Last updated on November 15th, 2025 at 11:08 am
Things narcissists do when you go no contact usually happen in a certain way. You might feel mixed up or bad when you stop talking to them. But studies show these feelings are not your fault.
Narcissists often try to get control back with emotional tricks or by giving you sudden attention. Experts like Dr. Ramani Durvasula say these actions are normal for narcissists. These actions do not show your value.
Many people think narcissists just leave, but studies show they often do more. Knowing these patterns helps you keep safe and stay strong.
Key Takeaways
Narcissists often try to contact you more when you stop talking to them. They may send many messages and use feelings to get control back.
Love bombing is a common trick. Narcissists may give you lots of attention and make promises. They want you to question your choice to leave.
Smear campaigns can happen. Narcissists spread lies to hurt your reputation. They want to separate you from friends and family.
Hoovering means they come back suddenly. Narcissists may show up without warning. They want you to remember them and pull you back.
Obsessive monitoring is likely. Narcissists may watch you online or in person. They want to know what you do and how you feel.
Guilt-tripping is a way to control you. Narcissists may make you feel bad for their feelings. They want to get control over you again.
Threats and intimidation can happen. Narcissists may use legal threats or bother you. They want to scare you and stop you from moving on.
Financial control is a strategy. Narcissists may keep money from you or ruin your independence. They want to keep their power over you.
1. Intensified Contact Attempts
When you stop talking to a narcissist, they try harder to reach you. This is very common when you go no contact. They want control and attention, so they do not give up easily.
Persistent Messages
Frequency Patterns
Your phone might buzz a lot more now. Narcissists send many texts, emails, or calls. They hate being ignored. Their messages can come at any time. Sometimes, they send a lot at once. Other times, they wait between messages. This is done on purpose. They want you to get tired and answer them.
If you ignore them, they feel rejected and weak.
They try harder to get your attention and control.
Emotional Manipulation
Their messages are not just many—they are emotional. You might see them say sorry, get mad, or even threaten you. Sometimes, they beg for another chance. Other times, they blame you for not talking. These feelings are meant to confuse you. They want you to question your choice.
Narcissists want you to chase them. This makes them feel important.
If you reply even once, they may send more messages.
Research Insights
Studies show narcissists do not like being ignored. They need you to react to feel good about themselves. If you do not answer, they feel powerless. This makes them try even harder to get your attention. Experts like Dr. Ramani Durvasula say this happens a lot in these relationships.
Boundary Testing
Ignoring Requests
Narcissists do not respect your limits. If you ask them to stop, they often keep trying. They may send “just checking in” messages or act like nothing happened. This is another thing narcissists do when you go no contact.
Covert narcissists might send simple messages to see if you reply.
If you ignore them, they may try guilt trips or emotional pleas.
Using Third Parties
Sometimes, narcissists get other people involved. They may ask friends or family to reach out to you. They could use social media to get your attention. These ways help them see if they can still affect your feelings.
They may plan “accidental” meetings.
They might try to reconnect through friends or online.
Expert Views
Experts say it is important to set boundaries. Here are some tips to help you stay strong:
Know who you are. Do not let the narcissist decide your worth.
Take back your power. Stand by your choices.
Put your needs first. Make choices for your own good.
Be clear and steady. Use simple words to set limits.
Expect pushback. Be ready for guilt trips or tricks.
Take care of yourself. Protect your peace and energy.
Remember: You cannot control what the narcissist does, but you can control how you react. Stay calm, repeat your limits, and focus on healing yourself.
2. Love Bombing
When you stop talking to a narcissist, they might try love bombing. Love bombing is when they give you too much attention and praise. They do this to make you come back. It can feel confusing and too much. You may wonder if they really changed. You might think you made a mistake by leaving.
False Promises
Promises of Change
Narcissists often say they will change. They might promise, “I won’t hurt you again,” or “I learned my lesson.” These words sound honest, but they do not last. They may talk about new plans or say they understand their mistakes. Their real goal is to make you doubt your choice.
Over-the-Top Apologies
You could get long messages or calls with big apologies. They might cry, beg, or say they cannot live without you. Sometimes, they say sorry for things you never talked about. These apologies seem real, but they want to control you again.
