Things covert narcissists say can make you feel lost. You may start to doubt yourself. Have you ever thought about why some comments upset you? Some words can make you feel nervous or mixed up.
These quiet phrases, like “You’re imagining things” or “You made me do this,” can tire you out. They can also make you question yourself. You might start to wonder if what you feel is real.
Description | |
|---|---|
Confusion and Anxiety | You may feel mixed up and worried. You might question what you do. |
Guilt and Emotional Exhaustion | You might feel bad and very tired inside. |
Self-Doubt | You can start to not trust your own choices or value. |
Key Takeaways
Covert narcissists say things like ‘You’re too sensitive.’ They want you to doubt your feelings. Learn to spot this trick. This helps you protect your self-esteem.
Gaslighting phrases like ‘I never said that’ can confuse you. They make you question your memory. Trust what you remember.
Invalidation phrases like ‘You’re being dramatic’ can make your feelings seem small. Speak up about your emotions. This helps you keep your self-worth.
Blame-shifting statements like ‘It’s your fault I feel this way’ can make you feel guilty. Remember, you are not in charge of how others feel.
Guilt-tripping phrases like ‘After all I’ve done for you’ try to control your feelings. Set boundaries so you do not feel forced to do things.
Subtle control tactics like ‘I know what’s best for you’ can hurt your confidence. Trust yourself and your choices.
Passive-aggressive comments like ‘Fine, do whatever you want’ can make things unclear. Notice these signs to keep your relationships clear.
Things Covert Narcissists Say
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is one of the worst Things Covert Narcissists Say. This trick makes you doubt what is real. It can make you question your memory and even your mind. Covert narcissists use quiet words and actions to control you.
You might start to not trust your own thoughts. You can feel alone. If you learn these phrases, you can protect yourself.
“You’re too sensitive.”
When someone says this, they want you to feel bad for having feelings. You may start to think your feelings are wrong. This phrase can hurt your confidence. It makes you wonder if your reactions are okay. After a while, you might stop saying what you need.
“I never said that.”
This phrase makes you doubt your memory. You remember what was said, but the narcissist says it did not happen. You start to think you made it up. This trick makes you not trust yourself. It can leave you feeling mixed up and worried.
“You’re imagining things.”
If you hear this, the covert narcissist wants you to doubt what you see or feel. You may think your worries are not real. This phrase can make you feel alone. You might even wonder if your mind is okay.
“That never happened.”
Denying things is a common gaslighting move. You know what happened, but the narcissist says it did not. This can make you feel lost. You may not trust your own memories. Over time, you might believe the narcissist’s story instead.
“You’re overreacting.”
This phrase makes your feelings seem too big. The narcissist wants you to think your emotions are wrong. You may start to hide how you feel. You might feel embarrassed for speaking up. This can cause worry and make you doubt yourself.
Note: Gaslighting can cause worry, sadness, and trauma. You may stop trusting yourself. You can feel alone from others.
Table 1: Psychological Impacts of Gaslighting
Gaslighting Phrase | Manipulative Intent | Psychological Impact |
|---|---|---|
“You’re too sensitive.” | Shames you for emotions | Low self-esteem, self-doubt |
“I never said that.” | Makes you question your memory | Confusion, anxiety |
“You’re imagining things.” | Dismisses your perception | Isolation, distrust in self |
“That never happened.” | Denies your reality | Trauma, loss of confidence |
“You’re overreacting.” | Minimizes your feelings | Shame, emotional withdrawal |
Invalidation
Invalidation is another trick in the list of Things Covert Narcissists Say. Studies show covert narcissists use emotional and mental abuse, like invalidation, to control people. You may feel like your feelings do not matter. You might think you are always wrong.
“You’re being dramatic.”
This phrase says your feelings are too much. You may feel embarrassed for sharing how you feel. After a while, you might stop talking about your feelings.
“You take everything the wrong way.”
The narcissist blames you for not understanding. You may start to think you are the problem. This can hurt your self-worth. You might feel alone.
“You can’t take a joke.”
If you say you are hurt, the narcissist says they were joking. This makes you doubt your feelings. You may feel bad for being upset. You might start to think you have no sense of humor. You may not feel safe around them.
“You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
This phrase makes your worries seem silly. You may feel ashamed for bringing up problems. Over time, you might stop saying what you need.
“Other people don’t have this problem with me.”
