Last updated on August 22nd, 2024 at 12:13 am

• What is a Covert Narcissist?
• Mind Games Covert Narcissists Play
• 1. Hoovering – Sucking You Back In
• 2. Word Salad – Confusing You With Nonsense
• 3. Moving the Goalposts – Changing the Rules
• 4. Smear Campaigns – Spreading Lies About You
• 5. Fake Apologies – Saying Sorry Without Meaning It
• 6. Crocodile Tears – Fake Crying to Manipulate You
• 7. Sabotage – Secretly Messing Up Your Plans
• 8. False Promises – Making Plans They Won’t Keep
• 9. Subtle Put-Downs – Insulting You in Sneaky Ways
• 10. The Mask of Innocence – Pretending to be Harmless
• 11. Two-Faced Behavior – Acting Different With Different People
• 12. Hide and Seek – Disappearing and Reappearing
• 13. Selective Memory – “Forgetting” Things That Don’t Suit Them
• 14. Slow Poison – Gradually Increasing Bad Behavior
• 15. False Self – Hiding Their True Personality
• 16. Emotional Hot Potato – Refusing to Deal With Feelings
• 17. Shaming and Belittling – Making You Feel Small
• 18. Parasitic Relationships – Using You for “Supply”
• 19. The Normalcy Act – Blending In to Hide in Plain Sight
• 20. Criticism and Comparisons – Making You Feel Not Good Enough
• 21. Withholding Affection – Using Love as a Weapon
• 22. Gaslighting – Making You Doubt Your Reality
• 23. Triangulation – Playing People Against Each Other
• 24. Projection – Accusing You of Their Faults
• 25. Guilt Trips – Making You Feel Bad to Control You
• 26. False Praise – Faking Compliments to Manipulate You
• 27. Silent Treatment – Punishing You With Silence
• 28. Exploiting Your Weaknesses – Using Your Vulnerabilities Against You
• 29. Playing the Victim – Always the Wronged Party
• 30. Passive-Aggression – Indirect Hostility
• 31. Boundary Violations – Ignoring Your Limits
• 32. Lack of Empathy – Unable to Understand Your Feelings
• 33. Self-Centeredness – It’s All About Them
• 34. Emotional Immaturity – Childish Reactions
• 35. Lack of Accountability – Never Their Fault
• 36. Entitlement – The World Owes Them
• 37. Jealousy and Envy – Resenting Others’ Success
• 38. Hot and Cold Behavior – Inconsistent Treatment
• 39. Selective Generosity – Kindness with Strings Attached
• 40. Chronic Dissatisfaction – Never Happy
• 41. Intellectual Putdowns – Making You Feel Stupid
• 42. Faux Concern – Fake Worry to Control You
• 43. Circular Conversations – Talking in Circles
• 44. Forced Teaming – Creating a False Sense of Closeness
• 45. The Pity Play – Using Sympathy to Manipulate
• How to Protect Yourself from Covert Narcissists
• Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse
• Conclusion

Have you ever felt confused and upset after talking to someone, but couldn’t quite put your finger on why? You may have been dealing with a covert narcissist. These tricky people are masters of mind games that leave you feeling bad about yourself.

Covert narcissists put on a nice face to the world. They seem humble and caring on the outside. But behind closed doors, they use sneaky tricks to make themselves feel big by making others feel small.

In this post, we’ll uncover 45 mind games that covert narcissists play. We’ll also share tips on how to spot these games and protect yourself. Knowledge is power when it comes to dealing with narcissists. The more you know about their tricks, the better you can guard your heart and mind.

Let’s pull back the curtain on how covert narcissists think and act. Get ready to learn how to beat them at their own game!

What is a Covert Narcissist?

A covert narcissist is like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. On the outside, they seem nice, humble, and caring. But inside, they have the same selfish traits as other narcissists:

• They think they’re better than everyone else
• They daydream about being powerful and famous
• They need others to praise them all the time
• They can’t understand or care about other people’s feelings

The difference is that covert narcissists hide these traits behind a mask of fake modesty. They don’t brag openly. Instead, they use sneaky mind games to feel superior and control others.

