can hurt the liar’s and others’ reputations

As Michael Bassey Johnson warns:

“Stay away from lazy parasites, who perch on you just to satisfy their needs, they do not come to alleviate your burdens, hence, their mission is to distract, detract and extract, and make you live in abject poverty.”

Breaking Free from the Web of Lies

If you’re dealing with a narcissist or alcoholic who lies a lot, here are some tips:

1. Trust Your Gut: If something feels off, it probably is
2. Keep Records: Write down important events and conversations
3. Set Boundaries: Make it clear that lying is not okay
4. Seek Support: Talk to trusted friends or a therapist
5. Focus on Actions: Pay attention to what they do, not just what they say

Remember, you deserve honesty and respect in your relationships. Don’t let someone else’s lies control your reality or diminish your worth.

6. They Can’t Handle Criticism

Both narcissists and alcoholics often have a really hard time with criticism. Even small suggestions can feel like huge attacks to them. This sensitivity comes from their fragile self-esteem hiding beneath a big ego. Let’s look at how this plays out:

How They React to Criticism

When faced with criticism, narcissists and alcoholics might:

1. Get Really Angry: Lashing out at the person criticizing them
2. Play the Victim: Acting like they’re being unfairly attacked
3. Turn It Around: Criticizing the other person instead
4. Deny Everything: Refusing to admit any wrongdoing
5. Seek Praise: Trying to get compliments to feel better

Why Criticism Hurts Them So Much

For narcissists and alcoholics, criticism feels like a threat because:

• It challenges their perfect self-image
• It brings up feelings of shame they’re trying to avoid
• It makes them feel out of control
• It reminds them of past hurts or failures

How This Affects Relationships

Being unable to handle criticism makes it hard to have healthy relationships. It can lead to:

• Walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting them
• Never being able to solve problems together
• One-sided relationships where only their feelings matter
• Emotional exhaustion from managing their reactions

Dealing with Someone Who Can’t Take Criticism

If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist or alcoholic:

1. Use “I” Statements: Focus on how their actions affect you
2. Pick Your Battles: Save criticism for important issues
3. Set Clear Boundaries: Let them know what behavior is not okay
4. Seek Support: Talk to a therapist or support group
5. Take Care of Yourself: Don’t let their reactions control your life

Remember, it’s not your job to fix their inability to handle criticism. Focus on protecting your own emotional well-being and maintaining healthy boundaries.

7. They Always Blame Others

A key trait of both narcissists and alcoholics is their tendency to blame others for everything. They have a hard time taking responsibility for their actions and often point fingers at everyone else. Let’s break this down:

How They Shift Blame

Narcissists and alcoholics might:

1. Make Excuses: Always having a reason why something’s not their fault
2. Play the Victim: Acting like the world is against them
3. Twist Facts: Changing the story to make themselves look better
4. Attack Others: Criticizing those who point out their mistakes
5. Use Past Hurts: Bringing up old issues to justify bad behavior

Why They Avoid Responsibility

This blame-shifting happens because:

• It protects their fragile self-esteem
• They fear facing their own flaws
• It helps them avoid feeling guilty
• It’s a way to keep control in relationships

The Impact on Others

Always being blamed can:

• Make you doubt yourself
• Cause stress and anxiety
• Damage your self-esteem
• Create a toxic environment

Dealing with a Blame-Shifter

If you’re dealing with someone who always blames others:

1. Stay Calm: Don’t get pulled into arguments
2. Set Boundaries: Make it clear you won’t accept blame for their actions
3. Use “I” Statements: Express how their behavior affects you
4. Seek Support: Talk to friends or a therapist
5. Know It’s Not Your Fault: Remember, you’re not responsible for their actions

It’s important to remember that their blame-shifting is about their own issues, not your worth or actions.

