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The Narcissist’s Mirror: How They See Themselves vs. Reality

Self-Perception Vs Reality: Inside The Narcissist’s Distorted Worldview

Addiction As A Coping Mechanism And Healthy Alternatives by Som Dutt From https://embraceinnerchaos.com

Last updated on December 18th, 2024 at 03:58 am

Narcissism has become a buzzword in modern society, often used to describe self-absorbed individuals. But what lies beneath the surface of this complex personality trait? According to recent studies, approximately 6% of the population exhibits narcissistic tendencies, with men being more likely to display these characteristics than women.

The world of a narcissist is a fascinating yet perplexing one. Their perception of themselves often stands in stark contrast to reality, creating a distorted mirror that reflects an idealized version of their being. This disconnect between self-image and actuality forms the foundation of narcissistic behavior, impacting relationships, careers, and personal growth.

As we delve into the intricate workings of the narcissist’s mind, we’ll explore how their self-perception shapes their interactions with the world around them. We’ll uncover the mechanisms that drive their behavior and examine the consequences of living in a reality distorted by grandiose self-views.

Discover the secrets of the narcissist’s mirror, exploring the contrast between their idealized self-perception and the often harsh reality others experience.

1. Understanding Narcissism: A Psychological Overview

Narcissism is more than just excessive self-love or vanity. It’s a complex psychological trait that profoundly affects an individual’s perception of themselves and the world around them. To truly grasp the narcissist’s mirror, we must first understand the foundations of narcissism itself.

1.1 Defining Narcissism in Psychological Terms

Narcissism, in psychological terms, refers to a pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy. It’s characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance and a deep-seated belief in one’s superiority over others. While everyone has some narcissistic traits, it becomes problematic when these traits dominate a person’s personality and interfere with their daily functioning.

1.2 The Spectrum of Narcissistic Behavior

Narcissism exists on a spectrum, ranging from healthy self-esteem to pathological narcissism. On one end, we have individuals with a balanced sense of self-worth. On the other, we find those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), a clinical condition characterized by extreme narcissistic traits.

1.3 The Origins of Narcissistic Tendencies

The roots of narcissism often trace back to childhood experiences. Factors such as excessive praise, lack of emotional attunement from caregivers, or even childhood trauma can contribute to the development of narcissistic traits. Understanding these origins can provide valuable insights into the narcissist’s distorted self-image.

1.4 Narcissism vs. Healthy Self-Esteem

It’s crucial to differentiate between narcissism and healthy self-esteem. While both involve positive self-regard, narcissism is characterized by an exaggerated and often fragile sense of self. Healthy self-esteem, on the other hand, is grounded in reality and allows for acknowledgment of one’s flaws and limitations.

2. The Narcissist’s Self-Image: A Grandiose Illusion

At the core of narcissism lies a carefully constructed self-image that often bears little resemblance to reality. This grandiose illusion serves as a protective shield, insulating the narcissist from feelings of inadequacy and vulnerability.

2.1 The Idealized Self: Perfect and Superior

In the narcissist’s mirror, they see an idealized version of themselves. This image is one of perfection, superiority, and unparalleled achievement. They believe they are special, unique, and deserving of constant admiration and praise. This inflated self-view forms the foundation of their interactions with others.

2.2 Achievements and Talents: Exaggeration and Fabrication

Narcissists often exaggerate their achievements and talents, sometimes to the point of fabrication. They may claim expertise in areas where they have little knowledge or experience. This tendency to embellish their accomplishments is driven by a deep-seated need to maintain their grandiose self-image.

2.3 Physical Appearance: Obsession with Perfection

Many narcissists are preoccupied with their physical appearance. They may spend excessive time and resources on maintaining or enhancing their looks. This obsession with physical perfection is another manifestation of their need to project an image of superiority.

2.4 Relationships: The Narcissist as the Center of Attention

In their relationships, narcissists see themselves as the star of the show. They expect to be the center of attention and may become upset or angry when they’re not. This self-centered view often leads to difficulties in maintaining healthy, reciprocal relationships.