As one expert puts it:

“Being a control freak is a weakness, not a strength. If you can’t allow others to shine, you’re showing signs of narcissism and a lack of self-confidence. It is isolation through ego.”

– Stewart Stafford

Covert narcissists are good at subtle sabotage, double-talk, blaming others, and playing the victim. This lets them deny they’re doing anything wrong while still putting others down.

The first step to beating covert narcissists is learning to spot their tricks. The more you know about their mind games, the better you can protect yourself. Let’s look at 45 common games they play and how to handle them.

Mind Games Covert Narcissists Play

1. Hoovering – Sucking You Back In

Hoovering is when a narcissist tries to “suck” you back into a relationship after pushing you away. They may suddenly act super nice and loving. But it’s just a trick to regain control over you.

For example, they might send you a sweet text out of the blue after giving you the silent treatment for days. Or they could show up with flowers after a big fight, acting like nothing happened.

Don’t fall for it! Remember why you left or pulled away in the first place. Their sudden kindness isn’t real – it’s just bait to lure you back in.

“In a narcissist’s world you are not their one and only. You are an extension of that person and last place in their mind, while they secure back up narcissistic supply.”
― Shannon L. Alder

2. Word Salad – Confusing You With Nonsense

Word salad is when narcissists use confusing, meaningless language to frustrate you. They mix up words and ideas in ways that don’t make sense.

For instance, they might say something like: “I’m not going to the store with no money in my pocket, but I saw a blue ambulance yesterday on the way home from work.”

The goal is to confuse you so much that you can’t respond. This makes the narcissist feel smart and keeps you off balance.

When faced with word salad, don’t try to make sense of it. Simply say “That doesn’t make sense to me” and change the subject.

3. Moving the Goalposts – Changing the Rules

Covert narcissists often change the rules or expectations in a relationship without warning. Just when you think you’ve met their demands, they add new ones.

For example, they might praise you for doing the dishes, then criticize you for not vacuuming too. Or they could agree to plans, then get mad that you didn’t read their mind about what they “really” wanted to do.

This keeps you always trying to please them and never feeling good enough. Don’t play this game! Stick to the original agreement and don’t let them add new demands.

“But both the narcissist and his partner do not really consider each other. Trapped in the moves of an all-consuming dance macabre, they follow the motions morbidly — semiconscious, desensitized, exhausted, and concerned only with survival.”
― Sam Vaknin

4. Smear Campaigns – Spreading Lies About You

When covert narcissists can’t control you directly, they try to control how others see you. They spread lies and rumors to ruin your reputation.

They might tell friends you’re “crazy” or “unstable.” Or post things online to make you look bad. The goal is to isolate you and make others not believe you.

The best defense is to live your truth. Don’t sink to their level by trash-talking back. Let your actions show your true character.

5. Fake Apologies – Saying Sorry Without Meaning It

Covert narcissists give empty apologies to avoid taking real responsibility. They might say “I’m sorry you feel that way” instead of “I’m sorry for what I did.”

These fake apologies let them pretend to care without actually changing their behavior. They’re just words to manipulate you into forgiving them.

Don’t accept hollow apologies. Look for changed behavior, not just nice-sounding words.

6. Crocodile Tears – Fake Crying to Manipulate You

Some covert narcissists use fake emotions to control others. They might cry or act super sad to make you feel bad for them.

This “poor me” act is meant to distract you from their bad behavior. They want your sympathy so you’ll forgive them without them having to actually change.

Remember – narcissists use playing the victim as a manipulation tactic. Don’t let fake tears blind you to the real issues.

“For some, life may be a playground to undermine the brainwaves of others or simply a vainglorious game with an armory of theatrics, illustrating only bleak self-deception, haughty narcissism and dim deficiency in empathy. (“Another empty room”)”
― Erik Pevernagie

7. Sabotage – Secretly Messing Up Your Plans

Covert narcissists sometimes secretly sabotage your goals and plans. They might “forget” important deadlines. Or give you bad advice that sets you back.

