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The Psychology Behind Conversational Narcissism Unveiled

Delve Into The Mind Of Those Who Always Steer Talks Back To Themselves

How Does Psychological Dependence Affect Mental Health? by Som Dutt From https://embraceinnerchaos.com

Last updated on December 18th, 2024 at 03:48 am

Have you ever found yourself in a conversation where you couldn’t get a word in edgewise? Where your attempts to share your experiences were constantly overshadowed by someone else’s need to redirect the focus back to themselves? If so, you may have encountered a conversational narcissist.

In today’s social media-driven world, where self-promotion and personal branding have become the norm, it’s no surprise that conversational narcissism is on the rise. According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, narcissistic traits have increased by 30% among Americans in the past three decades.

This growing trend has significant implications for our interpersonal relationships and social interactions. As we delve into the psychology behind conversational narcissism, we’ll uncover its root causes, explore its impact on both individuals and society, and discover strategies for navigating these challenging conversations.

1. Understanding Conversational Narcissism

Conversational narcissism is a term coined by sociologist Charles Derber to describe the tendency of individuals to steer conversations back to themselves, often at the expense of others’ contributions. This behavior is closely linked to narcissistic personality traits and can significantly impact the quality of social interactions.

1.1 Defining Conversational Narcissism

At its core, conversational narcissism is characterized by a persistent need to dominate discussions and redirect attention to oneself. This behavior often manifests as:

• Constantly interrupting others
• Redirecting conversations to personal experiences
• Showing little genuine interest in others’ perspectives
• Monopolizing conversation time

1.2 The Spectrum of Conversational Narcissism

It’s important to note that conversational narcissism exists on a spectrum. While some individuals may exhibit extreme forms of this behavior, others may engage in milder forms unknowingly. Understanding this spectrum can help us recognize and address these tendencies in ourselves and others.

While not all conversational narcissists have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), there is a strong correlation between the two. Individuals with NPD often display extreme forms of conversational narcissism as part of their broader pattern of self-centered behavior.

1.4 Cultural Influences on Conversational Narcissism

The rise of conversational narcissism can be partly attributed to cultural shifts that prioritize individualism and self-promotion. Social media platforms, in particular, have created environments where constant self-focus is not only accepted but often rewarded.

2. The Psychology Behind Conversational Narcissism

To truly understand conversational narcissism, we must delve into the psychological mechanisms that drive this behavior. By exploring the underlying motivations and cognitive processes, we can gain valuable insights into why some individuals consistently engage in self-centered communication.

2.1 The Need for Attention and Validation

At the heart of conversational narcissism lies a deep-seated need for attention and validation. Individuals who exhibit this behavior often have a fragile sense of self-worth that requires constant external reinforcement. By dominating conversations, they seek to fulfill this need and bolster their self-esteem.

2.2 Fear of Vulnerability and Intimacy

Paradoxically, while conversational narcissists crave attention, they often fear true intimacy and vulnerability. By keeping conversations focused on themselves, they create a barrier that prevents others from getting too close or uncovering their insecurities.

2.3 Cognitive Biases and Distortions

Several cognitive biases contribute to conversational narcissism, including:

• The spotlight effect: Overestimating how much others notice and care about one’s actions
• Self-serving bias: Attributing positive outcomes to personal qualities and negative outcomes to external factors
• Confirmation bias: Seeking information that confirms pre-existing beliefs about one’s importance or superiority

2.4 Attachment Styles and Early Experiences

Early childhood experiences and attachment styles play a significant role in shaping conversational patterns. Individuals who experienced inconsistent or neglectful caregiving may develop attention-seeking behaviors as a coping mechanism.

3. Identifying Conversational Narcissism in Action

Recognizing conversational narcissism is the first step in addressing this behavior. By understanding the subtle and overt signs, we can better navigate social interactions and maintain healthier relationships.