The narcissist says you are the only one who has trouble with them. You may feel alone. You might think you are at fault. This can make you confused and doubt yourself.
Invalidation can cause confusion, shame, and long-term mental health problems like PTSD and sadness. You may not trust your feelings. It can be hard to have healthy relationships.
Blame-Shifting
Blame-shifting is a strong tool in the group of Things Covert Narcissists Say. Covert narcissists do not take blame. They put their faults on you. They use tricks to protect themselves and control the story.
“It’s your fault I feel this way.”
The narcissist blames you for how they feel. You may feel like you must make them happy. This can make you feel guilty and worried.
“If you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have to…”
This phrase says their actions are your fault. You may start to think you cause their bad choices. This can hurt your self-worth. You might feel powerless.
“You always make things difficult.”
The narcissist says you are the problem. You may feel like you cannot do anything right. This can make you feel upset and hopeless.
“Why do you always have to start drama?”
This phrase says you cause fights. You may feel bad for bringing up problems. Over time, you might stop talking about issues to keep peace.
“No one else has a problem with me.”
The narcissist says everyone else is fine with them. You may feel alone. You might think you are the problem. This can hurt your confidence. You may start to doubt what is real.
Blame-shifting helps covert narcissists avoid blame. You may feel mixed up, guilty, and think things are your fault when they are not.
Guilt-Tripping
Guilt-tripping is one of the most common Things Covert Narcissists Say to control you. This tactic makes you feel responsible for their feelings or problems. You may notice these phrases when someone wants you to feel bad for not meeting their needs.
“I guess I’m just a terrible person.”
When you hear this, the covert narcissist tries to make you feel sorry for them. They want you to comfort them and ignore your own feelings. This phrase shifts the focus from their actions to your reaction.
“After all I’ve done for you…”
This phrase is a classic guilt trip. The narcissist reminds you of their past favors to make you feel selfish or ungrateful. You may feel pressured to give in, even when it hurts you.
“I can’t do anything right.”
You might hear this when you express a concern. The narcissist acts like a victim, hoping you will stop criticizing them. This tactic makes you doubt your needs and feel guilty for speaking up.
“You never appreciate me.”
This phrase blames you for not noticing their efforts. You may start to question if you are too demanding. Over time, you might feel anxious about asking for anything.
“I always have to be the bad guy.”
Here, the narcissist paints themselves as the victim. They want you to feel guilty for holding them accountable. This phrase can make you second-guess your boundaries.
Guilt-tripping is a form of emotional manipulation. It makes you feel responsible for someone else’s problems. Covert narcissists use guilt to control your actions and keep you focused on their needs. You may feel inadequate, anxious, or even ashamed.
Common signs of guilt-tripping include:
Playing the victim
Blaming you for their feelings
Shaming you for your choices
Reminding you of past favors
Making you feel selfish or ungrateful
Long-term guilt-tripping can lead to:
Resentment
Frustration
Low self-esteem
Toxic relationship patterns
Subtle Control
Covert narcissists often use subtle control to shape your behavior. These tactics may seem caring or helpful, but their real goal is to keep you dependent and unsure.
“I’m just trying to help you.”
This phrase sounds supportive, but it often hides a need for control. The narcissist may use advice to steer your choices or make you feel incapable.
“You should trust me.”
When you hear this, the narcissist wants you to doubt your own judgment. They want you to rely on them instead of trusting yourself.
“I know what’s best for you.”
This phrase takes away your power to decide for yourself. The narcissist acts like an expert, making you feel small or inexperienced.
“If you loved me, you would…”
Here, the narcissist ties your love to your actions. They use your feelings against you, pressuring you to do what they want.
“You owe me this.”
This phrase keeps score in the relationship. The narcissist reminds you of past help to make you feel obligated.
Strategy | Description |
|---|---|
Victim Portrayal | Presents themselves as the victim to gain sympathy and avoid blame. |
Inciting Rivalry | Involves others to create conflict and stay at the center of attention. |
Withholding Communication | Uses the silent treatment to make you feel desperate for approval. |
Sowing Doubt | Undermines your confidence with subtle criticism. |
Feigned Dependence | Pretends to need help to keep you close and responsible. |
Subtle control can make you question your choices and depend on the narcissist. You may feel isolated or unsure of your own decisions.