The aim is to keep you from succeeding so you’ll stay dependent on them. They want to feel superior by holding you back.

Trust your gut if things keep mysteriously going wrong. The narcissist may be working against you behind the scenes.

8. False Promises – Making Plans They Won’t Keep

Narcissists love to make big promises they have no intention of keeping. They might promise amazing vacations, gifts, or job opportunities. But these promises never seem to happen.

The goal is to keep you hopeful and under their control. They dangle carrots they never plan to give you.

Judge narcissists by their actions, not their words. Don’t get excited about promises until you see real follow-through.

9. Subtle Put-Downs – Insulting You in Sneaky Ways

Covert narcissists are masters of the backhanded compliment and subtle insult. They might say things like:

• “You’re so brave to wear that outfit!”
• “I’m impressed you got that job. They must have been desperate.”
• “Your cooking is good…for a beginner.”

These sneaky put-downs are meant to chip away at your self-esteem. The narcissist feels better about themselves by making you feel worse.

Call out these “compliments” for what they really are – insults. Don’t let their sleight of hand fool you.

“Hate is the complement of fear and narcissists like being feared. It imbues them with an intoxicating sensation of omnipotence.”
― Sam Vaknin

10. The Mask of Innocence – Pretending to be Harmless

Covert narcissists often put on an act of being super humble and innocent. They might downplay their skills or act overly polite.

This “who me?” routine is designed to hide their true selfish nature. They want you to let your guard down so they can manipulate you more easily.

Don’t be fooled by false modesty. Watch for the signs you’re dealing with a narcissist behind their nice-guy mask.

11. Two-Faced Behavior – Acting Different With Different People

Covert narcissists often show very different sides of themselves to different people. They might be sweet as pie to your face, then trash-talk you behind your back.

Or they could act like your best friend in private, but ignore you around others. This two-faced behavior keeps you off-balance and questioning yourself.

Pay attention to how they treat others, not just you. Their true colors will show eventually.

12. Hide and Seek – Disappearing and Reappearing

Many covert narcissists play “hide and seek” with your emotions. They’ll shower you with attention one day, then go totally silent the next.

This push-pull tactic is meant to keep you always craving their approval. When they reappear, you’re so grateful that you overlook their bad behavior.

Don’t let yourself become addicted to their attention. Find other sources of support and validation.

“Stay away from lazy parasites, who perch on you just to satisfy their needs, they do not come to alleviate your burdens, hence, their mission is to distract, detract and extract, and make you live in abject poverty.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson

13. Selective Memory – “Forgetting” Things That Don’t Suit Them

Covert narcissists often have very selective memories. They “forget” promises they made or hurtful things they said. But they remember every little mistake you’ve made.

This selective amnesia lets them avoid taking responsibility for their actions. It’s also a form of gaslighting that makes you doubt your own memory.

Keep a journal of important conversations and agreements. Don’t let them rewrite history.

14. Slow Poison – Gradually Increasing Bad Behavior

Like a frog in slowly heating water, covert narcissists often introduce their abusive behavior bit by bit. They start with tiny put-downs or boundary violations.

Over time, these “small” issues grow into major problems. But because it happened slowly, you may not notice how bad things have gotten.

Pay attention to patterns over time. Small red flags often grow into big relationship problems.

“The sadistic narcissist perceives himself as Godlike, ruthless and devoid of scruples, capricious and unfathomable, emotion-less and non-sexual, omniscient, omnipotent and omni-present, a plague, a devastation, an inescapable verdict.”
― Sam Vaknin

15. False Self – Hiding Their True Personality

At their core, covert narcissists feel deeply flawed and unworthy. To protect themselves, they create a “false self” – a mask of fake confidence and charm.

This false self hides their true selfish, uncaring nature. It’s like a shell that protects their fragile ego from the world.

Remember that their nice-guy act isn’t the real them. The mask will slip eventually and show their true colors.

16. Emotional Hot Potato – Refusing to Deal With Feelings

Many covert narcissists hate dealing with emotions – their own or others’. When you try to talk about feelings, they clam up or change the subject.

