Last updated on November 15th, 2025 at 09:43 am
Understanding the aging narcissist man’s fear of mortality and loss of control begins with a simple fact. He feels scared when getting older changes how he sees himself. He worries about not being important anymore. Imagine a man who used to get lots of attention.
Now, he has days filled with worry and gets annoyed easily. Studies show that when he loses control, he might stop talking to friends. He may act in ways to protect himself or get angry. It gets harder for him to feel better than others. His fear of being forgotten makes him feel upset.
Key Takeaways
Aging narcissist men are scared of losing control and being forgotten as they get older.
They often want attention and praise from others to feel special.
When their looks or skills change, they may feel ashamed and angry. They may become more alone because friends and family might stay away from them.
They often deny getting older or having health problems. Therapy can help aging narcissist men face their fears and have better relationships.
Their need to control things can make them act in ways that push people away.
Narcissism Basics
Traits in Men
External Validation
Many men with narcissistic traits want others to like them. They hope for praise and admiration. This need for attention affects what they do. They might care a lot about how they look or what they achieve. If people ignore them, they can get upset or mad.
Control Needs
Control matters a lot to these men. They want to make choices about what happens. They may try to change what people do or say. Losing control can make them feel nervous. As they get older, it gets harder to control things. This can make them feel annoyed.
Gender Differences
Narcissism is not the same in men and women. Men often act more important and want more attention. They might seem very sure of themselves or even act rude. Women may care more about their relationships. The aging narcissist man may have a harder time losing power or respect.
The table below lists common traits seen in men with narcissism, based on the DSM-5 and new studies.
Trait | Description |
|---|---|
Grandiosity | Feeling special, self-centered, and thinking they are better than others. |
Attention Seeking | Trying very hard to get noticed and wanting others to admire them. |
Impaired Empathy | Having trouble understanding how others feel, and caring mostly about themselves. |
Superficial Relationships | Making friends just to feel good about themselves, not because they care about others. |
Self-Image
Identity Formation
Aging narcissist men often see themselves as successful and admired. They compare themselves to others to feel better. How they feel about themselves depends on what others think. When they get older, changes in looks or skills can make them feel unsure.
Shame Avoidance
These men try not to feel shame. They might say they did nothing wrong or blame someone else. They want to keep a good image of themselves. If they feel embarrassed, they might get angry or stop talking to people. This helps them not think about their own mistakes.
Supply Sources
Narcissists need “supply” from other people. This means they want praise, attention, or admiration. They might look for it at work, with family, or in groups. As they age, these places may not give them as much attention. This can make them feel empty or alone.
Self-Image in Narcissist vs. Non-Narcissist Men:
The table below shows how narcissist men think about themselves compared to others.
Finding | Description |
|---|---|
Social Comparisons | Narcissists often compare themselves to others and think they are better. |
Self-Perception | They believe they are doing better than important people in their lives, showing a big self-image. |
Emotional Reactions | They feel good when they think well of themselves, which raises their self-esteem. |
Narcissists think they are smarter than they really are in many ways. | |
Agentic Narcissism | There are strong links between agentic narcissism and thinking they are smart in many areas. |
Aging Narcissist Man: Core Fears
Mortality Anxiety
Death as Loss of Control
The aging narcissist man thinks death means losing all control. He used to make choices and lead others. Now, he faces things he cannot change. This fear gets worse as his body gets older. He may try to act like nothing is wrong. When he cannot control things, he feels weak. This makes him angry or makes him pull away from people.
Fear of Insignificance
He is very scared of being forgotten. He feels good about himself when he is special. As he gets older, he worries people will ignore him. He might try to get more attention or talk about old wins. If people do not admire him, he feels empty inside. Experts say narcissists hide shame and feeling less than others. They do not want to be normal and think being weak is bad. If people reject them, they feel small and try to hide it.
Narcissists try to feel better by bragging about themselves.
They are scared of being normal because they want to be special.
They see being weak as a threat and hide their true selves.
When people reject them, they feel bad and try to cover it up.
Denial Mechanisms
To deal with these fears, he may pretend things are fine. He might not talk about getting older or act young. He could blame others for his problems or make excuses. Sometimes, he stays away from people who remind him of his age. These tricks help him feel better but push people away.
Loss of Control
Physical Decline
It is hard for him to accept changes in his body. He may notice he cannot do what he did before. Losing strength or energy feels scary. He might hide his problems or act like nothing changed. Some men focus more on looks or health to slow aging.