3.1 Verbal Cues and Language Patterns

Conversational narcissists often use specific language patterns that reveal their self-focus:

• Excessive use of “I,” “me,” and “my”
• Frequent interruptions with phrases like “That reminds me of when I…”
• Dismissive responses to others’ experiences, such as “That’s nothing compared to what happened to me”

3.2 Non-Verbal Signs of Conversational Narcissism

Body language can also provide valuable clues:

• Limited eye contact when others are speaking
• Fidgeting or appearing distracted when not the center of attention
• Animated gestures and expressions when talking about oneself

3.3 Conversation Hijacking Techniques

Conversational narcissists employ various tactics to redirect discussions:

• One-upmanship: Telling a more dramatic or impressive story
• Topic shifting: Abruptly changing the subject to something self-related
• Minimizing others’ experiences: Downplaying the significance of others’ stories or emotions

3.4 The Impact on Group Dynamics

In group settings, conversational narcissism can significantly alter the social dynamic:

• Dominating group discussions
• Creating an atmosphere of competition rather than collaboration
• Discouraging open sharing and vulnerability among group members

4. The Impact of Conversational Narcissism on Relationships

The effects of conversational narcissism extend far beyond individual interactions, often causing lasting damage to personal and professional relationships. Understanding these impacts is crucial for both those who exhibit this behavior and those affected by it.

4.1 Erosion of Trust and Intimacy

Constant self-focus in conversations can gradually erode trust and intimacy in relationships. When one party consistently fails to show genuine interest in the other’s experiences, it becomes challenging to maintain a deep, meaningful connection.

The Psychology Behind Conversational Narcissism Unveiled
The Psychology Behind Conversational Narcissism Unveiled -By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com

4.2 Communication Breakdown and Misunderstandings

Conversational narcissism often leads to communication breakdowns. Important information may be missed or misunderstood when one party is more focused on speaking than listening. This can result in frustration, resentment, and a sense of disconnection.

4.3 Emotional Toll on Others

Being on the receiving end of conversational narcissism can take a significant emotional toll. Individuals may experience:

• Feelings of invisibility or unimportance
• Lowered self-esteem
• Emotional exhaustion from constantly catering to the narcissist’s need for attention

4.4 Professional Consequences

In professional settings, conversational narcissism can have serious consequences:

• Difficulty collaborating on team projects
• Missed opportunities due to poor listening skills
• Negative impact on leadership effectiveness and career advancement

For a deeper understanding of how narcissistic behavior can impact relationships, you may want to explore our article on narcissistic abuse in relationships.

5. Strategies for Dealing with Conversational Narcissists

While engaging with a conversational narcissist can be challenging, there are effective strategies for managing these interactions and maintaining healthy boundaries.

5.1 Setting Clear Boundaries

Establishing and maintaining clear boundaries is essential when dealing with conversational narcissists:

• Communicate your needs directly and assertively
• Limit the time spent in one-on-one conversations
• Be prepared to end conversations that become overly one-sided

5.2 Redirecting Conversations

Learning to skillfully redirect conversations can help maintain balance:

• Use open-ended questions to shift focus
• Gently but firmly bring the conversation back to the original topic
• Acknowledge their contribution before moving on to other perspectives

5.3 Practicing Active Listening and Empathy

Modeling good conversation skills can sometimes encourage reciprocity:

• Demonstrate genuine interest in others’ experiences
• Use reflective listening techniques to show understanding
• Encourage others in the group to share their thoughts and feelings

5.4 Seeking Support and Professional Help

If you find yourself consistently struggling with a conversational narcissist in your life, it may be helpful to:

• Seek support from friends or family members
• Consider professional counseling to develop coping strategies
• Join support groups for individuals dealing with narcissistic behavior

For more insights on recognizing and addressing narcissistic behavior, you might find our article on surprising signs of narcissism helpful.

6. The Role of Self-Awareness in Combating Conversational Narcissism

Self-awareness plays a crucial role in addressing conversational narcissism, both for those who exhibit these tendencies and those who interact with them. By developing a deeper understanding of our own communication patterns, we can work towards more balanced and fulfilling interactions.

