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Narcissistic Supply: Understanding Their Emotional Fuel

What Fuels A Narcissist’s Insatiable Hunger For Praise

The Guilt-Trip Time Machine: How Narcissists Use Your Past Against You by Som Dutt From https://embraceinnerchaos.com

Last updated on December 18th, 2024 at 04:08 am

Have you ever felt like you’re walking on eggshells around someone, constantly seeking their approval, only to be left feeling drained and emotionally exhausted? If so, you might be caught in the web of narcissistic supply. Buckle up, because we’re about to dive deep into the dark, twisted world of narcissism and uncover the shocking truth behind their insatiable need for attention and admiration.

Imagine a black hole in human form, constantly sucking in praise, validation, and energy from everyone around them. That’s the essence of narcissistic supply. It’s a psychological phenomenon that’s as fascinating as it is destructive, and understanding it could be the key to freeing yourself from its grasp.

In this eye-opening post, we’ll peel back the layers of narcissistic behavior, revealing the raw, vulnerable core that drives these individuals to seek endless emotional fuel. You’ll discover the heart-wrenching reasons behind their actions, the manipulative tactics they use, and most importantly, how to protect yourself from becoming their unwitting source of supply.

Prepare to have your mind blown and your perspective shifted. This isn’t just another article – it’s a lifeline for anyone trapped in the narcissistic cycle. Are you ready to break free?

Types of Narcissistic Supply

Admiration and Praise

Covert narcissists crave admiration and praise like a thirsty plant craves water. They thrive on compliments and validation, using them to bolster their fragile self-esteem. Unlike their overt counterparts, covert narcissists may not openly seek praise. Instead, they manipulate situations to receive it indirectly.

This subtle approach makes their need for admiration harder to spot. They might downplay their achievements, hoping others will insist on praising them. Or they may fish for compliments by self-deprecating, expecting others to contradict them. This hunger for admiration is insatiable, driving them to constantly seek new sources of praise.

Attention and Recognition

Attention is the lifeblood of a covert narcissist. They desperately need to be noticed, even if they appear shy or reserved. This craving for attention manifests in various ways, often catching others off guard. They might create drama or play the victim to become the center of attention.

Covert narcissists may also seek recognition through more subtle means. They might drop hints about their accomplishments or expertise, hoping someone will take notice. Some may even sabotage others’ success to shine brighter in comparison. This constant need for attention can be exhausting for those around them.

Sympathy and Pity

Sympathy and pity are powerful forms of narcissistic supply for covert narcissists. They often portray themselves as victims, using their perceived misfortunes to garner support and attention. This tactic serves a dual purpose: it fulfills their need for supply while also deflecting any criticism or responsibility.

Covert narcissists may exaggerate or fabricate problems to elicit sympathy. They might complain about health issues, unfair treatment at work, or relationship troubles. By doing so, they manipulate others into providing emotional support and validation. This constant need for sympathy can drain those around them, leaving friends and family emotionally exhausted.

Control and Power Over Others

Control is a crucial form of narcissistic supply for covert narcissists. They derive satisfaction from manipulating and influencing others, often in subtle ways. This need for control stems from their deep-seated insecurities and fear of abandonment. By exerting power over others, they feel more secure and in charge of their environment.

Covert narcissists may use various tactics to maintain control. These can include passive-aggressive behavior, guilt-tripping, or emotional blackmail. They might also play the role of the “expert” or “advisor” to influence decisions. This need for control can create toxic relationships and unhealthy power dynamics in both personal and professional settings.

Sources of Narcissistic Supply for Covert Narcissists

Friends and Family as Primary Targets

Friends and family often become the primary targets for a covert narcissist’s supply-seeking behavior. These close relationships provide a consistent source of attention, admiration, and support. Covert narcissists may exploit the trust and loyalty of loved ones to fulfill their emotional needs.

They might manipulate family dynamics, pitting members against each other to gain sympathy or attention. With friends, they may create a facade of vulnerability to elicit constant support and praise. This relentless pursuit of supply can strain relationships, leaving friends and family feeling drained and confused.

Workplace Dynamics and Professional Relations

The workplace offers covert narcissists a fertile ground for obtaining narcissistic supply. They may seek positions of authority or expertise to gain admiration from colleagues. In professional settings, they often present themselves as indispensable or uniquely talented, craving recognition for their contributions.