8. They Need to Control Everything

Both narcissists and alcoholics often have a strong need to control everything and everyone around them. This desire for control comes from deep insecurity and fear. Let’s explore this trait:

How They Try to Control

They might:

1. Make All the Decisions: Not letting others have a say
2. Use Guilt or Fear: Manipulating emotions to get their way
3. Set Strict Rules: Creating lots of do’s and don’ts
4. Monitor Others: Keeping close tabs on what people do
5. Create Dependence: Making others rely on them

Why Control is So Important to Them

The need for control comes from:

• Fear of abandonment or rejection
• Trying to manage anxiety
• Wanting to feel powerful
• Avoiding vulnerability

How It Affects Relationships

Always needing control can lead to:

• Loss of independence for partners or family
• Constant conflict and power struggles
• Lack of trust and intimacy
• Resentment building up over time

Dealing with a Control Freak

If you’re in a relationship with someone who needs to control everything:

1. Set Clear Boundaries: Decide what you will and won’t allow
2. Speak Up: Express your needs and wants clearly
3. Stay Calm: Don’t get pulled into power struggles
4. Build Independence: Keep your own interests and friendships
5. Seek Support: Talk to a therapist or support group

Remember, you have the right to make your own choices and live your life on your terms.

9. They Have Unpredictable Mood Swings

Both narcissists and alcoholics often have unpredictable moods. One minute they’re happy, the next they’re angry. This can be really hard for people around them. Let’s look at this:

How Mood Swings Show Up

They might:

1. Switch Moods Fast: Going from nice to mean in seconds
2. Have Big Reactions: Getting super upset over small things
3. Be Hard to Please: Never knowing what will make them happy
4. Act Different with Different People: Nice in public, mean in private

Why Their Moods Change So Much

Mood swings happen because:

• They have trouble dealing with feelings
• Alcohol affects emotions (for alcoholics)
• They feel easily threatened or insulted
• They use moods to control others

How It Affects Others

Being around someone with big mood swings can:

• Make you feel always on edge
• Cause stress and anxiety
• Make it hard to relax or have fun
• Hurt your self-esteem

Dealing with Mood Swings

If someone in your life has lots of mood swings:

1. Stay Calm: Try not to react to every mood change
2. Set Boundaries: Let them know what behavior is not okay
3. Take Care of Yourself: Don’t let their moods control your life
4. Seek Support: Talk to friends or a therapist
5. Know It’s Not Your Job to Fix Them: You can’t control their emotions

Remember, their mood swings are not your fault, and you don’t have to ride the emotional roller coaster with them.

10. They Lack Empathy

We touched on this earlier, but it’s so important it’s worth diving deeper. Both narcissists and alcoholics often struggle to understand or care about other people’s feelings. This makes it really hard to have good relationships. Let’s explore more:

Signs of Low Empathy

They might:

1. Ignore Others’ Feelings: Not noticing when people are upset
2. Make Everything About Them: Turning others’ problems into their own stories
3. Get Annoyed When Others Are Sad: Not wanting to deal with “negative” emotions
4. Use People: Treating others as tools, not people with feelings
5. Not Say Sorry: Rarely apologizing or meaning it when they do

Why Empathy is Hard for Them

Lack of empathy happens because:

• They’re focused on their own needs
• They fear being vulnerable
• They never learned how to understand others
• Alcohol can dull emotions (for alcoholics)

How It Hurts Relationships

Not having empathy can lead to:

• Feeling alone even in close relationships
• Always fighting because no one feels heard
• Others feeling used or uncared for
• Trust breaking down over time

Dealing with Someone Who Lacks Empathy

If someone in your life struggles with empathy:

1. Don’t Expect Them to Change: They might not be able to give what you need
2. Set Clear Boundaries: Let them know how their actions affect you
3. Seek Support Elsewhere: Find friends or a therapist who can offer empathy
4. Take Care of Your Own Feelings: Don’t ignore your emotions just because they do
5. Consider the Relationship: Think about if this person adds value to your life

Remember, you deserve relationships with people who can understand and care about your feelings.

