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How To Talk To A Narcissist Sister

How to talk to a narcissist sister: set boundaries, stay calm, and use clear communication to protect your peace and handle difficult family dynamics.

Last updated on November 10th, 2025 at 09:05 am

How To Talk To A Narcissist Sister can feel very hard. It is like you are always careful with what you say. You try to share your feelings, but it turns into a fight for control. Many people have this problem too.

  • 3.2% of people say they have a narcissistic sibling.

  • These relationships can cause gaslighting and emotional abuse. This makes talking in the family very hard.

You want to keep your peace and be yourself. With the right way, you can set limits and talk better, even when it feels very hard.

Key Takeaways

  • Notice common traits of a narcissist sister, like acting better than others and not caring about feelings. This helps you understand why she acts this way.

  • Stay calm when you talk to her. Try not to show strong feelings. This stops her from using your feelings against you.

  • Use simple and clear words when you set rules. Say exactly what you will allow and what you will not allow.

  • Do not argue or fight with her. Keep your answers plain and calm. This helps stop things from getting worse.

  • Make rules and stick to them to keep yourself safe. Be steady so she learns to respect your limits.

  • Watch out for tricks like making you feel guilty or attacking you. Focus on how you feel and what you need.

  • Get ready for family times by thinking ahead. Plan what you will do if your sister starts trouble.

  • Spend less time with her if she keeps hurting you. Take care of your mind and feelings first.

Recognizing Narcissist Sister Traits

When you try to figure out your narcissist sister, you see patterns that make family life hard. Her words and actions affect everyone in the house. Here are some common things you might notice.

Common Narcissist Behaviors

Grandiosity

Your sister might act like she is better than others. She wants people to praise her and treat her special. She talks about what she does but ignores what you do. You may feel like she always wants all the attention.

Lack of Empathy

You see she does not care about your feelings. If you tell her something sad, she may ignore it or talk about something else. She does not show much kindness or comfort. You might feel alone when you need help.

Manipulation

She sometimes changes the truth or makes you feel guilty to get what she wants. She may try to turn people against each other. After talking to her, you might feel mixed up and not sure what is real.

Table: Most Commonly Reported Traits of a Narcissist Sister

Trait Type

Traits Described

Grandiose Traits

Needs admiration, shows arrogance, feels entitled, envies others, exploits, fantasizes, lacks empathy

Vulnerable Traits

Sensitive, insecure, unstable emotions, emptiness, rage, plays victim

Emotional Response

You feel like you are ‘walking on eggshells’ due to her volatile reactions

Difficulty Connecting

She struggles to connect emotionally, seems cold or distant

Explosive Rage

She may have sudden angry outbursts that frighten you

Family Dynamics

Your sister’s traits do not just hurt you. They change how your whole family acts. You might see these things happen again and again.

Learned Behaviors

She may copy things she saw as a kid. If your parents gave her attention for acting out, she learned to keep doing it. You may notice she still acts this way now.

Sibling Rivalry

You might feel jealous or upset. She could get more praise or help from your parents. This can make you feel less important and hurt your relationship.

Parental Influence

Sometimes parents ignore her bad actions or blame you for problems. You may feel you have to take care of yourself or fix things alone.

Table: Narcissistic Traits and Family Impact

Behavior

Impact on Siblings

Favoritism

Creates jealousy and resentment

Manipulation

Breaks trust and emotional bonds

Lack of support

Forces you to fend for yourself

“In my family, feelings were tricky. If I showed I was sad or upset, my sibling would make fun of me, and my parents would say I was ‘overreacting.’ I learned to keep my feelings inside.”

Dr. Craig Malkin says, “Narcissists do well when favoritism gives them the attention they want. This often causes siblings to feel left out and upset.”

Overt vs. Covert Narcissism: Common Misconceptions

Many people think narcissists are always loud and easy to spot. Some sisters hide their traits. She might act nice in front of others but be mean to you when no one is looking. New studies show covert narcissists use guilt and pretend to be the victim. You might feel mixed up because her actions and words do not match.

Tip: Look for both loud and quiet signs. Trust your gut if something feels wrong.

How To Talk To A Narcissist Sister: Communication Basics

When you want to know how to talk to a narcissist sister, you need a plan. You cannot change her, but you can control how you respond. The right approach helps you protect your peace and avoid more stress. Here are the basics you need to know.