Covert narcissists might manipulate office politics to their advantage. They could spread rumors or undermine coworkers to appear more competent in comparison. Some may even sabotage projects to swoop in as the “savior.” These tactics can create a toxic work environment and hinder team productivity.

Romantic Relationships and Use of Partners for Supply

Romantic partners often become a primary source of narcissistic supply for covert narcissists. They may initially shower their partner with affection and attention, creating an illusion of a perfect relationship. This “love bombing” phase serves to secure the partner’s devotion and admiration.

Once committed, covert narcissists may begin to manipulate their partners for constant validation and support. They might use guilt or emotional blackmail to maintain control. Partners often find themselves walking on eggshells, constantly trying to appease the narcissist’s needs. This pattern of abuse can be emotionally devastating for the non-narcissistic partner.

Social Media and Online Presence

Social media platforms provide covert narcissists with a vast playground for seeking narcissistic supply. These digital spaces allow them to carefully curate their image and receive instant validation. They can present an idealized version of themselves to a wide audience, satisfying their need for admiration and attention.

Covert narcissists may obsessively monitor their online presence, constantly seeking likes, comments, and shares. They might post cryptic status updates to elicit concern or curiosity from followers. Some may even create fake online personas to interact with and praise their main profile, further boosting their ego.

Creating a Perfect Online Persona

Covert narcissists excel at crafting a flawless online image. They meticulously select photos and posts that portray them in the best light possible. This carefully constructed persona often bears little resemblance to their real-life personality or circumstances. It serves as a shield, protecting their fragile self-esteem from criticism or rejection.

Narcissistic Supply: Understanding Their Emotional Fuel
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com
Narcissistic Supply: Understanding Their Emotional Fuel
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com

They may showcase only their achievements and positive experiences, creating an illusion of a perfect life. Some might even manipulate photos or exaggerate stories to appear more successful or interesting. This disconnect between their online and offline selves can lead to feelings of inadequacy in followers who compare their lives to this unrealistic standard.

Seeking Validation Through Likes and Comments

For covert narcissists, the pursuit of likes and comments becomes an addictive quest for validation. Each positive interaction serves as a hit of narcissistic supply, temporarily boosting their self-esteem. They may obsessively check their posts, craving the dopamine rush that comes with each notification.

This need for online validation can lead to manipulative behavior. They might guilt-trip followers into engaging with their content or create dramatic posts to attract attention. Some may even resort to buying likes or followers to maintain their perceived popularity. This constant need for digital approval can be exhausting for both the narcissist and their online connections.

The Covert Narcissist’s Need for Narcissistic Supply

Impact of Supply on a Covert Narcissist’s Self-Esteem

Narcissistic supply acts as a lifeline for a covert narcissist’s fragile self-esteem. Without it, they may experience intense feelings of emptiness or worthlessness. This dependence on external validation makes them emotionally volatile, with their mood often hinging on the amount and quality of supply they receive.

Positive supply can temporarily inflate their self-image, leading to periods of grandiosity. However, this boost is short-lived, driving them to seek more supply constantly. Negative or insufficient supply can trigger depression, anxiety, or rage. This rollercoaster of emotions makes relationships with covert narcissists challenging and unpredictable.

Hidden Desperation for Approval

Beneath their composed exterior, covert narcissists harbor a desperate need for approval. This hidden desperation drives many of their behaviors and interactions. They may go to great lengths to secure validation, often at the expense of their own well-being or that of others.

This intense desire for approval can manifest in various ways. They might become people-pleasers, constantly adapting their personality to fit others’ expectations. Some may pursue achievements relentlessly, hoping to gain admiration. This underlying neediness can make covert narcissists particularly vulnerable to criticism or rejection.

Using Sympathy as a Source of Supply

Covert narcissists often exploit sympathy as a potent source of narcissistic supply. They may exaggerate or fabricate hardships to elicit compassion from others. This tactic serves multiple purposes: it provides them with attention, validates their victim mentality, and deflects any potential criticism.

They might share sob stories about their past, complain about current difficulties, or even feign illness to gain sympathy. This constant need for pity can be draining for those around them. Friends and family may find themselves caught in a cycle of providing emotional support without seeing any real change or gratitude from the narcissist.