11. They Act Like They’re Better Than Everyone

Both narcissists and alcoholics often act like they’re super special or important. This “better-than-you” attitude can be really off-putting. Let’s break it down:

How Grandiose Behavior Looks

They might:

1. Brag A Lot: Always talking about how great they are
2. Name-Drop: Mentioning famous people they know (or claim to know)
3. Act Like Rules Don’t Apply: Thinking they’re above normal rules
4. Expect Special Treatment: Getting upset if not treated as VIP
5. Put Others Down: Making others feel small to feel big themselves

Why They Act This Way

Grandiose behavior happens because:

• They’re trying to hide deep insecurity
• They crave attention and admiration
• They truly believe they’re superior
• Alcohol can inflate confidence (for alcoholics)

How It Affects Others

Being around someone who acts superior can:

• Make you feel worthless or small
• Cause frustration and anger
• Make it hard to have real friendships
• Create a toxic environment

Dealing with Grandiose Behavior

If someone in your life acts like they’re better than everyone:

1. Don’t Feed the Ego: Avoid giving extra praise or attention
2. Set Boundaries: Let them know when their behavior is not okay
3. Keep Perspective: Remember, their bragging often hides insecurity
4. Focus on Actions, Not Words: Pay attention to what they do, not just what they say
5. Seek Balance: Spend time with humble people to offset this behavior

Remember, true confidence doesn’t need to put others down or constantly seek praise.

12. They’re in Denial About Their Problems

Both narcissists and alcoholics often refuse to admit they have a problem. This denial can be really frustrating for those around them. Let’s look at how this works:

How Denial Shows Up

They might:

1. Make Excuses: Always having reasons for their behavior
2. Minimize Issues: Saying problems aren’t as bad as others think
3. Blame Others: Pointing fingers instead of looking at themselves
4. Avoid Tough Talks: Changing the subject when problems come up
5. Get Angry: Lashing out when confronted about their behavior

Why They’re in Denial

Denial happens because:

• It protects their self-image
• They’re scared to face the truth
• It lets them keep their bad habits
• They don’t want to lose control

How Denial Affects Others

Being around someone in denial can:

• Make you doubt yourself
• Cause stress and frustration
• Keep problems from getting fixed
• Hurt trust in the relationship

Dealing with Someone in Denial

If someone in your life is in denial:

1. Stay Firm: Don’t let them talk you out of what you know is true
2. Use “I” Statements: Talk about how their behavior affects you
3. Set Clear Boundaries: Let them know what you will and won’t accept
4. Seek Support: Talk to others who understand your situation
5. Take Care of Yourself: Don’t let their denial stop you from getting help

Remember, you can’t force someone to see the truth if they’re not ready. Focus on protecting yourself and getting the support you need.

13. They Don’t Take Responsibility for Their Actions

Narcissists and alcoholics often struggle to take responsibility for their actions. They have a hard time admitting when they’re wrong or saying sorry. Let’s explore this:

Signs of Low Accountability

They might:

1. Always Have Excuses: Never admitting fault
2. Twist the Story: Changing facts to make themselves look better
3. Play the Victim: Acting like everything bad is done to them
4. Blame Others: Pointing fingers at everyone else
5. Avoid Consequences: Trying to get out of punishments for their actions

Why They Dodge Responsibility

Low accountability happens because:

• It protects their fragile self-esteem
• They fear looking weak or flawed
• They never learned to take responsibility
• It lets them keep control in relationships

How It Hurts Relationships

Not taking responsibility can lead to:

• Constant fights and hurt feelings
• Loss of trust and respect
• Others feeling like they’re always wrong
• Problems never getting solved

Dealing with Someone Who Won’t Take Responsibility

If someone in your life avoids accountability:

1. Don’t Take the Blame: Resist pressure to accept fault for their actions
2. Stay Calm: Don’t get pulled into arguments about who’s to blame
3. Focus on Solutions: Talk about fixing problems, not just who caused them
4. Set Clear Consequences: Let them know what will happen if behavior doesn’t change
5. Take Care of Yourself: Don’t let their lack of responsibility drag you down

Remember, you’re not responsible for fixing their problems or covering for their mistakes.