Studies on Love Bombing
Research shows love bombing is a common way to manipulate. Narcissists use it to give you lots of attention and compliments after you set limits or stop talking to them.
You might see these things:
Sudden, strong messages or calls
Promises that sound too perfect
Big emotional reactions to win you back
Idealization
Flattery
Narcissists use flattery to make you feel special. They might say you are the best thing in their life. They may say no one else understands them like you do. This praise can feel nice, especially if you felt ignored before.
Gifts
You might get gifts, flowers, or even money. These are not just nice things. They want you to feel thankful and guilty for leaving. The gifts can remind you of good times and make you question your choice.
Psychological Impact
Love bombing can make you feel loved and important. At first, you may feel happy and hopeful. Later, you might feel confused and upset. Narcissists often go from being nice to being mean or leaving you. This can make you feel lost and unsure.
You may feel too much affection.
You might start to need their attention.
When love bombing stops, you could feel sad or worried.
Many experts, like Dr. Ramani Durvasula, say these cycles are normal. Knowing love bombing is one of the Things Narcissists Do When You Go No Contact helps you keep your boundaries and stay healthy.
3. Smear Campaigns
When you go no contact, narcissists often start smear campaigns. They want to control how others see you. This is one of the most damaging Things Narcissists Do When You Go No Contact. Smear campaigns can make you feel alone and misunderstood.
False Information
Narcissists spread lies to hurt your reputation. They twist facts and exaggerate stories. You may hear rumors that shock you. Their goal is to make others doubt you and trust them instead.
Targeting Your Circle
Narcissists often target your friends, family, and coworkers. They tell stories that make you look bad. You might notice people acting distant or asking strange questions. This can make you feel isolated.
They may call your family and say you are unstable.
They might tell your boss you are dishonest.
They could even contact your neighbors with wild stories.
Social Media Attacks
Social media gives narcissists a big platform. They post negative comments or share false stories about you. Sometimes, they create fake accounts to spread rumors. You may see your name in posts that twist the truth.
Online attacks can reach many people fast.
Malicious comments can damage your reputation.
Cyberbullying makes you feel unsafe and anxious.
Research on Smear Tactics
“My mother stopped at nothing when I went no contact. She spread rumors about me to family members, my neighbors, and even got in touch with my boss. Lies, and more lies. She told people I’d stolen from her, that she’d stopped speaking to me because I was violent, that I abused my kids.”
Experts say narcissists use smear campaigns to protect their image and keep control. They do not fade away quietly. Instead, they try to make you look like the problem.
Component/Tactic | Description |
|---|---|
Spreading false information | Telling lies, spreading rumors, or exaggerating stories about a victim to damage their reputation. |
Undermining credibility | Twisting facts and distorting information to make the victim appear unreliable. |
Playing the victim | Gathering sympathy and support while undermining the other person’s credibility. |
Shifting blame | Avoiding responsibility by placing blame on the victim. |
Enlisting support | Getting friends, family, or colleagues to support their narrative. |
Gaslighting | Making the victim doubt their own reality and perceptions. |
Isolating the victim | Cutting off the victim from friends and family to weaken their defense. |
Intimidating | Instilling fear in the victim and others involved. |
Projecting faults | Attributing their own insecurities or actions onto the victim. |
Cyberbullying | Spreading misinformation online, creating false accounts, and leaving malicious comments. |
Playing Victim
Narcissists often act like they are the ones hurt. They want others to feel sorry for them. This helps them gain support and makes you look like the bad person.
Gaining Sympathy
You may notice people comforting the narcissist. They might say, “I can’t believe you did that to them.” Narcissists tell stories that make you seem cruel or unfair. Their goal is to get others on their side.
They cry or act upset in public.
They share personal stories that twist the truth.
They ask for help from your friends or family.
Distorting Truth
Narcissists change details to fit their story. They leave out facts that show your side. They add things that never happened. This makes it hard for others to know what is real.
You may feel confused and question your own memory.
Others may believe the lies and turn against you.