This “emotional hot potato” game leaves you feeling unheard and invalidated. The narcissist avoids responsibility by refusing to engage.

Don’t let them stonewall you. Insist on having important conversations, even if they try to wiggle out of them.

“Nice people don’t necessarily fall in love with nice people.”
― Jonathan Franzen, Freedom

17. Shaming and Belittling – Making You Feel Small

Covert narcissists often use subtle shaming and belittling to make you feel bad about yourself. They might roll their eyes when you talk. Or sigh heavily like you’re bothering them.

These small acts chip away at your self-esteem over time. The narcissist feels big by making you feel small.

Call out this behavior when you see it. Don’t let their subtle put-downs go unchallenged.

18. Parasitic Relationships – Using You for “Supply”

To a covert narcissist, other people aren’t really people – they’re sources of narcissistic supply. They feed off your attention, praise, and energy like a parasite.

They’ll drain you dry emotionally, then move on to a new host when you have nothing left to give. Your needs don’t matter – only what you can do for them.

Set firm boundaries about what you will and won’t do for them. Don’t let them suck you dry.

19. The Normalcy Act – Blending In to Hide in Plain Sight

Unlike grandiose narcissists who stand out, covert narcissists are masters of blending in. They seem totally normal and agreeable on the surface.

This “normalcy act” lets them hide their true nature from the world. They save their cruelty for behind closed doors with those closest to them.

Pay attention to how they act in private, not just in public. Their mask often slips when no one else is watching.

20. Criticism and Comparisons – Making You Feel Not Good Enough

Covert narcissists love to subtly criticize you and compare you unfavorably to others. They might say things like:

• “Why can’t you be more like Sarah? She always looks so put together.”
• “I guess that outfit looks okay on you. Some people can pull off anything!”
• “Your brother is so successful. It’s a shame you haven’t found your path yet.”

These jabs are meant to keep you always striving for their approval. Don’t fall for it. Your worth isn’t based on how you measure up to others.

“Narcissists are consumed with maintaining a shallow false self to others. They’re emotionally crippled souls that are addicted to attention. Because of this they use a multitude of games, in order to receive adoration. Sadly, they are the most ungodly of God’s creations because they don’t show remorse for their actions, take steps to make amends or have empathy for others. They are morally bankrupt.”
― Shannon L. Alder

21. Withholding Affection – Using Love as a Weapon

Many covert narcissists use affection as a tool to control you. They shower you with love when you do what they want. But they turn cold as ice when you don’t.

This creates a cycle of you always trying to earn back their love. You walk on eggshells, afraid to upset them.

Remember – real love isn’t something you have to earn. Don’t let them weaponize affection against you.

22. Gaslighting – Making You Doubt Your Reality

Gaslighting is a favorite tool of covert narcissists. They deny things you know happened. They insist you’re remembering wrong. They act like you’re crazy for seeing what you clearly saw.

The goal is to make you doubt your own mind. When you can’t trust yourself, you’re easier to control.

Trust your gut. If you feel like you’re being gaslighted, you probably are. Your feelings and memories are valid.

23. Triangulation – Playing People Against Each Other

Covert narcissists often try to create drama between you and others. They might:

• Tell you that your friend said mean things about you (when they didn’t)
• Flirt with others to make you jealous
• Compare you unfavorably to exes or other people

This triangulation is meant to keep you insecure and always competing for their affection. Don’t play their game. Talk directly to others instead of believing the narcissist’s gossip.

24. Projection – Accusing You of Their Faults

Projection is when someone accuses you of the exact thing they’re guilty of. Covert narcissists do this all the time.

They might call you selfish when they’re the selfish ones. Or accuse you of cheating when they’re the unfaithful partner.

This projects their guilt onto you and makes you defensive. Don’t fall for it. Notice when their accusations seem to come out of nowhere.