Role of Passive-Aggressiveness in Obtaining Supply

Passive-aggressive behavior is a hallmark of covert narcissists in their quest for supply. This indirect approach allows them to manipulate situations and people without appearing overtly demanding or aggressive. They may use subtle jabs, backhanded compliments, or silent treatment to provoke reactions from others.

Narcissistic Supply: Understanding Their Emotional Fuel
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com
Narcissistic Supply: Understanding Their Emotional Fuel
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com

By employing passive-aggressive tactics, covert narcissists can play the victim while simultaneously attacking others. This behavior often leaves their targets feeling confused and guilty, providing the narcissist with a sense of control and superiority. Understanding these tactics is crucial in disarming the narcissist’s arsenal of manipulation.

How Covert Narcissists Obtain and Manipulate for Supply

Emotional Manipulation Techniques

Covert narcissists are masters of emotional manipulation. They employ a range of subtle techniques to control others and extract narcissistic supply. These may include guilt-tripping, playing on insecurities, or using emotional blackmail. By exploiting others’ emotions, they maintain power dynamics in their favor.

One common tactic is intermittent reinforcement, where they alternate between affection and coldness. This keeps their targets off-balance and constantly seeking approval. Another is triangulation, where they pit people against each other to create drama and secure their position as the center of attention. Recognizing these manipulation techniques is crucial for protecting oneself from exploitation.

Gaslighting and Its Effects

Gaslighting is a powerful tool in the covert narcissist’s arsenal. This insidious form of manipulation involves making others question their own perceptions and memories. Covert narcissists use gaslighting to maintain control and avoid accountability for their actions. They may deny saying or doing things, even in the face of evidence, or twist events to suit their narrative.

The effects of gaslighting can be devastating. Victims often experience confusion, self-doubt, and a loss of confidence in their own judgment. Over time, this can lead to anxiety, depression, and a distorted sense of reality. Understanding the narcissist’s playbook is essential for recognizing and countering gaslighting attempts.

Playing the Victim Card

Covert narcissists frequently adopt the role of the victim to manipulate others and gain sympathy. This tactic allows them to deflect responsibility for their actions while simultaneously garnering attention and support. They may exaggerate or fabricate hardships, portraying themselves as perpetually misunderstood or persecuted.

By playing the victim, covert narcissists can silence criticism and manipulate others into catering to their needs. They might use phrases like “You just don’t understand how hard it is for me” or “Everyone is always against me” to elicit compassion. This behavior can be particularly confusing for those who genuinely care about the narcissist’s well-being.

Cultivating Multiple Supply Sources

Covert narcissists often maintain a network of supply sources to ensure a constant flow of validation and attention. They may cultivate relationships with various individuals or groups, each serving a specific purpose in meeting their emotional needs. This diversification helps them avoid the risk of losing all supply if one source becomes unavailable.

They might have friends they turn to for admiration, family members they rely on for sympathy, and colleagues they manipulate for professional validation. Some may even maintain online personas or secret relationships as backup sources of supply. This complex web of connections can make it challenging for any single individual to recognize the full extent of the narcissist’s manipulative behavior.




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Frequently Asked Questions

What Is Narcissistic Supply And How Does It Fuel A Narcissist’s Ego?

Narcissistic supply refers to the attention, admiration, and validation that individuals with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) crave to maintain their inflated sense of self-importance. This emotional fuel is essential for narcissists to regulate their fragile self-esteem and can come in various forms, including praise, recognition, or even negative attention. Narcissists are constantly seeking this supply to reinforce their grandiose self-image and defend against underlying feelings of inadequacy.

The concept of narcissistic supply highlights the manipulative nature of narcissistic relationships, where others are often objectified as sources of validation rather than valued as individuals. Psychology Today emphasizes that this need for constant validation stems from the narcissist’s deep-seated insecurities and inability to maintain a stable sense of self-worth. Understanding the role of narcissistic supply is crucial in recognizing and addressing the dynamics of relationships involving individuals with NPD.

How Does The Narcissistic Supply Cycle Work In Relationships?