Expert Quotes
Experts agree that smear campaigns can hurt your self-esteem and social life. You may lose friends and feel alone. Research shows these attacks can cause anxiety, depression, and even identity loss.
Loss of reality anchors makes it hard to trust yourself.
Erosion of self-esteem leads to feelings of unworthiness.
Social isolation and emotional stress can make you feel hopeless.
You can protect yourself by staying calm and keeping records of what happens. Build a support network of people who know the truth. Do not fight back with lies. Focus on your well-being and remember, the smear campaign says more about the narcissist than about you.
4. Hoovering
Hoovering happens when a narcissist tries to pull you back after you cut off contact. The word comes from the vacuum cleaner brand, showing how they try to “suck” you back into their world. You might think you are finally free, but then the narcissist pops up again, hoping to regain control and attention.
Sudden Reappearances
Unexpected Visits
You may notice the narcissist showing up at places you go. They might appear at your work, your favorite coffee shop, or even your home. These visits often feel random, but they are not. The narcissist wants you to see them and remember the connection. They hope you will talk to them or let them back in.
“Accidental” Encounters
Sometimes, the narcissist plans to bump into you. They might know your routine and show up where you least expect. You could see them at the gym or at a store you both used to visit. These meetings are rarely by chance. The goal is to make you feel like fate is bringing you together again.
Studies on Hoovering
Research shows hoovering is a common tactic after no contact. Narcissists use it to regain control and keep you in their cycle. Experts like Dr. Ramani Durvasula and Dr. Craig Malkin agree that both overt and covert narcissists use hoovering. Overt narcissists may act bold and dramatic, while covert narcissists use subtle or sneaky ways. Either way, the goal stays the same: to pull you back in.
“Hoovering is not about love. It is about power and control,” says Dr. Durvasula.
Emotional Appeals
Guilt-Tripping
Narcissists often use guilt to make you feel bad for leaving. They might say things like, “I can’t live without you,” or “You’re the only one who understands me.” These words are meant to make you question your choice. You may feel responsible for their pain, even when you know you did nothing wrong.
Claims of Crisis
You might hear about sudden problems. The narcissist could claim they are sick, lost their job, or have no one else to turn to. These stories often come right after you stop talking to them. They want you to feel needed and to rush back to help.
Handling Hoovering
You can protect yourself from hoovering. Experts recommend these steps:
Recognize the tactics: Notice charm, flattery, guilt-trips, and promises of change.
Stay firm: Remind yourself why you went no contact.
Limit response: Do not answer messages or calls.
Set clear boundaries: Tell them you do not want contact.
Reach out for support: Talk to friends, family, or a counselor.
Remember: You are not responsible for fixing the narcissist’s problems. Your peace and safety come first.
Hoovering can feel confusing and even scary. When you know the signs, you can stay strong and keep moving forward.
5. Obsessive Monitoring
When you stop talking to a narcissist, they often start watching you closely. Both overt and covert narcissists do this. They want to know what you are doing and who you are with. They also want to see if you are moving on. This can feel creepy and make you nervous.
Online Surveillance
Narcissists use the internet to keep an eye on you. They might check your social media or make fake accounts. Sometimes, they even try to track what you do online. Overt narcissists are open about it. Covert narcissists hide what they are doing.
Social Media Checks
You may see likes or views from people you do not know. Narcissists watch your stories, posts, and comments. They look for signs you are happy without them. They also check if you talk about them or spend time with others.
They compare your followers with theirs.
They feel upset if you get more attention.
Fake Accounts
If you block them, they might make new accounts. These fake accounts let them see your updates or message you. You could get friend requests from strangers or weird messages. This shows they still want control.
Digital Stalking Research
Recent studies show cyberstalking is happening more often:
Cyberstalking went up from 1.0% to 1.7% between 2012 and 2020.
In the last year, 1.5% of people said they were cyberstalked.
Cyber-enabled stalking now affects 2.2% of people.
Young people and women are at the highest risk.
Note: If you feel watched online, you are not alone. Many people go through this after leaving a narcissist.
Physical Stalking
Some narcissists do not stop with online checks. They may try to see you in real life. This can be scary and stressful.
