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The Narcissist’s Toolbox: Decoding Their Manipulation Techniques

Unmask The Narcissist’s Arsenal Of Psychological Weapons

Intensive Therapy | Make Sense Of Your Motivations And Behavioral Patterns by Som Dutt From https://embraceinnerchaos.com

Last updated on December 18th, 2024 at 03:52 am

In the realm of human relationships, few personality types are as captivating and destructive as the narcissist. These individuals possess an uncanny ability to manipulate, charm, and control those around them, often leaving a trail of emotional devastation in their wake. According to recent studies, approximately 6% of the population exhibits narcissistic personality traits, with 1% meeting the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

The impact of narcissistic behavior extends far beyond mere self-centeredness. It can erode the self-esteem of partners, family members, and colleagues, leading to long-lasting psychological trauma. In fact, research has shown that individuals who have experienced narcissistic abuse are at higher risk of developing anxiety, depression, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Understand the Narcissist’s Toolbox and the subtle manipulation methods employed to dominate relationships. Discover strategies to break free from their influence.

1. The Foundation of Narcissism: Understanding the Narcissistic Personality

1.1 The Origins of Narcissistic Behavior

Narcissism, named after the Greek myth of Narcissus, has its roots in early childhood experiences. Psychologists believe that a combination of genetic predisposition and environmental factors contribute to the development of narcissistic traits. Early experiences of neglect, excessive praise, or inconsistent parenting can shape a child’s perception of self and others.

Research suggests that narcissistic individuals often struggle with deep-seated insecurities and a fragile sense of self-worth. This internal conflict drives them to seek constant validation and admiration from others. Understanding these underlying factors is crucial for recognizing and dealing with narcissistic behavior.

1.2 Key Traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is characterized by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) outlines specific criteria for diagnosing NPD. These include an inflated sense of self-importance, preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, and a belief in one’s own uniqueness.

Individuals with NPD often exhibit a sense of entitlement, interpersonal exploitation, and a lack of empathy for others’ feelings and needs. They may also display arrogant behaviors and attitudes, constantly seeking attention and admiration. These 17 telltale traits of a narcissist provide a comprehensive overview of the common characteristics associated with narcissistic personality.

1.3 The Spectrum of Narcissism

It’s important to note that narcissism exists on a spectrum. Not all individuals with narcissistic traits meet the full criteria for NPD. Some may exhibit milder forms of narcissistic behavior, while others may display more severe and pervasive patterns. Understanding this spectrum can help in recognizing varying degrees of narcissistic behavior in different relationships and contexts.

1.4 The Impact of Narcissism on Relationships

Narcissistic individuals often struggle to form and maintain healthy relationships. Their self-centered focus and lack of empathy can lead to significant interpersonal difficulties. Partners, friends, and family members may feel emotionally drained, devalued, and manipulated. Recognizing the patterns of narcissistic abuse in relationships is crucial for breaking free from toxic cycles and protecting one’s emotional well-being.

2. The Art of Manipulation: Narcissistic Tactics Unveiled

2.1 Love Bombing: The Initial Charm Offensive

One of the most potent tools in the narcissist’s arsenal is love bombing. This tactic involves showering the target with excessive affection, attention, and praise early in the relationship. The narcissist creates an illusion of a perfect connection, making the target feel special and valued.

Love bombing serves multiple purposes for the narcissist. It quickly establishes an emotional bond, making the target more susceptible to future manipulation. Additionally, it sets a high standard of affection that the narcissist can later withhold as a form of control. Recognizing the signs of love bombing is crucial for protecting oneself from falling into the narcissist’s trap.

2.2 Gaslighting: Distorting Reality

Gaslighting is a insidious form of psychological manipulation where the narcissist attempts to sow seeds of doubt in the target’s mind, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. This tactic involves denying events, twisting facts, and presenting false information to create confusion and uncertainty.

By undermining the target’s confidence in their own judgment, the narcissist gains greater control over the relationship. Victims of gaslighting often feel disoriented, anxious, and dependent on the narcissist for validation of their experiences. Recognizing these hidden signs of narcissistic abuse can help individuals identify and resist gaslighting attempts.