The narcissistic supply cycle in relationships typically consists of three phases: idealization, devaluation, and discard. During the idealization phase, the narcissist showers their partner with attention and affection, creating an illusion of a perfect relationship. This “love bombing” serves to secure a steady source of supply and often leaves the partner feeling deeply connected and valued.

As the relationship progresses, the devaluation phase begins, where the narcissist starts to criticize and belittle their partner, eroding their self-esteem. This shift can be confusing and emotionally devastating for the partner, who may struggle to understand the sudden change. Finally, in the discard phase, the narcissist may abandon the relationship entirely or keep the partner around as a secondary source of supply. Verywell Mind explains that this cycle can repeat multiple times, creating a toxic pattern of emotional abuse and manipulation that can be extremely difficult for the partner to break free from.

What Are The Differences Between Positive And Negative Narcissistic Supply?

Positive narcissistic supply typically involves admiration, praise, and attention that directly feeds the narcissist’s grandiose self-image. This can include compliments, awards, or public recognition, all of which serve to reinforce the narcissist’s sense of superiority and importance. Positive supply aligns with the narcissist’s desired self-image and provides a temporary boost to their self-esteem.

Negative supply, on the other hand, comes from provoking strong emotional reactions in others, such as fear, anger, or jealousy. While seemingly counterintuitive, negative supply still provides the narcissist with a sense of power and control. Psych Central notes that both types of supply serve to reinforce the narcissist’s sense of importance and superiority. The key difference lies in how they’re obtained: positive supply through adulation and negative supply through manipulation and conflict.

How Can Someone Recognize If They’re Being Used As A Source Of Narcissistic Supply?

Recognizing if you’re being used as a source of narcissistic supply involves identifying certain patterns in your relationship. Key signs include feeling constantly drained after interactions, noticing that your needs are consistently ignored, or experiencing frequent emotional ups and downs based on the narcissist’s mood. You might also find yourself constantly seeking approval or validation from the narcissist, or feeling guilty for not providing enough attention or support.

Another red flag is the gradual erosion of your self-esteem and boundaries. Healthline suggests that being a source of narcissistic supply often involves a subtle but persistent undermining of your self-worth and autonomy. It’s crucial to recognize these signs early, as the longer one remains in this role, the more challenging it can become to break free from the narcissist’s influence and manipulation.

What Role Does Gaslighting Play In Maintaining Narcissistic Supply?

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic often employed by narcissists to maintain their supply of attention and control. It is a form of emotional abuse where the abuser makes the victim question their own reality, perceptions, and memories. In the context of narcissistic supply, gaslighting serves to keep the victim confused, dependent, and more likely to continue providing the narcissist with attention and validation.

By making the victim doubt their own perceptions and memories, the narcissist can more easily manipulate them into meeting their needs for supply. This tactic also helps the narcissist avoid accountability for their actions, further reinforcing their grandiose self-image. The National Domestic Violence Hotline emphasizes that gaslighting is a powerful tool in the narcissist’s arsenal, as it undermines the victim’s sense of self and reality, making it increasingly difficult for them to recognize and resist the abuse.

How Does Narcissistic Supply Differ In Professional Versus Personal Relationships?

Narcissistic supply in professional relationships often revolves around achievements, status, and recognition, while in personal relationships, it tends to focus more on emotional validation and control. In a work environment, a narcissist might seek supply through constant praise for their ideas, taking credit for team successes, or demanding special treatment. These behaviors are often more structured and aligned with professional norms, making them sometimes harder to identify as problematic.

In personal relationships, the supply often comes from emotional manipulation, such as creating dependency or eliciting strong reactions. The intimate nature of personal relationships provides deeper emotional fuel for the narcissist. Harvard Business Review notes that while both spheres involve the narcissist’s need for admiration and control, the key difference lies in the context and the specific forms of validation sought. Professional settings offer more structured opportunities for public recognition, while personal relationships provide a platform for more intense emotional exploitation.

What Are The Long-Term Effects Of Being A Primary Source Of Narcissistic Supply?

Being a primary source of narcissistic supply can have severe long-term psychological effects. Individuals in this role often experience a significant decrease in self-esteem, chronic anxiety, and depression. The constant emotional manipulation and invalidation can lead to a distorted sense of self and reality, making it difficult for victims to trust their own judgment and perceptions.

