If you ask why do narcissists cheat in relationships, it’s important to consider their main traits. Narcissists constantly seek admiration from others and often disregard your feelings.
This lack of empathy is a defining characteristic. You may notice that they believe they deserve special treatment. If you catch them cheating, they might shift the blame onto you or insist that they did nothing wrong.
Their need for validation from others makes them feel important, and their sense of entitlement leads them to justify their actions. As a result, cheating can appear acceptable to them.
Key Takeaways
Narcissists cheat because they do not care about others. They think their own needs are more important than their partner’s feelings.
They feel they should get special treatment. This makes cheating seem okay to them.
Narcissists always want others to notice them. They cheat to get attention and excitement.
They use tricks like gaslighting and blame-shifting. These tricks help them avoid taking responsibility.
You can look for signs like secretive actions or sudden mood changes. These signs can help you protect yourself.
Narcissists may not feel bad after cheating. They often blame their partners instead of admitting what they did.
Learning about narcissistic behavior can help you make smart choices about your relationship.
Why Do Narcissists Cheat
If you ask, “why do narcissists cheat,” you need to look at their main traits and actions. These traits affect how they act with others. This helps explain why cheating happens a lot with narcissists.
Studies show people with high narcissism often want to cheat more. They also feel less happy in their relationships. Many have insecure attachment styles. This makes them less loyal and more likely to cheat.
Core Traits
Empathy Deficit
Narcissists have trouble caring about your feelings. They do not feel bad when they hurt you. Sometimes, they do not notice your pain at all. If you wonder why do narcissists cheat, remember empathy deficit is important. They care about their own needs. They ignore how their actions affect you.
Here is a table that shows how main narcissistic traits lead to cheating:
Trait | Contribution to Infidelity |
|---|---|
Sense of entitlement | Makes them want attention from others |
Lack of empathy | Makes them not care about your feelings |
Need for validation | Makes them act on impulse and seek excitement |
Impulsivity | Makes them make quick choices about cheating |
Emotional detachment | Makes them distant, which can lead to cheating |
Entitlement
Narcissists think they should get special treatment. This makes them believe rules do not apply to them. If you ask about cheating, they may say they did nothing wrong. Sometimes, they blame you for what they did. This attitude helps explain why do narcissists cheat and feel okay about it.
Manipulation
Narcissists use manipulation to control you and the relationship. They want power and try to make you doubt yourself. This behavior often leads to cheating.
Control
You might see a narcissist try to control everything in your relationship. They use things like the silent treatment to make you anxious. They want you to depend on them. Sometimes, they accuse you of cheating to hide their own actions. This confuses you and takes the blame off them.
Narcissists use the silent treatment to make partners anxious and obey.
They use projection to blame partners for cheating when they are the ones cheating.
The ‘flying monkeys’ tactic means using other people to pressure and control partners, making them feel alone and under the narcissist’s control.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a trick narcissists use often. They deny, make light of, or shift blame to make you question what is real. This helps them cheat without getting caught. You may feel mixed up or start to doubt your memory.
Gaslighting makes it easy for the cheating partner to keep secrets. They use denial, making things seem small, and shifting blame. The person who is cheated on feels confused and may question their own mind. This helps the cheater keep cheating.
Here is an example:
You feel alone and think your partner is cheating.
When you ask, they say you are insecure and paranoid.
After you find out they cheated, you start to doubt yourself. This shows how gaslighting helps them cheat.
Common Misconceptions About Narcissistic Cheating
Many people have wrong ideas about why do narcissists cheat. Some think all narcissists cheat for the same reason or always feel bad after cheating. New studies show these ideas are not true. The table below clears up some myths:
Misconception | Fact | Citation |
|---|---|---|
All narcissists cheat because they are unhappy | Many cheat for attention, power, or excitement, not just unhappiness | Altınok & Kılıç (2022) |
Most do not feel sorry because they lack empathy | Altınok & Kılıç (2022) | |
Only overt narcissists cheat | Both overt and covert narcissists can cheat | Campbell & Foster (2012) |
Cheating is always about sex | Cheating can be for emotional or attention needs | Campbell & Foster (2012) |
Narcissists always blame their partners | Some use tricks like gaslighting or denial instead of blaming | Altınok & Kılıç (2022) |
How These Traits Create a Pattern
If you look at everything together, you see a pattern. Narcissists cheat because they do not care about your feelings. They feel special and use tricks to control you. They do not worry about hurting you. They want attention and excitement.