6.1 Recognizing Our Own Tendencies

It’s important to acknowledge that we all have the potential for conversational narcissism at times. By honestly examining our own behavior, we can identify areas for improvement:

• Pay attention to how often you redirect conversations to yourself
• Notice if you frequently interrupt others or struggle to listen attentively
• Reflect on your motivations for sharing personal stories in conversations

6.2 Developing Empathy and Perspective-Taking Skills

Cultivating empathy is a powerful antidote to conversational narcissism:

• Practice putting yourself in others’ shoes during conversations
• Actively imagine how your words and actions might impact others
• Seek to understand different viewpoints rather than immediately sharing your own

6.3 Mindfulness in Communication

Incorporating mindfulness techniques into our communication can help us stay present and engaged:

• Focus on the present moment during conversations
• Pay attention to your body language and tone of voice
• Practice active listening without formulating responses while others are speaking

6.4 Seeking Feedback and Continuous Improvement

Actively seeking feedback from trusted friends or family members can provide valuable insights:

• Ask for honest opinions about your conversation style
• Be open to constructive criticism and suggestions for improvement
• Regularly reflect on your progress and areas for further growth

For a deeper dive into the psychology of narcissism and its impact on society, you may want to explore our article on the narcissism epidemic.

7. The Broader Societal Impact of Conversational Narcissism

As conversational narcissism becomes more prevalent, its effects ripple out beyond individual relationships, influencing broader societal dynamics and cultural norms.

7.1 The Erosion of Empathy in Society

The rise of conversational narcissism contributes to a broader trend of declining empathy in society:

• Decreased ability to understand and relate to others’ experiences
• Reduced social cohesion and sense of community
• Increased polarization and difficulty in finding common ground

7.2 The Impact on Social Media and Online Communication

Social media platforms often amplify conversational narcissism:

• Encouragement of self-promotion and personal branding
• Creation of echo chambers that reinforce self-centered viewpoints
• Reduction of nuanced, in-depth conversations

The Psychology Behind Conversational Narcissism Unveiled
The Psychology Behind Conversational Narcissism Unveiled -By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com

7.3 Implications for Mental Health and Well-being

The prevalence of conversational narcissism can have significant mental health implications:

• Increased feelings of loneliness and isolation
• Higher rates of anxiety and depression
• Difficulty in forming and maintaining meaningful relationships

7.4 The Need for Cultural Shift and Education

Addressing conversational narcissism on a societal level requires:

• Promoting education on effective communication skills
• Encouraging media literacy to combat narcissistic messaging
• Fostering cultural values that prioritize empathy and genuine connection

For more information on how narcissistic behavior impacts society, you may want to read our article on the impact of narcissism on individuals and society.

8. Healing and Growth: Moving Beyond Conversational Narcissism

While conversational narcissism can be deeply ingrained, it is possible to overcome these tendencies and develop healthier communication patterns. This process often involves personal growth, self-reflection, and a commitment to change.

8.1 Cultivating Self-Esteem and Inner Security

Addressing the root causes of conversational narcissism often involves:

• Developing a stronger sense of self-worth that doesn’t rely on external validation
• Practicing self-compassion and acceptance
• Engaging in activities that promote personal growth and self-discovery

8.2 Learning to Listen and Validate Others

Improving listening skills is crucial for overcoming conversational narcissism:

• Practice active listening techniques
• Show genuine interest in others’ experiences and perspectives
• Validate others’ feelings and experiences without immediately sharing your own

8.3 Developing Authentic Connections

Moving beyond superficial interactions to form deeper connections involves:

• Being vulnerable and allowing others to see your authentic self
• Practicing reciprocity in conversations and relationships
• Cultivating empathy and compassion for others

8.4 Seeking Professional Help and Support

For those struggling with deep-seated narcissistic tendencies, professional help can be invaluable:

• Consider therapy or counseling to address underlying issues
• Join support groups focused on improving communication skills
• Engage in personal development workshops or courses




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Frequently Asked Questions

What Is Conversational Narcissism And How Does It Manifest In Everyday Life?

Conversational narcissism is a communication pattern characterized by an excessive focus on oneself during social interactions. It manifests in everyday life through various behaviors such as constantly steering conversations back to oneself, interrupting others, or showing little interest in what others have to say. According to Psychology Today, individuals exhibiting conversational narcissism often dominate discussions, frequently use “I” statements, and may become visibly disinterested when the topic doesn’t revolve around them. This behavior can significantly impact interpersonal relationships and social dynamics.

