“What happens to the development of our personality when we live in the shadow of a narcissistic parent?”

“Narcissistic parents may or may not be openly abusive, but they’re almost certainly emotionally tone-deaf, too preoccupied with their own concerns to hear our pain.”

“Narcissistic parents who explode without warning, or collapse in tears any time a child dares to express a need, force sensitive children to take up as little room as possible, as if having any expectations at all is an act of selfishness.”

“The neglect, abuse, or emotional absence of a narcissistic parent can make us question how safe we are in other people’s hands.”

“Narcissistic parents can make their children terrified of their needs, who bury them by becoming compulsive caretakers or simply falling silent.”

“The more abusive narcissistic parents become, the more likely they are to traumatize their children.”

“The narcissistic parent often has a poor sense of differentiation from their child. … Their child is an extension of themselves.”

“Narcissistic parents view themselves as special or perfect, and they expect that from their children.”

“Generally, narcissistic parents lack empathy, but they can also be inconsistent with love. A narcissistic parent may have mostly bad days but one good day when they show glimpses of warmth and attention, which a child often holds onto.”

“I think there’s something unique about the child with a narcissistic parent, because the myth sold to the child is that there’s always something they can do that would be enough.”

“As a psychologist who studies narcissism, I’ve found that kids of narcissistic parents can grow into adults who struggle with self-blame, self-doubt and a constant feeling that they aren’t enough.”

“While not all highly narcissistic parents behave the same way, there are some universal themes.”

“Having a narcissistic parent can create a sense of anxiety, or feelings of not being good enough, or a lack of self-identity.”

“But many adult children of narcissistic parents have tremendous empathy and are very dialed into wanting to do right by their own children.”

“I tell people if you have a narcissistic parent or parents whether you see them every day or once a year you have got to prepare for those interactions like you’re going into a job interview.”

“Something about them is not pleasing the narcissistic parent and it could either be at the level that they don’t feel like that child is good enough or that kid may be a threat but they scapegoat that child.”

“We’ll also see in these systems the golden child … emblematic of all that that narcissistic parent values and they’ll put a disproportionate resource in that child.”

“You may have memories in which times with your parent were good especially when the narcissistic parent was not around … you may recall those as being very happy times … and even the wish that your narcissistic parent wasn’t around or didn’t exist.”

“Your parent may very well have often given the best of themselves to that narcissistic parent in the futile endeavour of … winning that narcissistic parent over.”

“This role can persist through much of adulthood … and you may end up in a lifetime of hearing complaints and ruminations and obsessive talk about your narcissistic parent.”

“The winner-loser dynamic is at the heart of extreme narcissism, and the narcissistic parent is somebody who plays that game through their children.”

“What’s tragic about this type of parenting … is that it communicates to the children that they aren’t loved and accepted for who they are. They’ve got to perform. They’ve got to win to be accepted.”

“It’s often a parent who feels that he or she has not achieved what she wanted in her own life … The parent then tries to fulfill his or her own goals by making the child into a winner.”

“Narcissism begets narcissism. Children of narcissistic parents can become narcissistic parents themselves or marry one.”

“If you challenge them, they’ll engage in battle and they’ll have to win, so you might just make yourself a target.”

“It is essential to recognize that a child’s attempts to be independent can be quite threating to the narcissistic parent.”

“Narcissistic parents can impose sexual abuse, religious abuse, or financial abuse.”

“This does not mean you will live with the illusion of changing the narcissistic parent.”

“Above all, if you had a narcissistic parent, your ultimate goal is to define for yourself who you will be from today forward.”

“Foremost, narcissistic parents overemphasize compliance… and that compliance is for the parent’s comfort.”

“And consistently, narcissistic parents don’t discuss, they tell.”

“Having unfinished business within, narcissistic parents pass along their psychological chaos, unwittingly requiring the kids to carry their pain.”

“The impact experienced by children of a narcissistic parent is palpable.”

“Left unexamined, the influences of a narcissistic parent can lead to all sorts of strains deep into the child’s adult years.”

“Once narcissistic parents realize your desire [to] move into a different direction, they will usually balk, or worse, resort to the anger and shaming employed in years past.”

“With narcissistic parents, old habits die hard, so the likelihood of you moving forward in concert with each other is low.”

“Remember, the narcissistic parent almost inevitably received misguided information in his/her formative years too.”

“A defining feature of narcissism is the need for control, so when you indicate that you choose not to wither under the parent’s controlling agenda, it might not go well.”

“Below I offer a checklist to determine if you were raised by a narcissistic parent who may carry many of these traits.”

“The primary mantra of the narcissistic family is that parental needs take precedence over the needs of the children.”