3. Reality Check: The True Face of Narcissism

While the narcissist’s self-image is one of grandeur and perfection, reality often tells a different story. The disconnect between their perceived self and actual self can lead to a range of behavioral and emotional issues.

3.1 Fragile Self-Esteem: The Vulnerable Core

Beneath the confident exterior lies a fragile self-esteem. Narcissists are often hypersensitive to criticism and may react with rage or extreme defensiveness when their self-image is threatened. This vulnerability is a stark contrast to the unshakeable confidence they project.

3.2 Lack of Empathy: The Empathy Deficit

One of the hallmark traits of narcissism is a lack of empathy. While narcissists may claim to be caring and compassionate, they often struggle to genuinely understand or relate to others’ emotions. This empathy deficit can lead to behaviors that are hurtful or abusive to those around them.

3.3 Interpersonal Difficulties: Strained Relationships

Despite their charm and charisma, narcissists often struggle to maintain healthy, long-term relationships. Their self-centeredness, lack of empathy, and need for constant admiration can strain personal and professional connections. Many find themselves in a cycle of short-lived, superficial relationships.

3.4 Professional Challenges: When Reality Doesn’t Match the Fantasy

In the professional realm, narcissists may face significant challenges when reality doesn’t align with their grandiose expectations. They may struggle with teamwork, have difficulty accepting feedback, and become frustrated when they don’t receive the recognition they believe they deserve.

4. The Mechanisms of Self-Deception

The narcissist’s distorted self-image doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It’s maintained through a complex set of psychological mechanisms that allow the narcissist to preserve their grandiose self-view in the face of contradictory evidence.

The Narcissist's Mirror: How They See Themselves vs. Reality
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com
The Narcissist’s Mirror: How They See Themselves vs. Reality
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com

4.1 Cognitive Dissonance: Reconciling Contradictions

Cognitive dissonance plays a crucial role in maintaining the narcissist’s self-image. When faced with information that contradicts their grandiose self-view, narcissists may engage in mental gymnastics to reconcile these contradictions. This often involves dismissing or reinterpreting evidence that doesn’t align with their self-perception.

4.2 Projection: Attributing Flaws to Others

Projection is another common mechanism used by narcissists. Unable to acknowledge their own flaws and shortcomings, they often project these qualities onto others. This allows them to maintain their idealized self-image while criticizing others for the very traits they possess.

4.3 Gaslighting: Manipulating Others’ Reality

Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic often employed by narcissists to maintain their distorted reality. By making others question their own perceptions and memories, narcissists can control the narrative and keep their inflated self-image intact.

4.4 Selective Memory: Rewriting Personal History

Narcissists often engage in selective memory, remembering events in ways that support their grandiose self-view. They may exaggerate their successes, downplay their failures, or even fabricate achievements to maintain their idealized self-image.

5. The Impact of Narcissism on Others

The narcissist’s distorted self-perception doesn’t exist in isolation. It profoundly affects those around them, often leading to emotional distress and damaged relationships.

5.1 Emotional Manipulation: The Narcissist’s Toolkit

Narcissists often use emotional manipulation to maintain their grandiose self-image. This can include guilt-tripping, playing the victim, or using charm and flattery to get what they want. These tactics can leave others feeling confused, guilty, and emotionally drained.

5.2 Narcissistic Supply: The Need for Constant Affirmation

Narcissists require a constant stream of admiration and attention, often referred to as “narcissistic supply.” This need can place a heavy burden on their relationships, as others are expected to provide continuous validation and praise.

5.3 The Devaluation Cycle: From Pedestal to Discard

Many who enter into relationships with narcissists experience a cycle of idealization, devaluation, and discard. Initially placed on a pedestal, partners may find themselves suddenly devalued when they fail to meet the narcissist’s unrealistic expectations. This cycle can be emotionally devastating for those involved.

5.4 Narcissistic Abuse: The Hidden Wounds

Narcissistic abuse is often subtle and insidious. It can involve emotional manipulation, gaslighting, and other forms of psychological control. The impact of this abuse can be long-lasting, affecting the victim’s self-esteem, mental health, and ability to trust others.