2.3 Triangulation: Creating Jealousy and Insecurity

Triangulation is a manipulative tactic where the narcissist introduces a third party into the dynamic to create jealousy, competition, or insecurity. This third party can be a real person or even a fabricated threat. The narcissist may flirt with others, compare their partner unfavorably to exes, or constantly bring up other people’s accomplishments.

The goal of triangulation is to keep the target off-balance and constantly seeking the narcissist’s approval. It also serves to boost the narcissist’s ego by creating the illusion of being in high demand. Recognizing triangulation attempts is crucial for maintaining one’s self-esteem and boundaries in relationships with narcissistic individuals.

2.4 Intermittent Reinforcement: The Push-Pull Dynamic

Intermittent reinforcement is a powerful psychological tool that narcissists use to keep their targets hooked. This tactic involves alternating between periods of affection and withdrawal, creating a sense of unpredictability and anxiety in the relationship. The target becomes conditioned to crave the narcissist’s positive attention, constantly working to regain their approval.

This push-pull dynamic can be highly addictive, as the target experiences intense highs during periods of affection and devastating lows during withdrawal. Understanding the mechanics of intermittent reinforcement can help individuals break free from this cycle of emotional manipulation.

3. The Power of Words: Verbal Manipulation Techniques

3.1 Silent Treatment: Weaponizing Silence

The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse where the narcissist withdraws all communication as a punishment or control tactic. This can range from ignoring specific topics to completely cutting off all interaction for extended periods. The silence creates anxiety and confusion in the target, who often desperately seeks to regain the narcissist’s attention and approval.

By withholding communication, the narcissist exerts power over the relationship and avoids addressing issues or taking responsibility for their actions. Recognizing the silent treatment as a form of manipulation is crucial for maintaining one’s emotional well-being and setting healthy boundaries.

3.2 Word Salad: Confusing and Deflecting

Word salad is a confusing and often nonsensical stream of words used by narcissists to disorient and frustrate their targets. This tactic involves stringing together unrelated topics, circular arguments, and contradictory statements to avoid accountability or redirect conversations away from their behavior.

The goal of word salad is to exhaust and confuse the target, making it difficult for them to maintain their train of thought or address important issues. By recognizing this tactic, individuals can avoid getting drawn into fruitless arguments and maintain focus on their own perspectives and needs.

3.3 Projection: Deflecting Blame and Responsibility

Projection is a defense mechanism where the narcissist attributes their own unacceptable thoughts, feelings, or behaviors to others. This allows them to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and maintain their grandiose self-image. For example, a narcissist who is unfaithful may accuse their partner of cheating, or one who is insecure may criticize others for being insecure.

Recognizing projection can help targets avoid internalizing false accusations and maintain a clear sense of reality. It’s important to remember that the narcissist’s projections often reveal more about their own inner struggles than about the person they’re targeting.

3.4 Circular Conversations: Exhausting and Disorienting

Circular conversations are a tactic used by narcissists to avoid resolution and maintain control. These discussions go around in circles, never reaching a conclusion or addressing the core issues at hand. The narcissist may introduce new topics, change the subject, or revert to previous points, leaving the target feeling frustrated and unheard.

The goal of circular conversations is to exhaust the target emotionally and mentally, making them more likely to give up or concede to the narcissist’s demands. Recognizing this pattern can help individuals set firm boundaries and avoid getting drawn into endless, unproductive discussions.

The Narcissist's Toolbox: Decoding Their Manipulation Techniques
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com
The Narcissist’s Toolbox: Decoding Their Manipulation Techniques
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com

4. Emotional Manipulation: Playing on Feelings and Vulnerabilities

4.1 Guilt-Tripping: Exploiting Empathy

Guilt-tripping is a manipulative tactic where the narcissist attempts to induce feelings of guilt or shame in their target to control their behavior. They may exaggerate their own suffering, make comparisons to others, or remind the target of past favors or sacrifices. This emotional manipulation plays on the target’s empathy and sense of responsibility.