Showing Up
You might see the narcissist at places you like to go. They could show up at your work, gym, or coffee shop. Sometimes, they pretend it is just a coincidence. But they plan these meetings to remind you they are still around.
Following You
Narcissists may follow you or drive by your house. They want you to notice them. Overt narcissists do this more, but covert ones can do it secretly.
Safety Tips
Your safety is most important. Here are some things you can do:
Tell trusted friends or family about the situation.
Keep records of unwanted contact or sightings.
Change your routines if possible.
Use privacy settings on social media.
Contact authorities if you feel threatened.
You have legal rights to help keep you safe. Here is a simple guide:
Legal Protection Type | Description |
|---|---|
Protective Order | A court order that stops the offender from contacting you. |
No-Contact Order | A criminal court order to keep the offender away from you. |
Full Faith and Credit | Makes sure protective orders work in every state. |
If you feel unsafe, ask for help. Experts like Dr. Ramani Durvasula say obsessive monitoring is about control, not love. You deserve to feel safe and have privacy.
6. Guilt-Tripping
Narcissists use guilt-tripping a lot when you stop talking to them. They want you to feel bad for their pain. This can make you question your choices. You might feel guilty for trying to protect yourself. Knowing about these tricks helps you stay strong and keep your limits.
Shifting Blame
Narcissists almost never admit they did something wrong. They blame you instead. This can leave you feeling mixed up and unsure about what really happened.
Accusations
You might hear things like, “You’re selfish,” or “You never cared.” Narcissists say these things to make you doubt yourself. They want you to think you are the problem.
Minimizing Actions
Narcissists often act like what they did was not a big deal. They might say, “It wasn’t that bad,” or “You’re just overreacting.” This can make you question your feelings and memories. You might start to think you are too sensitive.
Blame-Shifting Research
Researchers say blame-shifting is a common way to control people. When narcissists call you selfish for standing up for yourself, they want you to forget what they did. This makes you less sure of yourself and more likely to give in.
Here is a table with common guilt-tripping tricks:
Tactic | Description | Effect on You |
|---|---|---|
Guilt-tripping | Making you feel bad for their sadness | Makes you doubt yourself |
Blame-shifting | Calling you selfish for protecting yourself | Hides what they did |
Shame induction | Comparing you to others to lower your confidence | Lowers your self-worth |
Narcissists may use your struggles against you. For example:
“No one else will ever get you like I do.”
“Your friends don’t really care about you.”
These words can make you feel alone and unsure about your friends.
Non-Apologies
Narcissists almost never say sorry in a real way. Instead, they use fake apologies to avoid blame.
Deflecting Responsibility
You might hear, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” or “If you hadn’t left, I wouldn’t be upset.” These words put the blame back on you. They do not admit they did anything wrong.
Psychological Impact
Guilt-tripping can hurt your mental health a lot. Studies show it can make you feel controlled and angry. Over time, you might feel anxious, sad, or alone. Feeling guilty all the time can also make you doubt your choices.
A study in 2014 found that guilt-tripping in relationships often leads to emotional control. Other research shows this can cause anxiety, sadness, and make you feel alone.
Expert Analysis
Experts like Dr. Ramani Durvasula say guilt-tripping is about control, not care. Narcissists want you to feel like their feelings are your fault. If you know these tricks, you can protect your peace and keep your limits strong.
Remember: You are not in charge of someone else’s feelings. Choosing no contact is healthy and okay. Focus on your own well-being and trust your choice.
7. Threats and Intimidation
Narcissists use threats and intimidation when you go no contact. You might feel scared or unsure. These actions are meant to control you. They want you to give in. Both overt and covert narcissists do this, but in different ways. Overt narcissists are loud and direct. Covert narcissists use quiet or sneaky threats.
Legal Threats
Narcissists sometimes use the law to scare you. They may talk about lawsuits or say you did something wrong. Their goal is to make you feel weak.
Lawsuits
You might hear, “I’ll sue you for everything.” Narcissists say they will take legal action. They may claim you broke a rule or stole something. Most of the time, these threats do not become real lawsuits. They just want you to worry and react.
False Accusations
Narcissists may tell others you did bad things. They could say you hurt them or ruined their name. Sometimes, they report you to your job or the police. These lies can hurt your reputation and make you feel alone.