6. Coping with Narcissism: Strategies for Self and Others

Understanding the narcissist’s distorted self-image is crucial for both those who exhibit narcissistic traits and those who interact with them. Here are some strategies for coping with narcissism.

6.1 Self-Reflection: Recognizing Narcissistic Tendencies

For individuals who recognize narcissistic traits in themselves, self-reflection is a crucial first step. Acknowledging these tendencies and their impact on others can be the beginning of personal growth and change. Identifying signs of narcissism is an important part of this process.

6.2 Setting Boundaries: Protecting Yourself from Narcissistic Behavior

For those dealing with narcissists, setting and maintaining clear boundaries is essential. This involves recognizing manipulative behaviors, learning to say no, and prioritizing your own emotional well-being.

6.3 Seeking Professional Help: Therapy for Narcissism

Professional help can be beneficial for both narcissists and those affected by narcissistic behavior. Therapy can help narcissists develop empathy and healthier relationship patterns, while also providing support for those recovering from narcissistic abuse.

6.4 Building a Support Network: The Importance of Community

Having a strong support network is crucial when dealing with narcissism. This can include friends, family, support groups, or online communities of people who understand the challenges of interacting with narcissists.

The Narcissist's Mirror: How They See Themselves vs. Reality
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com
The Narcissist’s Mirror: How They See Themselves vs. Reality
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com

7. Beyond the Mirror: The Path to Healing and Growth

While the narcissist’s distorted self-image can seem insurmountable, there is hope for healing and growth. With self-awareness, effort, and support, it’s possible to move beyond the limitations of narcissism.

7.1 Developing Self-Awareness: The First Step to Change

For narcissists, developing genuine self-awareness is a crucial step towards change. This involves recognizing the discrepancy between their idealized self-image and reality, and being willing to confront their vulnerabilities and insecurities.

7.2 Cultivating Empathy: Learning to See Others

Developing empathy is a key part of overcoming narcissistic tendencies. This involves learning to consider others’ perspectives, feelings, and needs. It’s a challenging but essential step in forming healthier relationships.

7.3 Embracing Vulnerability: The Strength in Imperfection

For narcissists, embracing vulnerability can be transformative. Recognizing that imperfection is a part of the human experience can help them develop a more realistic and compassionate view of themselves and others.

7.4 Building Authentic Relationships: Moving Beyond the Superficial

As narcissists begin to develop a more realistic self-image, they can start to build more authentic relationships. This involves learning to connect with others on a deeper level, valuing mutual understanding and support over admiration and validation.

8. The Societal Impact of Narcissism

The prevalence of narcissistic traits in society has far-reaching implications, affecting everything from personal relationships to cultural norms and values.

8.1 The Culture of Self-Promotion: Narcissism in the Digital Age

Social media and the digital age have created new platforms for self-promotion and validation-seeking behavior. This culture of constant self-presentation can exacerbate narcissistic tendencies and shape societal norms around self-image and success.




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Frequently Asked Questions

How Does A Narcissist’s Self-Image Differ From Reality?

Narcissists often have a highly distorted self-image that significantly differs from reality. According to Psychology Today, individuals with narcissistic personality disorder traits tend to have an inflated sense of self-importance and a deep need for excessive attention and admiration. This grandiose self-view in narcissists often leads to a significant discrepancy between how they perceive themselves and how others see them.

Narcissists may view themselves as exceptional, unique, and superior to others, even when their actual achievements or qualities don’t support this belief. This narcissistic self-inflation can manifest in various aspects of their lives, from their perceived abilities and attractiveness to their importance in their social circles and workplaces. The narcissist’s reality vs. self-view often creates conflicts in their interpersonal relationships, as others struggle to reconcile the narcissist’s inflated self-image with their actual behavior and accomplishments.

What Is Narcissistic Mirroring And How Is It Used As A Manipulative Tactic?

Narcissistic mirroring is a powerful tool used by narcissists to create a false sense of connection and intimacy with others. As explained by Verywell Mind, this manipulative tactic involves the narcissist mimicking the interests, values, and behaviors of their target. By reflecting back what they observe in others, narcissists aim to create a sense of familiarity and understanding.