By inducing guilt, the narcissist aims to make the target more compliant and willing to meet their demands. Recognizing guilt-tripping attempts is crucial for maintaining healthy boundaries and avoiding emotional exploitation. Learning to survive narcissistic abuse involves developing strategies to resist these emotional manipulation tactics.

4.2 Emotional Blackmail: Threats and Ultimatums

Emotional blackmail involves using threats or ultimatums to control the target’s behavior. The narcissist may threaten to end the relationship, withhold affection, or engage in self-destructive behavior if their demands are not met. This creates a climate of fear and anxiety, where the target feels responsible for the narcissist’s emotions and actions.

The goal of emotional blackmail is to coerce the target into compliance by exploiting their fear of loss or guilt. Recognizing these tactics and understanding that one is not responsible for the narcissist’s choices is crucial for breaking free from this form of manipulation.

4.3 Pity Play: The Victim Card

The pity play is a manipulation tactic where the narcissist portrays themselves as a victim to gain sympathy and avoid accountability. They may exaggerate their hardships, blame others for their misfortunes, or use past traumas to justify their behavior. This tactic appeals to the target’s compassion and desire to help.

By playing the victim, the narcissist deflects criticism and manipulates others into providing support and validation. Recognizing the difference between genuine hardship and manipulative victimhood is crucial for maintaining healthy boundaries and avoiding exploitation.

4.4 Emotional Rollercoaster: Creating Instability

Narcissists often create an emotional rollercoaster in their relationships, alternating between extreme highs and lows. This constant state of emotional flux keeps the target off-balance and more susceptible to manipulation. The narcissist may shower their target with affection one moment, then become cold and distant the next.

This unpredictable emotional environment can be addictive and disorienting for the target. Understanding the dynamics of this emotional manipulation is crucial for breaking free from the cycle and regaining emotional stability. Understanding the long-term psychological impact of narcissistic abuse can motivate individuals to seek help and break free from these toxic patterns.

5. Control Tactics: Dominating the Relationship Dynamic

5.1 Financial Control: Economic Abuse

Financial control is a form of abuse where the narcissist uses money to exert power over their target. This can involve restricting access to funds, controlling all financial decisions, or creating financial dependence. The narcissist may also use money as a reward or punishment to manipulate behavior.

By controlling the finances, the narcissist limits their target’s independence and ability to leave the relationship. Recognizing the signs of financial abuse and taking steps to regain financial autonomy is crucial for breaking free from narcissistic control.

The Narcissist's Toolbox: Decoding Their Manipulation Techniques
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com
The Narcissist’s Toolbox: Decoding Their Manipulation Techniques
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com

5.2 Isolation: Cutting Off Support Systems

Isolation is a powerful control tactic used by narcissists to increase their influence over their target. They may gradually separate their partner from friends, family, and other support systems. This can be done through criticism of loved ones, creating conflicts, or demanding increasing amounts of time and attention.

By isolating their target, the narcissist becomes the primary source of validation and support, making it harder for the victim to recognize abuse or seek help. Maintaining connections with trusted friends and family is crucial for resisting this form of manipulation.

5.3 Micromanagement: Controlling Daily Life

Narcissists often engage in micromanagement, attempting to control every aspect of their target’s life. This can include dictating clothing choices, monitoring social media activity, or demanding constant updates on whereabouts. The narcissist may frame this behavior as care or concern, but it’s ultimately about maintaining control.

This level of control erodes the target’s sense of autonomy and self-esteem. Recognizing micromanagement as a form of abuse and setting firm boundaries is essential for maintaining one’s independence and well-being.




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Frequently Asked Questions

How Does Love Bombing Work As A Narcissistic Manipulation Technique?

Love bombing is a powerful manipulation tactic employed by narcissists to quickly establish an intense emotional connection with their target. This technique involves overwhelming the victim with excessive affection, attention, and promises of a perfect future together. According to Psychology Today, love bombing creates a false sense of intimacy and can lead to trauma bonding.