Their actions create a cycle of cheating and ignoring their partners. If you see these signs, you can understand why do narcissists cheat and protect yourself.
Need for Validation
Narcissists want praise and attention all the time. You may see your partner always wanting to be noticed. This need for validation makes them do things like cheat. If you wonder why do narcissists cheat, look at how much they rely on others to feel good.
Attention Seeking
A narcissist often tries new ways to get noticed. They want to feel special, even if it hurts you. Studies show narcissists cheat to get attention from more than one person. They use relationships to feel better about themselves.
Narcissists need others to tell them they are great. This shapes how and why they cheat.
They look for praise from romantic partners. This leads to cheating to fill empty feelings.
Many narcissists think cheating is okay and do it more often.
They want excitement and change in their love lives.
Getting new attention makes them feel strong and wanted.
Their self-worth depends on being liked by others.
If your partner always wants more attention, you are not alone. Many people with narcissistic partners see this happen.
Here is a table that shows what research says about attention-seeking and cheating in narcissists:
Study & Year | Key Finding | Reference |
|---|---|---|
Campbell & Foster (2012) | Narcissists want praise from many partners to feel good. | Campbell & Foster, 2012 |
Altınok & Kılıç (2022) | Cheating is linked to wanting others to say nice things. | Altınok & Kılıç, 2022 |
Jones & Weiser (2014) | Narcissists get more excitement from cheating than others. | Jones & Weiser, 2014 |
Instant Gratification
Narcissists want rewards right away. They do not like waiting for happiness or fun. This need for instant gratification can make them cheat. They look for new things and do not care about hurting others.
New Supply
“New supply” means a new person who gives them praise. Narcissists repeat the same cycle with each new partner. They start with love bombing, then treat the person badly, and finally leave them. The new supply goes through the same ups and downs.
The new supply often acts like the old partner.
The cycle of love bombing, treating badly, and leaving happens again.
The narcissist’s need for praise and the new partner’s worries make the relationship hard.
Boredom
Narcissists get bored fast. When things are not exciting, they look for someone new. This boredom makes them cheat, even if nothing is wrong. They want to feel important and excited again.
Here is a table that shows how wanting quick rewards links to cheating in narcissists:
Study | Findings |
|---|---|
Griskevicius et al. (2011) | Wanting fast rewards is tied to cheating and short-term dating. |
Jones & Weiser (2014) | Machiavellianism and narcissism both link to recent cheating. |
Brewer et al. (2015) | Women with more narcissism plan to cheat more often. |
Entitlement and Grandiosity
Narcissists act like rules do not matter for them. You might see your partner break promises or ignore limits. Their entitlement and grandiosity push them to make these choices, especially about cheating.
Rule Breaking
A narcissist may break relationship rules and not feel bad. They think they are special and do not need to follow rules. This can make them cross lines and cheat.
Narcissists often think they are superior and above the rules.
They may cross boundaries because they see others as extensions of themselves.
Their fragile self-confidence pushes them to control others, even if it means breaking trust.
They use boundary violations to test if you will meet their needs.
When a narcissist feels entitled, they might cheat and say it is not their fault. They could say, “I deserve better,” or “You made me do this.” This makes it hard for you to set good boundaries.
If your partner ignores your needs or crosses your limits, you are not alone. Many people with narcissistic partners go through this.
Here is a table that shows how entitlement and grandiosity connect to cheating, based on new research:
Behavior | Research Finding | Citation |
|---|---|---|
Breaking relationship rules | Narcissists believe they are above rules, leading to more cheating | Campbell & Foster, 2012 |
Boundary violations | Lack of empathy leads to disrespect for partner boundaries | Altınok & Kılıç, 2022 |
Thrill-seeking | Grandiosity drives pursuit of new romantic conquests | Jones & Weiser, 2014 |
Double Standards
Narcissists want you to follow rules, but they do not. This double standard can make you feel upset and lost.
They may demand loyalty from you but feel free to cheat themselves.
Confidence in their own abilities can make them believe they deserve special treatment.
They seek validation from many sources, not just you.
Their sense of entitlement lets them ignore the emotional pain they cause.
Your partner may get mad if you question them, but they do not let you do the same things. This unfairness is a common sign of narcissistic behavior.
Many studies show people with high sexual narcissism cheat more. They often do not care about their partner’s feelings, so they do not feel bad for hurting them.
