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Decoding the Language of Conversational Narcissists

Crack The Code Of Self-absorbed Speech Patterns And Manipulative Phrases

Ephedrine Use Disorder by Som Dutt From https://embraceinnerchaos.com

Last updated on December 18th, 2024 at 03:49 am

Have you ever found yourself in a conversation where you couldn’t get a word in edgewise? Where every attempt to share your thoughts was swiftly redirected back to the other person? If so, you might have encountered a conversational narcissist. These individuals have a unique way of dominating dialogues, leaving others feeling unheard and frustrated.

Recent studies suggest that narcissistic traits are on the rise in modern society, with up to 6.2% of the population exhibiting narcissistic personality disorder. This trend has significant implications for our daily interactions, especially in the realm of communication. Understanding the language of conversational narcissists is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and protecting our mental well-being.

In this comprehensive guide, we’ll delve into the intricacies of conversational narcissism, exploring its telltale signs, underlying motivations, and impact on interpersonal dynamics. We’ll also provide practical strategies for dealing with these challenging personalities and maintaining balanced, meaningful conversations. Let’s embark on this journey to decode the language of conversational narcissists and empower ourselves with knowledge and effective communication tools.

1. Understanding Conversational Narcissism

Conversational narcissism is a term coined by sociologist Charles Derber to describe the tendency of some individuals to turn the focus of any discussion back to themselves. This behavior is rooted in narcissistic personality traits, which can range from mild self-centeredness to full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

1.1 Defining Conversational Narcissism

At its core, conversational narcissism is a communication pattern characterized by an excessive need for attention and admiration. These individuals have an insatiable desire to be the center of every conversation, often at the expense of others’ feelings and experiences.

1.2 The Psychology Behind Conversational Narcissism

The roots of conversational narcissism often lie in deep-seated insecurities and a fragile sense of self-worth. By constantly steering conversations towards themselves, narcissists seek validation and reinforcement of their perceived superiority.

1.3 The Spectrum of Narcissistic Behavior

It’s important to note that conversational narcissism exists on a spectrum. While some individuals may exhibit mild narcissistic tendencies in conversations, others may display more severe and persistent patterns of self-centered communication.

1.4 Impact on Relationships and Social Interactions

Conversational narcissism can have significant negative impacts on relationships. It often leads to one-sided interactions, leaving others feeling unheard, undervalued, and emotionally drained. Over time, this can erode trust and intimacy in both personal and professional relationships.

2. Recognizing the Signs of a Conversational Narcissist

Identifying a conversational narcissist is the first step in learning how to navigate interactions with them effectively. Here are some key signs to watch out for:

2.1 Constant Self-Reference

Conversational narcissists have an uncanny ability to relate any topic back to themselves. They frequently use phrases like “That reminds me of when I…” or “I had a similar experience…” to redirect the focus to their own stories and experiences.

2.2 Poor Listening Skills

These individuals often struggle with active listening. They may appear distracted or disinterested when others are speaking, waiting for an opportunity to interject with their own thoughts or experiences. This behavior is one of the 18 signs you’re dealing with a narcissist.

2.3 Conversation Hogging

Conversational narcissists tend to dominate discussions, speaking for extended periods without allowing others to contribute. They may become visibly irritated or dismissive when interrupted or challenged.

2.4 One-Upmanship

A common tactic of conversational narcissists is to try to outdo others’ experiences or achievements. If someone shares a success story, the narcissist will quickly chime in with a more impressive accomplishment of their own.

3. The Language Patterns of Conversational Narcissists

Understanding the specific language patterns used by conversational narcissists can help us identify and respond to their behavior more effectively.

3.1 Shift Responses

Shift responses are a hallmark of conversational narcissism. Instead of supporting or acknowledging what someone else has said, the narcissist quickly shifts the focus back to themselves. For example:

Person A: “I had a really tough day at work today.”
Narcissist: “You think that’s bad? Let me tell you about my day…”

3.2 Directive Questions

Conversational narcissists often use questions not to gain information, but to direct the conversation towards topics that allow them to showcase their knowledge or experiences. These questions are designed to set up opportunities for self-promotion.