Passive-Aggressive
Passive-aggressive phrases are another set of Things Covert Narcissists Say. These comments sound harmless, but they hide anger or criticism. You may feel confused or hurt without knowing why.
“Fine, do whatever you want.”
This phrase sounds like agreement, but it really means the narcissist is upset. They want you to feel guilty for making your own choice.
“I hope you’re happy now.”
Here, the narcissist blames you for a problem without saying it directly. You may feel responsible for their mood.
“Must be nice to have it so easy.”
This comment puts you down in a subtle way. The narcissist wants you to feel guilty for your success or happiness.
“I was only joking.”
When you react to a hurtful comment, the narcissist says it was a joke. This makes you question your feelings and feel silly for being upset.
“Some people just can’t handle the truth.”
This phrase dismisses your feelings and makes you seem weak. The narcissist uses it to avoid responsibility for their words.
Characteristic | Description |
|---|---|
Triangulation | Undermines your self-esteem by involving others in conflicts. |
Silent Rage | Holds in anger, making you feel uneasy or anxious. |
Gaslighting | Makes you doubt your own thoughts and feelings. |
Condescending Advice | Offers help in a way that makes you feel small or foolish. |
Evidence Type | Description |
|---|---|
Passive aggression can cause stress, depression, and even self-harm. | |
Social Impact | It can damage relationships and make you feel isolated. |
Communication Breakdown | Leads to confusion and unresolved problems in relationships. |
Relationship Dynamics | Conceals hostility, causing emotional withdrawal and negative patterns. |
Passive-aggressive phrases can harm your mental health. You may feel anxious, stressed, or unsure of yourself. These tactics make it hard to trust your feelings and can damage your relationships over time.
Love Bombing
Love bombing is a strong way covert narcissists try to control you. You might feel very happy from all their attention and praise. At first, it seems perfect. They say things that make you feel special and understood. But sometimes, you may wonder if it is too much.
In clinical psychology, love bombing means giving too much attention and admiration. The goal is to make you feel like you need them. You might feel guilty or ungrateful if you pull away. Covert narcissists use this to fake closeness. This makes it easier for them to play with your feelings.
Excessive Praise
“You’re the only one who understands me.”
When you hear this, you may feel important. The covert narcissist wants you to think you are their soulmate. This phrase makes you feel close to them fast. It also makes you feel like you must keep them happy. You might forget about your own needs to keep their approval.
“I’ve never felt this way before.”
This phrase makes you feel like you fix all their problems. The narcissist uses it to move the relationship quickly. You may feel proud, but also feel pressure to be perfect. After a while, their praise may seem fake or forced.
Love bombing is not real connection. It is about control. The narcissist wants you to need their approval. When their attention goes away, you may question your worth.
Table: Psychological Effects of Excessive Praise in Narcissistic Abuse
Effect Type | Description |
|---|---|
Manipulation | You feel safe, but it is not real. The narcissist uses praise to control how you feel. |
Dependency | You need their approval, so it is hard to leave. |
Distorted Self-Perception | You may see yourself in a way that is not true. This can cause too much pride or self-doubt. |
Emotional Distress | You may feel sad, worried, or have mood swings when praise turns to criticism. |
Victims often get anxiety and depression.
You may have mood swings as the narcissist changes from loving to mean.
Feelings of shame and not being good enough can grow over time.
Over-the-Top Affection
“I can’t live without you.”
This phrase sounds sweet, but it is a warning sign. The narcissist wants you to feel needed. You may feel bad if you set limits or want time alone. This is not love; it is emotional manipulation.
“You’re perfect for me.”
You hear this and feel like you cannot do anything wrong. The narcissist puts you high up. Soon, they may start to pick on small things you do. The change from praise to blame can make you feel lost and hurt.
Real affection grows slowly and feels safe. Love bombing moves fast and feels too much. Real love comes from trust and respect, not just big words or gifts.
How can you tell the difference?
Real affection means listening, helping, and cheering you on.
Love bombing means too much attention and rushing things.
Real love is about spending good time together, not just lots of praise.
If you see these signs, trust your gut. You deserve honest and respectful relationships, not ones built on tricks.
Projection
Projection is a strong tool covert narcissists use. They do this to avoid facing their own problems. When they feel scared or unsure, they blame you instead. They do not admit their mistakes or feelings. Instead, they say you have the same problems they do. This helps them feel better about themselves. It lets them ignore things that make them uncomfortable.