14. They Always Need to Be the Center of Attention

Both narcissists and alcoholics often crave attention. They want to be the center of focus all the time. This can be exhausting for those around them. Let’s break it down:

How Attention-Seeking Looks

They might:

1. Be Loud or Dramatic: Making a scene to get noticed
2. Share Too Much: Telling personal stories for shock value
3. Fish for Compliments: Always asking for praise
4. Create Drama: Stirring up conflict to be the center of attention
5. Interrupt Others: Turning conversations back to themselves

Why They Crave Attention

This behavior happens because:

• They have low self-esteem deep down
• They fear being ignored or forgotten
• Attention makes them feel important
• They use it to avoid dealing with real issues

How It Affects Others

Being around an attention-seeker can:

• Make you feel drained and ignored
• Cause stress in social situations
• Make it hard to have real conversations
• Create a one-sided relationship

Dealing with an Attention-Seeker

If someone in your life always needs attention:

1. Set Boundaries: Let them know when their behavior is too much
2. Don’t Feed Into It: Avoid giving extra attention for bad behavior
3. Redirect Conversations: Try to include others in talks
4. Encourage Positive Ways to Get Attention: Praise good behavior
5. Take Breaks: It’s okay to step away when it gets overwhelming

Remember, you don’t have to be their constant audience. It’s okay to seek balance and give attention to your own needs.

15. They Act Like Children

Both narcissists and alcoholics often show signs of emotional immaturity. They may act like kids in adult bodies. This can make it hard to have grown-up relationships. Let’s look at this:

Signs of Emotional Immaturity

They might:

1. Have Tantrums: Getting upset over small things
2. Need Instant Rewards: Can’t wait for what they want
3. Avoid Hard Tasks: Giving up when things get tough
4. Blame Others: Never taking responsibility
5. Be Self-Centered: Only thinking about their own needs

Why They Act Immature

This behavior happens because:

• They never learned good coping skills
• Alcohol can stunt emotional growth
• They’re scared of adult responsibilities
• It’s a way to avoid dealing with real problems

How It Affects Relationships

Being with someone emotionally immature can:

• Make you feel like a parent, not a partner
• Cause stress from their unpredictable behavior
• Make it hard to solve real-life problems together
• Leave you feeling unsupported and alone

Dealing with Emotional Immaturity

If someone in your life acts immature:

1. Set Clear Boundaries: Let them know what behavior is not okay
2. Don’t Parent Them: Avoid taking responsibility for their actions
3. Encourage Growth: Praise mature behavior when you see it
4. Take Care of Yourself: Don’t let their immaturity hold you back

Remember, you’re not responsible for their emotional growth. Focus on maintaining your own maturity and well-being.

16. They Can’t See Themselves Clearly

Narcissists and alcoholics often struggle to see themselves as they really are. They have a hard time understanding how their actions affect others. Let’s explore this:

Signs of Low Self-Awareness

They might:

1. Not See Their Faults: Think they’re perfect or blameless
2. Be Surprised by Others’ Reactions: Not understand why people are upset with them
3. Have a False Self-Image: Think they’re much better (or worse) than they really are
4. Not Understand Their Feelings: Act out without knowing why
5. Repeat Bad Behaviors: Keep making the same mistakes

Why They Lack Self-Awareness

This happens because:

• They’re scared to look at their true selves
• Alcohol can cloud judgment and perception
• They never learned to reflect on their actions
• It’s easier than facing hard truths about themselves

How It Affects Others

Being around someone with low self-awareness can:

• Make you feel confused and frustrated
• Cause lots of misunderstandings
• Make it hard to solve relationship problems
• Leave you feeling unheard or unseen

Helping Someone Gain Self-Awareness

If someone in your life lacks self-awareness:

1. Give Honest Feedback: Tell them how their actions affect you
2. Ask Questions: Help them think about why they do things
3. Encourage Reflection: Suggest they keep a journal or talk to a therapist
4. Lead by Example: Show self-awareness in your own actions
5. Be Patient: Remember that change takes time

Remember, you can’t force someone to become self-aware. Focus on maintaining your own clarity and understanding.