The narcissist showers their victim with compliments, gifts, and constant communication, making them feel special and cherished. However, this intense affection is not genuine but rather a calculated move to gain control. Once the narcissist feels they have secured their target’s trust and affection, they often switch to more overt manipulative behaviors, leaving the victim confused and desperately seeking to regain that initial “perfect” connection.

What Are The Signs Of Gaslighting In A Narcissistic Relationship?

Gaslighting is an insidious form of psychological manipulation where the narcissist attempts to sow seeds of doubt in the victim’s mind, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Verywell Mind outlines several key signs of gaslighting in narcissistic relationships. These include the narcissist denying events or conversations that you clearly remember, trivializing your emotions by telling you you’re overreacting, and shifting blame onto you for their own mistakes or shortcomings.

They might also use phrases like “You’re too sensitive” or “That never happened” to invalidate your experiences. Over time, this constant undermining can lead to a loss of self-confidence and an increased dependence on the narcissist for validation, which is exactly what they want.

How Does A Narcissist Use Triangulation To Manipulate Others?

Triangulation is a manipulative tactic where a narcissist introduces a third party into the dynamic to create jealousy, competition, or insecurity. Psych Central explains that this can take various forms. For instance, a narcissistic partner might frequently compare you unfavorably to an ex or a friend, making you feel inadequate and constantly striving for their approval.

They might also use the opinions or actions of others to invalidate your feelings or perspectives. In family dynamics, a narcissistic parent might pit siblings against each other, creating a constant state of competition for their affection. The goal of triangulation is to keep you off-balance and focused on proving your worth to the narcissist, rather than recognizing their manipulative behavior.

What Is The Silent Treatment And How Do Narcissists Use It?

The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse where the narcissist withdraws all communication as a way to punish or control their victim. Healthline describes how narcissists use this tactic to create anxiety and confusion in their target. By refusing to engage, respond, or even acknowledge the other person’s presence, the narcissist sends a clear message of disapproval without having to verbalize it.

This can leave the victim feeling desperate to regain the narcissist’s attention and approval, often leading them to apologize or make concessions even when they’ve done nothing wrong. The silent treatment exploits our basic human need for connection and validation, making it a particularly cruel and effective manipulation tactic.

How Does A Narcissist Use Projection As A Manipulation Tactic?

Projection is a psychological defense mechanism where a person attributes their own unacceptable thoughts, feelings, or behaviors to someone else. GoodTherapy explains how narcissists frequently use this as a manipulation tactic. For example, a narcissist who is cheating might accuse their partner of infidelity, or one who is lying might constantly accuse others of dishonesty.

This serves multiple purposes for the narcissist. It allows them to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions, deflects attention away from their own faults, and often leaves the victim feeling confused and defensive. By projecting their own negative traits onto others, narcissists can maintain their grandiose self-image while simultaneously undermining the self-esteem of those around them.

What Is Narcissistic Rage And How Is It Used As A Control Tactic?

Narcissistic rage is an intense, uncontrolled anger that occurs when a narcissist’s fragile self-esteem is threatened. Medical News Today describes how this can manifest as verbal abuse, physical aggression, or passive-aggressive behaviors. Narcissists use this rage as a control tactic to intimidate others and maintain their sense of superiority.

When faced with criticism, perceived slights, or challenges to their authority, a narcissist may fly into a rage that seems disproportionate to the situation. This extreme reaction serves to punish the person who “wronged” them and discourage future challenges. The unpredictable nature of narcissistic rage can keep victims walking on eggshells, always trying to avoid triggering the narcissist’s anger.

How Do Narcissists Use Guilt-Tripping As A Manipulation Technique?

Guilt-tripping is a manipulative tactic where narcissists exploit their victim’s sense of obligation or empathy to control their behavior. Psychology Today explains that narcissists often use phrases like “After all I’ve done for you…” or “If you really loved me, you would…” to induce feelings of guilt and shame in their targets. They might exaggerate their own suffering or contributions to make others feel indebted to them.

This manipulation technique plays on the victim’s emotions, making them feel responsible for the narcissist’s happiness or well-being. As a result, the victim may comply with the narcissist’s demands or tolerate abusive behavior out of a misplaced sense of guilt or obligation.