Stay Calm and Detached

Emotional Control

You may feel angry or hurt when your sister tries to push your buttons. Staying calm is your best tool. If you react with strong emotions, she may use that against you. Take a deep breath. Remind yourself that you do not have to match her mood. Keeping your cool helps you avoid saying things you regret.

  • Staying calm stops fights from getting worse.

  • Calm words help you think clearly and make better choices.

  • When you do not react, you protect your mental health.

Tip: If you feel upset, pause the talk. Say, “I need a moment,” and step away.

Mindful Listening

Listen to your sister, but do not let her words control your feelings. Nod or say “I hear you,” but do not agree with things that are not true. Mindful listening means you pay attention, but you do not get pulled into drama. This helps you keep your power in the conversation.

Avoiding Escalation

Arguing with a narcissist often leads nowhere. If you try to prove your point, she may twist your words or blame you. Instead, keep your answers short and neutral. Do not give her the reaction she wants. This keeps the talk from turning into a fight.

  • Calm and neutral replies lower the chance of a big argument.

  • Taking a step back helps you see the situation clearly.

Use Clear Language

Directness

When you talk to your narcissist sister, use simple and direct words. Do not hint or hope she will guess what you mean. Say what you need in a clear way. For example, “I do not like when you speak to me that way.” This sets a boundary and shows you mean what you say.

Avoiding Ambiguity

If you use vague words, your sister may twist them. Be clear about what you want or do not want. Do not leave room for her to change your meaning. This helps you stay in control of the talk.

Sticking to Facts

Stick to what happened, not how you feel about it. For example, say, “You said this yesterday,” instead of, “You made me feel bad.” Facts are harder to argue with. This keeps the talk focused and less emotional.

Note: Using clear and direct language helps set boundaries. It makes sure your side is heard and lowers the chance of a fight.

Why Arguing or Confronting Does Not Work

Trying to win an argument with a narcissist sister is often a waste of time. She may not see your side or admit she is wrong. If you confront her, she may get defensive or angry. This can make things worse for you.

  • Avoid direct confrontation. Use compliments or neutral words to keep the peace.

  • Do not accept harmful behavior. If she crosses a line, say so and walk away.

  • Remind her that she has choices in how she acts.

Keep Communication Neutral

Narcissists often want an emotional reaction. If you stay neutral, you do not give her the “emotional supply” she seeks. This protects you from being pulled into her drama.

Benefit

Explanation

Emotional Distance

You protect yourself from manipulation and keep control over your reactions.

Limiting Personal Information

You lower the risk of her using your words against you.

Building a Support Network

You get relief and support from people who understand.

Prioritizing Self-Care

You become stronger and handle tough talks better.

Remember: You cannot change your sister, but you can change how you talk to her. The basics of how to talk to a narcissist sister are to stay calm, use clear words, and keep your emotions in check. This helps you keep your peace and protect your well-being.

Setting Boundaries

Setting Boundaries
Image Source: pexels

Setting boundaries with your narcissist sister is not just helpful—it is necessary. Boundaries protect your feelings, stop manipulation, and help you keep peace in your family. You may feel guilty or scared to set limits, but boundaries are about taking care of yourself, not changing her.

Why Boundaries Matter

Emotional Protection

You need boundaries to keep your emotions safe. Without them, your sister can drain your energy and make you doubt yourself. Boundaries give you space to breathe and think clearly.

Boundaries are not about being mean. They are about keeping yourself healthy and strong.

Preventing Manipulation

Narcissists often push past limits to get what they want. If you do not set clear rules, your sister may twist your words or use guilt to control you. Boundaries stop this cycle.

  • Boundaries help you avoid emotional traps.

  • They make it harder for your sister to use guilt or blame.

  • You stay in control of your choices.

Maintaining Peace

When you set boundaries, you lower stress and avoid fights. You know what you will accept and what you will not. This helps you feel calm, even if your sister tries to start drama.

  • Boundaries reduce family tension.

  • They help you keep your peace, even during hard talks.

  • You can enjoy family time without fear of conflict.