Legal Abuse Research
Recent studies show legal threats are common in narcissistic abuse. Dr. Ramani Durvasula says narcissists use the legal system to scare people. You might see:
Threats to share private information, like photos, to make you afraid.
Direct threats of harm or trouble, like telling family or bosses bad things.
Quiet intimidation, such as scary looks or gestures.
You can protect yourself. Civil protection orders help keep you safe. Emergency orders work fast. Courts can give no-contact orders, stay-away rules, or temporary custody.
Intimidation
Narcissists use many ways to make you feel scared. They want you to feel weak and alone.
Harassing Calls
You may get lots of calls or texts. Some messages sound angry or scary. Others try to make you feel guilty or ashamed. Narcissists want you to answer and feel nervous.
Involving Authorities
Sometimes, narcissists call the police or child services. They may make false reports to get you in trouble. These actions can feel shocking and unfair.
Coping Strategies
You can do things to stay safe:
Block calls and messages that bother you.
Tell trusted friends or family about the threats.
Write down every threat or mean act.
See a therapist to heal and feel better.
Ask for a restraining order if you feel unsafe. Courts need proof you are scared or hurt.
“You are not alone. Many people face threats after leaving a narcissist. Protect your peace and reach out for help,” says Dr. Craig Malkin.
Here is a simple table of common intimidation tactics and what you can do:
Intimidation Tactic | What You Can Do |
|---|---|
Threats to expose secrets | Keep records, seek legal help |
Harassing calls | Block numbers, document calls |
False accusations | Gather evidence, inform others |
Involving authorities | Stay calm, get legal advice |
Narcissists use fear to keep control. You have the right to be safe. Take steps and trust yourself.
8. Financial Control
Narcissists often use money to keep control after you go no contact. You may notice sudden changes in how they handle finances. This can make you feel unsafe or trapped. Understanding these tactics helps you protect yourself and regain your independence.
Withholding Money
Narcissists may try to cut off your access to money. They know that financial stress can make you feel powerless. You might see them refuse to pay bills, stop child support, or hide assets.
Threats to Security
You may worry about how to pay for food, rent, or other needs. Narcissists use this fear to make you come back or give in to their demands. They might say, “You’ll never survive without me,” or threaten to leave you with nothing. This is not about fairness. It is about keeping you under their control.
Using Money as Leverage
Narcissists often use money as a weapon. You might see them:
Withhold support or stop payments suddenly
Drain joint accounts without warning
Rack up debts in your name
Hide assets by moving money to secret accounts
Give misleading information during divorce or separation
These actions make it hard for you to plan or feel safe. They want you to feel stuck and dependent.
Financial Abuse Studies
Recent research (2000-2025) shows that financial abuse is common in narcissistic relationships. Experts like Dr. Ramani Durvasula and Dr. Christine Cocchiola agree that both overt and covert narcissists use these tactics. Overt narcissists act openly, while covert narcissists hide their actions. Studies show that:
Many victims report hidden assets and secret accounts.
Manipulating financial information is a frequent tactic during divorce.
Using money as a weapon keeps victims feeling powerless.
Sabotage
Narcissists may try to ruin your financial future. They do not want you to succeed without them. You might notice them interfering with your job or damaging your credit.
Interfering with Work
You may get harassing calls at work or see rumors spread about you. Narcissists might show up at your job or contact your boss. Their goal is to make you lose your job or feel too stressed to work.
Damaging Credit
Some narcissists open credit cards in your name or refuse to pay joint debts. They may take out loans or spend money recklessly, leaving you with bad credit. This can hurt your chances of getting a loan, renting a home, or finding a new job.
Protection Advice
You can take steps to protect yourself from financial abuse:
Learn to manage your own money and budget.
Keep your bank accounts and important documents separate and secure.
Open new accounts in your name only.
Check your credit report often for strange activity.
Talk to a lawyer who knows about financial abuse.
Ask for help from a financial counselor if you need it.
Building financial independence is key. You deserve to feel safe and in control of your future. If you notice these signs, reach out for support. You are not alone, and help is available.