3.3 Exaggeration and Hyperbole

To maintain the spotlight, narcissists frequently embellish their stories and achievements. They may use superlatives excessively and present themselves as the hero or victim in every anecdote. This tendency to exaggerate is one of the 17 telltale traits of a narcissist.

3.4 Interruptions and Talk-Overs

Impatient to share their own thoughts, conversational narcissists often interrupt others mid-sentence. They may also talk over others, raising their voice or speeding up their speech to maintain control of the conversation.

4. The Impact of Conversational Narcissism

The effects of conversational narcissism extend beyond mere annoyance, potentially causing significant emotional and psychological harm to those subjected to it regularly.

4.1 Emotional Drain on Listeners

Constant exposure to conversational narcissism can be emotionally exhausting. Listeners often feel unheard, unimportant, and invalidated, leading to feelings of frustration, anger, and even depression.

Decoding the Language of Conversational Narcissists
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com
Decoding the Language of Conversational Narcissists
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com

4.2 Erosion of Trust and Intimacy

In personal relationships, conversational narcissism can gradually erode trust and intimacy. When one partner consistently dominates conversations and fails to show empathy, it becomes challenging to maintain a deep, meaningful connection.

4.3 Professional Consequences

In the workplace, conversational narcissists may struggle to build effective teams or maintain positive relationships with colleagues. Their behavior can hinder collaboration and create a toxic work environment.

4.4 Social Isolation

Over time, people may start avoiding conversational narcissists, leading to social isolation. This can further reinforce the narcissist’s need for attention and validation, creating a vicious cycle.

5. Strategies for Dealing with Conversational Narcissists

While interacting with conversational narcissists can be challenging, there are strategies you can employ to maintain your boundaries and ensure more balanced conversations.

5.1 Set Clear Boundaries

Establish and communicate your boundaries clearly. Let the narcissist know when their behavior is unacceptable and be prepared to enforce these boundaries consistently. This approach is crucial in surviving narcissistic abuse.

5.2 Use the Gray Rock Method

The Gray Rock Method involves making yourself as uninteresting and unreactive as possible. By providing minimal responses and showing little emotion, you can discourage the narcissist from seeking attention from you.

5.3 Redirect the Conversation

When the narcissist attempts to shift the focus to themselves, gently but firmly redirect the conversation back to the original topic or to another person in the group.

5.4 Practice Assertive Communication

Learn to assert yourself in conversations. Use “I” statements to express your thoughts and feelings, and don’t be afraid to interject when the narcissist is monopolizing the conversation.

6. The Role of Empathy in Counteracting Conversational Narcissism

While it may seem counterintuitive, developing empathy can be a powerful tool in dealing with conversational narcissists and promoting healthier communication patterns.

6.1 Understanding the Narcissist’s Perspective

Try to understand the underlying insecurities and fears that drive the narcissist’s behavior. This doesn’t excuse their actions, but it can help you respond more effectively and compassionately.

6.2 Modeling Empathetic Communication

By consistently demonstrating empathetic listening and genuine interest in others, you can set a positive example for the narcissist to follow. This modeling can potentially influence their behavior over time.

6.3 Encouraging Self-Reflection

When appropriate, gently encourage the narcissist to reflect on their communication style and its impact on others. This can be done through open-ended questions and non-judgmental observations.

6.4 Seeking Professional Help

In some cases, particularly when dealing with covert narcissism, professional help may be necessary. A therapist can provide strategies for both the narcissist and those affected by their behavior.

7. The Broader Context: Narcissism in Modern Society

To fully understand conversational narcissism, it’s important to consider the broader societal context in which it occurs. The rise of social media and the emphasis on self-promotion in modern culture have contributed to what some researchers call a “narcissism epidemic.”

7.1 The Impact of Social Media

Social media platforms provide a constant stream of opportunities for self-promotion and validation seeking. This environment can reinforce narcissistic tendencies and normalize self-centered communication patterns.

7.2 Cultural Shifts Towards Individualism

Many Western societies have seen a shift towards increased individualism over the past few decades. While this has brought many positive changes, it has also contributed to a culture that often prioritizes personal success and recognition over communal values.