Insecurity
Covert narcissists often feel very insecure. They do not want to admit it. So, they push these feelings onto you. You may hear things that make you question yourself.
“You just want attention.”
When a covert narcissist says this, they show their own need for attention. They feel left out or not good enough. Instead of saying how they feel, they blame you. This can make you feel bad for asking for help. You might start to wonder if your needs matter.
“You’re so selfish.”
This phrase turns things around. The narcissist puts their own selfishness on you. You may try to explain yourself. Even if you did nothing wrong, you feel confused. You might feel nervous or upset.
Note: Projection means blaming others for your own problems. Covert narcissists use this to hide their faults. They may blame you for things they do. They might say you have traits they dislike in themselves.
Common ways covert narcissists project insecurity:
Accusing you of being selfish when they act self-centered
Blaming you for their own mistakes
Making you feel responsible for their feelings of inadequacy
Insecurity Type | Description |
|---|---|
Feelings of inadequacy | They feel not good enough and may react with shame or anger. |
Fear of exposure | They fear others will see their flaws or failures. |
Unrealistic self-expectations | They set impossible standards for themselves, leading to disappointment. |
Grudges | They hold onto past hurts, often blaming others for their pain. |
Depression and anxiety | They may struggle with sadness, worry, or emptiness, but rarely admit it. |
Deflection
Deflection is another trick you might notice. If you talk about a problem, the covert narcissist changes the topic. They do not want to take blame. They make you think about something else. This keeps you confused and protects their feelings.
“Everyone is out to get me.”
This phrase moves focus away from what they did. The narcissist acts like a victim. You may feel sorry for them. You might forget about your own needs. This helps them avoid feeling bad.
“People are always judging me.”
Here, the narcissist wants you to feel sorry for them. They say others treat them badly. You may want to defend them. You might ignore your own worries.
Deflection helps covert narcissists avoid hard feelings. By changing the topic, they do not face tough emotions. This trick helps them keep their self-image safe. It stops you from having honest talks.
Key deflection tactics include:
Gaslighting: Making you doubt your reality by denying events or conversations.
Projection: Accusing you of flaws they possess.
Denial: Refusing to accept responsibility and dismissing your concerns.
Tactic | Description |
|---|---|
Gaslighting | Makes you question your memory or reality. |
Projection | Shifts their insecurities onto you. |
Denial | Ignores or dismisses your feelings and concerns. |
If you spot projection and deflection, you can protect yourself. You can set limits and trust your own thoughts. Remember, you are not to blame for someone else’s problems. You deserve truth and respect in every relationship.
Conclusion
Recognizing covert narcissistic phrases helps you protect your mind and emotions. When you spot guilt-tripping or gaslighting, you take back control.
Notice signs like fishing for sympathy or shifting blame.
Set clear boundaries to guard your well-being.
Reach out to friends, support groups, or a therapist for healing.
Education gives you the power to see through manipulation. You deserve respect, honesty, and a safe space to grow. Healing starts when you trust your own voice.
Transform your Inner Chaos into authentic personal growth!
Stay informed on the latest research advancements covering:
Co-Parenting With A Narcissist
Frequently Asked Questions
How can you spot covert narcissistic phrases?
You notice covert narcissists use subtle words. They may blame you, deny your feelings, or twist facts. Watch for phrases that make you doubt yourself or feel guilty. Trust your instincts.
Why do covert narcissists use manipulative language?
They want to control how you feel and act. Using subtle phrases helps them avoid blame. This behavior protects their self-image. Research shows these tactics often come from deep insecurity.
What should you do if you recognize these phrases?
Set clear boundaries. Speak up about how you feel. Reach out to trusted friends or a therapist. You deserve respect and honesty in every relationship.
Are these phrases always a sign of narcissism?
Not always. Sometimes people use these phrases without meaning harm. Look for patterns and intent. If you feel confused or hurt often, consider seeking support.
How can you protect your mental health around a covert narcissist?
Practice self-care. Keep a journal of what happens. Limit contact if you feel unsafe. Remember, your feelings matter. Support groups and therapy can help you heal.
Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with a covert narcissist?
Healthy relationships need trust and respect. Covert narcissists often struggle with both. You may find it hard to feel safe or valued. Focus on your needs and seek help if you feel stuck.