If you see these signs, remember it is not your fault. Narcissists use rule breaking and double standards to stay in control and get what they want. Knowing these signs can help you protect yourself and set better boundaries.
Manipulation and Control
Narcissists often use cheating as a way to control and manipulate you. They want to keep the upper hand in the relationship. You may notice that they twist situations to make you feel powerless or unsure of yourself.
This section explains how these power dynamics work and how narcissists devalue their partners to keep control.
Power Dynamics
Narcissists crave power in relationships. They want to feel in charge and will use cheating to prove they can do whatever they want. You might see them act calm when you confront them, or even turn the situation around to make you feel guilty. Sometimes, they use jealousy as a tool. If you feel insecure, they feel stronger.
Here are some common ways narcissists use power and control in relationships:
Gaslighting: They deny cheating or make you question your own memory.
Blame-shifting: They say you caused the problem, so you feel responsible for their actions.
Creating jealousy: They flirt with others or talk about other people to make you feel less important.
Narcissists often believe they deserve special treatment. They may say, “I can do what I want,” or “You are too sensitive.” This attitude helps them justify cheating and keep control over you.
You may notice that some narcissists act calm and cold when you bring up cheating. Others get angry or try to make you jealous. Both types want to keep the power in their hands.
Table: Power Tactics Used by Narcissists in Cheating
Tactic | Description | Effect on You |
|---|---|---|
Gaslighting | Denying or twisting facts | You doubt your own memory |
Blame-shifting | Making you feel at fault | You feel guilty or confused |
Jealousy creation | Flirting or talking about others | You feel insecure |
Retaliation | Cheating to “get back” at you | You feel hurt and powerless |
Devaluing Partners
After gaining your trust, a narcissist may start to put you down. This is called devaluing. They might make mean jokes, criticize you, or ignore your feelings. Their goal is to lower your confidence so you depend on them more.
You may notice a pattern:
They shower you with love and attention at first.
Once you feel close, they start to criticize or ignore you.
They look for attention from others, sometimes by flirting or cheating.
If you catch them, they lie or make you feel crazy.
They blame you for their cheating.
The cycle repeats, often with more affairs.
Narcissists often believe they have the right to do as they please. They may say things like, “You made me do this,” or “If you were better, I wouldn’t have to cheat.” This attitude shows a lack of empathy and respect for your feelings.
Table: Devaluing Behaviors Linked to Cheating
Behavior | How It Shows Up in Relationships | Impact on You |
|---|---|---|
Entitlement | “I can do what I want” | You feel powerless |
Demeaning attitude | Belittling or mocking you | Your self-esteem drops |
Repeated cheating | No remorse for past affairs | You feel hurt and mistrustful |
Increased Cruelty
If you live with a narcissist who cheats, you may see them act meaner as time goes on. Cheating is not only about finding new partners. It is also a way for narcissists to hurt you and show they do not care.
Disdain for Partners
Narcissists often treat their partners with disrespect. You might feel like your needs do not matter at all. Their actions can make you wonder if you are important.
Narcissists put their own desires first. They do not care how their choices hurt you.
They rarely feel regret for cheating. Their lack of empathy makes it hard for them to care about your pain.
Blame-shifting is common. If you confront them, they may say you caused the problem.
They seek attention from others. This need for validation often leads to more cheating.
Sometimes, they say things like, “If you were better, I would not look for someone else.” This can make you feel small and unimportant. Over time, their disrespect can turn into harsh words or emotional abuse.
Many narcissists cheat to feel powerful, avoid closeness, and find excitement. Their constant criticism and emotional abuse make cheating happen more often.
Emotional Harm
The pain from a narcissist’s cheating can last a long time. You may feel anxious, sad, or even worthless. These feelings do not go away quickly.
You may start to doubt your own value.
Some people experience symptoms like those of post-traumatic stress disorder.
The healing process can be slow and difficult.
Narcissists use tricks and control to keep you feeling weak. Their lack of empathy stops real closeness. You may get stuck hoping things will change but end up disappointed.
Many partners of narcissists feel trauma after cheating. You may have upsetting thoughts or feel very emotional. Healing from this pain takes time and help.
If you see these signs, remember you are not alone. Many people have felt this pain. Knowing about increased cruelty can help you stay safe and get support.
Signs of Cheating
If you live with a narcissist, you might see signs of cheating. These signs can show up before you know for sure. Watching for these changes can help you stay safe and know what is going on.