“Narcissists will never tell you the truth. They live with the fear of abandonment and can’t deal with facing their own shame. Therefore, they will twist the truth, downplay their behavior, blame others and say what ever it takes to remain the victim. They are master manipulators and conartists that don’t believe you are smart enough to figure out the depth of their disloyalty. Their needs will always be more important than telling you any truth that isn’t in their favor..”
― Shannon L. Alder

25. Guilt Trips – Making You Feel Bad to Control You

Covert narcissists are masters of the guilt trip. They know just what to say to make you feel terrible about yourself. Some common guilt trips include:

• “After all I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?”
• “I guess I’m just a terrible person then!”
• “Fine, I’ll just do everything myself like always.”

The goal is to make you feel so guilty that you give in to whatever they want. Don’t let guilt control you. You’re allowed to have boundaries, even if they don’t like it.

“Often the narcissist believes that other people are “faking it”, leveraging emotional displays to achieve a goal. He is convinced that their ostensible “feelings” are grounded in ulterior, non-emotional motives. Faced with other people’s genuine emotions, the narcissist becomes suspicious and embarrassed. He feels compelled to avoid emotion-tinged situations, or worse, experiences surges of almost uncontrollable aggression in the presence of expressed sentiments. They remind him how imperfect he is and how poorly equipped.”
― Sam Vaknin

26. False Praise – Faking Compliments to Manipulate You

Sometimes covert narcissists will shower you with praise and compliments. But it’s not because they truly admire you. It’s to butter you up so they can ask for something later.

This false flattery is just another manipulation tactic. They’re investing in future favors, not genuinely appreciating you.

Be wary of over-the-top compliments, especially if they’re out of character. There may be strings attached.

27. Silent Treatment – Punishing You With Silence

The silent treatment is a favorite weapon of covert narcissists. They might ignore your calls and texts for days. Or refuse to speak to you even when you’re in the same room.

This cold shoulder is meant to punish you for some perceived slight. They want you to beg for their attention and forgiveness.

Don’t play this game. Go about your life and let them sulk if they want to. Their silence is a childish tantrum, not a real punishment.

“You will never get the truth out of a Narcissist. The closest you will ever come is a story that either makes them the victim or the hero, but never the villain.”
― shannon l. alder

28. Exploiting Your Weaknesses – Using Your Vulnerabilities Against You

Covert narcissists pay close attention to your insecurities and weak spots. Then they use that info against you when they want to hurt you.

If you’re insecure about your weight, they’ll make subtle jabs about your appearance. If you have abandonment issues, they’ll threaten to leave.

29. Playing the Victim – Always the Wronged Party

Covert narcissists love to play the victim card. No matter what happens, they find a way to make themselves the injured party. This victim-playing tactic serves several purposes:

• It deflects blame from their bad behavior
• It garners sympathy and attention
• It makes you feel guilty for “hurting” them

Don’t fall for their pity party. Remember that true victims rarely advertise their victimhood so loudly.

30. Passive-Aggression – Indirect Hostility

Instead of expressing anger directly, covert narcissists often use passive-aggressive tactics. They might:

• Give you the silent treatment
• Make sarcastic comments
• Procrastinate on tasks you need done
• “Forget” important events

This indirect hostility lets them hurt you while maintaining plausible deniability. Call out passive-aggressive behavior when you see it. Ask them to express their feelings directly instead.

31. Boundary Violations – Ignoring Your Limits

Covert narcissists often have little respect for others’ boundaries. They might:

• Borrow things without asking
• Show up uninvited
• Share your secrets with others
• Demand too much of your time and energy

When you try to set boundaries, they act offended or hurt. Don’t let their reaction stop you from protecting yourself. You have a right to have limits, even if they don’t like it.

32. Lack of Empathy – Unable to Understand Your Feelings

While they may pretend to care, covert narcissists struggle to truly empathize with others. They can’t put themselves in your shoes or understand why you feel the way you do.

This lack of empathy makes it hard for them to form deep, meaningful relationships. They see others as extensions of themselves, not as separate people with valid feelings.

Don’t expect a covert narcissist to truly understand or validate your emotions. Seek that support from healthier relationships instead.