Reduced Influence
As he gets older, he may lose power at work or home. People may stop listening or ask others for help. This makes him feel ignored or not important. He may try to control talks or make big choices alone. If he does not get his way, he gets upset or angry.
Social Isolation
Losing control can cause social problems. Friends and family may stay away because of how he acts. He might get more bossy or mean to get attention. Over time, this can make him lonely. Studies show families say older narcissists get meaner and care less about others. Trying not to look weak can make them act even more like narcissists. Losing respect, health, or friends can make these traits worse. Feeling bad about losing control can make him act out more.
Families say older narcissists get meaner and care less about others.
Not wanting to look weak can make them act more like narcissists.
Losing respect, health, or friends can make their traits worse.
Feeling bad about losing control can make their behavior worse.
Some older narcissist men stop talking to friends who do not praise them. Others brag about old wins or want special treatment. These actions come from being scared of losing their place in the world.
Facade and Supply
Maintaining Superiority
Overcompensation
The aging narcissist man tries to hide his fears. He acts more important than he feels. He talks about things he did well before. He shows off his skills to others. He buys expensive things and brags about what he owns. These actions help him feel better than other people. Overcompensation helps him not feel weak or forgotten.
Clinging to Youth
He does not want to look old. He wears trendy clothes and spends money to look young. Some men exercise or use new technology to seem cool. They want people to think they are strong and young. This helps them avoid thinking about getting older.
Avoiding Ordinary
Being ordinary feels bad to him. He wants to stand out and be special. He avoids simple jobs that do not get attention. He tries new hobbies that make him look different. Living a normal life feels like losing to him.
Many aging narcissist men do not want to blend in. They want people to notice and admire them. They do not want to be just another person in the crowd.
Supply Breakdown
Desperate Behaviors
When he loses praise, he may act out. He gets angry or tries to control people. Some men start fights or demand attention. Others try to get back power at work or home. These actions come from being scared of losing their place.
Physical attractiveness
Professional power and workplace dominance
Social status and influence in community circles
Physical strength and athletic abilities
Financial earning potential and material accumulation
Attention from younger people, particularly women
When these things fade, he feels lost and upset. He tries harder to get attention. This often pushes people away.
Increased Neediness
He becomes more needy as he gets older. He asks for praise and wants people to notice him. He calls friends a lot or seeks approval from family. This neediness can make relationships hard. People may get tired or annoyed by him.
Self-Image Crisis
Losing supply causes a crisis for him. He does not know who he is without praise. His self-esteem drops. He feels angry, sad, or empty inside. Some men try new ways to get attention. Others pull away and feel alone.
When aging narcissistic men lose their supply, they get more angry and upset. They try hard to get back youth and power. They want more control over people close to them. This struggle can make them act in harmful ways to protect how they see themselves.
Psychological Impact
Shame and Loneliness
Core Shame
Getting older brings new problems for men with narcissistic traits. Shame becomes a big feeling for him. He feels embarrassed when he cannot reach his own goals. This shame can make him angry or upset. Studies say shame leads to a cycle of anger and sadness. He has trouble dealing with these feelings. This can cause worry and sadness. If he was ignored as a child, these feelings get worse.
Shame makes him angry and upset.
Worry and sadness can get worse.
Being ignored as a child makes it harder.
Fear of Blending In
He is scared of losing what makes him special. Being like everyone else feels like losing. He wants people to notice him. When others treat him as normal, he feels invisible. This fear makes him want more attention. He avoids places where he might seem average.
Many aging narcissist men stay away from group activities that do not show their strengths. They like jobs where they can lead or be admired.
Loneliness Intensifies
He feels more alone as he gets older. Friends and family may stay away because of how he acts. He pulls back when he feels left out. His feelings start to fall apart. He needs praise and attention to feel okay. When he does not get these, his mind gets worse.
Most reported psychological impacts of aging on narcissist men:
Feelings falling apart
Needing praise to feel okay
Mind health gets worse
Emotional Reactions
Rage
Anger often comes after shame. He may yell at others when he feels judged. This anger can hurt his relationships. The cycle of shame and anger keeps going. It is hard for him to feel calm. He may say others are the problem.
Paranoia
He gets more suspicious as he ages. He thinks others want to hurt his name. Being rejected or failing makes him feel very bad. He feels unsure and acts with doubt. When he feels weak, he gets even more upset.