Many survivors of narcissistic abuse report symptoms similar to those of PTSD, including hypervigilance, emotional flashbacks, and difficulty trusting others. The cycle of idealization and devaluation can create a trauma bond, making it challenging to leave the relationship. The American Psychological Association suggests that long-term exposure to narcissistic abuse can also result in physical health issues due to chronic stress, highlighting the comprehensive impact of being a primary source of narcissistic supply.

How Do Narcissists React When Their Supply Is Cut Off Or Diminished?

When narcissists experience a reduction or loss of their narcissistic supply, their reactions can be intense and often destructive. This situation, known as narcissistic injury, can trigger what’s called narcissistic rage. This may manifest as aggressive outbursts, passive-aggressive behaviors, or intensified efforts to regain control.

Some narcissists might engage in “hoovering,” attempting to draw their former supply source back in with promises of change or threats. Others might quickly seek new sources of supply to fill the void. Psychology Today explains that the loss of supply threatens the narcissist’s fragile ego, often leading to desperate and manipulative behaviors aimed at restoring their sense of grandiosity and control. Understanding these reactions is crucial for those attempting to disengage from a narcissistic relationship, as it can help prepare for and navigate the often tumultuous aftermath of cutting off supply.

Can A Narcissist Ever Be Satisfied With The Supply They Receive?

The nature of narcissistic personality disorder makes it extremely difficult, if not impossible, for a narcissist to ever be truly satisfied with the supply they receive. This constant craving stems from a deep-seated sense of inadequacy that the narcissist tries to mask with grandiosity. As a result, no amount of supply can permanently fill this emotional void.

Narcissists tend to escalate their demands for attention and admiration over time, always seeking more intense or frequent sources of supply. The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology published research suggesting that the narcissist’s need for admiration and validation is insatiable. This perpetual dissatisfaction often leads to a cycle of relationship problems and a continuous search for new supply sources, making it challenging for narcissists to maintain stable, long-term relationships or find lasting contentment.

What Strategies Do Narcissists Use To Maintain A Steady Stream Of Supply?

Narcissists employ various strategies to ensure a constant flow of narcissistic supply. These include love bombing to quickly establish intense emotional connections, triangulation to create jealousy and competition among supply sources, and intermittent reinforcement to keep others emotionally invested. Narcissists may also use social media as a platform for garnering attention and admiration from a wider audience.

They often cultivate a network of admirers or enablers, sometimes referred to as a “narcissistic harem,” to ensure multiple sources of supply. Additionally, they may engage in dramatic behaviors or create crises to remain the center of attention. Psychology Today outlines these common tactics, all of which serve the purpose of maintaining a steady stream of the emotional fuel narcissists crave. Understanding these strategies can help individuals recognize manipulative behaviors and protect themselves from becoming entangled in a narcissist’s web of supply-seeking behaviors.

How Does Narcissistic Supply Relate To The Concept Of Codependency?

Narcissistic supply and codependency are closely intertwined concepts in toxic relationships. Codependent individuals often become primary sources of narcissistic supply due to their tendency to prioritize others’ needs over their own. The codependent’s need for approval and fear of abandonment make them vulnerable to the narcissist’s manipulation tactics.

In this dynamic, the codependent provides constant attention and validation, while the narcissist offers intermittent reinforcement, creating a cycle of emotional dependence. Codependency No More explains that this relationship fulfills the narcissist’s need for admiration and the codependent’s need to feel valued through caretaking. Understanding this connection is crucial for breaking free from narcissistic abuse and developing healthier relationship patterns, as it highlights the importance of addressing both the narcissist’s behavior and the codependent’s underlying needs and motivations.

What Role Does Childhood Trauma Play In The Development Of Narcissistic Supply Seeking Behaviors?

Childhood trauma often plays a significant role in the development of narcissistic supply seeking behaviors. Early experiences of neglect, abuse, or inconsistent parenting can contribute to the formation of narcissistic traits. Children who don’t receive appropriate emotional validation may develop an excessive need for external approval as a coping mechanism, which can evolve into the adult narcissist’s insatiable hunger for supply.