The concept of conversational narcissism was first introduced by sociologist Charles Derber in his book “The Pursuit of Attention.” Derber argued that this behavior stems from a cultural emphasis on individualism and self-promotion. In our daily lives, conversational narcissism can appear in various settings, from casual chats with friends to professional meetings, often leaving others feeling unheard or undervalued.

Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests that conversational narcissism is closely linked to broader narcissistic traits, reflecting a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy. Understanding these manifestations can help individuals recognize and address such behaviors in themselves and others, fostering more balanced and fulfilling social interactions.

How Does Conversational Narcissism Differ From Clinical Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

While conversational narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) share some similarities, they are distinct concepts with important differences. Conversational narcissism is a specific communication style characterized by self-centeredness in dialogue, whereas NPD is a complex personality disorder diagnosed based on a set of criteria outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).

According to the American Psychiatric Association, NPD involves a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and presents in various contexts. It affects multiple areas of an individual’s life, including relationships, work, and self-image. Conversational narcissism, on the other hand, may be present in individuals who do not meet the full criteria for NPD.

Research published in the Journal of Personality Assessment suggests that while conversational narcissism can be a symptom of NPD, it can also occur in individuals without the disorder. It’s important to note that occasional self-focused conversation doesn’t necessarily indicate NPD or even problematic behavior. The distinction lies in the pervasiveness, intensity, and impact of these behaviors on one’s life and relationships.

What Are The Key Signs Of Conversational Narcissism In Social Interactions?

Recognizing conversational narcissism in social interactions involves observing specific behavioral patterns. One of the most prominent signs is the constant redirection of conversations back to oneself. Psychology Today notes that conversational narcissists often respond to others’ statements with stories about themselves, rather than showing genuine interest or asking follow-up questions.

Another key sign is the use of “shift responses” instead of “support responses.” Shift responses change the focus of the conversation, while support responses encourage the speaker to continue. For example, if someone says, “I had a tough day at work,” a shift response might be, “You think that’s bad? Let me tell you about my day,” while a support response would be, “I’m sorry to hear that. What happened?”

Conversational narcissists may also display poor listening skills, frequently interrupting others or appearing distracted when they’re not the center of attention. Research in the Journal of Research in Personality has linked these behaviors to a lack of empathy and an excessive need for admiration, both characteristic of narcissistic traits. Recognizing these signs can help individuals navigate social interactions more effectively and foster more balanced, meaningful conversations.

How Does Conversational Narcissism Impact Relationships And Emotional Health?

Conversational narcissism can have significant negative impacts on both relationships and emotional health. In relationships, it often leads to a breakdown in communication and emotional connection. According to research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, partners of conversational narcissists often report feeling unheard, undervalued, and emotionally disconnected. This can lead to decreased relationship satisfaction and increased conflict over time.

The impact on emotional health can be equally profound. Those on the receiving end of conversational narcissism may experience feelings of low self-worth, anxiety, and depression. A study in the Journal of Personality found that consistent exposure to narcissistic communication patterns can erode self-esteem and contribute to a sense of emotional invalidation.

For the conversational narcissist themselves, this behavior pattern can lead to shallow relationships and a lack of genuine emotional connections. Over time, this may result in feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction, despite seemingly active social lives. Recognizing and addressing conversational narcissism is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and promoting positive emotional well-being for all parties involved.

What Are Effective Strategies For Dealing With A Conversational Narcissist?

Dealing with a conversational narcissist requires patience, assertiveness, and strategic communication. One effective strategy is to set clear boundaries. Psychology Today suggests politely but firmly redirecting the conversation when it becomes excessively self-focused. For example, you might say, “That’s interesting, but I’d like to return to what we were discussing earlier.”

Another strategy is to use “we” language to foster a sense of connection and shared experience. This can help shift the focus from the individual to the relationship or group dynamic. For instance, instead of allowing them to dominate with “I” statements, you could say, “How do you think we could approach this situation?”