What Is Hoovering And How Do Narcissists Use It To Maintain Control?

Hoovering, named after the vacuum cleaner brand, is a manipulation tactic used by narcissists to “suck” their victims back into the relationship after a period of separation or conflict. Psych Central describes how narcissists might suddenly shower their ex-partner with affection, make grand promises of change, or play on their emotions to regain control. They might use phrases like “I can’t live without you” or “I’ve realized my mistakes and want to make things right.”

However, these gestures are typically insincere and short-lived. Once the narcissist feels they’ve regained control, they often revert to their previous abusive behaviors. Hoovering can be particularly effective because it plays on the victim’s hope for positive change and their emotional attachment to the narcissist.

How Do Narcissists Use Financial Abuse As A Manipulation Tactic?

Financial abuse is a form of control where narcissists use money to manipulate and dominate their partners. The National Domestic Violence Hotline explains that this can take various forms, such as controlling all financial decisions, withholding money or giving an “allowance,” sabotaging their partner’s career, or running up debts in their partner’s name. By creating financial dependence, narcissists make it difficult for their victims to leave the relationship.

They might also use money as a way to reward or punish behavior, further reinforcing their control. This form of abuse can have long-lasting effects, impacting the victim’s financial stability and independence even after the relationship ends.

What Is Narcissistic Future Faking And How Does It Manipulate Victims?

Narcissistic future faking is a manipulation tactic where the narcissist makes grand promises about the future to keep their victim invested in the relationship. Healthline describes how narcissists might promise marriage, children, or a perfect life together, even when they have no intention of following through. These promises are designed to create a false sense of hope and keep the victim emotionally engaged.

Future faking can be particularly effective because it plays on the victim’s desires and dreams, making them more likely to overlook present issues in anticipation of a better future. However, these promises rarely materialize, leaving the victim feeling confused, disappointed, and often trapped in a cycle of unfulfilled expectations.

How Do Narcissists Use The Devaluation Phase To Manipulate Their Victims?

The devaluation phase is a crucial part of the narcissistic abuse cycle where the narcissist begins to tear down their victim’s self-esteem. Psychology Today explains that after the initial love bombing phase, narcissists often switch to criticism, put-downs, and emotional withdrawal. They might constantly compare their partner unfavorably to others, criticize their appearance or abilities, or withhold affection and attention.

This sudden shift from idealization to devaluation can be extremely confusing and painful for the victim. The narcissist’s goal is to erode their partner’s self-worth, making them more dependent on the narcissist for validation and less likely to leave the relationship.

What Are Flying Monkeys In Narcissistic Abuse And How Are They Used?

Flying monkeys, a term derived from “The Wizard of Oz,” refers to people the narcissist manipulates into supporting their agenda, often against their primary victim. Psych Central describes how narcissists might recruit friends, family members, or even professionals to validate their version of events and discredit their victim. These flying monkeys might be unaware that they’re being manipulated, genuinely believing the narcissist’s lies.

They can be used to gather information about the victim, spread rumors, or apply pressure to get the victim to comply with the narcissist’s wishes. This tactic is particularly damaging as it can isolate the victim from potential support systems and make them doubt their own perceptions of the abuse.

How Do Narcissists Use Intermittent Reinforcement To Manipulate Their Victims?

Intermittent reinforcement is a psychological principle that narcissists often exploit to keep their victims emotionally invested and off-balance. Verywell Mind explains that this involves alternating between affection and coldness, praise and criticism, or attention and neglect in an unpredictable pattern. This creates a powerful trauma bond, as the victim becomes addicted to the highs of the narcissist’s occasional positive attention.

The unpredictability keeps the victim constantly striving to please the narcissist in hopes of receiving positive reinforcement. This manipulation tactic can make it extremely difficult for victims to leave abusive relationships, as they’re always hoping for the return of the “good times.”

What Is Narcissistic Mirroring And How Is It Used To Manipulate Others?