7.3 The Role of Parenting and Education

Some experts argue that certain parenting and educational approaches, such as excessive praise and the “self-esteem movement,” may have inadvertently fostered narcissistic traits in younger generations.

7.4 Addressing Narcissism at a Societal Level

Tackling the issue of conversational narcissism requires not only individual strategies but also broader societal changes. This might include promoting empathy and active listening skills in education, encouraging more balanced social media use, and fostering a culture that values genuine connection and mutual understanding.

8. Building Resilience Against Conversational Narcissism

While it’s important to have strategies for dealing with conversational narcissists, it’s equally crucial to build personal resilience to protect your emotional well-being.

8.1 Developing Self-Awareness

Cultivate a strong sense of self-awareness. Understand your own communication style, triggers, and emotional responses. This self-knowledge can help you navigate challenging conversations more effectively.

8.2 Practicing Self-Care

Regular self-care is essential when dealing with narcissistic individuals. This might include activities like meditation, exercise, journaling, or spending time in nature. These practices can help replenish your emotional resources and maintain your mental health.

8.3 Building a Support Network

Surround yourself with supportive, empathetic individuals who value balanced, mutual communication. Having a strong support network can provide a counterbalance to the draining effects of interacting with conversational narcissists.

Decoding the Language of Conversational Narcissists
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com
Decoding the Language of Conversational Narcissists
-By Som Dutt from https://embraceinnerchaos.com

8.4 Continuous Learning and Growth

Commit to ongoing personal growth and learning about healthy communication patterns. This might involve reading books on assertiveness, attending workshops on effective communication, or working with a therapist to develop stronger interpersonal skills.

9. The Future of Communication in a Narcissistic World

As we continue to navigate a world where narcissistic traits seem to be on the rise, it’s important to consider the future of communication and how we can foster healthier, more balanced interactions.

9.1 Promoting Empathy in Education

Incorporating empathy training and active listening skills into educational curricula from an early age could help counteract narcissistic tendencies and promote more balanced communication styles.

9.2 Leveraging Technology for Better Communication

While technology has played a role in exacerbating narcissistic behaviors, it also has the potential to promote more mindful communication. Apps and platforms that encourage turn-taking in conversations or promote active listening could be developed.

9.3 Addressing Narcissism in the Workplace

Companies and organizations can play a role in combating conversational narcissism by promoting inclusive communication styles, providing training on effective teamwork, and addressing narcissistic behaviors in leadership.

9.4 Shifting Cultural Narratives

On a broader scale, there’s a need to shift cultural narratives away from excessive individualism and self-promotion towards values of community, empathy, and mutual understanding. This could involve changes in media representation, public discourse, and societal reward systems.

By understanding the language of conversational narcissists, recognizing its impact, and developing strategies to deal with it, we can navigate our interactions more effectively and promote healthier communication patterns. Remember, change begins with awareness and small, consistent actions. Whether you’re dealing with a conversational narcissist in your personal life or observing these trends in society at large, you have the power to make a positive difference in how we communicate with one another.

As we continue to unravel the complexities of human interaction in an increasingly narcissistic world, it’s crucial to remain compassionate, both towards others and ourselves. By fostering empathy, setting healthy boundaries, and continuously working on our communication skills, we can create more meaningful connections and contribute to a culture of mutual understanding and respect.




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Frequently Asked Questions

How Do Conversational Narcissists Typically Dominate Discussions?

Conversational narcissists often dominate discussions through various tactics designed to keep the focus on themselves. According to Psychology Today, they frequently interrupt others, redirect conversations back to their own experiences, and show little interest in what others are saying. This behavior stems from their deep-seated need for attention and validation.

They may use “shift responses” to change the subject quickly, turning the spotlight back onto themselves. For instance, if someone mentions a recent achievement, a conversational narcissist might immediately launch into a story about their own, more impressive accomplishment. This constant self-focus can leave others feeling unheard and undervalued in the conversation.

What Are The Key Signs Of Conversational Narcissism?

Identifying conversational narcissism requires attention to specific behavioral patterns. Verywell Mind outlines several key signs to watch for, including the tendency to constantly steer conversations back to themselves, regardless of the original topic. Another sign is their apparent disinterest when not speaking, often displayed through distracted body language or a lack of engagement.