Practicing active listening and encouraging it in others can also be effective. The Journal of Counseling Psychology has published research showing that modeling good listening behaviors can sometimes inspire reciprocation, even in narcissistic individuals. When the conversational narcissist does show interest in others, it’s important to reinforce this behavior positively. These strategies can help create more balanced interactions and potentially improve the quality of communication over time.

How Can One Recognize And Address Their Own Tendencies Towards Conversational Narcissism?

Recognizing one’s own tendencies towards conversational narcissism requires self-awareness and honest self-reflection. A good starting point is to pay attention to your conversation patterns. Do you often find yourself steering conversations back to your own experiences? Do you frequently interrupt others or feel impatient when you’re not the one speaking? These could be signs of conversational narcissism.

Psychological Science suggests that keeping a conversation journal can be an effective tool for self-analysis. After social interactions, reflect on the balance of the conversation. How much did you speak versus listen? Did you ask questions about others and show genuine interest in their responses?

Addressing these tendencies often involves consciously practicing active listening skills. This means focusing on what others are saying without immediately thinking about how it relates to you or what you’ll say next. The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology has published studies showing that practicing empathy and perspective-taking can help reduce self-focused behaviors. Setting personal goals for balanced conversations, such as asking a certain number of follow-up questions, can also be beneficial. Remember, change takes time and practice, but increased awareness is the first step towards more balanced and fulfilling interactions.

What Role Does Empathy Play In Countering Conversational Narcissism?

Empathy plays a crucial role in countering conversational narcissism by fostering genuine connection and understanding in social interactions. According to research published in the Journal of Personality, empathy involves the ability to understand and share the feelings of another, which is often lacking in narcissistic communication patterns.

Developing empathy can help individuals shift their focus from self-centered dialogue to more balanced, reciprocal conversations. This involves actively listening to others, trying to understand their perspectives, and responding in ways that validate their experiences and emotions. The Journal of Research in Personality has found that individuals who score high on empathy measures are less likely to engage in conversational narcissism.

Practicing empathy can also lead to more meaningful and satisfying relationships. When people feel understood and valued in conversations, they’re more likely to reciprocate, creating a positive cycle of mutual understanding and respect. For those prone to conversational narcissism, consciously cultivating empathy can be a powerful tool for changing communication patterns and improving interpersonal connections.

How Does Conversational Narcissism Manifest In Professional Settings?

Conversational narcissism in professional settings can manifest in various ways, often impacting team dynamics, productivity, and workplace relationships. In meetings, a conversational narcissist might dominate discussions, interrupt colleagues, or dismiss others’ ideas while promoting their own. According to Harvard Business Review, this behavior can stifle creativity and collaboration, leading to decreased team performance.

In one-on-one interactions, such as performance reviews or mentoring sessions, conversational narcissists may struggle to provide constructive feedback or guidance, instead focusing on their own achievements or experiences. This can hinder professional development and create a negative work environment.

Research published in the Journal of Applied Psychology has shown that leaders who exhibit narcissistic communication patterns often have lower team cohesion and employee satisfaction rates. However, in some high-pressure or competitive industries, a degree of self-promotion may be expected or even rewarded. The key lies in balancing self-confidence with genuine interest in others’ contributions. Recognizing and addressing conversational narcissism in professional settings is crucial for fostering a positive, productive work environment and maintaining healthy professional relationships.

What Are The Psychological Roots Of Conversational Narcissism?

The psychological roots of conversational narcissism are complex and multifaceted, often stemming from a combination of personality traits, developmental experiences, and cultural influences. According to research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, one of the primary drivers of conversational narcissism is an excessive need for admiration and attention.

Developmental psychologists suggest that early childhood experiences play a crucial role. Psychological Bulletin has published studies indicating that both excessive praise and severe criticism during childhood can contribute to the development of narcissistic traits, including conversational narcissism. These experiences may lead individuals to seek constant validation through conversation.

Cultural factors also play a role. In societies that highly value individualism and self-promotion, conversational narcissism may be more prevalent. The pressure to stand out and be “special” can manifest in conversation as a constant need to highlight one’s own experiences and achievements. Understanding these psychological roots can provide insight into why some individuals engage in conversational narcissism and inform strategies for addressing this behavior.