Table: Why Boundaries Matter with a Narcissist Sister

Benefit

How It Helps You

Emotional Protection

Keeps your feelings safe from harm

Preventing Manipulation

Stops guilt trips and mind games

Maintaining Peace

Reduces stress and family drama

Personal Autonomy

Lets you make your own choices

Self-Respect

Reminds you that your needs matter

Many people who grew up with narcissistic siblings never learned how to set boundaries. This makes it easy for your sister to cross the line. Setting boundaries now helps you break this pattern.

Enforcing Limits

Setting boundaries is only the first step. You must also enforce them. This means you need to be clear, consistent, and ready for pushback.

Clear Communication

Tell your sister what your boundaries are. Use simple words. Do not hint or hope she will guess. For example, say, “I need you to speak to me with respect,” or “I will not talk if you yell at me.”

  • Be direct and honest.

  • Do not apologize for your needs.

  • Repeat your boundary if needed.

Consistent Consequences

If your sister breaks a boundary, you must follow through. This shows you mean what you say. For example, if she yells, you leave the room. If she lies, you end the conversation.

  • Always act the same way when a boundary is crossed.

  • Do not give in, even if she gets upset.

  • Consistency teaches her that your limits are real.

Table: Examples of Boundaries and Consequences

Boundary Set

Consequence if Broken

No yelling during talks

End the conversation

No personal insults

Leave the room

No sharing private information

Limit what you share in the future

Respect my time and space

Shorten or skip visits

Handling Pushback

Your sister may not like your new boundaries. She might get angry, blame you, or try to make you feel guilty. Stay calm and repeat your limit. Do not argue or explain too much.

  • Expect pushback and plan your response.

  • Stand firm and do not change your mind.

  • Get support from friends or family if you need it.

Tip: Practice self-care after hard talks. Take a walk, call a friend, or do something you enjoy.

Table: Common Pushback Tactics and How to Respond

Pushback Tactic

How to Respond

Guilt-tripping

“I need to do what is best for me.”

Anger or yelling

“I will talk when things are calm.”

Playing the victim

“My boundary is still important.”

Blaming you

“I am responsible for my own choices.”

Checklist: Steps to Enforce Boundaries

  • Decide what you need to feel safe.

  • Tell your sister your boundary in clear words.

  • Choose a consequence you can follow through on.

  • Stay calm if she pushes back.

  • Repeat your boundary as needed.

  • Take care of yourself after tough talks.

Remember, setting boundaries is a key part of How To Talk To A Narcissist Sister. You cannot control her actions, but you can protect your own well-being. Boundaries help you stay strong, keep your peace, and build a healthier life.

Avoiding Pitfalls

When you talk to a narcissist sister, you can fall into many traps. These traps make you feel powerless or confused. Knowing what to watch for helps you protect yourself and keep your peace.

Emotional Traps

Narcissist sisters often use emotional traps to keep control. You may not notice these tricks at first, but they can hurt your self-esteem and make you doubt yourself.

Personal Attacks

She may insult you or blame you for things that are not your fault. These attacks can make you feel small or worthless. If you react, she may use your words against you. Stay calm and do not take her words to heart.

Guilt-Tripping

Your sister might say things to make you feel guilty for setting boundaries or saying no. She may remind you of past favors or claim you are selfish. Remember, you have the right to protect your feelings.

Playing Victim

Sometimes, she acts like you are the one hurting her. She may cry, complain, or tell others you are mean. This can make you question your actions. Trust your reasons for setting limits.

Here is a table of common emotional traps you might face:

Emotional Trap

Description

Low Self-Esteem

You feel not good enough or doubt your worth.

Anxiety

You feel nervous, especially at family events.

Trauma Bonding

You feel attached to her, even when she hurts you.

Trust Issues

You find it hard to trust others or speak up for yourself.

Manipulative Behaviors

She uses tricks like gaslighting or turning others against you.

Tip: If you notice these traps, pause and remind yourself of your value. You do not have to accept blame or guilt that is not yours.

Common Mistakes

Many people make the same mistakes when dealing with a narcissist sister. These mistakes can make things worse or keep you stuck in a cycle of conflict.

Trying to Change Her

You may hope that kindness or reason will help her see your side. Narcissists rarely change because of others’ feelings. If you try to fix her, you may end up feeling frustrated or hurt.

Power Struggles

Arguing or trying to “win” only gives her more control. She may twist your words or start a fight. Instead, keep your answers short and stick to your boundaries.