Conversational narcissists also frequently interrupt others, seemingly unable to wait for their turn to speak. They may exhibit a lack of empathy, failing to acknowledge or validate others’ feelings and experiences. Additionally, they often engage in one-upmanship, always trying to outdo others’ stories or experiences with their own.

How Can One Effectively Deal With A Conversational Narcissist?

Dealing with a conversational narcissist requires a combination of assertiveness and strategic communication. Healthline suggests setting clear boundaries by politely but firmly redirecting the conversation when it becomes one-sided. Using phrases like “That’s interesting, but I’d like to finish my thought” can be helpful. Practicing active listening and encouraging the narcissist to do the same can model better conversational habits.

It’s also beneficial to limit the amount of personal information shared, as this can fuel their tendency to dominate. When possible, engage in group conversations where others can help balance the dynamic. Remember, it’s not your responsibility to change their behavior, but you can control your responses and protect your own emotional well-being.

What Is The Difference Between Conversational Narcissism And Regular Self-Centeredness?

While both conversational narcissism and regular self-centeredness involve a focus on oneself, there are key differences. The Gottman Institute explains that regular self-centeredness might be situational or temporary, often stemming from excitement or stress. Conversational narcissism, however, is a persistent pattern of behavior rooted in a deeper personality trait.

A self-centered person might occasionally dominate a conversation but can usually be redirected and show interest in others. In contrast, a conversational narcissist consistently manipulates dialogues to maintain focus on themselves, shows little genuine interest in others, and struggles to empathize. The narcissist’s behavior is more calculated and chronic, often leaving others feeling consistently unheard or devalued after interactions.

How Does Conversational Narcissism Affect Relationships Over Time?

The impact of conversational narcissism on relationships can be profound and long-lasting. Psychology Today notes that over time, this behavior can lead to emotional exhaustion and resentment in partners, friends, or colleagues. The constant one-sidedness of interactions can erode trust and intimacy in relationships.

People may start to feel unimportant or invisible in the presence of a conversational narcissist, leading to decreased self-esteem and confidence. In professional settings, it can hinder teamwork and collaboration, as the narcissist’s need for attention overshadows group goals. Long-term exposure to this behavior can result in others withdrawing from the relationship or limiting their interactions, ultimately leading to social isolation for the narcissist.

Can Conversational Narcissism Be A Sign Of Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

While conversational narcissism can be a trait of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), it’s important to note that not all conversational narcissists have NPD. Mayo Clinic explains that NPD is a complex mental health condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Conversational narcissism is just one potential symptom of this broader disorder.

However, someone can display conversational narcissism without meeting the full criteria for NPD. It’s crucial to avoid armchair diagnoses and remember that only a qualified mental health professional can diagnose personality disorders. If conversational narcissism is significantly impacting relationships or daily life, it may be worth seeking professional evaluation.

What Role Does Empathy Play In Conversational Narcissism?

Empathy, or the lack thereof, plays a crucial role in conversational narcissism. Greater Good Magazine highlights that conversational narcissists often struggle with empathy, finding it difficult to genuinely understand or care about others’ feelings and perspectives. This empathy deficit manifests in their inability to engage in reciprocal conversations, where both parties share and listen equally.

Instead of responding with empathy to others’ experiences or emotions, they tend to redirect the conversation to their own feelings or experiences. This lack of empathy can make it challenging for them to form deep, meaningful connections with others. Improving empathy skills can be a key step in overcoming conversational narcissism, as it allows for more balanced and mutually satisfying interactions.

How Does Conversational Narcissism Manifest In Digital Communication?

Conversational narcissism in digital communication often takes on unique forms due to the nature of online interactions. Forbes observes that in text-based communications like social media posts, emails, or instant messages, conversational narcissists may dominate threads with long, self-focused messages. They might frequently post about their achievements or experiences without engaging meaningfully with others’ content.

In video calls, they may monopolize speaking time or visibly disengage when others are talking. Digital platforms can exacerbate these tendencies by providing a broader audience and more opportunities for self-promotion. The absence of immediate face-to-face feedback in some digital communications can also make it easier for narcissists to ignore social cues that would typically moderate their behavior in in-person interactions.