How Does Social Media Influence Conversational Narcissism?

Social media has a significant impact on conversational narcissism, often amplifying and normalizing self-focused communication patterns. Platforms like Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter provide constant opportunities for self-promotion and attention-seeking behavior, which can translate into real-world conversations. According to research published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, individuals who are highly active on social media often display more narcissistic traits in their offline interactions.

The structure of social media encourages users to share personal updates, photos, and achievements, potentially reinforcing the habit of steering conversations towards oneself. Psychology Today notes that the instant gratification of likes and comments can create a feedback loop, further encouraging self-centered communication.

However, social media can also provide opportunities for connection and empathy. Platforms that encourage meaningful interactions and storytelling can potentially counteract narcissistic tendencies. The key lies in how individuals use these tools. Being aware of the influence of social media on communication patterns can help people make more conscious choices about their online and offline interactions, potentially mitigating the effects of conversational narcissism.

Can Conversational Narcissism Be A Sign Of Underlying Insecurity?

While conversational narcissism is often associated with grandiosity and self-importance, it can indeed be a sign of underlying insecurity. According to research published in the Journal of Personality, some individuals use self-aggrandizing behaviors, including dominating conversations, as a defense mechanism to mask deep-seated insecurities or low self-esteem.

Psychologists distinguish between grandiose narcissism and vulnerable narcissism. Psychological Assessment has published studies showing that individuals with vulnerable narcissism may engage in conversational narcissism as a way to seek validation and bolster their fragile self-image. These individuals may feel a constant need to prove their worth through their words and achievements.

Understanding this connection between insecurity and conversational narcissism can foster empathy and inform more effective approaches to addressing the behavior. It suggests that beneath the surface of seemingly self-centered conversation may lie a person struggling with self-doubt. However, it’s important to note that while insecurity may explain some instances of conversational narcissism, it doesn’t excuse the behavior or its impact on others.

How Does Conversational Narcissism Affect Active Listening And Communication Skills?

Conversational narcissism significantly impairs active listening and overall communication skills. Active listening involves fully concentrating on, understanding, and responding to the speaker, which is often challenging for conversational narcissists. According to the Journal of Research in Personality, individuals high in narcissistic traits tend to focus more on formulating their responses rather than truly listening to others.

This self-focused approach to communication can lead to a breakdown in understanding and empathy. Conversational narcissists may miss important details or emotional cues in conversations, leading to misunderstandings and shallow interactions. The International Journal of Listening has published research showing that poor listening skills associated with conversational narcissism can negatively impact both personal and professional relationships.

Moreover, the constant redirection of conversations back to oneself prevents the development of crucial communication skills such as asking thoughtful questions, providing supportive responses, and engaging in meaningful dialogue. Over time, this can result in a diminished ability to form deep connections and participate in mutually satisfying conversations. Recognizing these effects is the first step in developing more balanced and effective communication skills.

What Are The Long-term Effects Of Conversational Narcissism On Personal Relationships?

The long-term effects of conversational narcissism on personal relationships can be profound and detrimental. According to research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, persistent self-focused communication can lead to a gradual erosion of trust and intimacy in relationships. Partners, friends, or family members of conversational narcissists often report feeling unheard, undervalued, and emotionally disconnected over time.

These patterns can result in decreased relationship satisfaction and increased conflict. Psychology Today notes that relationships with conversational narcissists may become one-sided, with one partner consistently providing emotional support without receiving it in return. This imbalance can lead to resentment and emotional exhaustion.

In the long run, conversational narcissism can lead to social isolation. As people tire of one-sided interactions, they may distance themselves from the conversational narcissist. This can result in a shrinking social circle and difficulty maintaining long-term relationships. For the narcissist, this may reinforce feelings of insecurity or a need for attention, potentially exacerbating the behavior. Recognizing and addressing conversational narcissism is crucial for maintaining healthy, fulfilling relationships over time.

About the Author :

Som Dutt, Top writer in Philosophy & Psychology on Medium.com. I make people Think, Relate, Feel & Move. Let's Embrace Inner Chaos and Appreciate Deep, Novel & Heavy Thoughts.

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