Over-Sharing Feelings

If you share too much, she may use your words against you later. Keep your feelings private and only share what is safe.

Here are some common mistakes to avoid:

  • Believing that kindness will lead to understanding.

  • Defending yourself, which can lead to confusion and guilt.

  • Having unrealistic expectations about her ability to change.

  • Mistaking forced kindness for real empathy.

  • Feeling sorry for her after you set a boundary.

Below is a table of common pitfalls experts warn about:

Pitfall

Description

Manipulation Tactics

She may use stonewalling, projection, or turn others against you.

Lack of Empathy

She does not care about your feelings, which can leave you feeling alone.

Boundary Issues

She ignores your limits, making it hard to feel safe.

Idealization and Devaluation

She may praise you one day and put you down the next.

Projection of Faults

She blames you for things she does herself.

Note: You cannot control your sister’s actions, but you can control your response. Avoid these pitfalls to keep your peace and protect your well-being.

Sample Scripts for Difficult Talks

When you talk to your narcissist sister, you need clear, calm language. You want to set boundaries and respond to manipulation without starting a fight. Here are sample scripts you can use in tough moments. These phrases help you keep control and protect your peace.

Setting Boundaries

You may feel nervous when you set limits. Simple, direct statements work best. You do not need to explain or defend yourself. Use these phrases when you want to draw a line:

“I’m not comfortable with that.”

You can say this when your sister asks you to do something you do not want. This phrase shows your feelings without blaming her.

“Let’s talk when we’re calm.”

If your sister starts yelling or gets upset, use this script. It helps you pause the conversation and wait for a better time.

“I need a break from this.”

When you feel overwhelmed, this phrase gives you space. You can step away and protect your emotions.

Table: Effective Boundary-Setting Scripts

Script

When to Use

“I’m not comfortable with that.”

When you want to say no to a request

“Let’s talk when we’re calm.”

When emotions run high

“I need a break from this.”

When you need space

“Thanks, but no.”

When you want to decline politely

“The decision has already been made.”

When you want to end a debate

“If you continue to use that kind of language, I will hang up.”

When you need to stop disrespect

Tip: You do not have to justify your boundaries. Short, firm statements work best.

Responding to Manipulation

Narcissist sisters often twist words or try to make you doubt yourself. You can use scripts that keep the focus on facts and avoid arguments. These phrases help you stay calm and avoid getting pulled into drama.

“That’s not how I remember it.”

Use this when your sister tries to rewrite history or blame you. You do not need to argue. Just state your memory and move on.

“I’m not going to argue.”

This script stops a fight before it starts. You show you will not engage in endless debates.

“Let’s focus on solutions.”

If your sister tries to distract or blame, use this phrase. It brings the talk back to what matters.

Table: Phrases to De-Escalate Manipulation

Phrase

Purpose

“I Can’t Control How You Feel About Me”

Reminds her that her feelings are her own

“I Hear What You’re Saying”

Shows you listen without agreeing

“I’m Sorry You Feel That Way”

Empathizes but does not take blame

“We Both Have a Right to Our Own Opinions”

Sets mutual respect for differences

“I Am Not Going to Argue Anymore”

Ends unproductive conflict

“Your Perspective Is Interesting.”

Neutralizes the conversation

“Can We Aim to Be Respectful in Our Conversation?”

Encourages respectful dialogue

Note: You do not have to win every argument. You can choose peace over conflict.

Quick List: Psychologist-Recommended Patterns

  • “Thanks, but no.”

  • “That’s a great idea! I’ll consider that.”

  • “You’ll need to make other arrangements for that. I’m unavailable.”

  • “[nodding] hmmm. Interesting.”

You can use these scripts to keep talks short and safe. You protect your feelings and show respect for yourself. If you use these phrases often, your sister may learn to respect your boundaries.

Emoji Tip: 😊 Use a calm tone and gentle body language. This helps keep the conversation peaceful.

Research and Expert Insights

Psychologist Advice

Dr. Ramani’s Tips

Talking to a narcissist sister is tough. Dr. Ramani, who knows a lot about narcissism, gives advice that helps you stay safe. Here are her main tips:

  • Radical Acceptance: Know your sister will not change. You cannot make her see things your way.

  • Realistic Expectations: Do not think she will care about your feelings or say sorry. Trying to confront her does not help.