Additionally, childhood trauma can lead to attachment issues and a fragile sense of self, which the narcissist tries to compensate for through constant seeking of admiration and validation. The National Child Traumatic Stress Network suggests that understanding this developmental aspect is crucial for both recognizing narcissistic patterns and developing effective therapeutic approaches. It highlights the importance of addressing underlying trauma in the treatment of narcissistic personality disorder and in helping individuals break free from patterns of seeking or providing narcissistic supply.

How Can Someone Break Free From The Cycle Of Providing Narcissistic Supply?

Breaking free from the cycle of providing narcissistic supply requires a multi-faceted approach. It starts with education about narcissistic abuse and its effects, which can help in recognizing manipulative tactics and validating one’s experiences. Establishing firm boundaries is crucial, which may include limiting contact or going “no contact” if necessary.

Seeking support from a therapist specializing in narcissistic abuse can provide valuable guidance and healing strategies. Building a support network of friends and family is also important for emotional reinforcement. The National Domestic Violence Hotline recommends focusing on self-care and rebuilding self-esteem as essential steps in recovery. It’s a process that requires patience and persistence, but with the right support and strategies, it’s possible to break free from the cycle of providing narcissistic supply and reclaim one’s sense of self and autonomy.

What Are The Signs That A Narcissist Is Shifting Their Focus To A New Source Of Supply?

When a narcissist begins to shift their focus to a new source of supply, several signs may become apparent. One of the most common indicators is a sudden decrease in attention or communication. The narcissist may become emotionally distant or start devaluing their current supply source more frequently. They might begin mentioning a new person in their life excessively or display obvious excitement about new relationships or opportunities.

Increased secrecy, particularly regarding their phone or social media activity, can also be a red flag. In some cases, the narcissist may engage in more overt comparisons between their current supply and potential new sources. Psych Central notes that recognizing these signs can be crucial for those seeking to protect themselves from further emotional manipulation and prepare for potential discard. Understanding these patterns can help individuals make informed decisions about their involvement with the narcissist and take steps to protect their emotional well-being.

How Does Social Media Impact Narcissistic Supply In The Digital Age?

Social media has significantly impacted the dynamics of narcissistic supply in the digital age. These platforms provide narcissists with unprecedented opportunities for self-promotion and validation seeking. The ability to curate an idealized online persona aligns perfectly with the narcissist’s desire for admiration and grandiosity, offering a constant stream of potential supply through likes, comments, and shares.

Social media also allows narcissists to easily compare themselves to others and seek validation from a much larger audience than possible in face-to-face interactions. However, Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking published research indicating that this digital landscape can also intensify the narcissist’s insecurities and need for constant validation, potentially exacerbating narcissistic behaviors and the relentless pursuit of supply. The ease of access to multiple sources of supply and the instant gratification provided by social media interactions can create a more complex and pervasive environment for narcissistic behavior to thrive.

What Are The Differences In Narcissistic Supply Seeking Between Covert And Overt Narcissists?

Covert and overt narcissists differ in their approaches to seeking narcissistic supply. Overt narcissists are more likely to seek supply through grandiose displays of superiority, demanding admiration, and openly boasting about their achievements. They thrive on being the center of attention and may react aggressively when their supply is threatened.

Covert narcissists, on the other hand, tend to seek supply in more subtle ways. They might play the victim to elicit sympathy, use passive-aggressive tactics to manipulate others, or seek admiration through false modesty. Psychology Today explains that covert narcissists often appear shy or self-deprecating on the surface but still harbor the same deep-seated need for admiration and validation. Understanding these differences is crucial for identifying and dealing with various forms of narcissistic behavior in relationships and social interactions, as the tactics used can vary significantly between these two types of narcissists.

How Can Therapists And Mental Health Professionals Help Individuals Recover From Being A Source Of Narcissistic Supply?

Therapists and mental health professionals play a crucial role in helping individuals recover from being a source of narcissistic supply. A trauma-informed approach is often recommended, recognizing that narcissistic abuse can lead to complex trauma. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be effective in challenging distorted beliefs and rebuilding self-esteem, while Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) may help process traumatic memories associated with the abuse.

About the Author :

Som Dutt, Top writer in Philosophy & Psychology on Medium.com. I make people Think, Relate, Feel & Move. Let's Embrace Inner Chaos and Appreciate Deep, Novel & Heavy Thoughts.

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