“If you determine that you are struggling with the effects of parental narcissism, I encourage you to reach out, get help, and learn as much as you can about this insidious disorder.”

“Do you worry you might be a narcissistic parent?”

“Adult children raised by narcissistic parents are particularly fearful that they will pass the legacy of distorted love onto their children and grandchildren.”

“When adult children in recovery confront their narcissistic parents, they usually meet with defensive reactions, shame, humiliation, and judgment.”

“If the therapist begins to work on emotional connection and encourages empathy, the narcissistic parent often walks out the door.”

“Most adult children of narcissistic parents report that their parents have no idea who they really are.”

“If you are tuning into the inner side of your child, you are not a narcissistic parent.”

“The most frequently asked question by adult children of narcissistic parents is whether or not to remain in contact with that parent and/or the rest of the dysfunctional family nest.”

“If you simply detach and remove yourself from your narcissistic parent without doing your own work, you will not diminish your pain.”

“It is important for adult children of narcissistic parents to know that there are truly some parents who are too toxic and are what I call ‘untreatables’.”

“Deciding what kind of contact you will continue to have with your narcissistic parent”

“The connection with the narcissistic parent will not be an emotional bond or relationship.”

“If you are struggling with contact decisions regarding a narcissistic parent or family, know that recovery does work.”

“Narcissistic parents generally only recognize and support those aspects of the growing child’s identity that are in accord with their narcissistic values.”

“Instead of confronting or criticizing the narcissistic parent for not supporting the child’s exploration … tie the exploration to something the narcissistic parent approves of.”

“Narcissistic parents have some major issues that get in the way of them providing stable, unconditional love.”

“When narcissistic parents feel any negative feeling towards their children, they completely lose touch with their loving feelings.”

“At worst, narcissistic parents become abusive during the times that they are unable to access their past love for their child.”

“Narcissistic parents are preoccupied with trying to keep their shaky self-esteem high.”

“This last is especially hard for narcissistic parents because they generally lack the capacity to see the world from any point of view other than their own.”

“There are a number of important life skills, such as emotional empathy and the ability to apologize, that the Narcissistic parent lacks.”

“Narcissistic parents generally do not apologize for their bad behavior.”

“Narcissistic parents are very vulnerable to feeling personally rejected by their children’s attempts to become separate individuals.”

“Instead, the children of narcissistic parents feel loved and lovable when they please their parents, and unloved and unlovable when they do not.”

“Malignant narcissistic parents enjoy destroying their children’s self-esteem.”

“Children who grow up in narcissistic homes … are still likely to internalize an overly harsh, devaluing, perfectionist internal voice that supports their narcissistic parents’ values.”

“Clients … have internalized their narcissistic parents’ devaluation of them.”

“They can never please their inner persecutory voice that is modeled on their narcissistic parents’ criticisms.”

“Narcissistic parents can do a significant level of emotional damage to their children.”

“Narcissistic parents are driven to control their children and wield their power in the family hierarchy.”

“Narcissistic parents manipulate … their children through subtle and not so subtle means.”

“As children begin to recognize the unhealthy relationship they have with their narcissistic parent, they may try to distance themselves to protect themselves.”

“However, narcissistic parents will create the drama or crisis or reward that they believe will woo their child back into their clutches.”

“Create boundaries and consequences … and enforce the boundaries if your narcissistic parent tries to disrupt them.”

“You may have to invest time and energy into re-defining and re-building relationships with those from whom your narcissistic parent kept you alienated as a child.”

“To learn more about breaking the ‘trauma bond’ narcissistic parents forge with their children”

“Narcissistic parents can cause lifelong damage.”

“Having a narcissistic parent can damage a child’s self-esteem, self-concept, and how they view the world.”

“The narcissistic parent views their needs as most important, leaving no room for a child’s feelings or emotions.”

“Even if the child does meet the unrealistic standard set by the narcissist, the narcissistic parent will create a new unachievable standard.”

“A narcissistic parent may try to gain control through shame and guilt.”

“Children of narcissistic parents may struggle with self-worth and self-doubt.”

“Anyone who grew up with a narcissistic parent can grow beyond the injuries born of their parent’s limitations and develop in healthier ways.”

“If you grew up with a narcissistic parent, there are specific personality characteristics that you might have developed.”

“When growing up with a narcissistic parent, there was calm before the storm.”

“Your narcissistic parent would find fault in something you said or did, and you would bear the brunt of her narcissistic rage.”

“Your narcissistic parent was never satisfied with you.”

“Your narcissistic parent may have gaslighted you and told you that you lied about the abuse you endured.”

“Your narcissistic parent gaslighted you into thinking you can’t trust yourself.”