17. They’re Scared of Being Left

Both narcissists and alcoholics often have a deep fear of being abandoned. This fear can make them act in ways that push people away. Let’s look at how this works:

How Fear of Abandonment Shows Up

They might:

1. Be Clingy: Always needing reassurance
2. Get Jealous Easily: Worried about losing you to others
3. Test Your Love: Pushing you away to see if you’ll stay
4. Control You: Trying to keep you close by force
5. Avoid Close Relationships: Scared to get too attached

Why They Fear Being Left

This fear comes from:

• Past hurts or trauma
• Low self-esteem
• Never learning to trust others
• Using alcohol to cope with fears (for alcoholics)

How It Affects Relationships

Fear of abandonment can lead to:

• Constant drama and fights
• Feeling smothered or controlled
• Walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting them
• Never feeling secure in the relationship

Dealing with Someone Who Fears Abandonment

If someone in your life is scared of being left:

1. Set Clear Boundaries: Let them know what behavior is okay and what’s not
2. Be Consistent: Try to be reliable in your actions
3. Encourage Therapy: Professional help can make a big difference
4. Don’t Make Promises You Can’t Keep: Be honest about your feelings and plans
5. Take Care of Yourself: Don’t let their fear control your life

Remember, their fear of abandonment is not your responsibility to fix. You can offer support, but they need to work on their own insecurities.

18. They Struggle with True Closeness

Lastly, both narcissists and alcoholics often struggle with true intimacy. They may want close relationships but have a hard time creating them. Let’s explore this:

Signs of Intimacy Issues

They might:

1. Keep Conversations Shallow: Avoiding deep or personal talks
2. Hide Their True Feelings: Not sharing what’s really going on inside
3. Push People Away: Getting scared when others get too close
4. Use Sex as a Substitute: Focusing on physical intimacy instead of emotional closeness
5. Have On-Off Relationships: Getting close then pulling away

Why Intimacy is Hard for Them

This happens because:

• They’re scared of being vulnerable
• They don’t trust others (or themselves)
• They never learned how to be emotionally close
• Alcohol can get in the way of real connection (for alcoholics)

How It Affects Relationships

Trouble with intimacy can lead to:

• Feeling lonely even in a relationship
• Never really knowing your partner
• Constant misunderstandings and fights
• Lack of emotional support and connection

Building Intimacy with Someone Who Struggles

If someone in your life has trouble with closeness:

1. Be Patient: Building trust takes time
2. Start Small: Share little things to build up to bigger ones
3. Respect Boundaries: Don’t push for more than they’re ready for
4. Lead by Example: Show it’s okay to be open and vulnerable
5. Seek Professional Help: A therapist can guide you both

Remember, true intimacy requires effort from both people. You can’t create it alone.

Conclusion: Protecting Yourself and Finding Help

Understanding these 18 ways that narcissists and alcoholics are similar can help you spot warning signs in your relationships. Whether you’re dealing with a narcissist, an alcoholic, or someone who shows traits of both, it’s important to take care of yourself.

Here are some final tips:

1. Trust Your Gut: If something feels off, it probably is.
2. Set Clear Boundaries: Decide what you will and won’t accept in relationships.
3. Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about what you’re going through.
4. Focus on Self-Care: Make sure you’re taking care of your own physical and emotional needs.
5. Consider Professional Help: Therapy can be really helpful in dealing with these complex relationships.

Remember, you deserve healthy, respectful relationships. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help or to make changes if you’re in a situation that’s hurting you. Your well-being matters!

If you’re looking for more information on narcissistic behavior and its effects, check out these resources:

• 33 Reasons Why Narcissists Are So Dangerous
• 18 Ways Narcissists Make You Feel Bad About Yourself

Stay strong, stay aware, and remember that you have the power to create positive change in your life!