This mirroring behavior is particularly prevalent in the early stages of romantic relationships or when forming new social connections. The narcissist carefully observes their target’s likes, dislikes, mannerisms, and even speech patterns, then adopts these traits as their own. This creates an illusion of being the perfect partner or friend who shares deep connections with the target.

However, this mirroring is not a genuine expression of empathy or interest, but rather a calculated strategy for personal gain. The narcissist’s sole focus is on creating a strong bond that they can later exploit for their own benefit, often leading to confusion and emotional distress for the target when the true nature of the narcissist is eventually revealed.

How Does A Narcissist’s Self-Perception Change During The Idealization And Devaluation Phases?

The narcissist’s self-perception undergoes significant shifts during the idealization and devaluation phases of their relationships. Healthline explains that during the idealization phase, the narcissist’s inflated self-esteem is at its peak. They view themselves as irresistible, charming, and worthy of adoration. This heightened sense of self-worth is reinforced by the positive reactions they receive from their new partner or friend.

However, as the relationship progresses into the devaluation phase, the narcissist’s self-perception can become more volatile. When their partner fails to meet their unrealistic expectations or challenges their authority, the narcissist’s fragile ego is threatened. This can lead to a rapid shift in their self-view, alternating between feelings of superiority and insecurity.

During this phase, the narcissist may project their own negative emotions onto their partner, viewing themselves as the victim of their partner’s perceived shortcomings. This fluctuation in self-perception often results in abusive behavior as the narcissist struggles to maintain their grandiose self-image in the face of reality.

What Are The Key Differences Between Healthy Mirroring And Narcissistic Mirroring In Relationships?

Healthy mirroring and narcissistic mirroring are fundamentally different in their intent and impact on relationships. PsychCentral highlights that healthy mirroring is a natural and unconscious process that occurs in human interactions, particularly in close relationships. It involves empathetically reflecting back emotions, body language, and experiences to create genuine connection and understanding.

In contrast, narcissistic mirroring is a conscious and manipulative tactic used to create a false sense of intimacy. While it may appear similar on the surface, the narcissist’s mirroring lacks genuine empathy and is solely focused on personal gain. Healthy mirroring evolves naturally over time and allows for individual differences, whereas narcissistic mirroring is intense, rapid, and aims to create an exact reflection of the target’s personality.

The outcomes also differ significantly: healthy mirroring leads to mutual growth and deeper understanding, while narcissistic mirroring often results in emotional manipulation and eventual disillusionment when the narcissist’s true nature is revealed.

How Do Narcissists Use Self-Deception To Maintain Their Distorted Self-Image?

Narcissists employ various self-deception tactics to maintain their distorted self-image and protect their fragile ego. According to Psychology Today, narcissists often engage in selective attention and memory, focusing only on information that supports their grandiose self-view while ignoring or dismissing anything that contradicts it. This narcissistic self-deception pattern allows them to maintain an inflated sense of self-esteem despite evidence to the contrary.

Narcissists also tend to engage in black-and-white thinking, viewing themselves as either perfect or worthless, with little room for nuance or self-reflection. This cognitive distortion helps them avoid confronting their own flaws or shortcomings. Additionally, narcissists often project their own negative traits onto others, allowing them to maintain a positive self-image by attributing their faults to those around them.

These self-deception strategies serve as a defense mechanism, protecting the narcissist from the painful reality of their true selves and maintaining their grandiose self-concept.

What Role Does Narcissistic Rage Play In Maintaining A Narcissist’s Self-Image?

Narcissistic rage plays a crucial role in maintaining a narcissist’s distorted self-image and serves as a defense mechanism against perceived threats to their ego. Verywell Mind explains that narcissistic rage is an intense, uncontrollable anger that occurs when a narcissist’s self-esteem or self-worth is threatened. This rage is a reaction to narcissistic injury – any perceived challenge to the narcissist’s grandiose self-view.

When faced with criticism, failure, or any situation that exposes their vulnerabilities, narcissists may lash out with disproportionate anger to protect their fragile self-image. This rage serves multiple purposes in maintaining their distorted self-perception. Firstly, it deflects attention away from the narcissist’s shortcomings and onto the person or situation that triggered the rage. Secondly, it reinforces the narcissist’s sense of power and control, as they use their anger to intimidate others and reassert their perceived superiority.