“Pathological narcissists can lose touch with reality in subtle ways that become extremely dangerous over time. When they can’t let go of their need to be admired or recognized, they have to bend or invent a reality in which they remain special despite all messages to the contrary.”
― Bandy X Lee

33. Self-Centeredness – It’s All About Them

At their core, covert narcissists are deeply self-centered. Everything revolves around their needs, wants, and feelings. They may pretend to care about others, but it’s all an act.

This self-absorption makes it impossible for them to be a true partner or friend. They’ll always put themselves first, even if it hurts you.

Recognize that you’ll never be a top priority to a covert narcissist. Their own needs will always come first.

“So many abusers survivors feel they were loved so little, as if the abuser was the most important person to receive love from. They forget that God loves them deeply and that is the only person’s love they need to validate their worth.”
― Shannon L. Alder

34. Emotional Immaturity – Childish Reactions

Despite their adult age, many covert narcissists are emotionally stunted. They may throw tantrums, give the silent treatment, or lash out when they don’t get their way.

This emotional immaturity makes it hard for them to handle adult relationships and responsibilities. They expect others to cater to their whims like a parent with a child.

Don’t let their childish behavior manipulate you. Hold them to adult standards of behavior.

35. Lack of Accountability – Never Their Fault

Covert narcissists hate taking responsibility for their actions. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse or someone else to blame.

This lack of accountability means they rarely learn from their mistakes or truly apologize. They can’t admit when they’re wrong because it threatens their fragile self-image.

Don’t expect them to own up to their errors. Focus on protecting yourself rather than trying to make them see reason.

36. Entitlement – The World Owes Them

Many covert narcissists have a deep sense of entitlement. They believe they deserve special treatment and that rules don’t apply to them. This entitlement might show up as:

• Expecting others to cater to their needs
• Thinking they should be exempt from waiting in lines or paying fees
• Believing they deserve promotions or praise without earning it

Don’t feed into their entitled attitude. Hold them to the same standards as everyone else.

37. Jealousy and Envy – Resenting Others’ Success

Covert narcissists often feel intense jealousy and envy towards others. They can’t stand to see someone else succeed or get attention. This emotional rollercoaster of jealousy might lead them to:

• Subtly sabotage others’ efforts
• Downplay others’ achievements
• Spread rumors to damage others’ reputations

Don’t let their jealousy hold you back. Celebrate your successes even if they can’t.

38. Hot and Cold Behavior – Inconsistent Treatment

One day a covert narcissist might treat you like you’re their whole world. The next, they act like you don’t exist. This inconsistent hot-and-cold behavior serves to:

• Keep you off balance and insecure
• Make you crave their good moods
• Give them control over the relationship

Don’t let their mood swings dictate your emotional state. Find stability within yourself instead of relying on their inconsistent affection.

39. Selective Generosity – Kindness with Strings Attached

Sometimes a covert narcissist will act incredibly generous. They might buy expensive gifts or do big favors. But this kindness always comes with strings attached. They’ll expect major payback for their “generosity.”

This selective generosity is just another form of manipulation. They’re investing in future favors, not being genuinely kind.

Be wary of grand gestures from a covert narcissist. There’s usually a hidden agenda behind their generosity.

40. Chronic Dissatisfaction – Never Happy

No matter what you do, it’s never enough for a covert narcissist. They always find something to complain about or criticize. This chronic dissatisfaction serves to:

• Keep you always striving for their approval
• Maintain their sense of superiority
• Justify their mistreatment of you

Don’t exhaust yourself trying to make them happy. Their dissatisfaction is about them, not you.

41. Intellectual Putdowns – Making You Feel Stupid

Covert narcissists often use intellectual arrogance to feel superior. They might:

• Use big words to confuse you
• Scoff at your opinions or ideas
• Act like you’re dumb for not knowing something

These intellectual putdowns are meant to make you feel small and them feel big. Don’t let their pseudo-intellectualism intimidate you. Your ideas and thoughts are valid.

42. Faux Concern – Fake Worry to Control You

Sometimes a covert narcissist will express “concern” about your choices or behavior. But this worry isn’t genuine – it’s a control tactic. They might say things like:

• “Are you sure you want to wear that? I’m just worried what people will think.”
• “I’m concerned about you spending time with those friends. They’re a bad influence.”