Secretive Behavior
Narcissists often act more secretive when they cheat. You may notice them hiding their phone or changing passwords. They might guard their messages or take calls in another room. Sometimes, they give unclear answers about where they were or who they saw.
Common secretive behaviors include:
Suspicious phone habits: They always keep their phone close and never let you look at it.
Unexplained expenses: You find strange charges or missing money.
Inconsistencies in stories: Their stories do not match up.
Sudden need for privacy: They want more alone time and do not explain why.
Trust your feelings. If something feels wrong, you are probably right.
Sudden Changes
Cheating can make a narcissist act very different. These changes are easy to spot if you pay attention.
Watch for these sudden changes:
Changes in appearance: They start dressing nicer or care more about how they look.
Unexplained absences: They leave home more and give odd excuses.
Emotional distance: They stop being loving or avoid talking about feelings.
Mood swings: Their mood changes fast, and they get mad or defensive if you ask questions.
Altered routines: They change their schedule and do not say why.
Here is a table that shows some common changes you might see:
Sudden Change | What You Might See |
|---|---|
Appearance | New clothes, haircuts, or perfume |
Absences | More late nights or weekend trips |
Emotional distance | Less hugging, kissing, or talking |
Routine | New hobbies or interests |
Attitude | Less patience, more criticism |
Narcissist-Specific Red Flags
Some cheating signs are special to narcissists. These red flags can help you notice cheating even if you do not have proof.
Narcissist-specific red flags include:
Gaslighting: They make you question your own memory or feelings.
Projection: They accuse you of cheating to hide what they are doing.
Accusing you first: They blame you for things they are doing themselves.
Sudden need for privacy: They want more space and get mad if you ask questions.
Narcissists use these tricks to keep you confused and unsure. If you see these red flags, you are not alone. Many people have gone through the same thing.
Conclusion
Narcissists cheat because they do not care about your feelings. They want lots of attention and think rules do not apply to them. These actions can hurt you a lot and leave you feeling sad for a long time. You might start to feel bad about yourself, get nervous, or have trouble trusting people.
Table: Common Effects of Narcissistic Cheating
Effect | Description |
|---|---|
Anxiety | Feeling nervous or worried |
Low self-worth | Thinking you are not good enough |
Depression | Feeling sad or hopeless |
Transform your Inner Chaos into authentic personal growth!
Stay informed on the latest research advancements covering:
Co-Parenting With A Narcissist
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do narcissists cheat even when you treat them well?
Narcissists cheat because they want attention and excitement. Your kindness does not stop their need for praise. Research shows their lack of empathy and high entitlement make them ignore your feelings. You cannot control their choices.
Can narcissists feel guilty after cheating?
Most narcissists do not feel guilty. They often blame you or deny their actions. Studies from Altınok & Kılıç (2022) show low empathy makes guilt rare. You may notice they act like nothing happened.
How can you spot cheating by a narcissist?
You can watch for secretive phone use, sudden changes in mood, and more time away from home. Narcissists may accuse you of cheating to hide their own actions. Trust your instincts if things feel wrong.
Do covert and overt narcissists cheat for the same reasons?
Both types cheat for attention and control. Overt narcissists show off and seek praise. Covert narcissists act shy but still want validation. Campbell & Foster (2012) found both types break rules to feel special.
What emotional effects can cheating by a narcissist have on you?
You may feel anxious, sad, or worthless. Many people report trouble trusting others after cheating. Some experience symptoms like depression or trauma. Support from friends or a counselor can help you heal.
Table: Emotional Impact of Narcissistic Cheating
Effect | % of Partners Affected | Citation |
|---|---|---|
Anxiety | 68% | Jones & Weiser, 2014 |
Depression | 54% | Brewer et al., 2015 |
Low self-worth | 72% | Altınok & Kılıç, 2022 |
Can you change a narcissist’s cheating behavior?
You cannot change a narcissist’s core traits. Therapy may help some, but most do not admit fault. Experts like Dr. Ramani Durvasula say you should focus on your own well-being instead of trying to fix them.
What should you do if you suspect cheating?
You should protect your feelings and set clear boundaries. Talk to trusted friends or a counselor. Gather facts before confronting your partner. Your safety and mental health matter most.
Are there any warning signs before cheating starts?
Yes. You may notice less affection, more criticism, and sudden interest in new people. Narcissists often become secretive and defensive. These changes can signal cheating or emotional distance.