“Your narcissistic parent most likely put you in double-bind situations, the ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t’ scenario.”

“Children of narcissistic parents often inherit a uniquely destructive legacy.”

“If you had a narcissistic parent, that legacy may still affect you in ways that can be hard to spot.”

“The following are behaviors common among narcissistic parents.”

“Narcissistic parents may have blamed you for their problems and taken advantage of you for their own gratification.”

“Chances are you won’t go wrong by doing the opposite of a narcissistic parent’s self-serving advice or put-downs.”

“Most children are unaware of their dysfunctional narcissistic parent as they naturally accept the parent’s false perception of reality.”

“A parent with healthy practices views this process as a natural progression of becoming an adult, but a narcissistic parent views the transformation as threatening.”

“As a result, the narcissistic parent will either withdraw completely or they attempt to control the teen through degradation or humiliation.”

“A narcissistic parent (NP) magnifies their accomplishments to the point the child believes they are super-human.”

“For an NP, being average is as bad as below average … this unrealistic expectation set by the NP generates feelings of inferiority in the child.”

“When the child is small, they learn that the quickest way to get their needs met is to fill these needs of the NP first.”

“By nature of being a parent, the NP expects the child to go along with whatever the NP wants.”

“The NP abuses their parental role by diverting attention from the NP’s selfishness and instead highlights the deficiencies of the child.”

“Worse yet, when the child is in pain … there is no empathy or understanding … the child assumes … they were in the wrong.”

“However, if the child dares to expose the insecurity, they are swiftly gaslighted as the NP makes the child look crazy.”

“Children believe what their narcissistic parents say about their achievements, even when they are untrue.”

“The narcissistic parent often rejects the teen as a result.”

“For the narcissistic parent, [childhood failure] is unacceptable at any age.”

“Because of their feelings of superiority, narcissistic parents also feel entitled to whatever they want.”

“This is possibly the most damaging aspect of having a narcissistic parent as all children need to feel empathy.”

“Adults fall into this trap easily as the narcissistic parent groomed them through intense interrogation as a child.”

“When all else fails, the narcissistic parent becomes the victim as a way of guilt-tripping the adult into submission.”

“Because of this, children of narcissistic parents suffer greatly.”

“Narcissistic parents are ultimately more concerned with how the child impacts the parent’s image than the child themselves.”

“According to clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, children of narcissistic parents are likely to be self-destructive as adults: anxious, self-critical, and unable to create good boundaries for themselves.”

“Durvasula identified four steps to healing as an adult child of narcissistic parents.”

“Narcissistic parents will have a maximum of telling and a minimum of discussion.”

“When the child is immature or edgy the narcissistic parent is even more so.”

“The narcissistic parent may make manipulative use of reward and punishment.”

“That narcissistic parent may not be available in critical moments … physically … or emotionally they’re not available.”

“The narcissistic parent will expect apologies from the child but then they don’t give apologies themselves.”

“Many people have written in and asked me what are the typical effects if I’ve been raised by a narcissistic parent.”

“You can see how this might be patterned after having to cope with a narcissistic parent.”

“If you grew up with a narcissistic parent, it can help simply to name their patterns of behavior as narcissism.”

“For some people, the absence of empathy in their narcissistic parents is the most frustrating aspect of their relationship.”

“Remind yourself that your narcissistic parent can only take what you are willing to give up.”

“Having a narcissistic parent can negatively influence the child’s and, ultimately, the adult’s self-worth, attachment style, romantic relationships, and emotional stability.”

“The primary deficit seen in narcissistic parents is an overemphasis on parental needs.”

“The narcissist’s self-focus and rigid adherence to selfish satisfaction do not provide a good foundation for parenting.”

“Overemphasis on parental needs means that the parent cannot support healthy emotional development in the child.”

“Understanding the flaws of a narcissistic parent and its impact on development is a good place to start.”

“Narcissistic parents may prioritize their needs and desires over their children’s.”

“A narcissistic parent may resist getting their child treatment, as it would take the focus off the parent.”

“Narcissistic parents may seek to control children’s lives and decisions, viewing them as extensions of themselves.”

“The child quickly learns that … to avoid the pain of emotional abandonment, she must ignore her own needs and feelings and do what the narcissistic parent wants.”

“If she gets it right and is able to do and say what the narcissistic parent wants, she receives love.”

“Ironically, the narcissistic parent does not need to say anything derogatory about the other parent in order to successfully position him or her as the ultimate bad guy in the child’s eyes.”

“Being raised by a narcissistic parent can increase a person’s chance of experiencing issues like anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.”

“Healing from a narcissistic parent is possible.”

“The term narcissistic parent is sometimes used to refer to parents with an excessive need to impress others or feel important.”