Last updated on August 22nd, 2024 at 02:59 am

• What is Narcissism?
• Spotting Narcissistic Traits in Colleagues
• The Impact of Narcissism on Team Dynamics
• Strategies for Working with Narcissistic Colleagues
• Setting Boundaries with Narcissistic Co-workers
• Handling Credit Stealing and Sabotage
• Developing Your Emotional Intelligence
• Recognizing When It’s Time to Move On
• Conclusion

Have you ever worked with someone who always puts themselves first, takes credit for others’ work, and makes the office feel like a battlefield? You may be dealing with a narcissist at work. Narcissistic abuse in the workplace is a real problem that can make your job a living nightmare. But don’t worry – we’re here to help you spot the signs and learn how to handle these tricky situations.

Narcissism is when someone is super self-centered and thinks they’re better than everyone else. At work, narcissists can cause all sorts of trouble. They might steal your ideas, blame you for their mistakes, or make you feel small. This can really hurt the way a team works together and make people unhappy at their jobs.

In this post, we’ll dive deep into workplace narcissism. We’ll look at how to spot narcissists, what makes them tick, and most importantly – how to protect yourself and your career. Whether you’re dealing with a bossy coworker or a narcissist boss, we’ve got you covered. So grab a coffee, take a deep breath, and let’s tackle this tricky topic together!

“No other being is lesser human than the one who thinks of others as such.”
― Abhijit Naskar

What is Narcissism?

Before we jump into how narcissism shows up at work, let’s break down what it really means. Narcissism is like being in love with yourself – but in an unhealthy way. People with narcissistic traits think they’re super special and better than everyone else. They crave attention and praise, and they’ll do almost anything to get it.

Imagine a coworker who’s always bragging about their achievements, even small ones. They might say things like, “I’m the only one who knows how to do this right” or “This company would fall apart without me.” That’s narcissism in action.

But here’s the tricky part – deep down, many narcissists actually feel pretty bad about themselves. All that showing off is like a mask they wear to hide their insecurities. It’s like they’re trying to convince themselves and everyone else that they’re awesome.

Some key traits of narcissists include:

• Thinking they’re more important than others
• Needing constant praise and admiration
• Expecting special treatment
• Taking advantage of others to get what they want
• Lacking empathy for others’ feelings
• Getting jealous easily
• Acting arrogant or showing off

It’s important to remember that everyone can be a bit self-centered sometimes. But true narcissists take it to a whole other level. Their behavior isn’t just annoying – it can be really harmful to the people around them.

In the workplace, narcissism can show up in lots of different ways. A narcissistic coworker might:

• Take credit for your ideas or work
• Blame others when things go wrong
• Spread gossip or start drama
• Suck up to bosses while being mean to peers
• Refuse to follow rules they think are “beneath them”
• Put others down to make themselves look better

Dealing with this kind of behavior day in and day out can be exhausting. It can make you dread going to work and even impact your mental health. That’s why it’s so important to learn how to spot narcissists and protect yourself from their toxic behavior.

As we go through this post, we’ll dig deeper into how narcissism affects workplace relationships, team dynamics, and overall company culture. We’ll also share practical tips for handling narcissistic coworkers and bosses. By the end, you’ll be better equipped to navigate these tricky waters and keep your sanity intact!

“Some people, in an attempt to mask their shortcomings dig lies so deep, they end up drowning in a sea of their own delusions!”
― Carlos Wallace

Spotting Narcissistic Traits in Colleagues

Now that we know what narcissism is, let’s talk about how to spot it in your coworkers. Dealing with narcissists can feel like walking through a minefield. But if you know what to look for, you can avoid a lot of headaches.

First up, keep an eye out for the “me, me, me” attitude. Narcissistic colleagues often:

• Talk about themselves… a lot
• Turn every conversation back to their own experiences
• Brag about their achievements, even small ones
• Name-drop to seem important
• Act like they’re the expert on everything

It’s like they’re the stars of their own movie, and everyone else is just an extra. This behavior can be really frustrating, especially in team settings where everyone’s input should matter.

Another big red flag is how they treat others. Narcissists often:

• Put others down to make themselves look better
• Ignore or dismiss people they see as “beneath” them
• Get angry or defensive when criticized
• Take credit for others’ work
• Blame others when things go wrong

This kind of behavior can create a toxic work environment where people feel unappreciated and on edge all the time.

Narcissists also tend to have a huge sense of entitlement. They might:

• Expect special treatment or privileges
• Break rules because they think they’re above them
• Get upset if they’re not the center of attention
• Demand praise for doing their basic job duties

It’s like they think the normal rules don’t apply to them. This can be especially frustrating if you’re working hard and playing by the rules.