9. Triangulation
Narcissists use triangulation a lot when you stop talking to them. This means they bring another person into your situation. You might feel mixed up, jealous, or left out. Triangulation makes you feel unsure and helps the narcissist stay in control.
Involving Others
Triangulation happens when the narcissist gets other people involved. They want to cause drama and make you doubt yourself.
Mutual Friends
You may see the narcissist talking to your friends or family. They might tell stories or secrets about you. Sometimes, they act like the victim and want people to feel sorry for them. Other times, they try to turn your friends against you. This can make you feel alone.
Your friends might start acting strange.
You could hear rumors about things you never did.
The narcissist may say, “Everyone agrees with me,” to make you question yourself.
Spreading Misinformation
Narcissists often change the truth. They tell half-truths or even lies. Their goal is to hurt your reputation and make you look bad. You might find out people believe things about you that are not true.
They may say you caused all the problems.
They could claim you are overreacting or making things up.
Sometimes, they use social media to spread these stories fast.
Triangulation Research
Studies show triangulation is a common way narcissists control people:
Narcissists bring in a third person to make you feel jealous or insecure.
This helps them keep power and lower your self-esteem.
Triangulation often happens after you set limits or stop talking to them.
“Triangulation is not about truth. It is about power and control,” says Dr. Ramani Durvasula.
Creating Jealousy
Narcissists want you to feel unsure about yourself. They use jealousy to pull you back or make you question your worth.
Flaunting Relationships
You might see the narcissist showing off new friends or partners. They post pictures online or talk about how happy they are. This is supposed to make you feel replaced or not important.
They might tag your friends in their posts.
Sometimes, they bring new people to places you used to go.
They want you to see how “happy” they are without you.
Comparisons
Narcissists compare you to other people. They may say, “My new friend gets me better,” or, “You never did this for me.” These words hurt your confidence and make you doubt yourself.
You might wonder if you were the problem.
You could feel like you need to compete or prove yourself.
Psychological Effects
Triangulation can leave you feeling really hurt. You might notice:
Lower self-esteem and more self-doubt
Feeling confused or worried
Feeling far from friends and reality
More chances of being tricked again
Emotional pain that lasts
You may start to question your own memories. You could feel alone or even scared. These feelings are normal after dealing with a narcissist.
Conclusion
You will notice some patterns if you stop talking to a narcissist. Knowing the Things Narcissists Do When You Go No Contact helps you stay safe and begin to heal. Experts say these actions do not show your value. Studies show that no contact can help you in many ways:
Benefit | How It Helps You |
|---|---|
Prevents Manipulation | Stops the cycle of control and emotional abuse |
Allows Emotional Healing | Gives you space to recover and rebuild self-worth |
Empowers You | Lets you reclaim your life and set boundaries |
When you understand these signs, you can break free and work on your own growth.
Transform your Inner Chaos into authentic personal growth!
Stay informed on the latest research advancements covering:
Co-Parenting With A Narcissist
Frequently Asked Questions
What is “no contact” with a narcissist?
No contact means you stop all communication with the narcissist. You block calls, texts, and social media. This helps you heal and protects your mental health. Experts like Dr. Ramani Durvasula recommend this step for recovery.
Why do narcissists react so strongly when you go no contact?
Narcissists crave control and attention. When you go no contact, you take away their power. Research from 2022 shows both overt and covert narcissists often escalate their behavior to regain control.
What should you do if a narcissist starts a smear campaign?
Stay calm and keep records of what happens. Tell trusted friends the truth. Do not fight back with lies. Experts say focusing on your own healing works best.
Can narcissists change if you go no contact?
Most experts agree real change is rare. Narcissists may promise to change, but research shows these promises rarely last. Protect your boundaries and focus on your own growth.
Is it normal to feel guilty after going no contact?
Yes, feeling guilty is common. Narcissists often use guilt to control you. Remember, you have the right to protect your peace. Dr. Durvasula says self-care is not selfish.
What if the narcissist tries to contact you through others?
Let your friends and family know your boundaries. Ask them not to share your information. Narcissists often use third parties to get a reaction. Stay firm and protect your privacy.