Lastly, narcissistic rage can be a form of emotional manipulation, discouraging others from challenging the narcissist’s inflated self-view in the future. By reacting with intense anger, narcissists create an environment where others are less likely to provide honest feedback or criticism, allowing them to maintain their grandiose self-image unchallenged.

How Does A Narcissist’s Self-Perception Affect Their Approach To Intimate Relationships?

A narcissist’s distorted self-perception significantly influences their approach to intimate relationships, often leading to dysfunctional and harmful patterns. The Gottman Institute explains that narcissists’ inflated sense of self-worth and need for admiration shape how they view and treat their partners. Due to their grandiose self-view, narcissists often believe they deserve a perfect partner who will constantly validate and admire them.

In the early stages, narcissists may idealize their partner, viewing them as an extension of their own perceived greatness. However, as the relationship progresses and the partner inevitably fails to meet the narcissist’s unrealistic standards, the narcissist’s approach can become devaluing and abusive. Their self-perception as superior beings leads them to view their partners as inferior, often resulting in controlling and manipulative behaviors.

Narcissists struggle with emotional intimacy and genuine connection, as their focus remains on maintaining their grandiose self-image rather than fostering a mutually satisfying relationship. Their relationships are often characterized by a lack of empathy, an inability to compromise, and a tendency to blame their partners for any problems, all stemming from their distorted self-perception and need to protect their fragile ego.

What Are The Common Narcissistic Self-Perception Errors And How Do They Manifest In Daily Life?

Narcissistic self-perception errors are common distortions in how narcissists view themselves, significantly impacting their daily interactions and behaviors. Psychology Today outlines several key errors in narcissistic thinking. One common error is overestimation of abilities and importance. Narcissists often believe they are more skilled, intelligent, or attractive than they actually are, leading to unrealistic expectations and frequent disappointments in their personal and professional lives.

Another error is the belief in their own uniqueness and specialness, causing them to expect preferential treatment in various situations. This can manifest as entitlement in daily interactions, from cutting in lines to demanding exceptions to rules. Narcissists also tend to underestimate the abilities and worth of others, often dismissing or devaluing the contributions of colleagues, friends, or family members.

Additionally, narcissists often engage in all-or-nothing thinking, viewing situations and people as either entirely good or entirely bad. This black-and-white perspective can result in volatile relationships and extreme reactions to minor setbacks or criticisms in daily life.

How Does Narcissistic Self-Awareness Deficit Affect A Narcissist’s Ability To Change?

The narcissistic self-awareness deficit significantly impairs a narcissist’s ability to recognize their own flaws and, consequently, their capacity for change. PsychCentral explains that this lack of self-awareness is a fundamental characteristic of narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissists often have a blind spot when it comes to their own behavior and its impact on others. They struggle to see themselves objectively or to acknowledge their role in interpersonal conflicts.

This deficit makes it extremely challenging for narcissists to recognize the need for change, as they genuinely believe that their perceptions and actions are justified. Even when faced with negative consequences of their behavior, such as relationship breakdowns or professional setbacks, narcissists tend to blame external factors rather than considering their own contributions to these problems.

The narcissistic self-awareness deficit also makes it difficult for narcissists to benefit from therapy or self-improvement efforts. Without the ability to introspect and acknowledge their own shortcomings, narcissists often resist therapeutic interventions or misinterpret feedback in ways that reinforce their grandiose self-view. This lack of insight creates a significant barrier to personal growth and change, as the first step in any transformative process is recognizing the need for change.

What Are The Key Differences Between Overt And Covert Narcissists In Terms Of Self-Perception?

Overt and covert narcissists exhibit distinct differences in their self-perception and how they present themselves to the world. Verywell Mind provides insights into these differences. Overt narcissists, also known as grandiose narcissists, have a more obvious and outward expression of their inflated self-image. They perceive themselves as superior, special, and deserving of admiration, and they openly display these beliefs.