What Are Some Common Phrases Used By Conversational Narcissists?

Conversational narcissists often employ specific phrases that redirect attention to themselves. Psychology Today identifies several common expressions, such as “Enough about you, let’s talk about me,” though often said jokingly. More subtle phrases include “That reminds me of when I…” or “Well, in my experience…” used to shift the focus.

They might also use comparative statements like “That’s nothing, wait until you hear what happened to me.” When others are sharing problems, they might say, “I know exactly how you feel” before launching into their own story, rather than offering empathy. These phrases serve as verbal cues to identify conversational narcissism in action and can help in recognizing this behavior pattern in everyday interactions.

How Can Parents Prevent Raising A Conversational Narcissist?

Preventing the development of conversational narcissism in children involves fostering empathy, active listening skills, and respect for others from an early age. Child Mind Institute suggests that parents can model good conversational habits by demonstrating active listening and showing genuine interest in their children’s thoughts and feelings. Encouraging turn-taking in conversations and praising children when they show empathy or consideration for others can reinforce positive communication behaviors.

It’s also important to avoid overpraising or constantly centering attention on the child, which can contribute to an inflated sense of self-importance. Teaching children to ask questions about others and genuinely listen to the answers helps develop their interpersonal skills. By creating a family culture that values mutual respect and balanced conversations, parents can help prevent the development of conversational narcissism.

Can Therapy Help Conversational Narcissists Improve Their Communication Skills?

Therapy can be an effective tool for helping conversational narcissists improve their communication skills, although the success largely depends on the individual’s willingness to change. American Psychological Association notes that cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be particularly helpful in addressing narcissistic traits. CBT can help individuals recognize their patterns of behavior, understand the impact on others, and develop more empathetic communication strategies.

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) can also be beneficial, as it focuses on improving interpersonal effectiveness and emotional regulation. Group therapy might provide a structured environment for practicing balanced conversations and receiving immediate feedback. However, it’s important to note that change requires self-awareness and motivation. Therapy can provide tools and insights, but the individual must be committed to implementing these changes in their daily interactions.

Conversational narcissism and emotional manipulation are often closely linked, as both stem from a desire to control social interactions. Psych Central explains that conversational narcissists may use various manipulative tactics to maintain the spotlight. These can include guilt-tripping others for not giving them enough attention, using flattery to keep people engaged in their monologues, or employing subtle put-downs to undermine others’ confidence in sharing.

They might also use gaslighting techniques, dismissing or denying others’ experiences to maintain their narrative. The emotional manipulation serves to reinforce their dominance in conversations and relationships. This behavior can create a toxic environment where others feel constantly invalidated and manipulated, leading to emotional distress and damaged relationships over time.

How Does Conversational Narcissism Differ In Various Cultural Contexts?

Conversational narcissism can manifest differently across various cultural contexts due to differing norms of communication and social interaction. Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology research suggests that in more collectivist cultures, where group harmony is prioritized, conversational narcissism might be less overt but still present in subtle forms. In these contexts, a narcissist might dominate conversations by positioning themselves as speaking for the group or emphasizing their role in collective achievements.

In more individualistic cultures, conversational narcissism might be more direct, with individuals openly competing for attention. Cultural differences in communication styles, such as high-context versus low-context communication, can also influence how conversational narcissism is expressed and perceived. Understanding these cultural nuances is crucial for accurately identifying and addressing conversational narcissism in diverse settings.

What Are The Long-Term Psychological Effects Of Dealing With A Conversational Narcissist?

Prolonged exposure to a conversational narcissist can have significant psychological effects on individuals. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology studies indicate that regular interactions with conversational narcissists can lead to decreased self-esteem and increased self-doubt in others. Victims may start to question their own worth and importance, as their experiences and thoughts are consistently devalued or ignored.

This can result in anxiety, depression, and a sense of emotional exhaustion. Over time, individuals may develop a fear of speaking up or sharing their opinions, leading to social withdrawal. There’s also a risk of internalizing the narcissist’s behavior, potentially adopting similar communication patterns as a defense mechanism. Recognizing these effects is crucial for individuals to seek support and develop strategies to protect their mental health when dealing with conversational narcissists.