Another thing to watch for is how they handle feedback. Narcissists often:

• Get defensive or angry when criticized
• Refuse to admit mistakes
• Make excuses or blame others
• Dismiss or ignore constructive feedback

This makes it really hard to work with them or help them improve. It’s like they can’t handle the idea that they’re not perfect.

Lastly, pay attention to how they make you feel. Being around a narcissist can leave you feeling:

• Drained or exhausted
• Anxious or on edge
• Doubting yourself
• Angry or frustrated
• Like you’re walking on eggshells

If you notice these feelings creeping up at work, it might be a sign that you’re dealing with a narcissistic colleague.

“So many abusers survivors feel they were loved so little, as if the abuser was the most important person to receive love from. They forget that God loves them deeply and that is the only person’s love they need to validate their worth.”
― Shannon L. Alder

The Impact of Narcissism on Team Dynamics

Narcissism doesn’t just affect individuals – it can poison entire teams. Let’s dive into how narcissistic behavior can mess up teamwork and create a toxic work environment.

First off, narcissists can be real attention hogs. In team meetings, they might:

• Interrupt others constantly
• Dismiss or ignore ideas that aren’t their own
• Hog the spotlight and talk over others
• Take credit for the team’s work

This behavior can make other team members feel unheard and unappreciated. Over time, people might stop sharing ideas altogether, which hurts the whole team’s creativity and problem-solving abilities.

Narcissists also tend to create a lot of drama. They might:

• Spread gossip or start rumors
• Play favorites and create “in” groups
• Pit team members against each other
• Stir up conflicts to keep attention on themselves

All this drama can destroy trust within the team. When people are always watching their backs, it’s hard to work together effectively.

Another big problem is how narcissists handle criticism and failure. They often:

• Blame others when projects go wrong
• Refuse to take responsibility for mistakes
• Get defensive or angry when given feedback
• Make excuses instead of learning from errors

This behavior can create a culture of fear where people are afraid to speak up or take risks. It also makes it hard for the team to improve and learn from mistakes.

Narcissists can also be really competitive – in a bad way. They might:

• Sabotage others’ work to look better
• Withhold information to stay “on top”
• Take credit for others’ ideas or achievements
• Put down coworkers to make themselves look good

This cutthroat attitude kills collaboration and teamwork. Instead of working together, everyone’s out for themselves.

“Someone asked me, “Who hurt you so badly?” I replied, “my own expectations.”
― Shannon L. Alder

Lastly, narcissists often have trouble with empathy. They might:

• Ignore or dismiss others’ feelings
• Push people too hard without considering their wellbeing
• Fail to support team members who are struggling
• Create a cold, uncaring work environment

This lack of empathy can lead to burnout, low morale, and high turnover on teams.

All these issues can add up to create a really toxic work environment. Teams with narcissistic members often struggle with:

• Poor communication
• Lack of trust
• Low morale and job satisfaction
• High stress and burnout
• Decreased productivity
• Increased conflict and drama
• High turnover rates

It’s like trying to row a boat where one person is constantly rocking it and yelling that they’re the best rower ever. It’s exhausting, frustrating, and makes it hard to get anywhere.

The impact of narcissistic bosses can be especially damaging. When leaders show narcissistic traits, it can affect the whole company culture. Employees might feel undervalued, stressed, and afraid to speak up. This can lead to a workplace where brown-nosing and office politics are more important than actual job performance.

Strategies for Working with Narcissistic Colleagues

Dealing with narcissistic coworkers can feel like a full-time job on top of your actual job. But don’t worry – we’ve got some strategies to help you cope and protect yourself.

1. Set clear boundaries

Narcissists often push limits and try to take advantage of others. That’s why it’s super important to set firm boundaries. Here’s how:

• Be clear about what you will and won’t do
• Stick to your guns when they try to push you
• Use “I” statements like “I’m not comfortable with that” or “I need to focus on my own work right now”
• Document your interactions in case you need proof later

Remember, it’s okay to say no. You’re not being mean – you’re protecting yourself.

2. Don’t feed their ego

Narcissists crave attention and praise. While it might seem easier to just give in, this often makes things worse in the long run. Instead:

• Keep conversations focused on work, not personal stuff
• Don’t overpraise or flatter them
• Avoid sharing personal information they could use against you
• Don’t engage in gossip or drama they try to start

The less fuel you give their fire, the better.