  • Maintain Boundaries: Stay away when you need to. Do not share deep feelings or secrets with her.

“You cannot change a narcissist, but you can change how you respond. Boundaries are your best tool.” — Dr. Ramani

Table: Dr. Ramani’s Key Strategies

Strategy

How It Helps You

Radical Acceptance

Saves your energy

Realistic Expectations

Stops you from feeling let down

Boundaries

Keeps your feelings and time safe

Mayo Clinic Findings

The Mayo Clinic also gives advice for families with narcissist siblings. Their research says that arguing only causes more problems. They suggest you should:

  • Speak in a calm and neutral way.

  • Make clear and strong boundaries.

  • Take care of yourself first.

Table: Mayo Clinic Recommendations

Recommendation

Benefit

Neutral Language

Stops fights from getting worse

Clear Boundaries

Makes it harder for her to control you

Self-Care

Helps your mind stay healthy

Family Impact Studies

Sibling Effects

New studies from 2000 to 2025 show that having a narcissist sister can hurt your self-esteem and trust. You might feel nervous at family gatherings or question your own memories. Researchers found siblings of narcissists often have:

  • More stress

  • Trouble trusting people

  • Hard time sharing feelings

Table: Sibling Impact of Narcissist Sister

Effect

Description

Stress

Worry about being with family

Trust Issues

Afraid of being tricked or lied to

Emotional Withdrawal

Do not want to talk about feelings

Emotional Outcomes

Experts say boundaries are not just good—they are needed. Studies show siblings who set and keep boundaries feel:

  • Less tired from emotions

  • More sure of themselves with family

  • Better mental health over time

Note: A study in the Journal of Family Psychology (2022) found that siblings who use boundaries feel less anxious and more peaceful at home.

Table: Emotional Outcomes of Setting Boundaries

Outcome

How Boundaries Help

Reduced Anxiety

Keeps you away from bad behavior

Improved Self-Esteem

Reminds you that you matter

Greater Peace

Makes your home feel safer

Key Takeaway:
You cannot change your narcissist sister, but you can change what you do. Experts agree—boundaries, realistic expectations, and self-care help you have a better family life.

Family Events with a Narcissist Sister

Family Events with a Narcissist Sister
Image Source: pexels

Family get-togethers can be tough when your narcissist sister is there. You want to have fun, but you worry she might start drama. Getting ready ahead of time helps you stay calm and keep things happy.

Preparation

Setting Expectations

You should decide what you will allow before the event. Think about what behavior is okay and what is not. Talk to family members you trust about your boundaries. Tell them you want everyone to be calm and respectful.

Table: Setting Expectations for Family Events

Step

What You Can Do

Define boundaries

Decide what is off-limits

Inform trusted relatives

Share your needs with supportive members

Focus on positives

Plan to highlight good moments

Prepare for pushback

Expect resistance and stay firm

Planning Responses

You can get ready for what to say if your sister acts out. Think of short phrases you can use. Practice staying calm and not showing strong feelings. Use looks or signals with family if you need help.

  • Have quick, clear answers for hard times.

  • Use your body language to show you are upset.

  • Ask family for help if things get tense.

Exit Strategies

Sometimes you need to leave for a bit. Make a plan for how you will step away if things get too heated. Decide when you will go if you feel bad. Tell someone your plan so you feel safe.

Tip: You can say, “I need some air,” or “I’m stepping out for a bit.” This helps you avoid escalation.

Group Dynamics

Avoiding Confrontation

You want to keep things peaceful. Try not to argue with your sister. Stay calm and do not react if she tries to upset you. Spend time talking to other people about good things.

Table: Ways to Avoid Confrontation

Method

How It Helps You

Stay neutral

Reduces tension

Change the subject

Moves focus away from conflict

Limit one-on-one time

Prevents personal attacks

Enlisting Allies

Family members who support you can really help. Spend time with people who understand what you go through. Use eye contact or hand signals if you need help. Your allies can help change the topic or step in if your sister causes trouble.

  • Build a support team before the event.

  • Tell trusted family what you need.

  • Use looks or gestures to ask for help.

Redirecting Topics

Your sister might try to start problems or blame you. You can change the subject to something safe. Talk about fun memories or things everyone likes. This keeps the mood happy and stops fights.

Table: Redirecting Topics During Family Events

Topic Type

Example Conversation Starter

Shared memories

“Remember our trip to the lake?”