How Can Organizations Address Conversational Narcissism In Professional Settings?

Organizations can address conversational narcissism in professional settings through a combination of policy, training, and culture change. Harvard Business Review suggests implementing communication guidelines that emphasize inclusive and balanced discussions. Training programs on active listening, empathy, and effective team communication can help all employees, including those with narcissistic tendencies.

Leaders should model good communication behaviors and intervene when they observe conversational narcissism in meetings or team interactions. Implementing structured meeting formats that ensure everyone has a chance to speak can also be effective. Performance evaluations could include metrics on collaboration and communication skills, incentivizing more balanced interactions. Creating a culture that values diverse perspectives and collaborative problem-solving can naturally discourage conversational narcissism and promote more productive team dynamics.

What Role Does Social Media Play In Encouraging Or Amplifying Conversational Narcissism?

Social media platforms can significantly encourage and amplify conversational narcissism due to their inherent structure and user dynamics. MIT Technology Review observes that these platforms often reward self-promotion and attention-seeking behaviors with likes, shares, and comments. This can reinforce narcissistic tendencies by providing instant gratification and a wide audience for self-centered content.

The asynchronous nature of many social media interactions allows users to dominate ‘conversations’ without immediate pushback or social cues that might moderate their behavior in face-to-face interactions. Additionally, the curated nature of social media profiles can exacerbate the tendency to present an idealized self-image, further fueling narcissistic behaviors. However, social media also provides opportunities for calling out such behaviors and fostering more balanced, empathetic online communities when used mindfully.

Can Conversational Narcissism Be A Learned Behavior, And If So, How Can It Be Unlearned?

Conversational narcissism can indeed be a learned behavior, often developed through environmental influences or as a coping mechanism. Journal of Personality research suggests that individuals might learn this behavior from role models who exhibit similar traits or in environments where such behavior is rewarded with attention. To unlearn this behavior, self-awareness is crucial. Individuals need to recognize their patterns and understand the impact on others.

Practicing active listening skills, such as asking follow-up questions and showing genuine interest in others’ perspectives, can help. Mindfulness techniques can increase awareness of one’s behavior in real-time. Setting personal goals for balanced conversations and seeking feedback from trusted friends or a therapist can also aid in the unlearning process. It’s a gradual process that requires consistent effort and a willingness to change, but with persistence, more balanced communication habits can be developed.

How Does Conversational Narcissism Affect Team Dynamics In Collaborative Projects?

Conversational narcissism can significantly impact team dynamics in collaborative projects, often leading to decreased productivity and morale. Harvard Business Review notes that when a team member consistently dominates discussions or redirects focus to their own ideas, it can stifle creativity and contribution from others. This behavior can lead to resentment among team members, as their input is consistently undervalued or ignored.

In project meetings, important details or diverse perspectives might be overlooked as the narcissist monopolizes the conversation. This can result in flawed decision-making and missed opportunities for innovation. Over time, team members may become disengaged or hesitant to share ideas, fearing dismissal or interruption. Effective collaboration requires balanced participation and mutual respect, both of which are undermined by conversational narcissism. Addressing this behavior is crucial for maintaining healthy team dynamics and ensuring the success of collaborative projects.

What Strategies Can Educators Use To Manage Conversational Narcissism In Classroom Discussions?

Educators can employ several strategies to manage conversational narcissism in classroom discussions and promote a more inclusive learning environment. Chronicle of Higher Education suggests implementing structured discussion formats that ensure all students have an opportunity to contribute. This could include techniques like round-robin sharing or timed speaking turns.

Establishing clear guidelines for respectful communication at the beginning of the course can set expectations for balanced participation. Educators can model active listening and encourage students to build on each other’s ideas rather than constantly introducing new topics.

About the Author :

Som Dutt, Top writer in Philosophy & Psychology on Medium.com. I make people Think, Relate, Feel & Move. Let's Embrace Inner Chaos and Appreciate Deep, Novel & Heavy Thoughts.

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