3. Document everything

When dealing with narcissists, it’s smart to keep a paper trail. This can protect you if they try to take credit for your work or blame you for their mistakes. Try to:

• Keep emails and other written communications
• Take notes during meetings or conversations
• Save copies of your work and contributions to projects
• Keep track of any inappropriate behavior or comments

Having evidence can be a real lifesaver if things get ugly.

4. Build a support network

Dealing with narcissists can be really draining. That’s why it’s important to have people in your corner. Try to:

• Connect with coworkers you trust
• Build relationships with mentors or higher-ups
• Join professional groups or networks outside your company
• Seek support from friends and family

Having people who believe in you can help balance out the negative impact of a narcissistic coworker.

5. Focus on your own work and goals

It’s easy to get caught up in the drama narcissists create. But remember – your job is about more than just dealing with difficult people. Try to:

• Set clear goals for yourself
• Keep track of your own achievements
• Focus on building your skills and knowledge
• Look for opportunities to shine in your own right

The more you focus on your own growth, the less power the narcissist has over you.

6. Use the “gray rock” method

This technique involves being as boring and uninteresting as possible when interacting with the narcissist. The idea is to give them nothing to feed off of. Here’s how:

• Keep your responses short and bland
• Don’t show emotion or react to their provocations
• Avoid sharing personal information or opinions
• Stick to facts and work-related topics

This can help reduce drama and make you a less appealing target.

7. Seek help if needed

If the narcissist’s behavior is seriously affecting your work or wellbeing, don’t be afraid to ask for help. You might:

• Talk to your HR department
• Discuss the issue with your boss (if they’re not the problem)
• Seek counseling or therapy to help you cope
• Look for other job opportunities if the situation is unbearable

Remember, you don’t have to suffer in silence.

8. Practice self-care

Dealing with narcissists can be really stressful. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself:

• Take breaks during the day to recharge
• Practice stress-relief techniques like deep breathing or meditation
• Exercise and eat well to keep your energy up
• Do things you enjoy outside of work

The stronger and more balanced you are, the better you can handle workplace challenges.

9. Use “we” language

When possible, frame things in terms of team goals or company benefits. Narcissists might be more willing to cooperate if they think it makes them look good. Try saying things like:

• “This approach could help our team meet its goals faster”
• “Working together on this could really impress the higher-ups”
• “I think we could both benefit from collaborating on this project”

This approach can sometimes get narcissists on board without feeding their ego too much.

10. Pick your battles

Not every issue is worth fighting over. Learn to recognize what’s really important and what you can let slide. Ask yourself:

• Will this matter in a week? A month? A year?
• Is this affecting my ability to do my job well?
• Is this impacting my mental health or wellbeing?

Save your energy for the things that really count.

“So often victims end up unnecessarily prolonging their abuse because they buy into the notion that their abuser must be coming from a wounded place and that only patient love and tolerance (and lots of misguided therapy) will help them heal.”
― George K. Simon

Setting Boundaries with Narcissistic Co-workers

Setting boundaries is super important when dealing with narcissistic co-workers. It’s like building a fence to protect your space and sanity. Let’s dive into how you can set and keep strong boundaries at work.

First off, know that it’s okay to have boundaries. You’re not being mean or difficult – you’re taking care of yourself. Narcissists often make us feel guilty for setting limits, but remember: you have the right to a healthy work environment.

“When we meet and fall into the gravitational pull of a narcissist, we are entering a significant life lesson that involves learning how to create boundaries, self-respect, and resilience. Through trial and error (and a lot of pain), our connection with narcissists teaches us the necessary lessons we need to become mature empaths.”
― Mateo Sol

Here are some steps to set clear boundaries:

1. Identify your limits

Think about what behaviors bother you most. Is it when they take credit for your work? Interrupt you in meetings? Gossip about others? Write these down.

2. Be clear and direct

When setting a boundary, be super clear. Use “I” statements and be specific. For example:

• “I need to focus on my work right now and can’t chat.”
• “I’m not comfortable discussing other coworkers.”
• “I need credit for my contributions to this project.”

1. Stay calm and firm

Narcissists might try to push back or make you feel bad. Stay calm and repeat your boundary if needed. You could say:

• “I understand you want to talk, but as I said, I need to focus on my work right now.”
• “I’ve already explained that I’m not okay with this. Please respect my decision.”

1. Follow through

If you set a boundary, stick to it. If you say you’ll leave a meeting if they interrupt you, actually do it. Consistency is key.

5. Prepare for pushback

Narcissists often don’t like boundaries. They might get angry, try to guilt you, or ignore your limits. Be ready for this and stay strong.