Emotional Reaction | Description |
|---|---|
Rage | Anger that comes from shame or being judged |
Paranoia | Feeling unsure and worried after rejection |
Withdrawal | Staying away from others to not feel weak |
Withdrawal
He often pulls away from people. He may stop talking to friends or family. He spends more time alone to protect himself. He stays away from places where he might look weak. This makes him feel even more alone and upset.
Aging narcissist men who feel weak have strong bad feelings. They react a lot to being rejected or failing. These feelings can get so bad they may think about hurting themselves if they cannot cope.
Key emotional reactions in aging narcissist men:
Strong anger after being judged
More suspicion and doubt
Staying away from people
Table: Emotional Turmoil in Aging Narcissist Men
Factor | Impact on Mental Health |
|---|---|
Shame | Causes anger and worry |
Loneliness | Makes feelings less steady |
Paranoia | Brings more doubt and worry |
Withdrawal | Makes him feel more alone and sad |
Narcissism may get a little softer with age, but not much. He still has lots of strong feelings and problems. People close to him still have a hard time.
Behavior Changes
Manipulation
Manipulation gets easier to see as men get older. The aging narcissist man cannot hide what he wants as well. He tries new ways to keep control over people near him. He uses health problems to get sympathy or make demands. Money choices get harder, and he uses threats about inheritance or retirement to control family.
Manipulation Tactic | Description |
|---|---|
Transparent Manipulation | It is easier to notice when he manipulates others. |
Health Weaponization | He uses health issues to control family and caregivers. |
Financial Sophistication | He threatens with inheritance or takes money more often. |
Compensatory Behaviors | Being alone leads to new actions, often online. |
Legacy Obsession | He cares more about how people will remember him. |
Emotional Blackmail
He uses emotional blackmail to get his way. He may say he will not give love or help. He makes promises about wills or inheritance to get what he wants. Family feels they must do what he asks or lose his favor.
Inheritance leveraging: He uses money promises or threats to control others.
Dependency creation: He sets up money so his spouse cannot leave easily.
Spending sabotage: He makes money choices that hurt the family but seem okay.
Retirement manipulation: He uses retirement plans to keep control at home.
Control Tactics
His control tactics change as he gets older. He uses anger and bullying instead of charm when he has less support. He wants others to meet his needs. He writes down what happens to keep his side of the story. These things help him feel in charge even when he is losing power.
Control Tactic | Impact on Family and Friends |
|---|---|
Anger and Bullying | He pushes others to do what he wants. |
Charm or Aggression | He tricks or pressures people to get his way. |
Narrative Control | He keeps notes to back up his story. |
Selective Engagement
He picks when and how to talk to people. He may talk to old friends but does not admit past mistakes. He looks for attention online and uses social media to look good. He ignores people who do not praise him.
He gets more sensitive. Small comments upset him a lot.
He blames family for health or lifestyle problems.
He acts like a victim and wants others to make it up to him.
Withdrawal
Withdrawal happens more as he gets older. Feeling hurt makes him pull away from others. He may get very angry or try to get back at people if he feels attacked.
Withdrawal Behavior | Description |
|---|---|
Emotional Reactions | Strong feelings make him pull away or want revenge. |
Interpersonal Dysfunction | His controlling actions hurt his relationships. |
Narcissistic Rage | He gets angrier when he feels his image is hurt. |
Game Playing Tactics | He manipulates more in romantic relationships. |
Stalking and Violence | Sometimes he may stalk or act violent. |
Devaluation | He puts down family, which makes them feel bad. |
Social Retreat
He spends more time by himself. Being alone gets worse as his actions push people away. He may talk to people from his past but does not say sorry. He feels more lonely as he loses friends.
Avoiding Vulnerability
He does not want to look weak. He gets more defensive and denies aging or health problems. He depends on family but will not admit he needs help. This makes family life tense.
Escapism
He uses hobbies or the internet to avoid real life. He ignores health and money problems. These things help him run away from worry and feeling lost.
Narcissistic collapse brings strong feelings. He pulls away and may act mean. The aging narcissist man feels worried about getting weaker and being alone. He tries to stay in control but often pushes people away.
Relationships
Family Impact
Conflict
Families with an aging narcissist man often have lots of fights. He wants everyone to pay attention to him and show respect. This causes arguments about small things at home. Brothers and sisters try hard to get his approval, which makes things tense. The house does not feel calm or safe. Family therapists say certain roles show up in these families:
The golden child gets praise and helps the narcissistic parent.