This faux concern is really about controlling you and keeping you dependent on their opinion. Trust your own judgment instead of their manipulative “worries.”

43. Circular Conversations – Talking in Circles

When confronted, covert narcissists often engage in circular conversations. They talk in circles, change the subject, or bring up old grievances. The goal is to:

• Exhaust and confuse you
• Avoid taking responsibility
• Make you give up on the original issue

Don’t get sucked into their verbal maze. Stick to the original topic and don’t let them deflect.

44. Forced Teaming – Creating a False Sense of Closeness

Covert narcissists sometimes use “forced teaming” to create a false sense of closeness. They might use “we” language or act like you’re in everything together. This tactic:

• Makes it harder for you to set boundaries
• Creates a sense of obligation to them
• Blurs the lines between you and them

Maintain your separate identity. You’re allowed to have your own life, goals, and boundaries apart from them.

45. The Pity Play – Using Sympathy to Manipulate

When all else fails, many covert narcissists resort to the pity play. They share sob stories about their hard life, hoping to manipulate you through guilt and sympathy. This tactic aims to:

• Make you feel bad for setting boundaries
• Excuse their bad behavior
• Keep you from leaving them

While it’s okay to feel compassion, don’t let their sad stories stop you from protecting yourself.

How to Protect Yourself from Covert Narcissists

Dealing with a covert narcissist can be exhausting and confusing. But there are ways to protect yourself from their mind games. Here are some tips:

1. Set firm boundaries: Be clear about what you will and won’t accept. Stick to your limits even when they push back.
2. Trust your gut: If something feels off, it probably is. Don’t let them gaslight you into doubting yourself.
3. Build a support network: Surround yourself with people who validate your feelings and experiences.
4. Educate yourself: The more you understand about narcissistic personality disorder, the better equipped you’ll be to handle it.
5. Practice self-care: Nurture your mental and emotional health. You’ll be stronger against their manipulation tactics.
6. Limit contact if possible: If you can’t cut them out completely, try to limit your interactions.
7. Don’t JADE: Avoid Justifying, Arguing, Defending, or Explaining yourself. It just gives them more ammo.
8. Focus on actions, not words: Pay attention to what they do, not what they say. Actions speak louder than words.
9. Keep records: Document incidents of manipulation or abuse. It can help you see patterns and validate your experiences.
10. Seek professional help: A therapist experienced in narcissistic abuse can provide valuable support and guidance.

Remember, you’re not responsible for fixing or changing a covert narcissist. Your job is to protect yourself and maintain your own mental health.

Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse

If you’ve recognized these mind games in your own life, you might be dealing with narcissistic abuse. Breaking free from this toxic cycle isn’t easy, but it’s possible. Here are some steps to start your journey:

1. Acknowledge the abuse: Recognize that what you’re experiencing isn’t normal or okay.
2. Educate yourself: Learn about narcissistic abuse and its long-term effects.
3. Seek support: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or a support group for narcissistic abuse survivors.
4. Plan your exit: If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, start planning how to leave safely.
5. Go No Contact: If possible, cut all ties with the narcissist. This is often the most effective way to heal.
6. Focus on healing: Work on rebuilding your self-esteem and processing your emotions.
7. Be patient with yourself: Recovery takes time. Be kind to yourself as you heal.

Remember, you deserve respect, kindness, and genuine love. Don’t settle for the mind games and manipulation of a covert narcissist.

Conclusion

Covert narcissists may seem harmless on the surface, but their mind games can cause real damage. By learning to spot these tactics, you can protect yourself from their manipulation.

Remember, you’re not crazy for feeling confused or hurt by their behavior. Their games are designed to make you doubt yourself. Trust your instincts and prioritize your own well-being.

If you’re dealing with a covert narcissist, know that you’re not alone. There’s support available to help you navigate this challenging situation. You have the strength to break free from their mind games and reclaim your life.

Stay strong, trust yourself, and don’t be afraid to seek help when you need it. You deserve genuine relationships built on mutual respect and care, not manipulation and mind games.