Here are some common boundaries you might need to set:

• Time boundaries: “I don’t check work emails after 6 pm.”
• Task boundaries: “I can take on this new project, but I’ll need to drop something else.”
• Communication boundaries: “Please don’t yell or use aggressive language when speaking to me.”
• Personal boundaries: “I prefer not to discuss my personal life at work.”
• Credit boundaries: “I need my contributions to be acknowledged in team meetings.”

Sometimes, narcissists use a sneaky tactic called [DARVO] when you try to set boundaries. DARVO stands for “Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender.” They might deny they’ve done anything wrong, attack you for setting boundaries, and then act like you’re the one causing problems. Don’t fall for this trick. Stay firm in your boundaries.

Handling Credit Stealing and Sabotage

One of the most frustrating things about working with narcissists is how they often take credit for others’ work or even try to sabotage their coworkers. Let’s talk about how to handle these tricky situations.

First, let’s look at credit stealing. This is when someone takes credit for your ideas or work. It can feel really unfair and make you angry. Here’s how to deal with it:

1. Document your work

Keep a record of your ideas, contributions, and achievements. Save emails, keep notes from meetings, and track your progress on projects.

2. Speak up in the moment

If someone takes credit for your idea in a meeting, speak up right away. You could say something like, “Thanks for bringing up my idea about X. I’d love to explain it further.”

3. Talk to your boss

If the problem keeps happening, talk to your boss. Show them your documentation and explain the situation calmly.

4. Be proactive about sharing your achievements

Don’t wait for others to recognize your work. Share your progress and successes regularly with your team and bosses.

Now, let’s talk about sabotage. This is when someone tries to make you look bad or mess up your work. It’s a really mean tactic that some narcissists use. Here’s how to protect yourself:

1. Keep detailed records

Save all your work, emails, and other communications. If someone tries to say you messed up, you’ll have proof of what really happened.

2. Build strong relationships

Make friends with your coworkers and bosses. If people know and trust you, they’re less likely to believe lies about you.

3. Stay professional

No matter how frustrating it gets, always act professionally. Don’t stoop to the narcissist’s level.

4. Report serious problems

Remember, narcissists often play the victim when confronted. They might act like you’re being mean or unfair when you stand up for yourself. Don’t fall for it. You have the right to be recognized for your work and to be treated fairly.

Developing Your Emotional Intelligence

Dealing with narcissists at work can be really stressful. That’s why it’s super important to work on your emotional intelligence. This means understanding and managing your own emotions, and being able to understand others’ feelings too.

Here are some ways to boost your emotional intelligence:

1. Practice self-awareness

Pay attention to your feelings and reactions. When a narcissistic coworker upsets you, take a moment to think about why you’re feeling that way.

2. Learn to manage your emotions

Find healthy ways to deal with stress and negative emotions. This might include deep breathing, taking a short walk, or talking to a friend.

3. Develop empathy

Try to understand where others are coming from, even if you don’t agree with them. This can help you respond more effectively to difficult people.

4. Improve your communication skills

Learn to express yourself clearly and listen actively to others. This can help prevent misunderstandings and conflicts.

5. Practice social skills

Recognizing When It’s Time to Move On

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, a workplace with narcissistic colleagues just becomes too toxic. It’s important to recognize when it might be time to look for a new job. Here are some signs:

1. Your mental health is suffering

If you’re constantly stressed, anxious, or depressed because of work, it might be time to move on.

2. The narcissist is in a position of power

If the narcissist is your boss or has a lot of influence in the company, it can be really hard to change the situation.

3. HR or management won’t help

If you’ve reported problems and nothing has changed, the company might not be a good fit for you.

4. You’re not growing or learning

If dealing with workplace drama is taking up all your energy, you might not be developing your skills or advancing your career.

5. You dread going to work every day

Work shouldn’t make you miserable. If you hate the thought of going to work, it might be time for a change.

Conclusion

Dealing with narcissism in the workplace is tough, but you’re tougher. By learning to spot narcissistic behaviors, setting strong boundaries, and taking care of your own wellbeing, you can navigate these tricky waters.

Remember, you’re not alone in this struggle. Many people deal with toxic employees and difficult workplace situations. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help, whether it’s to trusted coworkers, HR, or even a therapist.

And if you find yourself in a situation that’s just too toxic, know that it’s okay to look for a new job. Your mental health and career growth are important.

Lastly, keep learning and growing. Understanding narcissism and how to deal with it can help you in all areas of life, not just at work. The skills you develop in handling difficult coworkers can make you a stronger, more resilient person overall.

Stay strong, trust yourself, and remember – you’ve got this!