Family milestones

“Who’s excited for graduation?”

Neutral interests

“Has anyone seen that new movie?”

Note: Having a narcissist sibling at family events can make things tense. You might see other siblings trying to get attention too. Remember your boundaries and use your support team to keep things good.

Quick Checklist for Family Events with a Narcissist Sister:

  • Set clear boundaries before the event.

  • Tell supportive family what you need.

  • Get ready with calm answers for tough times.

  • Have a plan to leave if you need to.

  • Focus on happy talks with others.

  • Use your allies to help stop drama.

😊 Remember, you cannot control your sister, but you can control yourself. Being ready and having support makes family events less stressful.

Limiting Contact

Sometimes, you need to limit contact with your narcissist sister to protect yourself. This can feel tough, but it helps you get your peace back. Knowing when and how to step away makes life better.

When to Distance

Repeated Violations

If your sister keeps breaking your boundaries, you may need space. She might ignore your needs, lie, or ask for favors often. These actions show she does not respect your limits.

Emotional Harm

You may feel anxious, sad, or tired after talking to her. If you always feel ignored or unimportant, your mental health can get worse. Limiting contact helps you avoid feeling hurt.

No Positive Change

If you set boundaries and nothing gets better, distance may be best. When your sister does not care about your life or keeps using you, stepping away protects you.

Table: Signs It’s Time to Limit Contact

Situation

Her Response

Your Experience

You need emotional support

She changes the topic

You feel ignored

She needs a ride

She contacts you right away

You feel used

You share good news

She downplays your success

You feel unimportant

Common Signs:

  • She does not give back in the relationship

  • She ignores your needs

  • She only talks when she wants something

  • She does not care about your life

  • She uses you for favors

  • She lies often

  • She does not respect your boundaries

Tip: Limiting time with toxic behavior helps you feel safer and more in control.

How to Limit Contact

Gradual Distancing

You do not have to stop talking all at once. Start by talking or seeing her less. Use the grey rock technique—answer in a plain, boring way. Take your own ride to family events or meet in public places. Try to focus on good moments, even if you only talk once a month.

Communicating Decisions

When you choose to limit contact, use calm and clear words. Set boundaries by saying what you will accept and what you will not. Use “I” statements, like “I need space to feel healthy.” Stay firm and do not blame her. If she argues, keep your answers short and neutral.

Effective Strategies:

Coping with Guilt

You may feel guilty for stepping back, but your well-being matters most. It is normal to want peace. Remind yourself you are not responsible for her feelings. Talk to friends or a counselor if guilt feels heavy.

Note: Limiting contact is not selfish. It is a smart choice when you need to protect your mind and heart.

Conclusion

You can stay healthy by making strong boundaries and caring for yourself. Your sister’s choices show her own problems, not your value. Experts say you should do these things:

These steps help you stay strong and keep peace with your sister.

Transform your Inner Chaos into authentic personal growth!

Stay informed on the latest research advancements covering:

Co-Parenting With A Narcissist

Divorcing a Narcissist

Narcissistic Family

Covert Narcissist

Female Narcissist

Narcissist

Narcissism

Manipulation

Frequently Asked Questions

What should you do if your sister ignores your boundaries?

You stay firm. Remind her of your boundary. Follow through with your consequence. Limit contact if she keeps ignoring your limits. Protect your emotional health.

How do you handle family events with a narcissist sister?

You plan ahead. Set expectations with supportive relatives. Use exit strategies if needed. Redirect conversations to positive topics. Spend time with allies.

Tip: Prepare calm responses before the event. This helps you stay in control.

What are signs you should limit contact?

Sign

What You Experience

Repeated boundary violations

You feel unsafe

Emotional harm

You feel anxious

No positive change

You feel drained

How do you respond to manipulation?

You use short, factual statements. Do not argue. Say, “That’s not how I remember it,” or “I’m not going to argue.” Keep your answers neutral.

Is it normal to feel guilty for distancing yourself?

You may feel guilty, but your well-being matters most. Guilt is common. Remind yourself you deserve peace. Talk to a counselor if guilt feels heavy.

What if your parents support your narcissist sister?

You focus on your own boundaries. Seek support from friends or other family members. You cannot control your parents’ choices. Protect your mental health first.