In contrast, covert narcissists, or vulnerable narcissists, have a more subtle and inward-focused self-perception. While they still harbor feelings of superiority and entitlement, these beliefs are often masked by a facade of insecurity and self-doubt. Covert narcissists may perceive themselves as misunderstood geniuses or unrecognized talents, harboring resentment towards a world that fails to appreciate their perceived specialness.

While both types share core narcissistic traits, their self-perception and resulting behaviors manifest differently. Overt narcissists are more likely to seek the spotlight and openly demand attention, while covert narcissists are more prone to sulking and indirect expressions of their perceived superiority. Their self-perception is more fragile and easily threatened, leading to passive-aggressive behaviors and a tendency to play the victim.

How Does Narcissistic Self-Aggrandizement Affect Professional Relationships And Career Progression?

Narcissistic self-aggrandizement can have significant impacts on professional relationships and career progression, often leading to both short-term gains and long-term challenges. Harvard Business Review discusses how narcissists’ inflated self-view and need for admiration can initially propel them to leadership positions. Their confidence and charisma can be attractive qualities in the workplace, often leading to rapid career advancement.

However, their self-aggrandizing behavior can create numerous problems in professional settings. Narcissists often take credit for others’ work, undermine colleagues they perceive as threats, and struggle with teamwork due to their belief in their own superiority. This behavior can lead to strained relationships with coworkers and subordinates, creating a toxic work environment.

Over time, the narcissist’s inability to accept criticism or admit mistakes can hinder their professional growth and damage their reputation. While their self-aggrandizement may lead to initial success, it often results in conflict, reduced productivity, and eventually, career stagnation or derailment as others become aware of the narcissist’s true nature and the negative impact of their behavior on the workplace.

What Role Does Social Media Play In Reinforcing A Narcissist’s Distorted Self-Image?

Social media plays a significant role in reinforcing and amplifying a narcissist’s distorted self-image, providing a platform for constant self-promotion and validation seeking. Psychology Today explains that social media platforms offer narcissists an ideal environment to curate and present an idealized version of themselves to a wide audience. The ability to selectively share positive experiences, achievements, and carefully edited photos allows narcissists to construct a public image that aligns with their grandiose self-perception.

The instant gratification of likes, comments, and shares feeds into the narcissist’s need for admiration and reinforces their inflated sense of self-importance. Social media also provides narcissists with opportunities for constant comparison, allowing them to measure their perceived superiority against others. This can further distort their self-image as they focus on curated highlights of others’ lives rather than reality.

Additionally, the echo chamber effect of social media, where users often surround themselves with like-minded individuals, can insulate narcissists from criticism and reinforce their distorted worldview. The ease of blocking or unfriending those who challenge their self-image allows narcissists to maintain their grandiose self-perception unchecked. While social media can exacerbate narcissistic tendencies in many individuals, for those with narcissistic personality traits, it becomes a powerful tool for maintaining and broadcasting their distorted self-image.

How Do Narcissistic Parents’ Self-Perception Errors Affect Their Children’s Development?

Narcissistic parents’ distorted self-perception can have profound and lasting effects on their children’s emotional and psychological development. Child Mind Institute explains that narcissistic parents often view their children as extensions of themselves rather than as individuals with their own needs and identities. This skewed perception can lead to various harmful parenting behaviors that impact the child’s sense of self and emotional well-being.

Children of narcissistic parents may struggle with low self-esteem, as they are often criticized or devalued when they fail to meet their parent’s unrealistic expectations. The parent’s need for admiration and control can lead to emotional manipulation, where children feel responsible for managing their parent’s emotions and meeting their needs. This role reversal can interfere with the child’s own emotional development and ability to form healthy relationships later in life.

Furthermore, the narcissistic parent’s lack of empathy and self-centeredness can result in neglect of the child’s emotional needs. Children may learn to suppress their own feelings and needs to accommodate their parent’s fragile ego, leading to difficulties in recognizing and expressing their own emotions as adults.

About the Author :

Som Dutt, Top writer in Philosophy & Psychology on Medium.com. I make people Think, Relate, Feel & Move. Let's Embrace Inner Chaos and Appreciate Deep, Novel & Heavy Thoughts.

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