The scapegoat is blamed for problems and gets criticized.
The forgotten child stays quiet and tries not to be noticed.
These roles make family members compete and stop them from being close. It is hard for them to trust each other. The home does not feel safe or supportive.
Disappointment
Family members feel more let down as time goes on. They hope he will be kind or caring, but he rarely is. He might ignore when someone does well or not care about their feelings. Kids and partners feel sad and disappointed. After a while, this turns into anger. People in the family may stop talking about their feelings. They start to feel far apart from each other.
Communication Breakdown
Talking to each other gets harder in these families. The narcissistic parent interrupts or changes the subject to talk about himself. Family members stop bringing up important topics. People do not understand each other. The golden child might stick up for the parent, while others pull away. Big problems do not get solved. The family cannot talk openly anymore.
Partner and Children
Emotional Exhaustion
Partners and kids feel very tired inside. They try to make the aging narcissist man happy but get little back. He always wants attention, which wears them out. They may feel worried or sad. Over time, this makes them less healthy and happy.
Codependency
Family members start to change how they act to avoid fights. They might forget about their own needs to keep things calm. The golden child helps the narcissistic parent, while others just go along. This makes it hard for anyone to change things. People lose confidence and do not feel strong on their own.
Intergenerational Patterns
Narcissistic traits can be passed down in families. Boys who do not get love from their dads may act the same way. These habits hurt how people get along and how they feel about themselves. Studies show that changes in narcissism as adults affect their personality later. Being stubborn and too sensitive can cause problems with feelings and success.
Study | Findings |
|---|---|
Lavner et al. (2016) | Wives with more narcissism had worse marriages and more problems. |
Buss and Shackelford (1997) | Narcissism made cheating more likely in the first year of marriage. |
Campbell & Foster (2002) | Narcissism made people less committed to their relationships. |
A father who does not care for his kids can hurt their growth. These kids may have trouble with friends and feelings. The same problems keep happening unless someone decides to stop them.
People in families with an aging narcissist man often feel alone and not cared for. They deal with fights, feeling let down, and not talking well. Partners and kids get tired and depend on each other too much. These problems keep going from one generation to the next.
Isolation
Social Loss
Friendship Decline
Aging narcissist men often lose friends as they get older. Friends may get tired of always giving them attention. As these men age, they lose the charm or power they once had. Old friends might stop calling or coming over. Making new friends becomes very hard. Losing these social ties can make them feel lonely and unwanted.
Alienation
Alienation gets worse when people start to leave. The aging narcissist man may see others avoid him at parties. He may feel left out of talks or group games. Wanting to control things or be the center can push people away. After a while, he may think no one gets him. This makes him feel even more different and alone.
Self-Imposed Isolation
Sometimes, he chooses to be by himself. He may stop calling friends or family. He might skip events where he feels less special. Staying home feels safer than being rejected. This habit of being alone can grow stronger. It makes fixing lost friendships even harder.
Note: Social loss in aging narcissist men often leads to a cycle of loneliness and withdrawal. The less they connect, the more isolated they feel.
Table: Research on Social Loss and Isolation in Aging Narcissist Men
Study | Findings | Link |
|---|---|---|
Battegay and Mullejans (1992) | Decreased narcissism correlates with lower self-confidence and increased feelings of isolation in elderly men. | |
Kalliopuska (2008) | Low levels of narcissism are linked to high levels of shyness, leading to feelings of isolation. | Source |
Routasalo et al. (2006) | Depression, more prevalent in those with lower narcissism, is causally related to loneliness. | Source |
Loneliness Cycle
Online Validation
Many aging narcissist men use the internet to get attention. Social media gives quick likes and comments. These online rewards feel good at first. But after a while, they do not fill the need for real friends. The search for online praise never really ends.
Demanding Contacts
He may call or message people more, asking for attention. These requests can tire out friends and family. Some people may stop answering him. This makes him feel even more ignored or pushed away.
Reinforcing Behaviors
The loneliness cycle keeps going. He acts in ways that make people leave, then feels more alone. Experts say covert narcissists pull in care but give little back. This pattern drains both sides and leaves everyone feeling empty.
Covert narcissists pull in care but do not give much back.
This causes people to feel tired and lonely in the relationship.