Narcissistic mirroring is a manipulation tactic where the narcissist mimics the interests, values, and even mannerisms of their target to create a false sense of connection. Psychology Today describes how narcissists use this technique in the early stages of a relationship to make their victim feel like they’ve met their perfect match. They might suddenly develop the same hobbies, express similar life goals, or even adopt similar speech patterns.

This mirroring creates an intense, almost instant bond that can blind the victim to red flags in the narcissist’s behavior. However, once the narcissist feels they’ve secured their target’s affection, they often drop this mirrored persona, leaving the victim feeling confused and mourning the loss of what they thought was a deep connection.

How Do Narcissists Use Smear Campaigns To Manipulate Others’ Perceptions?

Smear campaigns are a manipulation tactic where narcissists spread false or damaging information about their victim to control the narrative and isolate their target. Healthline explains that narcissists often engage in smear campaigns when they feel their control over their victim is slipping, or when they fear exposure of their abusive behavior. They might spread rumors, twist facts, or outright lie to mutual friends, family members, or even in professional settings.

The goal is to discredit the victim, making it less likely that others will believe them if they speak out about the abuse. This can be particularly devastating in situations like divorce or custody battles, where the narcissist’s false narrative can have serious real-world consequences for their victim.

What Is The Gray Rock Method And How Can It Help In Dealing With Narcissistic Manipulation?

The Gray Rock Method is a technique used to minimize the emotional impact of dealing with a narcissist by making oneself as uninteresting and unresponsive as possible. Psych Central describes how this involves limiting interactions, keeping conversations brief and unemotional, and avoiding sharing personal information or reacting to provocations. The idea is to become as boring and unengaging as a gray rock, providing no narcissistic supply or emotional reaction for the narcissist to feed off.

While this method can be effective in reducing the narcissist’s interest and minimizing conflict, it’s important to note that it’s not a long-term solution for close relationships. It should be used cautiously, as it can potentially escalate abuse if the narcissist feels ignored or challenged.

How Do Narcissists Use Gaslighting In Family Dynamics?

Gaslighting in family dynamics is a particularly insidious form of manipulation where narcissistic parents or siblings distort reality to maintain control and avoid accountability. GoodTherapy explains that this can involve denying past events, rewriting family history, or invalidating other family members’ feelings and experiences. For example, a narcissistic parent might consistently deny instances of abuse or neglect, insisting that their child is “too sensitive” or “imagining things.”

This can create a toxic family environment where children grow up doubting their own perceptions and feelings. In sibling relationships, a narcissistic sibling might manipulate parents’ perceptions, always portraying themselves as the victim and their siblings as the problem. Recognizing and addressing gaslighting in family dynamics is crucial for breaking generational cycles of abuse and maintaining healthy relationships.

What Is Narcissistic Victim Syndrome And What Are Its Symptoms?

Narcissistic Victim Syndrome, while not an official clinical diagnosis, refers to the collection of symptoms often experienced by those who have been subjected to prolonged narcissistic abuse. Medical News Today outlines several common symptoms, including chronic self-doubt, anxiety, depression, and a persistent feeling of worthlessness. Victims may struggle with decision-making, have difficulty trusting others, and experience a distorted sense of reality due to prolonged gaslighting.

They might also exhibit symptoms of PTSD, such as hypervigilance, emotional flashbacks, and avoidance behaviors. Many survivors report feeling a deep sense of shame and guilt, often blaming themselves for the abuse. Recognizing these symptoms is crucial for seeking appropriate help and beginning the healing process from narcissistic abuse.

How Do Narcissists Use Breadcrumbing As A Manipulation Tactic?

Breadcrumbing is a manipulation tactic where narcissists offer small morsels of attention or affection to keep their victim emotionally invested without committing to the relationship. Psychology Today describes how this might involve sporadic text messages, occasional compliments, or vague promises of future plans. The narcissist provides just enough attention to keep their victim hoping for more, but never enough to satisfy their emotional needs.

About the Author :

Som Dutt, Top writer in Philosophy & Psychology on Medium.com. I make people Think, Relate, Feel & Move. Let's Embrace Inner Chaos and Appreciate Deep, Novel & Heavy Thoughts.

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