Aging narcissist men may feel even more lonely because of this.
The cycle of isolation and loneliness can become hard to break. Each step makes it more difficult for the aging narcissist man to reconnect with others.
Coping Strategies
Denial
Aging narcissist men often use denial to deal with getting older. Denial helps them not think about hard truths. They do not want to face changes in their bodies or what they can do.
Refusing Aging
He may not want to admit he is getting older. He ignores wrinkles and gray hair. He acts like he is still young. He pretends nothing is different. This helps him keep his self-image safe.
Downplaying Health
He often says health problems are not a big deal. He may say his pain is nothing. He skips doctor visits or does not listen to advice. Family sees him hide his symptoms or act healthy.
Rationalizing Loss
He makes excuses for things he loses. He blames others or outside things for changes. He says work problems are not his fault. He says friends left for no reason. This helps him not feel weak.
Many aging narcissist men use denial and defiance to keep their lifestyle. They may want praise from younger people. They may twist the truth or make family feel guilty to get help.
Escapism
Escapism is another way he deals with problems. It lets him avoid bad feelings and real life.
Substance Use
He may use alcohol or drugs to escape. Studies show grandiose narcissism links to using alcohol. Vulnerable narcissism also connects to addiction. Narcissistic personality disorder often comes with drug or alcohol problems.
Evidence Type | Description |
|---|---|
Substance Use | Grandiose narcissism is linked to using alcohol in some groups. |
Addictive Behaviors | Vulnerable narcissism is tied to using drugs and other addictions. |
Comorbidity | Narcissistic personality disorder often happens with drug and alcohol problems. |
Social Media Addiction | Grandiose narcissism is linked to using social media too much. |
Obsessive Hobbies
He may get very into hobbies. These help him not think about getting older. He spends lots of time on sports, collecting, or games. These hobbies make him feel in control and proud.
Fantasy
Fantasy helps him feel better for a short time. He imagines he is still successful or admired. Research says fantasy can help him feel good for a bit. If he uses fantasy to avoid real problems, he may feel shame later. If fantasy helps him act, it can be good.
The narcissist feels his life is a long, confusing, and scary nightmare. This inner fight brings worry and makes him feel far from himself. It can cause big problems for his mind over time.
Common Coping Strategies in Aging Narcissist Men:
Defiance through risky behaviors
Manipulation of family and professionals
Escapism with substances, hobbies, or fantasy
Interventions that help reduce fear of mortality and loss of control:
Therapeutic Approach | Description |
|---|---|
Cognitive-behavioral therapy | Helps change negative thoughts. |
Schema therapy | Helps change deep beliefs. |
Mindfulness-based interventions | Teaches being aware and accepting the present. |
These ways may help aging narcissist men cope, but they often cause more trouble. Therapy and support can help them face the truth and feel better.
Conclusion
The aging narcissist man is scared of dying and losing control. These things make him feel less important and less powerful. He tries to get more attention or control people. Sometimes, he just pulls away from others. These fears hurt his friendships and make him feel more alone. Research shows:
Narcissism can help people stay healthier and live longer by having friends.
People with more narcissism may worry less about dying and feel happier.
People with strong narcissistic traits do not feel as bad about dying.
His fears change what he does and affect everyone near him.
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Frequently Asked Questions
What causes the aging narcissist man to fear mortality?
He is scared of dying because it makes him feel less important. Getting older shows him he cannot control everything. Losing control makes him feel less special and worried about being forgotten.
How does aging affect his relationships?
Getting older brings more fights and distance with others. He might ask for more or stop talking to people. Family and friends can feel tired or hurt by what he does.
Why does he seek more attention as he ages?
He wants more attention because he misses feeling powerful. Praise helps him feel good about himself. Without it, he feels unsure and alone.
What are common behaviors seen in older narcissist men?
Older narcissist men often brag about things they did before. They blame others when things go wrong. They stay away from places where they might look weak. Some use tricks or stop seeing friends.
How does loss of control impact his mental health?
Losing control can make him angry, sad, and lonely. He may feel ashamed or nervous. These feelings make it harder for others to be around him.
Why do friends and family often pull away?
Friends and family leave because he wants too much attention and control. His actions can hurt others. This makes it hard for people to stay close.
What coping strategies does he use to avoid aging?
He may say he is not getting older or try to look young. He spends time on hobbies or dreams to escape. Some use alcohol or drugs or look for attention online to avoid the truth.